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Reading this thread made me want to post some stories of my own from my new job as a barista.
Not all instances are exceptionally sucky, but worth mentioning at the very least.
PEEEEACHES and cream!
This was from today.
The cafe was getting random rush spurts throughout the day and with two of us on me and the other girl, B, were tag-teaming whenever we could with me ringing up an order then both of us working on the drinks and jumping between who was making the drinks and who was on cash.
It sounds disorganized but it worked just fine for us, as B is extremely quick and seems to hear even the quietest orders.
Anyway, we were both working on drinks and a woman was waiting to order.
B walks over and this is the exchange.
B: Hi, sorry, have you ordered yet?
SC: NO! I'm still waiting. (Never mind that we're busy right now and you can clearly see there are only two of us.)
B: ...
SC: I want a medium strawberries and cream smoothie.
Yes, I heard her clearly say strawberries and cream.
B makes the drink, hands it off and the customer gives her the cat-butt face, sighs, and says, "Did you not hear me? I said peaches and cream.
B said nothing, remade the drink and handed it off to the customer who gave her yet another cat-butt face.
Honestly now, we BOTH heard you very clearly say strawberries, don't bitch at us because you realised after the fact that you ordered the wrong thing.
To be honest, though, she kind of had this air about her that made me think she was expecting B would give her the "improper" drink because she had already made it and didn't want to waste it.
We gave it away, yes, but not to her.
Chai: The Bane Of My Existence
The pump for our chai syrup is broken and of course in the last two days it's been busted everyone wants chai lattes and chai chillers. Yesterday I was alone and scrambling to get out of there right on time, so I just pulled the syrup and told people we were out. Today I didn't and I regretted it.
When the pumps aren't working the solution is simple: shot glasses. One pump = one ounce.
THREE times today I had people get on my case that I was either not using enough syrup or using too much.
TWICE I was asked, "What IS that?!" That is our chai syrup. Yes I know chai syrup is gross if you actually enjoy proper chai tea but deal with it or order something else.
TWICE I was told, not asked, TOLD to use the pump. WTF? It's broken. I can't WISH it back into working order. Fucktards.
If that pump is still broken when I go in on Tuesday the syrup is getting pulled again and everyone can suck it.
Nutritional Value: None
I understand that people want to know what's in their drink but honestly, you're not going to get any vitamins or special nutritional benefits from anything we offer. Go to Jugo Juice (LOVE!) or some other health-conscious beverage making shop if you want that.
It would be really nice, also, if when told that their drinks are basically being made with straight syrup which is all sugar, I not get told how "disgusting" that is.
Bonus points if you order a vanilla bean latte after telling me how "disgusting" it is that there's so much sugar in everything.
You know what I drink when I'm at work? Vanilla creme tea. You know how much sugar is in it? None. Stop blaming us for our drinks and take responsibility for your own disgusting desires for something you know damn well isn't good for you.
Non-Tippers
I'm sorry, I hate pointing this out, but people who don't tip are assholes.
When you go to a bar and order a beer you typically leave a tip on the bar for the bartender.
So why then when I just made your half sweet skinny Caramel Coretto (EW!) with an extra shot of espresso and an energy shot (seriously? ON TOP OF the extra espresso? enjoy your heart attack) to your 180degree specification with whipped cream could you not even be arsed to fork over a SINGLE cent?
I hope you choke on the drink I tried so hard to get perfect for you, you ass-face.
GOOD-Tippers
Thank you, woman who tips $1 on a $1.06 drink! I know you do this because we give you the kids size (and price) because we know that's all you drink and it makes you happy.
Thank you, ex employee who came in and tipped me $3 for a small Italian soda.
Thank you, woman who gave me $2 for making you your drinks three minutes to closing.
Thank you, girl from Staples who always comes in to shoot the shit and share witty banter about work related topics. This is why when you order a medium coffee ($1.94 after tax) I charge you for tea ($1.58 after tax) and you leave me the difference and then some.
Thank you, guy who gave me $2 because I brought your drinks to your table and suggested beverages to (which you decided to get then subsequently loved - I've gotten good at reading people and being able to pinpoint what they might like).
And now, because I'm tired of typing, I'm going to copy and paste a similar rant I made in my journal.
Thinking about work has reminded me of the sort of people I hate.
