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Wherein I update a bit more often then usual...
EVERYBODY called in sick or showed up late on me last night. Usually I'm not subjected to 100% unfiltered stupid till my weekend shifts where I'm working alone. But last night there was no other buffers to divert some of the idiocy. So this is just one shift's worth. ><
Oh God
To the couple wrapped around the pole like a pair of strippers on the Skytrain in front of me slovenly making out: Please stop. I’m an open minded person and I don’t mind age differences, but seriously, dude, she looks like your mom. You both have the same height, build and similar facial features. It’s really creepy, please stop. For all I know it is your mom. My faith in humanity isn’t high enough to deny the possibility. Plus you got on at Broadway. Everything that is wrong with the universe either gets on or gets off at Broadway station.
Hot Tips For...er...Canada?
Me: “Good evening, <company>-“
SC: “Yeah, I was watching your program on laser hair restoration?”
Me: “Yes-“
SC: “The hair on my dick is falling out, can it help me with that?”
Me: “…..”
You know, the worst part about this is you’re calling from a US area code. Which means you were sitting there, at 1am, with your pants undone picking nacho crumbs out of your navel and saw our advertisement. Then the very first thought that went through your mind was “I must phone Canada and tell them about my PENIS!”.
The Light
Me: “Good evening, <company>, are you calling to book a room?
SC: “I…..think so?”
Well, my confused friend, let me shine the light of clarity upon you and wipe away all suspicion once and for all. You see, the only thing I can really do for you is book you a hotel room. That is the only option you have at this point. Either you want a hotel room, and I can find such for you. If you’re lucky I may even be able to find you one in an area of town where you won’t be shot between the taxi and the front desk and where room service doesn’t consist of a wirey, unshaven man in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt that smells like your grandma's house knocking on your door at 3am to see if you want any “brain candy”. Or you don’t want a hotel room, in which case please get the hell off my line. I have better things I could be doing. Like….umm….hmmm…..well, I’ll think of something, but it WILL be better. Oh yes.
Hate
Me: “You should receive the package in a few days.”
C: “Great! Thank you sooooooo much! I soooo appreciate it! You have a great evening!”
Me: “…you too.”
Is this a test call? Are you messing with me? No one’s that cheerful at 2 in the morning and if they are they need to be dragged kicking and screaming from their home, hog tied, thrown in front of a TV and forced to watch the death scene of Bambi’s mom over and over until the world itself loses colour.
This goes for you chipper morning people too, I’m watching you….<shakes fist>
Ehh...stop
Me: “Alright, you should receive your tickets in 2-3 weeks. Good luck, and thanks for calling.”
SC: “Great, thanks. I’ve lived down here for a few years in the RV park you know.”
Me: “…..”
SC: “I really like it down here.”
Me: “…ok?”
SC: “It’s really nice.”
Ok, seriously, talking to the other guy about his penis felt less awkward then this. Please hang up.
POWA~@!
Me: “Good morning, <my actual company>.”
SC: "Dis Georgia Powa?”
Me: “No its not.”
SC: “Dis not Georgia Powa?
Me: “No, sorry, you’ve called the wrong number.”
SC: “He says this ain’t no Georgia Powa!”
<At this point half-wit #1, being confronted with a problem she can’t mentally grasp, tags out to half-wit #2>
SC2: “This ain’t Georgia Powa?”
Me: “No, sorry. You’ve called the wrong number.”
SC2: “Ain’t no Georgia Powa?……”
Is there anyone else in the household you’d like me to testify too? Grandparents? Siblings? Perhaps the dog is gripped in the same shroud of confusion as the rest of you and needs me clear the haze so that he may see the truth? Hark, bring my canine disciple to the phone so that I may enlighten him. For I get the impression he’s surpassed both of you intellectually already. Perhaps if I grant him the wisdom, he can slowly spread my teachings onto it to the rest of you and perhaps one day this type of tragedy can be averted before you even touch the phone. Hopefully because he will bite you.
I'm so dissappointed.
Me: “Ok, and your last name please?”
SC: “I want to see the info pack first.”
Me: “Alright, but unfortunately I can’t mail it out without a last name.”
SC: “Oh, well, too bad for you then <click>.
