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I was on the phones again yesterday. I basically got paid to sit and be bored since, due to my recent surgery, I can't walk around and do my usual work. I got a couple of mildly entertaining stories, though.
Wii Would Like to Whine
Me: (Greeting)
Caller: Hey, I got a Wii from you guys last year. (pause)
Me: Okay.
Caller: And I got one of your warranties on it, too. (pause)
Me: Okay.
Caller: And there's something wrong with it. (pause)
Me: (Get to the point already!) Okay.
Caller: So, I want to know what I should do since I have your warranty.
Me: What's the problem?
Caller: The controllers don't work any more. Well, sometimes they work, but only for a few seconds at a time.
Me: You've put fresh batteries in?
Caller: Yep. And we made sure the sensor bar was plugged in right.
Me: Have you called Nintendo's tech support to see if they could help?
Caller: Yeah. They couldn't figure it out.
Me: Well, since you have our warranty, bring the system in, and we'll make sure you get the replacement that our warranty entitles you to.
Caller: The whole thing?
Me: Yep. Everything that came in the original box, though it's okay if you're missing the box and the papers.
Caller: But the problem is only with the controllers!
Me: That's where the symptom is. The problem could be in one of several places. You'll need to bring the whole thing in.
Caller: Can't I just bring in the controllers?
Me: Your warranty is on the Wii itself, not the controllers. You'll need to bring the whole thing in.
Caller: But the problem is only with the controllers!
Me: We still need all of it.
Caller: But the PROBLEM is only with the CONTROLLERS!
Me: (Your Jedi Mind Trick has failed.) If you just bring the controllers in, we won't be able to do anything for you.
Caller: I think you will. I'm just going to bring the controllers in since that's where the problem is. *click*
Right. My car is having engine trouble, so I'll just take the engine down to my mechanic and have him fix it. Because the problem is only with the engine. It can't have anything to do with the fuel injectors or fans, belts, cooling system, or any other part of the car's innards. Look, idiot: if all four controllers, which are completely independent of each other, stopped working at the same time, the problem is not in the controllers. The problem is in something else. Besides, you only got one controller with the Wii, so that's all we'd be able to replace under the warranty.
I'm so glad I don't have to process returns!
If You See It On Television...
Me: (Greeting)
Caller: Hey, I'm looking for wireless headphones.
Me: I have some of those. What do you want to use them for? Computer or home theater system?
Caller: Actually, I want to use them for my iPod.
Me: I see. Does your iPod have Bluetooth built in?
Caller: No. I was hoping there was some module I could just stick in the headphone hole that would let me use wireless headphones.
Me: Well, you can, sort of. It's not portable, though. They're for the wireless home theater headphones, and they're much bigger than your iPod.
Caller: But don't you have a Bluetooth set?
Me: I do, but it will only work with a Bluetooth enabled device like some cell phones or with a computer that can accept a USB Bluetooth adapter.
Caller: Are you sure? I mean, there's got to be something I can get.
Me: I'm afraid I don't have anything that will work for you. Your iPod doesn't have Bluetooth; we can't add Bluetooth to it; and the only other wireless headphones I have are too big for what you're looking for.
Caller: You really don't have anything?
Me: No. I don't know if such a thing exists. I know, if it does, we certainly don't have it.
Caller: Oh, it exists. I'm sure it does. I saw it. It was in a movie.
Me: ... I see.
Caller: No, it was a realistic movie.
Me: ...
Caller: Well, thanks anyway. *click*
Because we all know that everything in movies, especially in "realistic" ones, is absolutely true and real. This guy wasn't sucky at all, but his reasoning baffled me. Granted, what he want might exist, but claiming that it certainly does because he saw it in a movie? Now that takes genius.
Wii Would Like to Whine
Me: (Greeting)
Caller: Hey, I got a Wii from you guys last year. (pause)
Me: Okay.
Caller: And I got one of your warranties on it, too. (pause)
Me: Okay.
Caller: And there's something wrong with it. (pause)
Me: (Get to the point already!) Okay.
Caller: So, I want to know what I should do since I have your warranty.
Me: What's the problem?
Caller: The controllers don't work any more. Well, sometimes they work, but only for a few seconds at a time.
Me: You've put fresh batteries in?
Caller: Yep. And we made sure the sensor bar was plugged in right.
Me: Have you called Nintendo's tech support to see if they could help?
Caller: Yeah. They couldn't figure it out.
Me: Well, since you have our warranty, bring the system in, and we'll make sure you get the replacement that our warranty entitles you to.
Caller: The whole thing?
Me: Yep. Everything that came in the original box, though it's okay if you're missing the box and the papers.
Caller: But the problem is only with the controllers!
Me: That's where the symptom is. The problem could be in one of several places. You'll need to bring the whole thing in.
Caller: Can't I just bring in the controllers?
Me: Your warranty is on the Wii itself, not the controllers. You'll need to bring the whole thing in.
Caller: But the problem is only with the controllers!
Me: We still need all of it.
Caller: But the PROBLEM is only with the CONTROLLERS!
Me: (Your Jedi Mind Trick has failed.) If you just bring the controllers in, we won't be able to do anything for you.
Caller: I think you will. I'm just going to bring the controllers in since that's where the problem is. *click*
Right. My car is having engine trouble, so I'll just take the engine down to my mechanic and have him fix it. Because the problem is only with the engine. It can't have anything to do with the fuel injectors or fans, belts, cooling system, or any other part of the car's innards. Look, idiot: if all four controllers, which are completely independent of each other, stopped working at the same time, the problem is not in the controllers. The problem is in something else. Besides, you only got one controller with the Wii, so that's all we'd be able to replace under the warranty.
I'm so glad I don't have to process returns!
If You See It On Television...
Me: (Greeting)
Caller: Hey, I'm looking for wireless headphones.
Me: I have some of those. What do you want to use them for? Computer or home theater system?
Caller: Actually, I want to use them for my iPod.
Me: I see. Does your iPod have Bluetooth built in?
Caller: No. I was hoping there was some module I could just stick in the headphone hole that would let me use wireless headphones.
Me: Well, you can, sort of. It's not portable, though. They're for the wireless home theater headphones, and they're much bigger than your iPod.
Caller: But don't you have a Bluetooth set?
Me: I do, but it will only work with a Bluetooth enabled device like some cell phones or with a computer that can accept a USB Bluetooth adapter.
Caller: Are you sure? I mean, there's got to be something I can get.
Me: I'm afraid I don't have anything that will work for you. Your iPod doesn't have Bluetooth; we can't add Bluetooth to it; and the only other wireless headphones I have are too big for what you're looking for.
Caller: You really don't have anything?
Me: No. I don't know if such a thing exists. I know, if it does, we certainly don't have it.
Caller: Oh, it exists. I'm sure it does. I saw it. It was in a movie.
Me: ... I see.
Caller: No, it was a realistic movie.
Me: ...
Caller: Well, thanks anyway. *click*
Because we all know that everything in movies, especially in "realistic" ones, is absolutely true and real. This guy wasn't sucky at all, but his reasoning baffled me. Granted, what he want might exist, but claiming that it certainly does because he saw it in a movie? Now that takes genius.
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