I'm going to vent, but remember, my misery is your entertainment.
The I'm In a Hurry people
Who among us would stop for coffee if they had to be at work in 10 minutes but were 15 minutes away?
It's real cute that you just HAVE to have that decaf vanilla bean latte on ice, but there are people in front of you and your ass is going to have to wait.
Oh, your favourite blend has run out? Well, it takes two minutes for a fresh pot to brew. Do you mind waiting?
Oh you DO! Well, I suppose you should berate me then. That will shift space and time and allow your desired brew to appear in mere seconds.
That just happens to be the Open Sesame of coffee.
The I Know More Than You Do people
"What's the dark blend like?"
"It's a bolder flavour (yeah, I actually have to say shit like this) but the caffeine content is lower."
"Less caffeine? Tsk. I don't think so. Dark means more caffeine."
Oh it does? Look at you, altering science to suit your whims. How do I sign up for a talent like that?
Hey, pecker-breath, the longer you roast a bean to achieve the desired "darkness" the more caffeine you extract, thus leaving the coffee with a lower dose of it.
Mr. and Mrs. Douchebag drink
"I need (no, you want) a half decaf half regular no foam skinny chai latte with a sugar-free vanilla shot and caramel."
"Coffee?"
Let's not even get into the act of trying to make people understand that yes, while it is a latte which typically involves espresso, a chai latte has none. You would be amazed (or probably not) at how often I have to explain this to people who want theirs decaf. Yet another reason why chai is the bane of my existence.
I understand knowing what you want and that's no crime, but when you walk in and demand it like I owe it to you to make this all but vomit-inducing beverage you'll be the person whose drink I make with that bag of milk that I've spent the last hour trying to figure out if it was skim or 2%.
Even though I have spent my time there inventing new drinks I will never walk into a Second Cup and ask for them. Why? Because they're ridiculous and I would feel like an asshole listing off all the specifications to the poor overworked person on the other side of the counter.
FYI soy white hot chocolate with two shots of raspberry flavour and thick foam is the best I've made so far.
And what's with the dude who comes in every day asking for an Irish cream and a shot of milk?
The milk is RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dude. Do it yourself.
The Bathroom Ninjas
You don't buy anything, you don't even pretend like you're going to buy anything, and sometimes I don't even see you until you leave.
Just because you're not required to use a key for our bathrooms doesn't mean we're a public piss hole.
Buy something or get out.
Tip me or die.
Pig-Pen and His Playmates
You've been here for 20 minutes. Fine, you spent $10 on coffee and a day-old muffin, chill out for a bit.
But please, do NOT leave such a hideous mess! Do you eat, or do you just shove your face in the muffin and motorboat it?
And how the hell did you get coffee under your chair? Is that your special place where you design your tinfoil hats?
The Business Meeting/Job Interview
Really? You're going to do this here?
First off, how embarrassing for the person you're interviewing, and secondly, if you're going to conduct business in our business may I please ask that you choose your seating accordingly?
The table RIGHT BESIDE the counter entrance/exit is not the best choice. Certainly when you're sitting far enough away from the table that you're blocking my path completely, and refuse to move when I sand behind you repeating, "Excuse me," three times.
No, I'm not sorry I elbowed you in the head, despite how sorry I pretended to be.
Get your ass out of my way or I'll suddenly have to carry some sort of liquid near your OMG IMPORTANT ELEVENTY! papers and I might lose my balance.
The Stragglers
All I have to say about you people is that you've been here for FOUR hours and all you bought was a small coffee.
And you didn't tip me.
Get out.
*edit*
I thought of more!
We are not Starbucks!
"You know that drink at Starbucks... the green tea one with the thing and the stuff? You know?"
No I don't know. I have no bloody idea what in the hell you are talking about.
You may have noticed I am wearing a black apron not a green one and that NOTHING in this cafe even slightly resembles the decor of a Starbucks.
In fact the mere act of you bringing up Starbucks in an effort to help me better understand the heinous concoction you want me to brew up for you suggests to me that you know damn well you're not in a Starbucks.
Why are we even having this conversation? There's a Starbucks down the street; go there if you want what they have.
Did you like my response to your question, though? That deadpan stare followed by, "I've never been to a Starbucks in my life."
I have, but for you I will pretend I have not because it further reinforces my point that WE ARE NOT STARBUCKS and if you want one of their drinks, honestly, five minutes to your left.
