How not to get a drink.....

[Lady Heather]

What Not to Say to a Woman from The Devils Panties:

http://www.thedevilspanties.com/d/20040811.html


Why do guys say stupid things? Guys should keep in mind that if you use stupid lines, you will catch stupid girls.


Edit: I forgot Jennie Breeden does the comic for this site. Opps.

[sms001]

Why do guys say stupid things? Guys should keep in mind that if you use stupid lines, you will catch stupid girls.

Superb cocktail waitron Jenny had a great line. She'd listen to the come on, look the guy in the eye and ask sympathetically "Has that EVER worked? I mean really, I know it hasn't, so why do you keep using it?"

[friendofjimmyk]

...got a few of my own from back in the day - but the only one that comes to mind at the moment is the guy who reached far over the bar to smack me squarely on the ass while I was in my till. I immediately took his beer and cut him off with a firm, "Don't EVER touch me!" There was another bartender on at the time who would've jumped in if it got ugly - but he said I handled it well. The dude who lost his drink slumped back to his stool with the most defeated look on his face. He was with a group of friends who were not NEARLY as trashed as he. Turns out it was his birthday and he was not the one driving home. Regardless, he was no longer drinking in my bar.

[Peppergirl]

Reminds me of the time when I was a fill-in bartender. I happened to be on crutches at the time due to a severely sprained ankle.

Apparently I wasn't moving fast enough for one drunken SC. He decided to bang his empty beer bottle on the bar. You know, kinda like a baby bangs his empty bottle in his highchair when he wants more?

Needless to say, this did not go well for him.

I ignored him for about 30 seconds. Then he decided to throw in some "Hey!" and "WTF's" for good measure.

I calmly finished up with the current customer I was serving and hobbled down to him. I snatched the empty bottle from his hand and motioned for him to get close to me, so that I was about 4 inches from his face.

"If you EVER bang your bottle like that to get my attention again, I'll shove this crutch so far up your ass, you'll have to get a tonsilectomy. Got it?"

Needless to say, he was polite as hell the rest of the night. And tipped me accordingly.

This was over 10 years ago, and I still remember it like it happened yesterday.

Welcome to CS, by the way.

[LambChop]

What Not to Say to a Woman from The Devils Panties:

http://www.thedevilspanties.com/d/20040811.html


Why do guys say stupid things? Guys should keep in mind that if you use stupid lines, you will catch stupid girls.

Allow me to answer that by summing it all up with a simple phrase:

"Men are stupid and women are crazy...and men are just too stupid to understand crazy."

[Gwen_Goth]

2/ Be unable to state your desire for an alcoholic beverage in a reasonable amount of time (If you fall asleep while ordering you get bonus points)

i was once too drunk to get the difference between kopparberg and kronenberg.. the poor waiting staff couldn't make head or tails of me... i'm still supprised they served me...

Wow that was damn near theraputic!

it is, isn't it?

[Lil Bunny]

oh ho HO!???

/gets his blankie to sit on--it's story time!

Heh it's not as fun as I made it sound. You know how stupid people are.

One guy was all sorts of piss drunk and left against advice. Got busted, wheeeee DUI time! He came back in later on and decided to get revenge on us. Did you know that those roll of towels don't burn too well? Somehow he got a decent smolder on that and the toilet paper roll thingy. Ran out of the building and um...across a few of our cars/my truck. I honestly have no bloody clue how or WHY he decided to take a shortcut across our vehicles. Cue fire trucks, police, the helicopter and alot of people going .

Come to think of it, I did press charges and never heard anything after. Not that I have my truck anymore but still.

[Misanthropical]

I was wondering why my husband said that he would not like it one bit if I applied to be a bartender, when I was looking for a job. I now know why.

[Jester]

6/ And finally my own personal favorite...Call me sweet tits....(On what planet is this an acceptable greeting...)

I could see it being acceptable if it is among people who know each other and tolerate that banter from one another. I could definitely see myself saying that to my friend Little Red and having her do nothing more than roll her eyes at me.

That being said, it is obviously NOT acceptable when greeting someone you don't know.

Why does anyone think saying "I wanna wrap you around my ears and wear you like a feedbag" or "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" or "I've haven't had sex in a really long time.." would actually make you drop your panties? Drunken idiots..

I do believe you provided the answer to your own question!

Oh please. They'd been drinking since noon, if not earlier.

And they were that drunk? Rookies.

Why do guys say stupid things?

Been said many times, but worth repeating here.....

Jester's Universal Law of the Sexes:

All Men Are Stupid.

All Women Are Insane.

There Are NO Excpetions!

[iviles]

Oh you forgot these great ways to get cut off....

claim that the furniture attacked you when you tripped. (My sister swears it does everytime)


Call your wife/girlfriend to tell them that you'll be home late then ask you out on a date after you hang up.


Call wife/girlfriend from strip club and yell how much you love her while getting a lap dance. ( I sure dated some winners!)


Having just one group member so wasted that hes hitting on the female statues around the bar/club. When this happens the whole group gets cut off and is only asked to leave when he gets pissed off that "shes" not talking to him and starts to cuss her out.



And my personal favorite.....one of your guy friends says hes going to pee and being found 5min later by the bouners telling your group that you need to fish him out and then leave before you all get banned. Turns out he passed out in the troth like urinals.

Needless to say I dont go out much anymore.

[Imogene]

Jester's Universal Law of the Sexes:

All Men Are Stupid.

All Women Are Insane.

There Are NO Excpetions!

Um? What am I? I flip between both genders at random, and do believe I should be neither/both... of course, my definition of 'Normal' is: That thing everyone else is.

[powerboy]

Why do guys say stupid things? Guys should keep in mind that if you use stupid lines, you will catch stupid girls.

Because some men cannot talk to women. I mean they do, but when asking them out, they don't know exactly how to do it. With me, I have my secrets.

[Broomjockey]

Um? What am I? I flip between both genders at random, and do believe I should be neither/both... of course, my definition of 'Normal' is: That thing everyone else is.

Well, technically you'd be both stupid and crazy then . Hey, you asked! *runs and hides*

[Posture Moll]

Why do guys say stupid things?

Because... to a sad but sizable minority, pr0n = RL.

Oh, if only that delusion ended with moronic statements.

[exbarwench]

Yea....betcha he couldn't remember the incident but did remember asking such a sweet gal out on a date.

And I quote..." Why you throwin' me out??? I thought we had something?"

Yeah dumbass we had something....you had no more booze and I had a headache.

And Jester sweet tits is an acceptable greeting amongst friends here as well...Just not the correct thing to say to the nice girl (whom you've never seen before) holding the key ingredient to your night of drunken revelry.

I don't know why that's the one that stuck with me for so long...It kills me to think that moron was the unforgettable one.