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Today I had what had to be the craziest of all sc of all time at the floral service I work for. But I think I've left him quaking in fear cowering under his kitchen table before the night was done.
This completely insane man called me 17 times in just under an hour. Since I was the most senior agent on duty all sales calls in that time frame were routed to my station. Getting him over and over again was just freakish.
Me versus Insane Assclown Sucky Customer.
1st convo at 7:00 pm, approximately 7 hours after the closure of most florists in that time zone.
Me: Thank you for calling blah-blah-blah, this is blah, how may I help you?
IASC: Yeah, I need your cheapest flower arrangement delivered in a half hour to Bummed Freaked Egypt, Pennsylvania.
Me: Sir, I do apologize but we're unable to take any more orders for delivery today in that area.
IASC: Why? Your yellow page ad guarantees same day delivery?
Me: Because most florists in that area closed at noon today.
IASC: But your ad guarantees 100% satisfaction and delivery same day.
Me: Sir, again I am terribly sorry but the florists are closed. If you could give me the zip code I could check and see if we might be able to do a delivery tomorrow.
IASC: But I'm not satisfied and you're being a bitch, just deliver the damn flowers right now. Make a florist open up.
By this time the volume and tone have gotten louder and nastier.
Me: Sir, you need to calm down or I'll have to disconnect. There is absolutely no way I can force a florist to open for evening delivery on a Saturday night.
Rinse, Lather, Repeat, Rinse, Lather, Repeat, we both repeat ourselves ten times before he erupts in a volley of nasty curses and I disconnect.
I turn to a coworker to say, 'Get a load of the idiot assclown I just had' when my phone rings again. And it's him!
This time he's all pleasant and nice, obviously doesn't have a clue that it's me again. He nicely asked about delivery on a Sunday, I tell him that there are no Sunday open florists in the middle of rural Amish country Pennsylvania. He starts begging, pleading, threatening and promising a law suit. I disconnect at the first obscene word.
Rinse, Lather, Repeat, Rinse, Lather, Repeat, ....and he calls back again and again and again, getting me each time and we keep having an exact repeat of the second call, starts out cordial and nice, asks the same things before flying into an insane rage over a 30 buck flower arrangement not being able to be delivered before Monday.
By the tenth time he's turned to telling me he's going to fire bomb our corporate office and run me over with his car. I cut him off and ask him if he's aware he just uttered a terroristic threat over the telephone and all our conversations are being recorded. Plus I know exactly who he is and where he is because my caller ID gave his phone number and reverse search shows me his exact name and address. Does he want the police and Homeland Security on his doorstep because it can be arranged. He hangs up.
Then this man who sounds about late 50s starts calling up again and again to scream "CUNT!" into the phone as I send around an email with his info to the supervisor and all the agents warning them not to pick up if he calls and that I'm no longer going to pick up.
One of my male coworkers called him from a phone at our office that shows as "unavailable' and pretended to be a police officer (he is a parttime deputy so it wasn't a total lie) and told him he was about to have to start showering with big butch bastards named Bubba in the big house and he better get used to being on bottom. The IASC meekly told my coworker than he was sorry and he'd never do it again. Ha!
This completely insane man called me 17 times in just under an hour. Since I was the most senior agent on duty all sales calls in that time frame were routed to my station. Getting him over and over again was just freakish.
Me versus Insane Assclown Sucky Customer.
1st convo at 7:00 pm, approximately 7 hours after the closure of most florists in that time zone.
Me: Thank you for calling blah-blah-blah, this is blah, how may I help you?
IASC: Yeah, I need your cheapest flower arrangement delivered in a half hour to Bummed Freaked Egypt, Pennsylvania.
Me: Sir, I do apologize but we're unable to take any more orders for delivery today in that area.
IASC: Why? Your yellow page ad guarantees same day delivery?
Me: Because most florists in that area closed at noon today.
IASC: But your ad guarantees 100% satisfaction and delivery same day.
Me: Sir, again I am terribly sorry but the florists are closed. If you could give me the zip code I could check and see if we might be able to do a delivery tomorrow.
IASC: But I'm not satisfied and you're being a bitch, just deliver the damn flowers right now. Make a florist open up.
By this time the volume and tone have gotten louder and nastier.
Me: Sir, you need to calm down or I'll have to disconnect. There is absolutely no way I can force a florist to open for evening delivery on a Saturday night.
Rinse, Lather, Repeat, Rinse, Lather, Repeat, we both repeat ourselves ten times before he erupts in a volley of nasty curses and I disconnect.
I turn to a coworker to say, 'Get a load of the idiot assclown I just had' when my phone rings again. And it's him!
This time he's all pleasant and nice, obviously doesn't have a clue that it's me again. He nicely asked about delivery on a Sunday, I tell him that there are no Sunday open florists in the middle of rural Amish country Pennsylvania. He starts begging, pleading, threatening and promising a law suit. I disconnect at the first obscene word.
Rinse, Lather, Repeat, Rinse, Lather, Repeat, ....and he calls back again and again and again, getting me each time and we keep having an exact repeat of the second call, starts out cordial and nice, asks the same things before flying into an insane rage over a 30 buck flower arrangement not being able to be delivered before Monday.
By the tenth time he's turned to telling me he's going to fire bomb our corporate office and run me over with his car. I cut him off and ask him if he's aware he just uttered a terroristic threat over the telephone and all our conversations are being recorded. Plus I know exactly who he is and where he is because my caller ID gave his phone number and reverse search shows me his exact name and address. Does he want the police and Homeland Security on his doorstep because it can be arranged. He hangs up.
Then this man who sounds about late 50s starts calling up again and again to scream "CUNT!" into the phone as I send around an email with his info to the supervisor and all the agents warning them not to pick up if he calls and that I'm no longer going to pick up.
One of my male coworkers called him from a phone at our office that shows as "unavailable' and pretended to be a police officer (he is a parttime deputy so it wasn't a total lie) and told him he was about to have to start showering with big butch bastards named Bubba in the big house and he better get used to being on bottom. The IASC meekly told my coworker than he was sorry and he'd never do it again. Ha!
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