Yes, too bad for us. Apparently we just lost a potential asshol-er, customer, yes, customer. Whatever will we do?”
I swear if anyone calls in sick shows up late tomorrow....<twitch> -.-
Oh God
To the couple wrapped around the pole like a pair of strippers on the Skytrain in front of me slovenly making out: Please stop. I’m an open minded person and I don’t mind age differences, but seriously, dude, she looks like your mom. You both have the same height, build and similar facial features. It’s really creepy, please stop. For all I know it is your mom. My faith in humanity isn’t high enough to deny the possibility. Plus you got on at Broadway. Everything that is wrong with the universe either gets on or gets off at Broadway station.
Hot Tips For...er...Canada?
Me: “Good evening, <company>-“
SC: “Yeah, I was watching your program on laser hair restoration?”
Me: “Yes-“
SC: “The hair on my dick is falling out, can it help me with that?”
Me: “…..”
You know, the worst part about this is you’re calling from a US area code. Which means you were sitting there, at 1am, with your pants undone picking nacho crumbs out of your navel and saw our advertisement. Then the very first thought that went through your mind was “I must phone Canada and tell them about my PENIS!”.
The Light
Me: “Good evening, <company>, are you calling to book a room?
SC: “I…..think so?”
Well, my confused friend, let me shine the light of clarity upon you and wipe away all suspicion once and for all. You see, the only thing I can really do for you is book you a hotel room. That is the only option you have at this point. Either you want a hotel room, and I can find such for you. If you’re lucky I may even be able to find you one in an area of town where you won’t be shot between the taxi and the front desk and where room service doesn’t consist of a wirey, unshaven man in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt that smells like your grandma's house knocking on your door at 3am to see if you want any “brain candy”. Or you don’t want a hotel room, in which case please get the hell off my line. I have better things I could be doing. Like….umm….hmmm…..well, I’ll think of something, but it WILL be better. Oh yes.
Hate
Me: “You should receive the package in a few days.”
C: “Great! Thank you sooooooo much! I soooo appreciate it! You have a great evening!”
Me: “…you too.”
Is this a test call? Are you messing with me? No one’s that cheerful at 2 in the morning and if they are they need to be dragged kicking and screaming from their home, hog tied, thrown in front of a TV and forced to watch the death scene of Bambi’s mom over and over until the world itself loses colour.
This goes for you chipper morning people too, I’m watching you….<shakes fist>
Ehh...stop
Me: “Alright, you should receive your tickets in 2-3 weeks. Good luck, and thanks for calling.”
SC: “Great, thanks. I’ve lived down here for a few years in the RV park you know.”
Me: “…..”
SC: “I really like it down here.”
Me: “…ok?”
SC: “It’s really nice.”
Ok, seriously, talking to the other guy about his penis felt less awkward then this. Please hang up.
POWA~@!
Me: “Good morning, <my actual company>.”
SC: "Dis Georgia Powa?”
Me: “No its not.”
SC: “Dis not Georgia Powa?
Me: “No, sorry, you’ve called the wrong number.”
SC: “He says this ain’t no Georgia Powa!”
<At this point half-wit #1, being confronted with a problem she can’t mentally grasp, tags out to half-wit #2>
SC2: “This ain’t Georgia Powa?”
Me: “No, sorry. You’ve called the wrong number.”
SC2: “Ain’t no Georgia Powa?……”
Is there anyone else in the household you’d like me to testify too? Grandparents? Siblings? Perhaps the dog is gripped in the same shroud of confusion as the rest of you and needs me clear the haze so that he may see the truth? Hark, bring my canine disciple to the phone so that I may enlighten him. For I get the impression he’s surpassed both of you intellectually already. Perhaps if I grant him the wisdom, he can slowly spread my teachings onto it to the rest of you and perhaps one day this type of tragedy can be averted before you even touch the phone. Hopefully because he will bite you.
I'm so dissappointed.
Me: “Ok, and your last name please?”
SC: “I want to see the info pack first.”
Me: “Alright, but unfortunately I can’t mail it out without a last name.”
SC: “Oh, well, too bad for you then <click>.
Yes, too bad for us. Apparently we just lost a potential asshol-er, customer, yes, customer. Whatever will we do?”
I swear if anyone calls in sick shows up late tomorrow....<twitch> -.-
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