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  • #1

    Can't...stop...laughing....

    I think one of Gravekeeper's creatures has slipped the leash and wound up in my neck of the woods. SAVE YOURSELVES.

    In all seriousness, I present to you the following phone conversation, verbatim, save the altering of names to protect the innocent (well, me, anyway...)

    Me: "Newsroom."
    Extremely Drunk-sounding Woman: "YESH...I...I need to talk to......someone...about a stow-wy...."
    Me: "All right, what's it regarding?"
    EDW: "Yesh...I gots stow-wy...it's ex-TREME-ly long and detailed..."
    Me: "...um, all right. What is it regarding?"
    EDW: *loooooong pause* "Huh?"
    Me: "What is it about? What's the story about?"
    EDW: "I gotsha stow-wy...it's............it's long....detailed....ish about my apartment...*So-and-So* Apartmentsh..."
    Me: "Okay...what about the apartments?"
    EDW: "ISH RAPING ME."
    Me: "Um......what?"
    EDW: "MAH APARTMENTSH."
    Me: "Ummmm...okay, you know what, you should probably speak to *Editor* about this, but she's not in at the moment, would you like her voicemail?"
    EDW: "Uh...........oh, thinks I gonna pass outs..." *loud THUD in background*
    Me: "Oh shi-ma'am??"
    EDW: "...........ohhhh...wash ish voicemail....?"
    Me: "Oh my God, hold on." *transfers, hangs up....takes phone off hook*

    ...

    .......

    "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Sounds like someone needs to sober up.
    Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

    Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

    Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

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    • #3
      I literally just lol'd so hard I woke up the baby. Snap.

      ...Mind you she *is* curled up in a Boppy on my lap...so I guess I should've known better...
      By popular request....I am now officially the Enemy of Normalcy.

      "What is unobtainium? To Seraph, it's a normal client. :P" -- Observant Friend

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      • #4
        Let me get this straight...

        Her apartment...was RAPING her?!

        The hell?!
        "Do not quibble with me over apostrophes. I have my shit together when it comes to apostrophes." - BookBint

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        • #5
          I think this may be the same person who calls GK about the paper being moved in her suite all the time... at least I'm hoping there aren't 2 of these creatures out there...
          If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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          • #6
            Quoth MoxisPilot View Post
            Let me get this straight...

            Her apartment...was RAPING her?!

            The hell?!
            Now would be a good time for that caller to admit she's got a problem and join Alcoholics Anonymous or something.
            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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            • #7
              ...raped by her apartment...?

              I'm reminded of a rather infamous call at my call center where the caller stated she had been "fucked by a spirit". It made about as much sense but a trainee got the call. So he wasn't sure if he was allowed to hang up or anything and ended up stuck with the caller for a good 10 minutes listening to her spirit fucking and ranting about Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Who were somehow involved.

              We past the recording around for a few days afterwords >.>

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              • #8
                OT-know what I can't stop laughing at? The names of our latest two newest register (ex)-members.
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                • #9
                  Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                  ...raped by her apartment...?

                  I'm reminded of a rather infamous call at my call center where the caller stated she had been "fucked by a spirit". It made about as much sense but a trainee got the call. So he wasn't sure if he was allowed to hang up or anything and ended up stuck with the caller for a good 10 minutes listening to her spirit fucking and ranting about Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Who were somehow involved.

                  We past the recording around for a few days afterwords >.>
                  We have another resident lunatic who bothers us a lot, who claims that Jesus raped her and rapes all children, but now he wants her to serve as his voice on earth. She's also terrified of me because red hair is a sign of Satan. Even though she has red hair.

                  She's also apparently some sort of stripper for God...

                  She has a rather...interesting website I can PM to anyone who wants to see my weekly joy that comes from her visits...
                  "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

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                  • #10
                    this sounds like one of the people i used to work with. here in tulsa there are 2 major Christian bible colleges, Oral Roberts University and Rhema Bible College. now i worked with people from both. the ones from oru were ok, kinda preachy but ok. the ones from rhema were absolutely batshit crazy.

                    the person in question was a trainee for my call center. she confided in me that she had the whitest whites because she did her laundry with god. now while that in and of itself is kinda weird, but she claimed to also have slept with Jesus. not vato jesus from the barrio, but THE Jesus. worst part was she couldn't write a call ticket to save her life. got fired 3 weeks out of training
                    This is a drama-free zone; violators will be slapped. -Irving Patrick Freleigh
                    my blog:http://steeledragon.wordpress.com/

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                    • #11
                      ...a stripper for God? and she has a website? Sounds like quite the catch. ;p

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                      • #12
                        A stripper for God?

                        But Jesus said, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's," so he's broke and has no ones to put in her thong! Maybe he borrowed some from his dad.
                        My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

                        Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

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                        • #13
                          I'm not sure where you are or for what newspaper you work for, but if you're in Tucson, and the "apartmensh" name starts with a T and is one word, I think you got my evictee.

                          And if this is the case, I am so very, very sorry.

                          I also want you to know that she made a pass at the apartmensh first.
                          "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                            OT-know what I can't stop laughing at? The names of our latest two newest register (ex)-members.
                            yeah, what was that about... I seriously had to read that twice when I saw that on the Please welcome the newest member announcement, because I couldn't believe someone would actually register under that.
                            If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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                            • #15
                              Okay I'm confused. I know it's off topic, but could someone fill me in or PM me or something?
                              "I've never had a heart attack, but it isn't for my son's lack of trying." - Me

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