My night last night: Tax scofflaws and stupid employees.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Apparently I am a government representative.


SC: I want to put 550 minutes on my calling card.
Me: All right, what is your name and zip code?
SC: My name is John Doe. I’m in Afghanistan, I don’t know what the zip code is here. 00901, I think.
Me: I need the zip code for the credit card you’re going to use, sir.
SC: WHY?!
Me: It is a security procedure the bank uses, sir. They will not accept a charge from us if we do not submit the correct zip code.
SC: I don’t know, I think it’s 67551.
Me: All right, sir, 550 minutes comes to $29.36.
SC: WHAT?! It’s supposed to be $27!
Me: I believe that is the tax, sir.
SC: I don’t pay tax, I’m in the military.
Me: We are required to charge state tax based on your billing address.
SC: Well then put in 00901.
Me: Is that the billing address for the card?
SC: It is now!
Me: All right. The total comes to $27................ I’m sorry, sir, the bank has declined this transaction.
SC: WHY?!
Me: Because the billing address does not match what they have on file, sir.
SC: *sigh* All right, the zip code is 67551, I think.
Me: Thank you, sir. The total now comes to $29.36.
SC: I DON’T PAY TAX! I AM ACTIVE DUTY MILITARY!
Me: Sir, we are required by federal law to charge state tax based on the billing address. The bank requires the billing address to match their records or they won’t accept the charge.
SC: So what you are saying is that this is everyone else’s fault. Is that what you’re telling me?
Me: Sir, I have no control over this.
SC: Goddammit, this is what’s wrong with this country! Nobody takes responsibility anymore! You need to take responsibility and do your job correctly!
Me: Sir, I am a phone rep. I have no control over the policy or the law. If you don’t like the policy then take it up with your bank. If you don’t like the law then you need to take it up with your government. Would you like me to process this order for you?
SC: I want you to charge me $27 for my minutes, which is what you are SUPPOSED to be doing!
Me: I do not have the ability to do that, sir.
SC: Well then I guess you better transfer me to someone who does, then shouldn’t you?
Me: Sir, there is nobody here who can circumvent federal law for you. Would you like me to process this order for you or not?
SC: Well aren't you just a worthless, inept sack of shit!
Me: Do not cuss on my line, sir, I will disconnect this call.
SC: You WILL get your supervisor on the line, right now!
Me: Okay…
*and off he went. We then got to spend the next 10 minutes listening to the lead try to explain tax laws to him. And fail.*


I assure you, if I had control over tax laws, moron tax would not just be a term we use on this site. The right to charge it would be enshrined in IRS regulations.






It’s all my fault! I just don't read fast enough!!

Me: All right, Ma’am, I am going to ask you one or two simple, timed questions based on your public record that only you should be able to answer, ok?
SC: Okay.
Me: The first question says “Which of the following counties have you ever lived or owned property in?” The first possible answer is Nowhere County, South Carolina? I just need a yes or a no.
SC: No.
Me: Okay, the second answer is Wingnut County, Georgia?
SC: I lived in Georgia for six months, but I don’t know which county.
Me: All right, would you like me to choose yes or no on that answer?
SC: I don't know. What are the other answers?
Me: I'm sorry, ma'am, I cannot see the other answers until I answer this one.
SC: Well I don't know! I only lived there for a couple of months!
Me: I understand Ma'am, we can just make a guess if you're not sure.
SC: Well I don't know what to put. I have no idea what county I lived in! What are the other answers?
Me: *gritting teeth* All right Ma'am, can we just take a guess at this one?

*Repeat the above conversation about 4 times.

Finally...*

SC: *SIGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH* Fine. Choose no.
Me: All right Ma'am.......... I'm sorry, the questions have timed out. What I can do instead is call your bank that has issued this credit card and have them verify some information with you, all right?
SC: Why?! I just want to put minutes on my phone! Can't you just bring up some more questions to ask me?
Me: No, ma'am, I am only allowed to attempt a public records verification once.
SC: Well it's not my fault you read the questions too slow!
Me: Oh no you didn't just say that. At this point, Ma'am, I need to call the bank and have them verify some information with you, all right?
SC: *Harrumph* Fine.

