Tweet
More tales...
More old tales of woe from my shift reports...enjoy. Even if I didn't at the time. 
I have nothing better to do when I'm on shift as you can tell, but tomorrows my day off! )
Um, thank you?
Client called in on his line, apparently from a bar judging from the background noise, to tell me how good our service was. He eventually declared his love for me and offered to buy me a shooter.
I politely declined.
Get up!
Client complained that we had not giving him an 8am wake up call as he requested. A quick check of our call out records showed we in fact called him 3 times, but there was no answer after some odd 10 rings. Client insisted his lazyassing is our responsibility.
Requests for Management
Would it possible to install some sort of pyschic powers on the computers in the office? Or at least obtain some that can be distributed to the operators? Its ok if we only get a few, we can share them. Just like headsets. Either way I feel the addition of formidable pyschic abilities would greatly improve our ability to answer typical caller inquiries. If someone could look into getting us some, that would be great.
( Yes I *did* email this to management )
Orderlines...
Caller ordered approximately 6 hats for himself. After doing so, he took the phone with him throughout the entire house and asked every other member of the family, room mates, family pets, etc if they would like some hats too. Several of them took him up on the offer. Overall they ended up ordering 12hats.
One entire household somewhere in Nunavet will be waist deep in Hat-A-Poloza about 2 weeks from now.
Municipal Services
A caller called to report a vicious dog in the area. This isn't really an emergency however we passed a message over to animal control for her. Of course, since its some odd 2am, there's definately no one at animal control right now.
The caller, however, called back again later in the evening to rant. According to her, the reason niether we nor the police are helping her is because we're racists and she's not Canadian. This is news to me as I've not yet developed the ability to sense Canadian Citizenship over a phoneline.
No amount of explaination would stave off her torrent. Threats of lawsuits were made against us, the police, Canada and the world in general. I had little recourse but to board up the windows and wait for her to blow over.
Wait, what?
Caller indicated she would like us to send her a free sample of dog food....caller also indicated she does not actually own any dogs. Caller appears to have issues that cannot be resolved by our services.
International Diplomacy
A gentleman caller called our emergency line for US Citizens tonight and urged us to team up with the Hell's Angels in order to bring Canada and the US together into one glorious supernation. I informed the caller it would have to wait till business hours, but we would get right on it.
Property Management
I overheard the words "One moment, I'll transfer you to a supervisor" from Op #2 tonight and knew that fun was coming my way. I was, unfortunately, not dissappointed.
Caller was calling to complain his vehicle had been towed for not having a parking pass on it. Of course he claims it did have a parking pass on it. Now, anything regarding parking is not considered an emergency afterhours. But of course the caller had already been informed this repeatedly by Op #2 and decided that obviously he'd get a different answer if he yelled at someone higher up. This perception is tragically incorrect.
I spoke with him for a fair bit, mainly because he deemed all of my answers "Unacceptable". Much as Op #2 had done, I explained all over again what our guidelines were and advised him to call during business huors about this matter. Since there is absolutely nothing we can do about a parking issue at this time of night. This was of course, unacceptable.
From there he of course wanted my name, my company, the client's lawyer's name, manager's name, etc etc etc. Various threats of legal action were made on every basis he could think of. Demands to make an exception were made. Explainations were made again in the hopes he'd accept reality, but failed miserably. Finally, after winding down enough and finishing with all the legal threats he could think of, he vowed legal vengence and hung up.
Oh noez, legal action
A husband and wife duo threatened to sue me repeatedly over the supposed loss of credit on their cellphone. They would periodically tag each other out of the ring and pass the phone over. I assume this is so they didn't pass out from lack of air mid-rant. This persisted for an absurd amount of time, about 4minutes according to the call clock.
The amount lost? 9 cents. Yep, you heard that right. Threatening to sue over 9 cents.
Animal Control
(Name's changed jus cus)
A rather difficult caller named Gerald entertained us this evening. Poor Gerald has a raccoon in his tree outside. Our client won't deal with a call out after hours unless the animal is inside the caller's home. But Gerald apparently has a personal vendetta against this particular raccoon.
After several attempts to get me to page the on call, he informed me that he'd just call back and say it was inside his home and that this conversation never happened. I advised him that yes, this conversation did happen and it is documented and recorded. So calling back and pretending its inside his house wouldn't work.
Round #2:
But, that didn't stop him from trying it anyway. Of course he just got me again. This time after I declined to page the on call for his tree raccoon, he began going on that the raccoon was threatening his children by being in the tree outside and threatening legal action if we didn't come get it. Because of course, he's suddenly a lawyer, according to him. After repeated demands for my full name, which I declined, and implied legal threats, I terminated the call.
Round #3:
This time he gets Op #2, does the entire song and dance all over again with her. Op #2 politely terminates the call after listening to him rant and rave for a bit.
