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So...it's my Monday. Unfortunate, I know. However, today I met another member in the Hierarchy of All Things White Trash - a man in his mid 30s that I have affectionately dubbed Captain White Trash. (And his family)
He has three kids of varying ages (one maybe 6, the other 4-ish, and the oldest appears to be 15 or so) and rules them with an iron fist. His wife looked like she crawled out of the nearest VW bus orgy - thick makeup, stained clothes, that smell of sweat and sex we all don't like to acknowledge we recognize in public...yeah.
Anyway, to the conversation:
Me:
CWT: Obviously, an idiot.
Me: Hi, were you all ready to order?
CWT: *blank stare*...
*a second or two passes*
Me: Um, do you need another minute or two?
CWT: *Looks at me* *GRUNTS*
Me:...
*decides to try asking his wife*
Me: Ma'am, are you ready to order?
WTW: (White Trash Wife): *blank look for a moment or two, then stares at menu intently*
Me: *backs away slowly*
I get about two feet away before I hear the following:
CWT: Hey, we're ready NOW!
Me: Um, right. *goes back to table* Okay, who would like to st -
CWT: I want THAT. *points*
Me: The country platter?
CWT: *GRUNT*
Me: Okay...how would you like your eggs?
CWT: *puzzled for a second, then the gerbils start working and...* Over easy.
Me: Okay, and what would you like?
Littlest trashy girl: The kid's breakfast, except with two eggs and no hashbrowns. And chocolate milk!
CWT: *practically barks* NO CHOCOLATE!
Little trashy girl: I wanted chocolate too.
CWT: NO CHOCOLATE!
Me: Okay...regular milk okay?
CWT: *exchanges look with his wife* I guess. But only with their meal.
Me: Okay, I'll bring it out with their meals, no problem.
CWT: I said ONLY when you bring them their breakfast.
Me: ....That's what I said. *turns to oldest trashy girl* What would you like?
Oldest trashy girl: I'd like a hamburger please.
Me: Anything to drink for you?
Oldest trashy girl: Sprite please.
And then, because there really is no other way to put it, the whole table goes eerily silent.............I'm wondering if there's going to be an all out fight about how oldest trashy girl ordered a soda.
Me: *turns to WTW* And how about for you?
WTW: I'd like an omlette wit -
CWT: I WANT TOAST!
Me: Um, what?
CWT: I want some toast. My breakfast doesn't come with toast, does it?
Me: No, because you're getting biscuts.
CWT: How many biscuts are there?
Me: Three whole ones.
CWT: I want toast.
Me: Um, okay...one slice or two?
CWT: Two.
Me: Right. *scribbles note down on pad to add toast to CWT's already ginormous breakfast* And ma'am, you said you wanted an omlette?
WTW: Yes, a ham and cheese omle-
CWT: No, wait. I don't want toast.
Me: No toast then?
CWT: No, I don't need it.
Me: (thinking: you're kind of a bastard, interrupting your wife like that. Plus, you made me scratch out your toast order twice.) *proceeds to ask relevant questions*Anything else for anyone?
CWT: No, except make sure to bring their drinks WITH their meals.
Me:
I think I got it, but thanks.
*walks away*
CWT: *yells after me* BUT MY WIFE AND I WANT WATER NOW!
Me: (thinking: Yeah, I want to beat your face in with a baseball bat right now, but I can't do that. Where did you want me to procure water from THIS INSTANT? I'm sorry, I didn't get that tap installed in my ass like I wanted to.)
Anyway, the meal proceeded along this same general frame....I would get halfway across the restaurant and somebody would demand something in their outside voices. It was irritating.
Plus, I went through all that hell only to be stiffed.
Stupid white trash.
He has three kids of varying ages (one maybe 6, the other 4-ish, and the oldest appears to be 15 or so) and rules them with an iron fist. His wife looked like she crawled out of the nearest VW bus orgy - thick makeup, stained clothes, that smell of sweat and sex we all don't like to acknowledge we recognize in public...yeah.
Anyway, to the conversation:
Me:
CWT: Obviously, an idiot.
Me: Hi, were you all ready to order?
CWT: *blank stare*...
*a second or two passes*
Me: Um, do you need another minute or two?
CWT: *Looks at me* *GRUNTS*
Me:...
*decides to try asking his wife*
Me: Ma'am, are you ready to order?
WTW: (White Trash Wife): *blank look for a moment or two, then stares at menu intently*
Me: *backs away slowly*
I get about two feet away before I hear the following:
CWT: Hey, we're ready NOW!
Me: Um, right. *goes back to table* Okay, who would like to st -
CWT: I want THAT. *points*
Me: The country platter?
CWT: *GRUNT*
Me: Okay...how would you like your eggs?
CWT: *puzzled for a second, then the gerbils start working and...* Over easy.
Me: Okay, and what would you like?
Littlest trashy girl: The kid's breakfast, except with two eggs and no hashbrowns. And chocolate milk!
CWT: *practically barks* NO CHOCOLATE!
Little trashy girl: I wanted chocolate too.
CWT: NO CHOCOLATE!
Me: Okay...regular milk okay?
CWT: *exchanges look with his wife* I guess. But only with their meal.
Me: Okay, I'll bring it out with their meals, no problem.
CWT: I said ONLY when you bring them their breakfast.
Me: ....That's what I said. *turns to oldest trashy girl* What would you like?
Oldest trashy girl: I'd like a hamburger please.
Me: Anything to drink for you?
Oldest trashy girl: Sprite please.
And then, because there really is no other way to put it, the whole table goes eerily silent.............I'm wondering if there's going to be an all out fight about how oldest trashy girl ordered a soda.
Me: *turns to WTW* And how about for you?
WTW: I'd like an omlette wit -
CWT: I WANT TOAST!
Me: Um, what?
CWT: I want some toast. My breakfast doesn't come with toast, does it?
Me: No, because you're getting biscuts.
CWT: How many biscuts are there?
Me: Three whole ones.
CWT: I want toast.
Me: Um, okay...one slice or two?
CWT: Two.
Me: Right. *scribbles note down on pad to add toast to CWT's already ginormous breakfast* And ma'am, you said you wanted an omlette?
WTW: Yes, a ham and cheese omle-
CWT: No, wait. I don't want toast.
Me: No toast then?
CWT: No, I don't need it.
Me: (thinking: you're kind of a bastard, interrupting your wife like that. Plus, you made me scratch out your toast order twice.) *proceeds to ask relevant questions*Anything else for anyone?
CWT: No, except make sure to bring their drinks WITH their meals.
Me:
I think I got it, but thanks. *walks away*
CWT: *yells after me* BUT MY WIFE AND I WANT WATER NOW!
Me: (thinking: Yeah, I want to beat your face in with a baseball bat right now, but I can't do that. Where did you want me to procure water from THIS INSTANT? I'm sorry, I didn't get that tap installed in my ass like I wanted to.)
Anyway, the meal proceeded along this same general frame....I would get halfway across the restaurant and somebody would demand something in their outside voices. It was irritating.
Plus, I went through all that hell only to be stiffed.
Stupid white trash.
I keep reading this word wrong .... 
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