And she disconnected as soon as I put her on hold.

Yeah, lady, it's my fault for reading the questions too slow.






This guy wanted to talk to his girl, but I don't think things worked out.

SC: Yo, I need minutes like, now, yo.
Me: I have an order here for $100 using a visa card that ends in #1234. Is this your card?
SC: What kinda question is that?! "Is it my card." Of course it's my card, yo!
Me: Okay, to complete the order I just need to verify your identity as the authorized signer on this card. Can you spell your first name for me please.
SC: Look, I ain't spelling shit for you! Just put my minutes on my phone cause I got to call my girl before she takes off!
Me: Sir, I need to complete a security verification before I can process this order.
SC: What?! I ain't never had to go through this before, never! What is the deal here, yo! What are you hassling me for?!
Me: We do this for every credit card that goes through our system.
SC: I don't got time for this! I got shit to do, woman! I---
*Suddenly I hear through the phone the unmistakeable sound of a police siren.*
SC: AW SHIT!
.............*click*

Somehow I think the boys in blue are gonna keep him busy this evening.








How to get fired tip#756: Talk about buying drugs after work on the company IM. Yeah, that's bright. I arrived at work last night just in time to see two people get escorted out of the building by security. Apparently they had a nice little conversation via IM, which was of course entirely recorded by IT and dutifully reported. I swear we got some real Darwin award contenders out there on the main floor.

[Fenrus]

Me: I believe that is the tax, sir.
SC: I don’t pay tax, I’m in the military.

Me: So what you're saying is that you would fight for the country, but you wouldn't support it, and by proxy support your CAUSE, by paying the tax?

But then again... I get mean in the face of Stupid.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Okay, let me clarify that. Most of the guys buy those calling cards to call home at a PX (I think that's what it's called?) And they don't pay tax for them when they buy them there due to federal law. So if they buy a 550 minute card, they pay $27. If their billing address happens to be on a military base, we don't have to charge them tax either. But if it's not a military address, then we are required to charge state tax for whatever state the address is in. A lot of the guys don't realize that and get confused when we charge them tax.

[allniter]

Gee, I guess I should join the military to save that $2.

I'm not sure, but isn't there a written test you have to pass in order to join the military? How dumbed down is it now in order for this guy to get in??

[Fenrus]

Ahh, okay. Yeah, it makes sense if they use a military address (hill air force base's PX has everything, even Everquest!).

[chainedbarista]

being military, he should know if he's dealing with a non affiliated entity, that he will pay taxes; he's just being stupid and abusive.

i apologize to you for dealing with this turd; most of us (past and present) are much better behaved than that.

[Arm]

Gee, I guess I should join the military to save that $2.

I'm not sure, but isn't there a written test you have to pass in order to join the military? How dumbed down is it now in order for this guy to get in??

...not that I remember, no.

There is the ASVAB which is a sort of general-purpose test for competence areas and your level of intelligence. And it is written down, so he'd have to read it.

But, not everyone in the military is there to be a brain surgeon. The ASVAB breaks down scores into proficiencies, but also as an overall percentile of how smart/well-educated the person is. For example, I and most of the soldiers I worked with were in the high 90s. We maintained signal equipment.

On the other hand, you can get in the door as, I think, a 30. Maybe it was 33, I'm not 100% positive.

Someone who's in the 30th percentile isn't what you might call well-educated.

But they take instruction well. I feel sorry for you guys trying to explain that, but, often if you find the *right* way to tell someone, they'll simmer down.

[Bright_Star]

Being in the military doesn't exclude an individual from paying taxes. The only way that they are exempt from paying taxes is IF they served in a combat zone & even then that's for when you file your federal taxes.

[Andara Bledin]

Me: Sir, there is nobody here who can circumvent federal law for you. Would you like me to process this order for you or not?
SC: Well aren't you just a worthless, inept sack of shit!

Let's see.... you have his name, and where he's posted. I think whoever's in charge of that guy could use a tip about how his man is abusing phone reps.

