Where I am propositioned....again

[Slytovhand]

SC: “What’s the name of the hotel across the street from the airport?”

Of course! Now, there are a few difficulties I must overcome to glean this information. Such as time, space and my complete lack of magical power.

You forgot one... not giving an absolute shit!

ravenous cockbiting little urinal gnome.

New subrace due out in the next Player's Handbook, or only MM2??? Got the stats for it?

[gunsage]

Me: “Good evening, <company>.”
SC: “Is this a taxi?”
Me: “No.”
SC: “Yes.”
Me: “….”

Sorry Mario, your taxi dispatcher is in another call center.

World 867

Mario X 3

[Sliceanddice]

Oh god, it's still around.

Read the directions and you'll understand the problem we had. ><

omg please tell me you mean the men helping other men line, because it killed me alittle inside and i think i just cut 10 years off my life laughing.

[Polenicus]

I usually don't post 'I luv'd it too!' posts, because by this point just about everything original has been said, but I gotta say, the last two posts in particular you've made have been absolutely inspired.

It's not just the vitriol and despairing rage in your posts, but the almost manic creativity you show in insulting these wastes of good oxygen, alcohol, and pants. I mean, most people when they dislike someone will just call them a douche and be done with it, but you craft your rants with such skill... nay, love that it brings a tear to my eye... primarily because I'm on the ground in a bout of helpless laughter.

I really hope you save these posts somewhere, because someday you need to collect them and publish them in a book.

[Becks]

I *did* say that the second time she called. ;p

Oops, my bad.

[QASlave]

But this one was wearing a shirt that said, quote unquote, “I wanna get GEEKY with you.” And sort of wandering around after female shoppers. Much to the horror of all involved with ovaries.

It's quote, end quote. You can't unquote yourself. (Although many have tried in courts of law.) Ok, as you were.

P.S. I love reading your stuff. Very eloquent.

[scroob]

is there some kind of 12-step program to cure addiction to gk's posts? they are so damn entertaining

[Ironclad Alibi]

Haha, not really. I actually hated writing in school.

I was terrible at writing in school, but good at math and science. So I studied engineering, math and physics in college. And since then, all of my jobs have involved writing! Go figure.

[Pagan]

you ravenous cockbiting little urinal gnome.

You, sir, owe me a keyboard.

867

What was I waiting for? I’m not entirely sure.

I'm sure it involved pink camo, or pants, or hats, or Pimp Juice....perhaps all four....

The more disturbing part is I saw him not once, not twice, but three times. Once at EB, then again at HMV, and again at Futureshop. Meaning I must have similar shopping patterns and/or hobbies to this creature.

While you might have similar tastes, you are decidedly non-creepy and normal....well, as normal as any of us here are. And not exactly hard on the eyeballs, either.

867

Me: “Good morning, <company>.”
SC: “Yeah, do you guys need a carpenter?”
Me: “….pardon?”

I would ask if it could have been Jesus, but seeing as it's 867....

Me: "Good evening, <agency>"
SC: "Wanna come sleep with me?"

I'm not even going to touch that one!

I really hope you save these posts somewhere, because someday you need to collect them and publish them in a book.

We keep telling him this, but has he done it????

[mharbourgirl]

I too, am sitting on the opposite side of the planet laughing hysterically and having my husband giving me funny looks as I sputter 'Stanley Park!'
For some reason Gravekeeper's posts make me homesick when I stop laughing...that's probably a bad sign.

I'm on the opposite side of the country, and I decided to blow off three proposals and four stupidly inflated reports that need proofing to check and see if Gravekeeper had posted recently.

You couldn't PAY me enough to ever move back to the Valley, and yet... I giggle and spew coffee and nearly choke because damn, nothing at all has changed in the 13 years since I moved to NS and it's all so FAMILIAR and then I go 'Fuck... for a minute I actually missed living there. Damn, he's good.'

[Gravekeeper]

You couldn't PAY me enough to ever move back to the Valley, and yet... I giggle and spew coffee and nearly choke because damn, nothing at all has changed in the 13 years since I moved to NS and it's all so FAMILIAR and then I go 'Fuck... for a minute I actually missed living there. Damn, he's good.'

I'm the opposite, you couldn't pay me enough to go back east. I was born on Prince Edward Island. ><

I like the lower mainland.....even if it does have its, er, quirks.

[Fenrus]

Just an observation...

For a guy who doesn't like guys hitting on him... you sure do make a LOT of rectal inversive references...



Back on topic! Another great post from a week in hell. Glad to see you're still alive, if not only for the paycheck.

[Jpurple]

I'm on the opposite side of the country, and I decided to blow off three proposals and four stupidly inflated reports that need proofing to check and see if Gravekeeper had posted recently.

It's mildly disturbing how often I check for new Gravekeeper posts. I think the whole homesickness thing comes from the fact that not only am I halfway around the planet, I haven't lived in Canada for almost 6 years now. Any mention of familiar places and I'm homesick. Any post that mentions Timmie's in any way, for example...

[prb]

Me: “and what was he being charged with?”
Officer: “Impaired operation of a vessel.”

For those of you keeping notes this means they picked this guy up for drinking and boating at 4 in the morning. Boating. You have to be pretty damn liquored up for someone to notice you’re drunken sailing. It’s not like there’s much out there to hit. Especially at 4am. Plus he was picked up by the cops, not the coast guard. So this guy probably hit something stationary. Like, say, Stanley Park. They probably found him down on the beach with his pants down, straddling the mast and singing the theme from the Love Boat.

Sorry to resurrect an old topic, but this just made me laugh. You are the sole reason why I want to do a train tour of Canada, just so that I have an excuse to go to vancouver and see the potheads.

[Mr Hero]

Why Don't You Believe Me!?

Me: “Good evening, <company> emergency line.”
SC: “Is Ben there?”
Me: “Ben?”
SC: “I want to talk to Ben.”
Me: “I think you may have the wrong number, sorry.”

Honest mistake.


10 seconds later…


Me: “Good evening, <company> emergency line.”
SC: “Is Ben there?”
Me: “There’s no one here by that name, no, sorry.”
SC: “I’m trying to find Ben. Do you know Ben?”
Me: “No I don’t, sorry. You have the wrong number.”

Ok, now I’m starting to catch the faint whiff of abject stupidity. It smells vaguely like damp kitty litter.


15 seconds later….

Me: “Good evening, <company> emergency line.”
SC: “Is Ben there?”
Me: “No, you have the wrong number.”
SC: “This is the number my friend gave me for Ben though!”
Me: “You have the wrong number.”
SC: “Is this xxx-xxxx?”
Me: “Yes.”
SC: “But this is the number for Ben my friend gave me! I’m trying to find Ben.”
Me: “You have the wrong number.”

Are you quite done futilely arguing with reality yet? This is becoming somewhat tiresome. There is no Ben here. I do not know Ben. I cannot help you find Ben. I’m beginning to think Ben intentionally gave your friend the wrong number in order to escape from you. I’m pondering doing the same thing. I think Ben had the right idea and I admire his plan. I shall have to emulate his greatness.


20 seconds later.


Me: “Good evening, <company> emergency line.”
SC: “Oh, I have the wrong number.”

Yes, I believe I told you that. Many times now. I’m hoping that by now you’ve started to feel the cold, damp unhappiness of reality slowly sink into your undies.


5 seconds later.


Me: “Good evening, <company> emergency line.”
SC: “Wrong number, sorry.

It’s not just a river in Egypt, is it?

Wow. Just wow. I don't know whether to laugh at this guy or cry at his severe lack of intellegence.