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Days like today are the reason booze was invented. Actually, it wasn't so bad, just busy, for half of the day. Then in the second half I dealt with these winners:
I is an engineer
Got called by the service desk to bring up a boxed dresser. Get it up to the desk to find some guy and his son and an assortment of dresser parts they brought from home.
Apparent;y, they brought a different dresser from us and were assembling it, and one of the parts was apparently cut backwards. Not surprising. I personally wouldn't trust any of our wooden RTA furniture to not be without a defect of some sort.
Of course, the part he wants is at the bottom of the box, so I have to drag everything else out and scatter it along the floor while the guy scrounges for the part he needs.
Turned out the part from the new box also was cut wrong. I asked him if it was possible he was assembling the wrong parts.
You would've thought I called him a retard or something. He got all huffy and informed he that he was an engineer, and as a cartoon dog in some comic strip once said, "NEVER QUESTION AN ENGINEER'S JUDGMENT YOU THUNDERING MORON!""
The he started pissing and moaning and whining and bitching that I should personally go through every single unit of that dresser in the backroom, inspect them all to see if the parts in them were cut wrong, and then defect them if they all turned out to be wrong. Okay, Mr. Engineer Genius, I'll get right on that as soon as I've finished moth-proofing softlines backstock.
I started packing up all the pieces to take the dresser back to the backroom as defective when Mr. Engineer flagged down the store manager to whine and complain some more. Store manager made him a pretty generous offer: It turned out there was a vendor change on that dresser, so we would give him a dresser from the previous vendor (his came from the current vendor) free of charge. He wouldn't even have to bring his partially-assembled one back in.
I loaded up the dresser and waited for him to come back. Store manager said he'd be back within an hour. When I left, he still hadn't picked up the dresser. Guess Mr. Engineer had to get back to his choo-choo train.
Snappy answers to stupid questions
Got called to deliver a storage cabinet. The customers pulled up in their minivan.
As I was loading up the cabinet in the van, I noticed a child seat in one of the back seats and couldn't tell if there was an infant in it.
Me: Is there a child in that infant seat?
Customer: (snottily) What do you think?
Yeah, what an absolutely fucking stupid question I asked there, huh? I asked that question so that if there was a child back there, I would know to be more careful or not put the cabinet over the seat, so that any child inside wouldn't get his/her head squished like a watermelon under Gallagher's Sledge-O-Matic if it shifted in transit.
Excuse me for giving a damn about your spawn, even if they weren't along with you. I honestly couldn't tell at the time. Die in a fire.
COS (Crotchety Old Skinbag)
While coming back from one of my many carryouts today, I got flagged down by Methuselah's Great-Grandmother, or at least that's how old she looked.
COS: Hey! You! You work in this store!
Me: (Doesn't the uniform kinda give it away?)Yes I do. What can I help you with?
COS: I need replacement blades for this shaver. (thrusts a piece of paper with me with a model number for some Panasonic mens shaver)
Me: (looking through the replacement blades above the shavers) ....I don't see any here for a Panasonic shaver...
COS: You have the shavers right here.
Me: Really? I don't think we carry Panasonic shavers here.
COS: (grabs my arm and gives it a shake) THEY'RE RIGHT HERE!
I shake myself loose but don't say anything. After all, that could cause us to lose a customer, and as a syndicated newspaper advice columnist said, that isn't recommended.
Me:
...oh, okay, I guess I missed them.
COS: Then where are the replacement blades?
Me: All our replacement blades for shavers are right here. There's none for the Panasonic brand here.
COS: Uh. Well what kind of store is this? When I was in business we always made sure the customer was satisfied every time! And we always had enough help to service every customer too!
Me: (Lady, I really don't want to know about the whorehouse you ran in the 20s, 30s or whenever)I'm sorry I couldn't help you. We might get the replacement blades in sometime in the future.
COS: Where's your manager?
Me: I don't know where he is right now. (leaving)
COS: Well call him!
Okay lady, you physically grabbed me and you were an irritable old crank from the word "go". So I'm not going to call the manager and give you the rope to hang me with. Just be happy I didn't smack you right into next week. I'd ask who lit the fuse on your tampon, but it's very obvious to me you're post-menopausal by a great many years. Oh, what's that, you're never shopping here again? Awesome! So I'll see you on Senior Day in a couple of weeks? Sexytime! In the meantime, have fun navigating the baffling labyrinth that is the local Wal-Mart Supercenter.
Yeah, she complained about my rude service. No, nothing was said to me about it. She complained to the service desk, and as it turned out she began her visit by harping at the service desk people to send somebody over to HBA to help her find her damn replacement shaver blades, and again went blah-blah-blahing about "When I was in business....."
At least I get tomorrow off. Bottoms up....