^-.-^

[BlaqueKatt]

How to get fired tip#756: Talk about buying drugs after work on the company IM. Yeah, that's bright. I arrived at work last night just in time to see two people get escorted out of the building by security. Apparently they had a nice little conversation via IM, which was of course entirely recorded by IT and dutifully reported. I swear we got some real Darwin award contenders out there on the main floor.

I can beat that-

talk about doing drugs after work on a live call(between two agents before a sup line transfer)-while the client is listening!!

[marasbaras]

Wow, that military guy was a real piece. Just goes to show that anyone, from any walk of life, can turn out to be an SC.

[Arm]

Being in the military doesn't exclude an individual from paying taxes. The only way that they are exempt from paying taxes is IF they served in a combat zone & even then that's for when you file your federal taxes.

Filing taxes is different from tax as applied to purchases. If you're serving outside the country, you may or may not be in a taxable area. Generally when filing my taxes I would simply note that I'd been out of the country for whatever period, and that would be that.

Additionally, purchases made on-post are tax-exempt. That individual probably purchased his original item from an on-post store, didn't pay tax, and then simply assumed that anything he did with it, in perpetuity, would be similarly exempt. Though of course he was wrong.

As far as the tax-exemptions go, it makes sense when you think about it. A soldier is paid entirely from tax money- why bother saying, 'here, take this money, now give it back to me, so that I can hand it back to you again' (Of course, social security, medicare, etc. all still apply)...

buuut... aaaaanyway. Definitely didn't maintain his military bearing during that call. Knowing *why* he thought that may help you explain it to the next guy who calls up with that misconception, but there are no excuses for being a SC.

[marasbaras]

As far as the tax-exemptions go, it makes sense when you think about it. A soldier is paid entirely from tax money- why bother saying, 'here, take this money, now give it back to me, so that I can hand it back to you again' (Of course, social security, medicare, etc. all still apply)...

True, at first. Then again, if you stop and think about it: do you really want hundreds of thousands of exemptions running around the country? Talk about paperwork nightmare!

If he wants to avoid sales tax, buy it from the PX. If he wants to order it over the phone, he's gotta follow the rules.

[Eben56]

Sometimes it can be very confusing for an active military member to communicate with the credit card world. My son was serving in Germany and lost his checkbook, He said that the number Wacovia had on their website did not seem to work for him. (it may have been partially his fault as he never really got the hang of dialing European numbers) Since I had been getting his statements and paying his bills from home (HIS checking account). I called to report the theft and request a new check card. They would not do anything because I was not the account holder.

I explained that I did not want any personal information just close his account to another number and send the new check card to his address of record. They said they could not do any of that because they must speak to him. Explained that he was overseas, could not get the help number to work. Was told they must speak to him. (wash, rinse, repeat)

Got him on IM. then called the card company. Identified myself as my son and tried again. Fortunately, he is a JR, so the caller ID comes up with his name to the CSR. SHe asks me some questions (which I IM'd to my son and IM'd the answers back,

Account canceled, new card sent to my address.

Not complaining about the CSR.. Just spouting policy. My big gripe is that even though we are at war, most companies have no processes in place that take into account overseas deployment.

[ThePhoneGoddess]

All financial security procedures are a constant balancing act between protecting customers information and making things convenient for them. This is the cause of 90% of the pissed off people I deal with. Either our procedures are so strict that they inconvenience people, or they are so lax that we are "allowing people to spend other people's money".

Banks deal with people who will brazenly call in trying to get access to accounts. I have called a bank to have a checking account shut down before, and later spoken to the account holder who will tell me that the bank reported the person abusing their account called the bank and argued with them for 20 minutes trying to get that account opened back up.


You are correct, most banks do not take deployment into account, simply because they almost never deal with it. The military can be rather insular. The majority of soldiers have their accounts though Navy Federal CU or Armed Forces Bank, so those banks do have phone numbers that can be called from overseas. Many 800 numbers do not work outside of the US.

My recommendation to you is next time he comes home take a quick trip to the bank and have your name put on his accounts so you can get access to it. I ordered my brother and mother to do that before he left for Iraq a few years back, and she later thanked me for it.