Things I wish I could say to a SC

[Miyon]

I worked as tech support for MS Word. We would get all sorts of weird questions.
But the thing that pissed me off the most was when the SC would ask how to do something and I would have to explain it cant be done.

SC- I need Word to do this/that
ME- sorry Word does not have that function
SC- But I need it/want it to.

(Thing I always wanted to say, sooo bad)

me- ok, click on Tools/Options. Do you see the option to make Word do what you want it to? No?? Well then I guess its not an options.

or "Well I would like new car. Looks like we both aren't getting what we want.

[Apathy]

You're not listening, Miyon! I said I want it to do this!

[Fenrus]

You're not listening, Miyon! I said I want it to do this!

Well... you can put what you want in one hand...

What I wish I could say... "No, the police will not tell your child to go to school, because you don't have control of you child."

"no, we can't unlock your door because you're dumb. I don't care if <other agency> did it for you last week. If you're locking your keys in your car that often, maybe you shouldn't have them... or keep them on a lanyard..."

I'm sure there's more...

[TTAZ]

Whenever I get residents that ignore all the forewarning notices saying there water will be off for a period of time there are always a ton of idiots that call me:

WHY IS MY WATER OFF?!?!?!?!

Responses I'd love to give:

1. Did you pay your water bill? Oh water is included in the rent, and you paid your rent, so you must have water. Still no water? Huh.....did you pay your bill? Ad nauseum.

2. Because I hate you

[Catwoman2965]

Or, in my case last Saturday when we had system issues, "oh, you don't have the credit card you used to purchase these clothes? I'm sorry, I can't do your return right now" - normally we don't need it, but that day we did. Yes, I am doing this to you PERSONALLY, because I'm feeling evil. Most of them were ok with it, but a couple just about pitched a hissy fit. What would you like me to do about it? YOu'll just have to come back another time.

[Apathy]

2. Because I hate you

Oh how I'd love to use that line.

[mcjohnwcheese]

Try saying "I'd bring it up to Bill Gates next time we're vacationing at his vineyard, but he's been dodging my calls lately."

[LadyAndreca]

This is one I've been LONGING to use...I'm not sure I'd have the guts to, even if my managers would likely give me a slap on the wrist at most.

SC: You won't do this because I'm [insert ethnicity here]!
Me: Are you accusing me of racism because I'm white?

Or, alternatively,
SC: That's discrimination!
Me: That's slander.

[Geek King]

WHY IS MY WATER OFF?!?!?!?!


1. Did you pay your water bill? Oh water is included in the rent, and you paid your rent, so you must have water. Still no water? Huh.....did you pay your bill? Ad nauseum.

Actually, we had just that issue in our area. It seems a trailer park owner was taking rent, but not paying the park's bills (water and trash included). City cut the water off, and several dozen families, who had paid their rent properly, found themselves without water. Caused a big hubub, as the owner skipped town one night.

[BowserKoopa1]

A very long time ago about 13 years ago or so, I hade a very rude customer. As he walked away, I called him an @$$hole under my breath. He obviously heard ti and got right in my face and said, "What did you just call me?". I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "@$$hole. Good-bye sir.
Very surprsingly, he didn't complain or anything. He just left, and I never heard a thing from the managers about it.
Me-1 Customers-0
Ok, probably what I did was wrong, and I was about 20 at the time. But the guy certainly deserved it. If I can remember the story, I'll post it. But man, it felt good!

[draftermatt]

I'd love to say this. My boss said it before so I know he wouldn't yell at me (depending on who it was that is) but the big boss probably wouldn't like it.

"How are you still working for them? I would have fired you a long time ago for incompetence"

I did say this once. The person in question was throwing a hissy fit because I made a mistake. I was in the process of fixing it. Didn't hurt him/cost him anything, and it was caught months before it would have been a problem. But he was pissed.

"Look, you'll be getting it new again tomorrow, and if it's wrong, I'm just going to quit"

Him "Well, it's not that big of a deal, don't quit your job, everyone makes mistakes"

[Ironclad Alibi]

SC- I need Word to do this/that
ME- sorry Word does not have that function
SC- But I need it/want it to.

What was it the SC wanted Word to do? I am curious, and might consider it a challenge to try it myself.

[ArenaBoy]

From the arena days... *wow, soon to be a year since I worked there*

VIP matters:

"Don't have a pass, can I still get in here? They let me in last time."

"No."

"Come on man, they let me in last time!"

"By all that is holy to all things Odin, do you understand the concept of a pass? It's bloody obvious you don't or otherwise I'd be forced to learn the language of complete moron which is what you're clearly speaking at the moment."

-------------------

"Do you know how much I pay for this spot?"

"I'll see your spot and raise you several guitars that probably cost more than that spot. A hilarious delusion you seem to suffer from given that there are people who willingly spend more on guitars then you do for two silly lines."

------------------

"I've been coming here for 25 years!"

'Are you inhaling paint or snorting laundry detergent? Whiskeyclone is as old as I am, but thanks for the comedy though."


Various things (Guests, prices, etc):

"I'm on the guest list. Name's under John the Dumbass."

"No such name on the list. Can't get in."

"Let me call a higher up guy, we're good friends."

Makes five different attempts on his phone, a couple on his wife's, and then his daughter's.

"He isn't responding, can you let me in anyway?"

"No."

"Why not, I know him and he's a big name."

"The fact that he might not be responding can mean two things: He's too busy to drop everything he's doing to answer you or he thinks that you're an annoying arrogant little shit. I guess the latter. He'd probably prefer clubbing baby seals than as so much shake hands with you. Now if you don't understand the concept of no name on the guestlist or no pass equals no entry it's back to the IdiotCave for you. Although this concept is easily understood by my dog which says something about you."

--------------------

"$10?! That's bullshit!"

"Seeing as that bullshit is used for us and for making this organization better, I'd quit your bitching. Most of that $10 goes to us so they can ensure we stay to direct clueless little schmucks like you who couldn't figure out the difference between a basketball and a hockey puck. So unless you want to end up in the worst part of town or out in the sticks instead of the freeway, quit bitching.

[cloudiko]

What was it the SC wanted Word to do? I am curious, and might consider it a challenge to try it myself.

The SC probably wanted the little paperclip guy to come to life in his living room and do tricks. Or have MS Word do his taxes, or paint his living room, or fix his copier....the possibilites are endless.


And by way of things I wish I could say to a SC:

The next time some pissed off parent barks at me about the Kids Eat Free discount, I would turn to them and say simply: Go F*** yourself. I'm sorry we actually have to ring up the food your kid wants to eat...you know, so it actually gets made. However, if you'd prefer, we can not cook the food...that way, we don't put it on the bill and you can stop asking me the insufferable question: "Why is Little Suzie's food on my bill? Isn't it Kids Eat Free?"

[crazylegs]

Oooh, I like this thread.

(upon seeing someone parked in a bus stop)

Excuse me Sir, what colour is your vehicle? How many axles does it have? And how many people can it carry?