Verbal assault rifle with trigger JAMMED.

[Sharsarannon]

So I went to a store today, in spite of feeling a bit off kilter from recent health issues, and wasn't feeling particularly up to dealing with the general public, so I kept my visit short. Went in, got the doorknocker I'd been wanting to put on my home's door for like four months, and went to the check out line.
Picture if you will:
Me: Your friendly neighborhood Shar, in a slightly timorous mood.
SM: Must have been either a shift Manager or another cashier training this one, because he just stood back and watched.
C: Cashier lady with a kinda slurry loud, drawl-accented monotone.

I watch her deal with the guy in front of me and it strikes me as odd how she's speaking. I mean in retail jobs we all get good at rattling off our spiels but this lady is on a ROLL. She doesn't seem to pause for air.. or punctuation. And she's kinda loud. Not shouting but being really strangely...vibrant in her monotony. In a kinda robotic way.

C: Hi and thank you for shopping at Our Store will that be all yuh buying and oh you deactivated tha alarm tag for me when you set it on the counter will that be cash check credit or debit card for you today?(With a complacent smile instead of a cheery grin this kind of talking is really a little creepy)
Me: *blinky blinky* Um, debit. *very quietly, feeling a bit attacked*
C: Okay I need you to just slide your debit card through the pin machine right here Miss Shar that's a pretty name it's my middle name my daddy named me who named you?
Me: .....Um, mine?
C: Okay now I need you to enter in your pin and say yes your total comes to $xx.xx and can I get you to say no?
Me: * so baffled that I said out loud:* ..No? *before realizing she meant push the No button on the keypad, not actually say anything, so I do so*
C: Alright here's your receipt you have a nice day happy fourth we hope to see your smiling face in here again soon!
*All in that same declarative monotone, unnervingly*
Me: *walking out the door, unable to suppress a bit of a twitch-shudder after that barrage*
SM: *To C* Heh, maybe you should pause for air.

[marasbaras]

Given what cashiers are required to say by corporate, can you blame her?

[Samaliel]

At one of the book / newspaper store I go, there is a new cashier who is on a roll too, but also seems genuinely cheerful. The first time I went to his till, it was kinda unsettling, because every other cashier tend to stick to the bare minimum of interaction, so he looks like he's overdoing this. Even going a tad bit overkill with niceness. But either he is genuinely talkative and cheerful or he is a damn good actor, because I can't tell if he's faking it.

[CloserToSane]

As much as I hate the fake overkill side of it, I know I have to do it too. Especially if we're due for an audit. The guests get the full run down, with smiles and happy voices.

Still, I pause for air and I'm not monotone (I don't think).

[cinema guy]

My (required) parting comment of choice on the kiosk is 'Thank you very much', but I tend to say it as one. 'Thanyouverrymuch'. I sometimes wonder if I sound like Elvis.

[Sliceanddice]

ok wow... i was reading that... and i swear by the end of her second line i wantd to slit my wrist so i wouldnt have to deal with her, and i wasnt it

[ShadedWings]

Haha, that reminds me of the other day when I went to Barnes & Noble... cashier started off asking if we had a member card, roommate said "No... but what do we get with one?"

Cue floodgate opening. It went something like this:

"Well, you get 10% off all your purchases everything in the store including any cafe foods and drinks and that would save (amount) off your purchase today and you can sign up for one at any time if you like if you're in the area a lot and plan on stopping by more than once in a while and please say no so I can stop."

She literally said the exact ending, and seemed like she barely took a breath or anything! Roommate busted out laughing, and I commented "Breathe, woman!" She chuckled a bit, but not with much amusement, I could tell she was really really tired of saying that spiel. Especially when we were walking away chuckling, I heard her take a BIG sigh/breath and go "Hi-did-you-find-everything-you-needed-today?" kinda fast to the next people. Poor cashier. If I'd have remembered I would have given her the customers suck addy.

