Wear your damn hearing aid... (and other tales)

[TealJellyfish]

I am back on the phone because the girl who was answering them is sick today Dammit I had a couple of days free of idiots! *whimper*

Please note I am unbearably cheerful on the phones (Yes I answer the phone with a smile) Mainly cause it seems to head off problems if I am cheerful... this strategy was not working today!

Me: TA DA
SW: Sucky Woman
SM: Sucky Man

Deaf and Dumb (The stupid Kind)

Me:<My Company> Customer Service Center. This is Lexi. How can I help you?
SC: Hello?
Me: Hi this is Lexi! How can I help you? This call does not look Promising
SC: HELLO!!!!!! Yelling now... YAY
Me: YES HELLO!
SC: I CANT HEAR YOU I figured that out all on my own!
Me: HELLO
SC: I CANT HEAR YOU. I'LL BACK WHEN I FIND MY HEARING AID
Me:.... *Puts head on desk*
SC: *Hangs up*

Dear God man.. if you know you cant hear a damn thing without the little device DO NOT pick up the talkie machine without it KTHXBYE

Speaker Phone = The Devil

Me:<My Company> Customer Service Center. This is Lexi. How can I help you?
SM: *background noise and garbled voice*Oh yay its going to be one of those calls!
Me: Hello? This is Lexi.. Can I help you?
SM: *More garbled voices*
Me: I'm sorry I cant hear you!
SM: *picks up phone* For Gods Sake! I need the phone number for <suburb> *huffs and puffs*
Me: Sure Not a problem. That number is (00) 1234 5678.
SM: See ... was that so damn hard *slams down phone*

Yeah... so .... Whats its like... being a complete arsehole? Hows that working out for you? ... Great? That's right the world sucks... Dammit!

They don't know who they have called... But its my fault!

Me:<My Company> Customer Service Center. This is Lexi. How can I help you?
SW: Where have I called?
Me <My company> Customer service center
SW: This isn't the Dept of Housing! Our number is one off theirs apparently. I don't have this number however! Also I am a real estate company!
Me: No I'm Sorry its not...
SW: Whats their number?
Me: I'm sorry I don't have that number
SW: WHY THE HELL NOT *slams phone*

OK... That device you are holding.. It has numbers on it.. Dial the correct one!

Financial Services Number

Me:<My Company> Financial Services. This is Lexi. How can I help you? I answer both the Customer Service number and Financial Services number
SW: Oh.... this isnt <My company> in <Suburb>
Me: No this is <My company> Financial Services. I can give you their number however!
SW: No thats ok. I have it!

Right so you just dialed a random number.. . in the hope it would get you to the right place.. Me thinks I see a GIANT GAPING HOLE in your brilliant plan

It gets better... Follow on to previous call

SW: Oh.... this isnt <My company> in <Suburb>
Me: No its <My company> Customer Service Center AND Financial Services Hears Penny Drop.. OUCH
SW: Ohhhhhhh ...

Ok so not only did you call a random number is the hope it would connect you magically to the correct place.. you did it twice.. Good Job... You made me laugh.. Have a cookie!

Entitlement Whore...

Me:<My Company> Customer Service Center. This is Lexi. How can I help you?
SC: <suburb> Snapped out in a Master to slave Tone!
Me: Do you need the number for <My companys> office in <suburb> ?
SC: Noooooooooo I need to rent a house in that suburb... ... *raises Eyebrows* Ah Huh....
Me: OK well you will need to contact an office in that area directly about that Said in a sickly sweet disgustingly cheerful tone *Evil grin*
SC: NO I want YOU to FIND ME a HOUSE to RENT! What did you last slave die of?
Me: I'm Sorry but I am not located in one of our Real Estate offices and they are the ones who handle that kind of thing Again sickeningly cheerful! Mwahahaha
SC: Well what do you do then? *mutter* Useless Girl.
Me: I am in charge of directing customers to our offices, handling general inquiries relating to our Promotional Programmes from both Australia and New Zealand, handling interoffice requests, Handling all queries from our international website and I give out the phone numbers, fax numbers and mailing addresses for our 700 offices across Australia and New Zealand.
SW: *Slams down Phones*

And I wasnt actually finished listing all the things I do... Mwahahahaha!

My brain actually hurts right now from all that crap! I also had a lady from another website (which we load our properties on for people to view) ring and ask why we havent sent her the New branding yet... So I checked with the branding team and they have already sent it to her boss! *head desk* GAH!

[Apathy]

Yeah... so .... Whats its like... being a complete arsehole? Hows that working out for you? ... Great? That's right the world sucks... Dammit!

