"Is this a real person?"

[Mango]

I'm sure this has been covered before, but I couldn't figure out how to search this board for an exact phrase. If someone can help me out with that, that would be great too.

Most phone workers can probably relate to calls like I had the other day:

Me: "Good afternoon, Companyname, this is Mango!"
SC: "Hi! I was--oh! Is this a real person?"
Me: [dryly] "As far as I am aware, ma'am."
SC: "So...yes, you're a real person?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, I am a real person."
SC: "Oh, good! I was wondering..."

Now maybe it's just me, but when the voice on the other end of the phone tells me its name, doesn't ask me to press an extension, and actually answers my questions, I tend to be fairly certain I am talking to a real person.

I was telling this to my aunt and she had an even better one. A customer called her company's fax line with his phone. This was clearly evident by his voice coming from the fax machine's speaker.

SC: "Hello? Hello? It's beeping!"

Someone once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. The SC hung up and called right back. My aunt grabbed the handset before the fax machine had a chance to answer and told him to call the main line.

Mango's Aunt: "I'm sorry, you've dialed the wrong number. You need to call the main line at [number]."
SC: "So...I've called the wrong number?"

And this was where my aunt made her fatal mistake...

MA: "Yes, this is the fax machine."
SC: "Oh."

[VERY long pause]

SC: "But...but...but...how do you make the voices?"


So the reason for this post is to ask for some advice. The environment I work in is somewhat relaxed, in the sense that if I cracked a joke at a customer's expense, my boss would likely find it funny too, although I can't be outright rude.

What do you all say when the customer asks if they're talking to a real person?

[calulu]

ROFLMAO! I get the 'live person' one frequently and I am always tempted to reply, "Bitch, please! This is a highly sophisticated computer program, not a real person!" but I'd probably be fired for that!

[Evil Queen]

"How many computers say 'okie dokie'?"

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

ROFLMAO! I get the 'live person' one frequently and I am always tempted to reply, "Bitch, please! This is a highly sophisticated computer program, not a real person!" but I'd probably be fired for that!

That would be awesome! Seriously though, blame companies who want to make their automated systems sound more "authentic" for added confusion as to what voices may or may not belong to humans.

[going gaga]

No mam it's not a real person , I am a cyborg , I killed the employee would you like to speak to her?

[RetailWorkhorse]

I met the automated computer for Verizon once...."her" name was Lisa and "she" really WAS a computer voice!

[Fiyero]

I have been asked that a few times, After saying "Thank you for calling blah blah blah my name is Fiyero...". It goes well with "I didn't think you'd be open" grrr - why call then?

My friend was asked if she was a computer at the end of the call! I still can't work that one out.

[ShadedWings]

I got the "are you a real person?" line all the time working for the electric company's billing. Usually because people have been waiting around 10 minutes to talk to someone and they're pissed off. Damn long wait times...

[rerant]

When I'm working at the food bank people are CONSTANTLY calling the fax machine that sits about six feet from me. I'm told we're just supposed to let it ring and not answer it, and thankfully I've managed to block the sound of the ringer out when it happens.

Food bank employees are also often trying to send faxes to telephone numbers. They walk away and all I hear is, "Hello? Hellooooo....? Hello?" for about 30seconds.

[Misanthropical]

I get that too, I don't think I sound like a computer. People who seem to think I'm a computer are shocked when I accidently sneeze or cough. Yeah, computers don't do that, do they?

My friends and my daughter's friends get us confused on the phone all the time. It appears we sound alike, but none of the friends have told us we sound like a computer.

[Apathy]

"No, I am not a real person. Would you like to speak to one?"

When they say yes, pause, and then start with your opening spiel again.

[JLRodgers]

I once called a company, can't remember which one, and they made a pretty stupid mistake:

When you'd call you'd hear an automated thing like: "thank you for calling companyname, we really appreaciate your call -- would you like to know about our *long list of stupid things that no one cares about unless they have money to burn*? *long wait* sorry for your wait!"

And it'd repeat, never making a comment that would be considered computer like (oh, and they had an employee do the recording too). Every so often, they'd switch what employee was saying it so you didn't get annoyed by the same voice.

Guess what they had their representatives say when they answered the phone? Yep.... exact same message. Only instead of repeating, they'd say "hello? Hello?!?" I know it didn't just have a perfect transition (or the person on the phone being the person doing the automated thing) as there was the distinctive click as it was picked up (automated message cut off), but then the "automated" message continued.

[wanderingjoe72]

I had to change my method of answering because I sound like the voice that used to do our IVR system. I am glad they went to the more friendly female voice.
It got annoying when people were hitting buttons over my intro.

[tropicsgoddess]

I used to get the "Hello, Hello, Hellooooooo" or "Am I speaking to a live rep?" because sometimes you have those automated systems that try and sound like you're talking to one. Just as bad or if not, WORSE is when you hear them dialing away when the call comes through to you.

[Tee]

"Bitch, please! This is a highly sophisticated computer program, not a real person!"

Would be the best "automated" message EVER. XD