I is an engineer
Got called by the service desk to bring up a boxed dresser. Get it up to the desk to find some guy and his son and an assortment of dresser parts they brought from home.
Apparent;y, they brought a different dresser from us and were assembling it, and one of the parts was apparently cut backwards. Not surprising. I personally wouldn't trust any of our wooden RTA furniture to not be without a defect of some sort.
Of course, the part he wants is at the bottom of the box, so I have to drag everything else out and scatter it along the floor while the guy scrounges for the part he needs.
Turned out the part from the new box also was cut wrong. I asked him if it was possible he was assembling the wrong parts.
You would've thought I called him a retard or something. He got all huffy and informed he that he was an engineer, and as a cartoon dog in some comic strip once said, "NEVER QUESTION AN ENGINEER'S JUDGMENT YOU THUNDERING MORON!""
The he started pissing and moaning and whining and bitching that I should personally go through every single unit of that dresser in the backroom, inspect them all to see if the parts in them were cut wrong, and then defect them if they all turned out to be wrong. Okay, Mr. Engineer Genius, I'll get right on that as soon as I've finished moth-proofing softlines backstock.
I started packing up all the pieces to take the dresser back to the backroom as defective when Mr. Engineer flagged down the store manager to whine and complain some more. Store manager made him a pretty generous offer: It turned out there was a vendor change on that dresser, so we would give him a dresser from the previous vendor (his came from the current vendor) free of charge. He wouldn't even have to bring his partially-assembled one back in.
I loaded up the dresser and waited for him to come back. Store manager said he'd be back within an hour. When I left, he still hadn't picked up the dresser. Guess Mr. Engineer had to get back to his choo-choo train.
Snappy answers to stupid questions
Got called to deliver a storage cabinet. The customers pulled up in their minivan.
As I was loading up the cabinet in the van, I noticed a child seat in one of the back seats and couldn't tell if there was an infant in it.
Me: Is there a child in that infant seat?
Customer: (snottily) What do you think?
Yeah, what an absolutely fucking stupid question I asked there, huh? I asked that question so that if there was a child back there, I would know to be more careful or not put the cabinet over the seat, so that any child inside wouldn't get his/her head squished like a watermelon under Gallagher's Sledge-O-Matic if it shifted in transit.
Excuse me for giving a damn about your spawn, even if they weren't along with you. I honestly couldn't tell at the time. Die in a fire.
COS (Crotchety Old Skinbag)
While coming back from one of my many carryouts today, I got flagged down by Methuselah's Great-Grandmother, or at least that's how old she looked.
COS: Hey! You! You work in this store!
Me: (Doesn't the uniform kinda give it away?)Yes I do. What can I help you with?
COS: I need replacement blades for this shaver. (thrusts a piece of paper with me with a model number for some Panasonic mens shaver)
Me: (looking through the replacement blades above the shavers) ....I don't see any here for a Panasonic shaver...
COS: You have the shavers right here.
Me: Really? I don't think we carry Panasonic shavers here.
COS: (grabs my arm and gives it a shake) THEY'RE RIGHT HERE!
I shake myself loose but don't say anything. After all, that could cause us to lose a customer, and as a syndicated newspaper advice columnist said, that isn't recommended.
Me:
...oh, okay, I guess I missed them.COS: Then where are the replacement blades?
Me: All our replacement blades for shavers are right here. There's none for the Panasonic brand here.
COS: Uh. Well what kind of store is this? When I was in business we always made sure the customer was satisfied every time! And we always had enough help to service every customer too!
Me: (Lady, I really don't want to know about the whorehouse you ran in the 20s, 30s or whenever)I'm sorry I couldn't help you. We might get the replacement blades in sometime in the future.
COS: Where's your manager?
Me: I don't know where he is right now. (leaving)
COS: Well call him!
Okay lady, you physically grabbed me and you were an irritable old crank from the word "go". So I'm not going to call the manager and give you the rope to hang me with. Just be happy I didn't smack you right into next week. I'd ask who lit the fuse on your tampon, but it's very obvious to me you're post-menopausal by a great many years. Oh, what's that, you're never shopping here again? Awesome! So I'll see you on Senior Day in a couple of weeks? Sexytime! In the meantime, have fun navigating the baffling labyrinth that is the local Wal-Mart Supercenter.
Yeah, she complained about my rude service. No, nothing was said to me about it. She complained to the service desk, and as it turned out she began her visit by harping at the service desk people to send somebody over to HBA to help her find her damn replacement shaver blades, and again went blah-blah-blahing about "When I was in business....."
At least I get tomorrow off. Bottoms up....
This is a $250 dresser we're talking about here. But I guess that was chump change to him, what with his big engineer salary and all...
Some of us have mean managers that won't let us pwn the idiot customer.
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