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"My cable box ain't working"
"Hmm, your account doesn't show any cable boxes."
"Wha? This is (company), ain't it?"
"Yes."
"Yeah. My cable box ain't working."
"Mmm what do you mean by your cable box?"
"The box with the pictures on it! You give me pictures, right?"
"....we do give you television service, but a TELEVISION is different than a CABLE box."
"But it's a box with a cable comin' from outside! It ain't showin my pictures!"
"Oookay, we'll have to schedule a technician since you only have analog service."
/schedule, blah blah blah, I ended the call with:
"And just to let you know, we do have more channels available in that area. You could even get a REAL cable box!"
I had a cust call in convinced that we had a malicious tech turning her television set off and on from our local office. Not her cable box, her actual television. She said she would call back during business hours and complain to management when I told her that wasn't possible and I was the only person who had touched her account in the last month.
I had a customer who was "7 into my 12 pack of Coor's Light" and kept hitting on me. Normally I would cut it off but he was very, very drunk and making me laugh (at him.) Favorite quote: "Come move in with me, I got a good job, a good car, and a good tv we can watch Nascar on!"
I also had a call from a lawyer trying to do a business transaction at 3:30a with her residential account. I told her we had a maintenance outage in the area and she went completely crazy. She told me how it's completely illegal for us to shut off services without notifying customers first and then demanded a supervisor. When I told her we didn't have one available she somehow translated that into "my coworkers and I have never had supervision at this company" and went off on an even crazier rant of how she is a corporate lawyer who is going to destroy my company. "You're going to lose your job for this, kid." was my favorite line.
Then there was the Chinese customer whose entire computer was in Chinese. She was really awesome about it and we had a fun adventure trying to figure out exactly how everything was translated into Chinese.
"Hmm, your account doesn't show any cable boxes."
"Wha? This is (company), ain't it?"
"Yes."
"Yeah. My cable box ain't working."
"Mmm what do you mean by your cable box?"
"The box with the pictures on it! You give me pictures, right?"
"....we do give you television service, but a TELEVISION is different than a CABLE box."
"But it's a box with a cable comin' from outside! It ain't showin my pictures!"
"Oookay, we'll have to schedule a technician since you only have analog service."
/schedule, blah blah blah, I ended the call with:
"And just to let you know, we do have more channels available in that area. You could even get a REAL cable box!"
I had a cust call in convinced that we had a malicious tech turning her television set off and on from our local office. Not her cable box, her actual television. She said she would call back during business hours and complain to management when I told her that wasn't possible and I was the only person who had touched her account in the last month.
I had a customer who was "7 into my 12 pack of Coor's Light" and kept hitting on me. Normally I would cut it off but he was very, very drunk and making me laugh (at him.) Favorite quote: "Come move in with me, I got a good job, a good car, and a good tv we can watch Nascar on!"
I also had a call from a lawyer trying to do a business transaction at 3:30a with her residential account. I told her we had a maintenance outage in the area and she went completely crazy. She told me how it's completely illegal for us to shut off services without notifying customers first and then demanded a supervisor. When I told her we didn't have one available she somehow translated that into "my coworkers and I have never had supervision at this company" and went off on an even crazier rant of how she is a corporate lawyer who is going to destroy my company. "You're going to lose your job for this, kid." was my favorite line.
Then there was the Chinese customer whose entire computer was in Chinese. She was really awesome about it and we had a fun adventure trying to figure out exactly how everything was translated into Chinese.
having to swipe ones credit card to pay = violation of civil rights? Granted I am absolutely useless at math but again
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