Round #4:
I get him again. This time he's threatening legal action because he claims our ad in the Yellow Pages is false advertising. ( It says 24 hour removal, which is indeed true, IF the animal is inside the living space. ) and threatens me personally with legal action ( Apparently I wrote the ad ). I advised him, once again, of the removal policy (only if its in your living space), he rants more, demands supervisor. This gives me the chance to use my absolute favourite line: "I am the supervisor.". Insert more ranting and threatening that I'll be speaking with his lawyer if I don't do what he wants.
I advised him if he has problems with the company policy, he can make a complaint with the company itself during office hours. I also advise him that this is a private company. Not a government one. So we have NO legal obligation to remove a raccoon from his tree. Insert more ranting.
He asks what would happen if it was in his living space. I advised him the on call would come out to remove the animal then. I also advised him of the service charge in the hopes the price tag on a service call might take some wind out of his sails. It works, Gerald becomes indignant at the price and starts ranting off on me more. I terminate call. Gerald bothers us no longer. The villagers rejoice.
Er, can I help you?
An extremely drunken caller, by her own admission, called for help but was unable to specify exactly what she needed help with. However, she was was very insistent she needed help with something.
Referred her to 911, maybe they'll have better luck.
Better dead then red
Caller informed us that the hurricane heading towards Florida was in fact being generated by Russian tesla arrays. She urged that we keep it a secret however. So shhh!
Pimp-Mobile
At about 12:30a, a gentleman by the name of Bob called to complain that there was a car parked illegal in front of the building with prostitute(s) and what not in it and demanded we, the alarm dispatch, do something about it. This isn't exactly what the patrol deals with, since the patrol handles alarm call outs, not police matters. I advised he should notify the police as well.
He responded by ranting my ear off about this being what they have security for etc etc. Once he was finished, I tried to get all the corrosponding info from him to at least calm him down and make a note of the incident. When I asked him what city he was in, he went off on me again about how I should know what city he's in.
Unfortunately, I neglected to bring my pyschic powers to work with me tonight, so I did not know where he was calling from. He then finished his rant by demanding I do something about the Vehicle of Ill-Repute. Then told me that was all he was going to say to me and hung up. Brilliantly, he hung up on me before telling me his address. So the vehicle of Ill-Repute shall go unchallenged tonight.
At 12:51, he called again. Not realising he was speaking with the same operator. This time he once again demanded something be done. But this time he refused to even say what the problem was or where the problem was. He then informed me, several times, that I was totally useless and he would be complaining to the building manager about this. I wish him luck.
I have nothing better to do when I'm on shift as you can tell, but tomorrows my day off! )
Um, thank you?
Client called in on his line, apparently from a bar judging from the background noise, to tell me how good our service was. He eventually declared his love for me and offered to buy me a shooter.
I politely declined.
Get up!
Client complained that we had not giving him an 8am wake up call as he requested. A quick check of our call out records showed we in fact called him 3 times, but there was no answer after some odd 10 rings. Client insisted his lazyassing is our responsibility.
Requests for Management
Would it possible to install some sort of pyschic powers on the computers in the office? Or at least obtain some that can be distributed to the operators? Its ok if we only get a few, we can share them. Just like headsets. Either way I feel the addition of formidable pyschic abilities would greatly improve our ability to answer typical caller inquiries. If someone could look into getting us some, that would be great.
( Yes I *did* email this to management )
Orderlines...
Caller ordered approximately 6 hats for himself. After doing so, he took the phone with him throughout the entire house and asked every other member of the family, room mates, family pets, etc if they would like some hats too. Several of them took him up on the offer. Overall they ended up ordering 12hats.
One entire household somewhere in Nunavet will be waist deep in Hat-A-Poloza about 2 weeks from now.
Municipal Services
A caller called to report a vicious dog in the area. This isn't really an emergency however we passed a message over to animal control for her. Of course, since its some odd 2am, there's definately no one at animal control right now.
The caller, however, called back again later in the evening to rant. According to her, the reason niether we nor the police are helping her is because we're racists and she's not Canadian. This is news to me as I've not yet developed the ability to sense Canadian Citizenship over a phoneline.
No amount of explaination would stave off her torrent. Threats of lawsuits were made against us, the police, Canada and the world in general. I had little recourse but to board up the windows and wait for her to blow over.
Wait, what?
Caller indicated she would like us to send her a free sample of dog food....caller also indicated she does not actually own any dogs. Caller appears to have issues that cannot be resolved by our services.
International Diplomacy
A gentleman caller called our emergency line for US Citizens tonight and urged us to team up with the Hell's Angels in order to bring Canada and the US together into one glorious supernation. I informed the caller it would have to wait till business hours, but we would get right on it.
Property Management
I overheard the words "One moment, I'll transfer you to a supervisor" from Op #2 tonight and knew that fun was coming my way. I was, unfortunately, not dissappointed.
