Wow, it's been awhile. Been busy, but I just finished up my first week on shift as a Corrections Officer for the state prison. Oh, the fun I've been having. I don't have to be nice to anyone, anymore. Not that I'm outright mean to the inmates, but they're learning I don't play their games. Of course, just because they're drug dealers, murderers, and rapists, they're still every bit as capable of being assgoblins as any "customer" I ever dealt with.
I/M = Inmate
ME = Everyone's Favorite Officer
I HAVE THE POWER!
ME: Are you going to be taking a shower?
I/M: I already did.
ME: Then go to your cell and put you regular shoes on. No shower shoes in the Dayroom unless you are on your way to or from the showers.
Did I mention how much fun it is ordering people around all day? I wasn't being a bitch, this is a general rule for all cellhouses and they know the rules better than most officers do.
Just Like Old Times
I/M: Hey, CO (most inmates call us "CO" for Corrections Officer instead of calling us by name).
ME (walks to guy's cell): Yeah?
I/M: Hey, uh, did you pass out all the mail?
ME: Yeah, I passed out all the mail that came in today.
I/M: Oh. Was there anything for me?
ME: ......
I/M: .....
ME: No.
I/M: Oh, okay.
This conversation should have ended when I answered the first question. In fact, since you were glued to your cell door when I was making my round for mail, it never should have happened to begin with. Thank you for reminding me of old times. At least now I don't have to apologize for your stupidity.
Another Reason to Love My Job
I/M: So, you new?
ME: Yes.
I/M: You like working here?
ME: I do, actually.
I/M: You ain't gonna be an asshole like a lot of the other CO's, are you?
ME: That's up to you.
I/M: Hey, I ain't looking for trouble, hehe.
ME: Good. Then we should get along just fine.
It's not even that I'm being a smartass, I'm just enjoying the ability to just be myself at work.
Kind of Sad, In a Way
I/M: It's a nice day today.
ME: Yep.
I/M: A good day to go fishing or catch a movie.
ME: Definitely.
I/M: Do they still have drive-ins?
ME: There's one in town by the college that's open in the summer.
I/M: I always enjoyed the drive-in.
Dude, you've been locked up for a very long time, haven't you?
Zing!
I was in a tower during Gym/Yard yesterday, so I was overseeing the outdoor yard. It's kind of like Recess for inmates. I heard the following exchange after a heated basketball game.
I/M1: Man, that was bullshit!
I/M2: I didn't know you was passin' to me!
I/M1: You need to Go Go Gadget Eyeglasses or something.
I/M2: Yeah, well you need to Go Go Gadget Rulebook sometime.
I think I was high enough up there that no one heard me giggle. But that was filed away for future use next time I need a quick retort.
Finally...
The BTK strangler is extremely polite and very quiet. He keeps to himself (I mean, he's in solitary the rest of his life), and usually doesn't say a word to anyone. He's a pretty nice guy overall. Except for, you know, stalking and killing all those people and playing cat-and-mouse with police for 25 years.
I/M = Inmate
ME = Everyone's Favorite Officer
I HAVE THE POWER!
ME: Are you going to be taking a shower?
I/M: I already did.
ME: Then go to your cell and put you regular shoes on. No shower shoes in the Dayroom unless you are on your way to or from the showers.
Did I mention how much fun it is ordering people around all day? I wasn't being a bitch, this is a general rule for all cellhouses and they know the rules better than most officers do.
Just Like Old Times
I/M: Hey, CO (most inmates call us "CO" for Corrections Officer instead of calling us by name).
ME (walks to guy's cell): Yeah?
I/M: Hey, uh, did you pass out all the mail?
ME: Yeah, I passed out all the mail that came in today.
I/M: Oh. Was there anything for me?
ME: ......
I/M: .....
ME: No.
I/M: Oh, okay.
This conversation should have ended when I answered the first question. In fact, since you were glued to your cell door when I was making my round for mail, it never should have happened to begin with. Thank you for reminding me of old times. At least now I don't have to apologize for your stupidity.
Another Reason to Love My Job
I/M: So, you new?
ME: Yes.
I/M: You like working here?
ME: I do, actually.
I/M: You ain't gonna be an asshole like a lot of the other CO's, are you?
ME: That's up to you.
I/M: Hey, I ain't looking for trouble, hehe.
ME: Good. Then we should get along just fine.
It's not even that I'm being a smartass, I'm just enjoying the ability to just be myself at work.
Kind of Sad, In a Way
I/M: It's a nice day today.
ME: Yep.
I/M: A good day to go fishing or catch a movie.
ME: Definitely.
I/M: Do they still have drive-ins?
ME: There's one in town by the college that's open in the summer.
I/M: I always enjoyed the drive-in.
Dude, you've been locked up for a very long time, haven't you?
Zing!
I was in a tower during Gym/Yard yesterday, so I was overseeing the outdoor yard. It's kind of like Recess for inmates. I heard the following exchange after a heated basketball game.
I/M1: Man, that was bullshit!
I/M2: I didn't know you was passin' to me!
I/M1: You need to Go Go Gadget Eyeglasses or something.
I/M2: Yeah, well you need to Go Go Gadget Rulebook sometime.
I think I was high enough up there that no one heard me giggle. But that was filed away for future use next time I need a quick retort.
Finally...
The BTK strangler is extremely polite and very quiet. He keeps to himself (I mean, he's in solitary the rest of his life), and usually doesn't say a word to anyone. He's a pretty nice guy overall. Except for, you know, stalking and killing all those people and playing cat-and-mouse with police for 25 years.
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