Mind-reading wouldn't work on you anyway

[KaeZoo]

Call I get about once a week:

KZ: Thanks for calling Mobile Installation, this is KaeZoo, can I help you?
C: Yeah, I want to know how much it's gonna cost to get my sh*t installed.
KZ: Okay, what did you want to have installed?
C: Everything.
KZ: I mean, what exactly do you have that you want installed?
C: Well, you know. My system.
KZ: Well, no, I don't know. That's why I'm asking. What's in your system?
C: I've got everything. The whole setup. You know, speakers, CD player...
KZ: What kind of speakers?
C: They're Pioneers.
KZ: No, I mean front or rear?
C: Oh, I'm not replacing those speakers. I'm keeping the factory speakers. Can I just keep the factory speakers?
KZ: Umm...probably. Where did you want the new speakers, then?
C: They're the kind that go in the trunk.
KZ: Okay, subwoofers. And you have an amplifier, too?
C: I don't know. <yelling to someone on their end> Do we have an amplifier too? <back to me> Yeah, and we have all the wires. He just took it out of his old car.
KZ: Okay, so we've got an amp, subwoofers, and CD player. It's an in-dash CD player?
C: No, it's a Pioneer too.
KZ: I mean, it's the kind that replaces your factory radio?
C: It's a CD player.
KZ: Right, but it has a radio too? <I'm trying to make sure she's not talking about a multi-CD changer, that mounts elsewhere in the vehicle>
C: Yeah, but I never listen to the radio.
KZ: Okay, I can't give you a final estimate until I see the vehicle, but we charge $XX for an amp and $XX for a head unit. So it should be around $XX plus parts, and there may be extra labor once I see the car.
C: We've got all the parts that he took out of his old car.
KZ: Yeah, but I'll have to take a look at them to make sure they'll work in the new car, and that nothing's missing.
C: Okay, wait a minute. <pause> He wants to know how much it would cost if he installs the amp and you just run the wires.
KZ: It would cost the same as an amp install.
C: But he'll put the amp in, he just wants you to run the wires.
KZ: Running the wires is pretty much what an amp install is.
C: Oh. Okay, well, we'll call you back. Bye.


I'm pretty good at keeping my voice friendly and professional all the way through. But about halfway in, my right hand escapes my control and starts strangling invisible people while I'm talking. My co-workers usually are cracked up laughing by the time I escape the call.

[Phone Jockey]

PRETTY. DAMN. CLUELESS. I'm still not sure why some ppl are allowed to a) drive & b) use the telephone. *sigh*

[friendofjimmyk]

When I would get a particularly difficult call, I would wrap the wire of my headset around my neck and pull and act as if I were trying to hang myself with the wire...that usually signaled to my co-workers that I had a "winner" on the phone.

[dispatch]

there's a certain set of questions we ask our customers when they request a jumpstart so that we have an idea of whats going on, some people think a jumpstart is a defibrillator for cars that cures all ills

me: does it make any noise when you try to start it?

grump: yes

me: what kind of noise does it make?

grump: a noise like a dead battery

me: so it's a clicking sound?

grump: IT SOUNDS LIKE A DEAD BATTERY MORON! NOW GET ME SOME SERVICE!

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call notes: customer says she just needs a jumpstart and she'll be back on the road

45 minutes later I get a call from the driver saying that there's a puddle of oil underneath the car and a piston rod nearly puncturing the hood