[Imogene]

Yeah, I got to a point while working at Chesterfield that I could recite the entirety of our member's card spiel in one breath, without pausing, and I'd let the customer ask me questions about what was indecipherable or they had just missed while talking.

[Sharsarannon]

Yeah, I got to a point while working at Chesterfield that I could recite the entirety of our member's card spiel in one breath, without pausing, and I'd let the customer ask me questions about what was indecipherable or they had just missed while talking.

What was weird and disturbing was that she wasn't talking fast, just all one long run on sentence without change in voice tone or commas or anything, and too loud for sanity.

[smileyeagle1021]

Yeah, I got to a point while working at Chesterfield that I could recite the entirety of our member's card spiel in one breath, without pausing, and I'd let the customer ask me questions about what was indecipherable or they had just missed while talking.

sadly at the call center I've gotten that way on everything, be it the member card, the room description, quite a few hotel descriptions... seriously, there are hotels I take calls for where if I didn't need to check rates and availability I wouldn't need my computer for...

[monolayth]

At my work I am required to say some things are certin parts of the conversation. the beginning is something like "I am sorry to hear that happened. I'll be happy to set up service for you today. Are you in a safe location to wait for service?" I do sometimes say that in one breath.

But the ending speil I know I say in one breath. "I am going to suggest you stay with the vehicle until service arrives as long as it is safe, I also want you to know that we will continue to monotor this call until service arrives and we will call you if anything changes. Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

bleh.

[Evil Queen]

*stares* Wow....

I would be afraid if I got that way.

[Chanlin]

<sarcasm>I officially declare this thread mis-named. It contained no verbal assault whatsoever, hell it wasn't even mean spirited </sarcasm>

I hate hate hate hate, talking to people like that. Granted I have been known to fire off sentences so fast they leave peoples heads spinning, but I do at least pause to breath

[Sharsarannon]

<sarcasm>I officially declare this thread mis-named. It contained no verbal assault whatsoever, hell it wasn't even mean spirited </sarcasm>

I hate hate hate hate, talking to people like that. Granted I have been known to fire off sentences so fast they leave peoples heads spinning, but I do at least pause to breath

Verbal Assault-rifle. As in, she just went OFF and kept charging. And not quickly, but entirely without pause or inflection or Customer Service Retail Grin, just a strangely vacant expression and the unnerving impression she was about to go for one's throat. She was totally and blatantly ignoring any cues that the other "conversationalist", me, was extremely uncomfortable with her manner.
The only explanation I can come up with is that she had some kind of mental trouble.

[KhirasHY]

When I was working as a hotel operator, we used to have competitions in the office as to who could be the creepiest person over the phone. A lot of people tried to breathe into their phones, or use attempted funny voices (one could pull it off, the rest sucked), but my chief tactic was to take a massive breath before picking up the phone. I would then unleash a constant barrage of the longest possible script I could use...and just like her, I would try to keep it comma-less:

"Thank you for calling the Snooty Hotel this is Khiras at your service where we are now featuring the exclusive Snooty Spa as well as three full service restaurants and two bars in addition to our guest only club level available to all who stay at our hotel and where may I direct your call sir or madam to give you the best possible service as you come towards your stay with us in lovely Denver Colorado or may I possibly interest you in either a fantastic room reservation or a dining reservation for your pleasure while I am on the line with you?"

The joy of this sentence was twofold: one, as soon as I could get it out without laughing, I got some of the single best responses that I have ever received from a customer, from downright laughter to utter hesitation. Two, as I reached the end of the sentence, I would be more than just running out of air, and it would become obvious that I couldn't keep it up much longer, thus "with you" would come out more as a croak than a sentence.

Additionally, early on in my practice with the phrase (I wrote it down to perfect it), I would run out of breath, and would keep talking while I breathed in. Sometimes, you could hear the person on the other end of the phone just groan as they realized they would never be able to interrupt while I took a breath. That was fun too...