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Having worked in the hellhole store I'm employed at for nearly 8 years, I thought I'd pretty much seen everything that could possiby happen once customers enter our doors and are set loose to roam free in a retail environment.
I was wrong.
Saturday, around noon or so, I was in the women's dept doing some straightening when I heard a loud thud coming from my left. I turned and let out a gasp as I watched our fitting room door begin to fall down on an old lady in a mart cart.
I tossed the clothes I was holding and ran over just as she reached up and caught the door with her hands. She did a fine job of keeping that door from whacking her on the head but I figured I'd better help her out anyway. So, I grabbed the door and carried it into the fitting room. While doing so I asked her, "What happened here?"
Her reply. "I don't know...it just fell on me."
Riiiiiight. Ramming it with your cart had nothing to do with it at all.
After I took the door inside the fitting room and leaned it up against the wall the old lady said, "It's okay. I'll just stand in the corner and try on these bras. No one will see me."
To which I replied, "No, you can't do that. People will certainly be able to see you."
Just at that second my phone rang. It was the Service Coordinater, Dale, who needed a UPC number on a little girl's spring jacket. I told Dale that I was busy dealing with a broken fitting room door and would be just a minute. Dale said, "Oh...I'll come to you then."
When Dale arrived I thought everything was under control so he and I headed over to the girl's department to see if we could find another similar jacket to get the UPC number. We found one and Dale headed back up front so the cashier could ring up the jacket for the customer who was trying to buy it. I headed back over toward the fitting rooms.
As I got closer I could see the broken door was now propped up against the front wall of the fitting room and was partially covering the opening. How the heck did that get there, I wondered. I had put it inside.
As I went to grabbed the door to put it back inside, I glanced into the fitting room and saw something that I really, really didn't want to see. That crazy old woman was standing in the corner, just like she said she would, and she was completely nude from the waist up!
Unfortunately, I didn't turn my eyes fast enough and I saw her boobs...pointing southward...resting on her waist.
And that's not all. Anyone else walking by could see them, too!
I quickly darted away and motioned to my co-worker Candy. I was in such a state of shock that I could barely get the words out to tell her what had happened. Candy then called our Loss Prevention gal Terri and asked her to please come...we have a situation.
By the time Terri arrived, a couple of my co-workers had gathered to find out what was going on. I was still in shock and was giggling a bit. As I started to tell Terri what had happened my co-workers began laughing which made it even more difficult for me to speak. After finally explaining the situation, Terri informed me that there was really nothing we could do.
Funny, I thought exposing yourself in public was illegal.
Terri, who by the way is a lesbian, dutifully stood guard outside the fitting room while anyone who walked by got an eyefull! I tried to collect myself and carry on with my duties. It wasn't working too well though because by now, several other employees had heard all the laughing and came to investigate.
After at least 15 minutes the old woman finally finished and started to move the door out of the doorway so she could get out of the fitting room. Terri took the door aside and the crazy old woman left the scene.
It was at this point that Terri declared, "I'm scarred for life. Seeing that may have just scared me straight!"
More laughter ensued.
So, in honor of this episode of retail schnanegans:
Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?
.
I was wrong.
Saturday, around noon or so, I was in the women's dept doing some straightening when I heard a loud thud coming from my left. I turned and let out a gasp as I watched our fitting room door begin to fall down on an old lady in a mart cart.
I tossed the clothes I was holding and ran over just as she reached up and caught the door with her hands. She did a fine job of keeping that door from whacking her on the head but I figured I'd better help her out anyway. So, I grabbed the door and carried it into the fitting room. While doing so I asked her, "What happened here?"
Her reply. "I don't know...it just fell on me."
Riiiiiight. Ramming it with your cart had nothing to do with it at all.
After I took the door inside the fitting room and leaned it up against the wall the old lady said, "It's okay. I'll just stand in the corner and try on these bras. No one will see me."
To which I replied, "No, you can't do that. People will certainly be able to see you."
Just at that second my phone rang. It was the Service Coordinater, Dale, who needed a UPC number on a little girl's spring jacket. I told Dale that I was busy dealing with a broken fitting room door and would be just a minute. Dale said, "Oh...I'll come to you then."
When Dale arrived I thought everything was under control so he and I headed over to the girl's department to see if we could find another similar jacket to get the UPC number. We found one and Dale headed back up front so the cashier could ring up the jacket for the customer who was trying to buy it. I headed back over toward the fitting rooms.
As I got closer I could see the broken door was now propped up against the front wall of the fitting room and was partially covering the opening. How the heck did that get there, I wondered. I had put it inside.
As I went to grabbed the door to put it back inside, I glanced into the fitting room and saw something that I really, really didn't want to see. That crazy old woman was standing in the corner, just like she said she would, and she was completely nude from the waist up!
Unfortunately, I didn't turn my eyes fast enough and I saw her boobs...pointing southward...resting on her waist.
And that's not all. Anyone else walking by could see them, too!
I quickly darted away and motioned to my co-worker Candy. I was in such a state of shock that I could barely get the words out to tell her what had happened. Candy then called our Loss Prevention gal Terri and asked her to please come...we have a situation.
By the time Terri arrived, a couple of my co-workers had gathered to find out what was going on. I was still in shock and was giggling a bit. As I started to tell Terri what had happened my co-workers began laughing which made it even more difficult for me to speak. After finally explaining the situation, Terri informed me that there was really nothing we could do.
Funny, I thought exposing yourself in public was illegal.
Terri, who by the way is a lesbian, dutifully stood guard outside the fitting room while anyone who walked by got an eyefull! I tried to collect myself and carry on with my duties. It wasn't working too well though because by now, several other employees had heard all the laughing and came to investigate.
After at least 15 minutes the old woman finally finished and started to move the door out of the doorway so she could get out of the fitting room. Terri took the door aside and the crazy old woman left the scene.
It was at this point that Terri declared, "I'm scarred for life. Seeing that may have just scared me straight!"
More laughter ensued.
So, in honor of this episode of retail schnanegans:
Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?
.
it's a sad state of affairs that we're all so concerned with the state of our bodies, and imposed ideas of 'decency'. I think it's great that she's so comfortable.
I... wait....
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