I've always wondered what it's like to be a total asshole. I mean really. What goes through your mind? "I deserve everything I want right now! Mememememe!"

[TealJellyfish]

I've always wondered what it's like to be a total asshole. I mean really. What goes through your mind? "I deserve everything I want right now! Mememememe!"

Well they seem to like it. None of the soul eating guilt I experience when I take my burger back and have to explain that I really cant have it with onions because it makes me sick!

[marasbaras]

Oh, Lexi, that last one is beautiful.

Speaker Phone = The Devil

I had a policy when I was doing tech support (my own company). If they were on speaker phone, they got two chances to get off of it. No, I was NOT going to take a conference call on some stupid speaker phone.

And, yes, I did hang up on people who insisted that I try.

[TealJellyfish]

Oh, Lexi, that last one is beautiful.



I had a policy when I was doing tech support (my own company). If they were on speaker phone, they got two chances to get off of it. No, I was NOT going to take a conference call on some stupid speaker phone.

And, yes, I did hang up on people who insisted that I try.

I have people from our offices that do it to me. They are trying to give me addresses, phone numbers, names and notes to attach to a referral and I can hear every second word. I tend to just keep saying "I cant hear you" over and over til they get the point!

[Snowbird]

SC: Well what do you do then? *mutter* Useless Girl.
Me: I am in charge of directing customers to our offices, handling general inquiries relating to our Promotional Programmes from both Australia and New Zealand, handling interoffice requests, Handling all queries from our international website and I give out the phone numbers, fax numbers and mailing addresses for our 700 offices across Australia and New Zealand.
SW: *Slams down Phones*

Option A: "...and I waste my time and company payroll by redirecting self absorbed idiots that can't manage a simple phone call."

Option B: "Oh, I sit around eating bon bons and watching my stories. Did you see how Jack treated Mary on All My Sucky Customers??"

I am so sorry you have to deal with people like that, sheesh.

[Andara Bledin]

What a crop of losers.

As for the spearkphone twats, I always feign inability to hear unless it's a really good connection.

^-.-^

[TealJellyfish]

Option A: "...and I waste my time and company payroll by redirecting self absorbed idiots that can't manage a simple phone call."

Option B: "Oh, I sit around eating bon bons and watching my stories. Did you see how Jack treated Mary on All My Sucky Customers??"

I am so sorry you have to deal with people like that, sheesh.

The funny thing was I actually got that call while typing up the post so I felt like adding "And I post about customers like your for the entertainment of the internets" But alas my Brain to mouth filter is functional today...

[TealJellyfish]

What a crop of losers.

As for the spearkphone twats, I always feign inability to hear unless it's a really good connection.

^-.-^

All of this was within about an hour period... it was like every moron in the world suddenly went "Im going to bother Lexi..."

I just had another moron as well (for tomorrows post) ... he called me Maxine... Lexi/Maxine... interesting

[marasbaras]

The ONLY speaker phones I've ever heard that were good were the $500+ models DESIGNED specifically for conference rooms. All others bite.

[Finance Gopher]

Me:<My Company> Customer Service Center. This is Lexi. How can I help you?
SW: Where have I called?
Me <My company> Customer service center
SW: This isn't the Dept of Housing! Our number is one off theirs apparently. I don't have this number however! Also I am a real estate company!
Me: No I'm Sorry its not...
SW: Whats their number?
Me: I'm sorry I don't have that number
SW: WHY THE HELL NOT *slams phone*

OK... That device you are holding.. It has numbers on it.. Dial the correct one!

Ugh. I get that all the time. It's gotten to the point where I even have a line "Ah, yes, well, let me check, oh right, I have a job that I really should be getting back to. Bye!" Not that I'm recommending being nasty, but you're easing their karmic burden. After all, their jerk-ness is paid back seven fold. Think of it as improving their life.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

And for hearing aid guy, you know they make phones with volume controls. You turn up your volume so you can hear, even without your hearing aid & without the person on the other end of the call having to shout.

Dumb@$$

[blas]

You wanna know what it's like to be an asshole 24/7?

Let me phone my ex and ask...

[Becks]

What did you last slave die of?

That made me laugh. I have squirrels looking in the window wondering what my problem is.

[blas]

I had to keep the shades closed because the squirrels would always giggle when my ex got naked....

But back on topic......I guess some people are too proud for their own good. Nothing is more annoying than a telephone call where someone on the other hand is barking "HELLO? HELLO!!!? HELLOWWWWW?!"