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Just some tomfoolery from my shift journals from the following week....( God, I swear it never ends. ) 
Orderlines...
Me: "Is there a product id number for the item you're looking for?"
SC: "Yes."
Me: "………"
SC: "………"
Me: "……..?"
SC: "………"
Me: "What's the product id number?"
I can feel my braincells giving up.
Tech Support...
( This is about 2:30am on a weds night, caller's from Memphis )
Me: "Our field techs will be back in after 7am pacific time."
SC: "You mean 7 at night?"
Me: "..no, 7am *pacific*"
SC: "7pm then?"
Me: "No, 7am pacific, west coast time."
SC: "I don't understand."
I never would have guessed.
( I guess she thought the P in pm stands for Pacific >.< )
Telemarketers
( How I love to hang up on them... )
Solicite me not, for I will smite you and get paid for doing so.
Arrggh...
Me: "That's D, as in David…"
SC: "Blue as in David?" ( What?! )
Me: "….no, D as in David."
SC: "Blue as in David?"
I'm sorry, our connection seems to be passing through an alternate reality.
Shift Commentary.....
I require two new colours of crayon for my shift report tonight: "Confused" and "Unimpressed". You may colour me with either one depending on which part of my journal you're currently reading. I will add the forementioned new crayons to my crayon box alongside "Tired", "Whimsical", "Sarcastic" and "Meatloaf".
Negotiations...
Caller attempted to barter for a lower service fee by offering "a hot girl" as partial compensation. After his offer was declined, a woman called back on his behalf. I assume she would be the "hot girl" in question. However, no further mention was made of her inherent "hotness" and I can only pleasently assume she maimed her companion.
More Negotiations.....
Caller attempted to negotiate for a free roof using the reasoning that she was poor. But her house was really pretty and would get a lot more attention then some huge mansion ( Which she loaths. She also loaths those that dwell within the mansions in question. With the fire of a thousand suns. ) But she was sure we'd get tons and tons of business in the area if we just gave her a free roof. So, clearly, the best business plan for our client at this point is to simply give away all of their goods and services.
Wherein I Pretend You're Listening....
( 4am... )
Me: "(company name) Emergency line"
SC: "Oh, I was trying to get (Company name I just said) in Surrey."
Me: "This is the Surrey line, but you're reaching the afterhours emergency."
SC: "Do you guys have any (insert request for product here)"
Me: "I'm sorry, but this is the emergency line. You'll have to speak to the office about that during business hours. The office opens at 8am."
SC: "So what time does the office open?"
Me: "….8am."
I'm pretty sure if I just said "Good evening" then went silent some of these people could hold the entire conversation by themselves. My participation seems largely optional.
More Shift Commentary...
I actually *saw* someone in a (Client Name) pink camo miniskirt tonight. Combined with knee high fur boots no less. I almost cried. You know, the kind of tears you cry when you slam the car door on your hand by accident. They were coming back from the Mariah Carey concert of course.
Property Management
The fact that you own a puppy does not in any way alter the reality that you being locked out is not an emergency and we don't have any keys for you. But I will give her credit for the 2nd attempt where she called back and tried to claim the lock was defective instead. A noble attempt, however next time might I suggest you ensure your story isn't so flimsy that I can knock it over with three questions.
Also, despite the popular belief of callers, I am not hiding additional information that I reserve only for people who ask me repeatedly. In this case I do not have an "old piece of paper with a phone number on it" stashed away "in my desk somewhere" that I "don't want to give". In fact all that’s apparently in the desk drawer here is paperclips, whiteout and salt. Lots of salt.
Every week, I swear.
Orderlines...
Me: "Is there a product id number for the item you're looking for?"
SC: "Yes."
Me: "………"
SC: "………"
Me: "……..?"
SC: "………"
Me: "What's the product id number?"
I can feel my braincells giving up.
Tech Support...
( This is about 2:30am on a weds night, caller's from Memphis )
Me: "Our field techs will be back in after 7am pacific time."
SC: "You mean 7 at night?"
Me: "..no, 7am *pacific*"
SC: "7pm then?"
Me: "No, 7am pacific, west coast time."
SC: "I don't understand."
I never would have guessed.
( I guess she thought the P in pm stands for Pacific >.< )
Telemarketers
( How I love to hang up on them... )
Solicite me not, for I will smite you and get paid for doing so.
Arrggh...
Me: "That's D, as in David…"
SC: "Blue as in David?" ( What?! )
Me: "….no, D as in David."
SC: "Blue as in David?"
I'm sorry, our connection seems to be passing through an alternate reality.
Shift Commentary.....
I require two new colours of crayon for my shift report tonight: "Confused" and "Unimpressed". You may colour me with either one depending on which part of my journal you're currently reading. I will add the forementioned new crayons to my crayon box alongside "Tired", "Whimsical", "Sarcastic" and "Meatloaf".
Negotiations...
Caller attempted to barter for a lower service fee by offering "a hot girl" as partial compensation. After his offer was declined, a woman called back on his behalf. I assume she would be the "hot girl" in question. However, no further mention was made of her inherent "hotness" and I can only pleasently assume she maimed her companion.
More Negotiations.....
Caller attempted to negotiate for a free roof using the reasoning that she was poor. But her house was really pretty and would get a lot more attention then some huge mansion ( Which she loaths. She also loaths those that dwell within the mansions in question. With the fire of a thousand suns. ) But she was sure we'd get tons and tons of business in the area if we just gave her a free roof. So, clearly, the best business plan for our client at this point is to simply give away all of their goods and services.
Wherein I Pretend You're Listening....
( 4am... )
Me: "(company name) Emergency line"
SC: "Oh, I was trying to get (Company name I just said) in Surrey."
Me: "This is the Surrey line, but you're reaching the afterhours emergency."
SC: "Do you guys have any (insert request for product here)"
Me: "I'm sorry, but this is the emergency line. You'll have to speak to the office about that during business hours. The office opens at 8am."
SC: "So what time does the office open?"
Me: "….8am."
I'm pretty sure if I just said "Good evening" then went silent some of these people could hold the entire conversation by themselves. My participation seems largely optional.
More Shift Commentary...
I actually *saw* someone in a (Client Name) pink camo miniskirt tonight. Combined with knee high fur boots no less. I almost cried. You know, the kind of tears you cry when you slam the car door on your hand by accident. They were coming back from the Mariah Carey concert of course.
Property Management
The fact that you own a puppy does not in any way alter the reality that you being locked out is not an emergency and we don't have any keys for you. But I will give her credit for the 2nd attempt where she called back and tried to claim the lock was defective instead. A noble attempt, however next time might I suggest you ensure your story isn't so flimsy that I can knock it over with three questions.
Also, despite the popular belief of callers, I am not hiding additional information that I reserve only for people who ask me repeatedly. In this case I do not have an "old piece of paper with a phone number on it" stashed away "in my desk somewhere" that I "don't want to give". In fact all that’s apparently in the desk drawer here is paperclips, whiteout and salt. Lots of salt.
Every week, I swear.
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