Caller was calling to complain his vehicle had been towed for not having a parking pass on it. Of course he claims it did have a parking pass on it. Now, anything regarding parking is not considered an emergency afterhours. But of course the caller had already been informed this repeatedly by Op #2 and decided that obviously he'd get a different answer if he yelled at someone higher up. This perception is tragically incorrect.
I spoke with him for a fair bit, mainly because he deemed all of my answers "Unacceptable". Much as Op #2 had done, I explained all over again what our guidelines were and advised him to call during business huors about this matter. Since there is absolutely nothing we can do about a parking issue at this time of night. This was of course, unacceptable.
From there he of course wanted my name, my company, the client's lawyer's name, manager's name, etc etc etc. Various threats of legal action were made on every basis he could think of. Demands to make an exception were made. Explainations were made again in the hopes he'd accept reality, but failed miserably. Finally, after winding down enough and finishing with all the legal threats he could think of, he vowed legal vengence and hung up.
Oh noez, legal action
A husband and wife duo threatened to sue me repeatedly over the supposed loss of credit on their cellphone. They would periodically tag each other out of the ring and pass the phone over. I assume this is so they didn't pass out from lack of air mid-rant. This persisted for an absurd amount of time, about 4minutes according to the call clock.
The amount lost? 9 cents. Yep, you heard that right. Threatening to sue over 9 cents.
Animal Control
(Name's changed jus cus)
A rather difficult caller named Gerald entertained us this evening. Poor Gerald has a raccoon in his tree outside. Our client won't deal with a call out after hours unless the animal is inside the caller's home. But Gerald apparently has a personal vendetta against this particular raccoon.
After several attempts to get me to page the on call, he informed me that he'd just call back and say it was inside his home and that this conversation never happened. I advised him that yes, this conversation did happen and it is documented and recorded. So calling back and pretending its inside his house wouldn't work.
Round #2:
But, that didn't stop him from trying it anyway. Of course he just got me again. This time after I declined to page the on call for his tree raccoon, he began going on that the raccoon was threatening his children by being in the tree outside and threatening legal action if we didn't come get it. Because of course, he's suddenly a lawyer, according to him. After repeated demands for my full name, which I declined, and implied legal threats, I terminated the call.
Round #3:
This time he gets Op #2, does the entire song and dance all over again with her. Op #2 politely terminates the call after listening to him rant and rave for a bit.
Round #4:
I get him again. This time he's threatening legal action because he claims our ad in the Yellow Pages is false advertising. ( It says 24 hour removal, which is indeed true, IF the animal is inside the living space. ) and threatens me personally with legal action ( Apparently I wrote the ad ). I advised him, once again, of the removal policy (only if its in your living space), he rants more, demands supervisor. This gives me the chance to use my absolute favourite line: "I am the supervisor.". Insert more ranting and threatening that I'll be speaking with his lawyer if I don't do what he wants.
I advised him if he has problems with the company policy, he can make a complaint with the company itself during office hours. I also advise him that this is a private company. Not a government one. So we have NO legal obligation to remove a raccoon from his tree. Insert more ranting.
He asks what would happen if it was in his living space. I advised him the on call would come out to remove the animal then. I also advised him of the service charge in the hopes the price tag on a service call might take some wind out of his sails. It works, Gerald becomes indignant at the price and starts ranting off on me more. I terminate call. Gerald bothers us no longer. The villagers rejoice.
Er, can I help you?
An extremely drunken caller, by her own admission, called for help but was unable to specify exactly what she needed help with. However, she was was very insistent she needed help with something.
Referred her to 911, maybe they'll have better luck.
Better dead then red
Caller informed us that the hurricane heading towards Florida was in fact being generated by Russian tesla arrays. She urged that we keep it a secret however. So shhh!
Pimp-Mobile
At about 12:30a, a gentleman by the name of Bob called to complain that there was a car parked illegal in front of the building with prostitute(s) and what not in it and demanded we, the alarm dispatch, do something about it. This isn't exactly what the patrol deals with, since the patrol handles alarm call outs, not police matters. I advised he should notify the police as well.
He responded by ranting my ear off about this being what they have security for etc etc. Once he was finished, I tried to get all the corrosponding info from him to at least calm him down and make a note of the incident. When I asked him what city he was in, he went off on me again about how I should know what city he's in.
Unfortunately, I neglected to bring my pyschic powers to work with me tonight, so I did not know where he was calling from. He then finished his rant by demanding I do something about the Vehicle of Ill-Repute. Then told me that was all he was going to say to me and hung up. Brilliantly, he hung up on me before telling me his address. So the vehicle of Ill-Repute shall go unchallenged tonight.
At 12:51, he called again. Not realising he was speaking with the same operator. This time he once again demanded something be done. But this time he refused to even say what the problem was or where the problem was. He then informed me, several times, that I was totally useless and he would be complaining to the building manager about this. I wish him luck.
Comment