A Very Long History

[Dips]

We have this very "special" customer. A college.

The kind of "special" that merits lots and lots of interesting notes in their address and license records.

So the customer calls last week and wants a free update to a large license they have. They don't qualify for a free update and were told the price.

They responded, "Wow! That's a lot."

So I broke down the price and explained it reflected a steep discount.

Their response to that was, "We weren't expecting to pay anything at all. If you check around you'll see we have a history with you."

I bit my tongue and did not disclose that I was actually reading said "history" in the database and it wasn't at all flattering. Instead I said I saw a note that stated that I was to offer *this* price if they called about an update.

This led to much 'heming and hawing, then he said he would think about it and hung up.

Only to call Mark a bit later and ask HIM for the free update. Considering Mark was the author of the documented "history" that didn't work very well.

Fast forward to today. Mark is out of the office at a trade show. The caller knew this. He got through to Eugene. He tried scamming a free update and was once again defeated by the "history" lesson in our database.

OK. He accepted defeat, decided to order the update and asked Eugene if we took purchase orders.

We do. Eugene told him so. He was very happy to hear that. He had a PO ready and offered to give Eugene the PO number and all the information over the phone.

Eugene explained that we need a physical PO. Just fax it to us.

Oh. No. That wouldn't do. Getting a PO ready to fax might take a while, you see.

Eugene asked why he couldn't just fax the PO he had in front of him. Turns out he didn't have one. He was just making up a number hoping we'd take it and ship anyway.

But he was TOTALLY going to get one ready.

Thus ended that call.

He called again this afternoon on MY direct extension looking to get this great deal that Eugene had offered him and ready to place his order.

I looked in the database again. Nothing about a deal. But that's OK! Eugene isn't busy at the moment. You can talk to him right now and place your order with him for the deal! Right?

For some reason he didn't want to "bother" Eugene. But I assured him Eugene would be most happy to help him and transferred him anyway.

[depechemodefan]

Ah man, that customer goes to the school of hard knocks! Hilarious.

[IT Grunt]

Damned entitlement whores. It's like, they don't get any satisfaction until they've haggled you down to making nothing off the sale whatsoever, even though they know full well that means you're losing money. I wonder how he'd take it if some uppity rich kid comes into his school, and tries, "Well, you'll see my father has a long history of donating to your school, therefore you should let me in for free." Uh huh... unless the school is full of spineless jellyfish that isn't going to go far.

I have my own variety I deal with. Since I'm an IT contractor, everything I do is by a written request. I can't tell you how many times I get people calling me direct, and prefixing their call with "I have a favor to ask..." The implication being that their request doesn't get recorded and thus they don't get charged for it. Nice try.

[XCashier]

Ah man, that customer goes to the school of hard knocks! Hilarious.

He could use some of these knocks:

[powerboy]

We get customers like that also. Oh, we have been here for x amount of months/years. Well, we just have discounts for people who sign up.

[Boozy]

I enjoyed reading this one.

Your stories are favourites of mine because you and your colleagues are unfailingly polite and professional, which makes the SC pwnage all the more sweet. You usually just step back, knowing that the SCs will be their own downfall.