I long for the sweet release of death...

[MystyGlyttyr]

I normally don't like putting up two threads in one day. BUT. I present the following phone call. In it's entirety. In an attempt to ease my own pain by sharing it.

Me: "Newsroom."
SC: "Is this the newsroom?"
Me: *sigh* "Yes, it is."
SC: "What are the lottery numbers?"
Me: *grumbles, finds, reads off*
SC: "No, I mean for Saturday."
Me: ...*flips back a page, reads off again*
SC: "NO! For SATURDAY!"
Me: *awareness dawning* "The lottery numbers that will be pulled tomorrow?"
SC: "Yes! What are they?"
Me: "...I don't know."
SC: "Whaddya mean you don't know?? You're the newspaper!!"

(From here out, imagine how I sound...a voice utterly devoid of life, love, and happiness. A voice that has decided life is not worth living and is only waiting patiently for the brain to spontaneously aneurysm in self-defense and finish bleeding out so that it might once again know peace.)

Me: "...they haven't pulled them yet, we won't know until about 10 p.m. tomorrow night."
SC: "But you're the newspaper! You mean they don't tell you that ahead of time so you can get it in??"
Me: "...no. Sir. They don't."
SC: "How do ya'll get it in, then??"
Me: "We...I assume, watch it on TV like everyone else and then put it on the page..."
SC: "At night?? That's too late! You guys have to get it sooner than that!"
Me: "No. We don't. Our paper leaves a space for the numbers so it can be plugged in real quick at the last minute and sent to print."
SC: "C'mon...I won't tell you told!"
Me: "There's nothing to tell. We don't know the numbers. There ARE no numbers until 10 p.m. tomorrow night. They don't...tell us."
SC: "They must!"
Me: "No. They don't."
SC: "You're not very helpful."
Me: "No. I'm not."
SC: "I want to speak to a supervisor!"
Me: "Just a moment, sir." *transfers call*

The guy is still on the phone with my editor now. I can see him in his office with a VERY bizarre look on his face. I'm sure he'll eventually hang up on the guy, but what happens after that is anyone's guess.

Man, that letter opener is looking tempting...

"Urge to kill...RISING!"

[MadMike]

Just when I think people can't possibly get any stupider, I read something like this.

Let's look at the logic, shall we? If you knew what the lottery numbers were going to be ahead of time, would you still be working at the paper? Hell no! You would have played the winning numbers and retired ages ago.

Some people...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Just remember: Suicide is not the answer.

Murder is the answer.

[MystyGlyttyr]

Update...

The editor hung up on the guy, as protected, came out of his office, and asked "What the hell was that?"

We have now resumed our ordinary lives. Me? I'm letting the night shift guy answer the phone for the rest of my workday...it's too close to quit to deal with this...

[skeptic53]

This had to be a relative of the "C-grade vitamin" brothers.

[Ree]

Well, then, can you give us next week's numbers?

[dispatch]

A voice that has decided life is not worth living and is only waiting patiently for the brain to spontaneously aneurysm in self-defense and finish bleeding out so that it might once again know peace

'cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it if I please...............

this song plays through my head every time I'm on the phone with an SC

[RogueOne]

'cause suicide is painless, it brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it if I please...............

this song plays through my head every time I'm on the phone with an SC

Want a black capsule?

[CrazedClerk]

You know what?

Since I'm evil-ish, I'd have given him some made up numbers and then wished I could see the look on his face when he realizes I burned him.

[Retail's Bitch]

Idiots like that suck.

Mind you one of the best parts about being a reporter was getting all the 'inside' stuff like who won the oscars and junos and so on... Of course there's that pesky gag order until press time. But Press Passes rock! LOL

[JustaCashier]

Sheesh!

Not to mention, the Paper's knowing the numbers ahead of time, would mean that the Lottery Comission would have the numbers ahead of time, and as such the Lottery would be rigged!

I have jokingly wondered for years, how the Newspapers predict what's going to happen between Wednesday or Thursday and Sunday a.m. so that they can publish the Pre-Sunday Sunday editions!

Apparently this guy wonders about it for real!

[MystyGlyttyr]

Rather than make a new topic, I just bumped this up because I can not BELIEVE this happened to me twice in two days!

A woman just called me...very nice woman, at least, wanting to know whether or not I could go ahead and sell her a Sunday paper. ...it's 2:30 Saturday afternoon and she wants to know if she can get our Sunday paper. Okay, maybe in some big cities, they print them that early, but we don't. And after yesterday, I'm feeling jumpy.

So I tell her that our papers haven't even been printed yet, they'll be available at the earliest at about 5 a.m. in the morning (I'm guessing here, I really don't know for sure what the earliest is, but I'm positive we have them by then). She mulls that over for a moment, and then asks, "What about the classified ads?"

...I won't take up a lot of space typing out the primal scream I'd like to let loose at this point, but there's lots of A's and GH's in it. As well as several F's, U's, and a random assortment of C's and K's. ...possibly a B or so. How'd that get in there?

[csdrone]

Rather than make a new topic, I just bumped this up because I can not BELIEVE this happened to me twice in two days!

Oh Gord bless customer service at papers! We had a lovely department between us and most SC's. The few that got through we sent to customer service (and the really bad ones we got to laugh at).

[Becks]

You know what?

Since I'm evil-ish, I'd have given him some made up numbers and then wished I could see the look on his face when he realizes I burned him.

I was going to suggest the same thing.

Of course, with my kind of luck, the numbers I'd give would end up being the winning numbers du jour...

[Jester]

Just when I think people can't possibly get any stupider, I read something like this.

"Every day I think people can't get any stupider. And every day, I am presented with irrefutable evidence to the contrary." A t-shirt one of my favorite bartenders used to wear. (I may be quoting it wrong, but the basic gist is there.)

And by the way, that new emoticon is one I may be using a lot this coming football season, being a Raiders fan. Now, where is my bag?

Just remember: Suicide is not the answer.

Murder is the answer.

I swear that I am going to use that phrase in real life sometime soon. That is freakin' hilarious. Good thing my Corona was not being put to use at the time I read it!