Confused much?
Things we do not have:
Frappucinos: NOT Starbucks. Say Chillers. Saaaay iiiiiit!
Iced Capps: NOT Tim Hortons. Icespresso Chiller. It says it on the machine. PS they're gross and so are you for ordering it.
Venti: LAAAAAAAAAARGE. Say it with me, laaaaaaaaaarge.
Wraps: We did, but I ate the last one of the kind you wanted. You snooze you lose, sucker.
http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1214 - hotlinking removes the chance for the provider to make a living from advertising, and we don't want to make him stern and frowny ~ R
Not all instances are exceptionally sucky, but worth mentioning at the very least.
PEEEEACHES and cream!
This was from today.
The cafe was getting random rush spurts throughout the day and with two of us on me and the other girl, B, were tag-teaming whenever we could with me ringing up an order then both of us working on the drinks and jumping between who was making the drinks and who was on cash.
It sounds disorganized but it worked just fine for us, as B is extremely quick and seems to hear even the quietest orders.
Anyway, we were both working on drinks and a woman was waiting to order.
B walks over and this is the exchange.
B: Hi, sorry, have you ordered yet?
SC: NO! I'm still waiting. (Never mind that we're busy right now and you can clearly see there are only two of us.)
B: ...
SC: I want a medium strawberries and cream smoothie.
Yes, I heard her clearly say strawberries and cream.
B makes the drink, hands it off and the customer gives her the cat-butt face, sighs, and says, "Did you not hear me? I said peaches and cream.
B said nothing, remade the drink and handed it off to the customer who gave her yet another cat-butt face.
Honestly now, we BOTH heard you very clearly say strawberries, don't bitch at us because you realised after the fact that you ordered the wrong thing.
To be honest, though, she kind of had this air about her that made me think she was expecting B would give her the "improper" drink because she had already made it and didn't want to waste it.
We gave it away, yes, but not to her.
Chai: The Bane Of My Existence
The pump for our chai syrup is broken and of course in the last two days it's been busted everyone wants chai lattes and chai chillers. Yesterday I was alone and scrambling to get out of there right on time, so I just pulled the syrup and told people we were out. Today I didn't and I regretted it.
When the pumps aren't working the solution is simple: shot glasses. One pump = one ounce.
THREE times today I had people get on my case that I was either not using enough syrup or using too much.
TWICE I was asked, "What IS that?!" That is our chai syrup. Yes I know chai syrup is gross if you actually enjoy proper chai tea but deal with it or order something else.
TWICE I was told, not asked, TOLD to use the pump. WTF? It's broken. I can't WISH it back into working order. Fucktards.
If that pump is still broken when I go in on Tuesday the syrup is getting pulled again and everyone can suck it.
Nutritional Value: None
I understand that people want to know what's in their drink but honestly, you're not going to get any vitamins or special nutritional benefits from anything we offer. Go to Jugo Juice (LOVE!) or some other health-conscious beverage making shop if you want that.
It would be really nice, also, if when told that their drinks are basically being made with straight syrup which is all sugar, I not get told how "disgusting" that is.
Bonus points if you order a vanilla bean latte after telling me how "disgusting" it is that there's so much sugar in everything.
You know what I drink when I'm at work? Vanilla creme tea. You know how much sugar is in it? None. Stop blaming us for our drinks and take responsibility for your own disgusting desires for something you know damn well isn't good for you.
Non-Tippers
I'm sorry, I hate pointing this out, but people who don't tip are assholes.
When you go to a bar and order a beer you typically leave a tip on the bar for the bartender.
So why then when I just made your half sweet skinny Caramel Coretto (EW!) with an extra shot of espresso and an energy shot (seriously? ON TOP OF the extra espresso? enjoy your heart attack) to your 180degree specification with whipped cream could you not even be arsed to fork over a SINGLE cent?
I hope you choke on the drink I tried so hard to get perfect for you, you ass-face.
GOOD-Tippers
Thank you, woman who tips $1 on a $1.06 drink! I know you do this because we give you the kids size (and price) because we know that's all you drink and it makes you happy.
Thank you, ex employee who came in and tipped me $3 for a small Italian soda.
Thank you, woman who gave me $2 for making you your drinks three minutes to closing.
Thank you, girl from Staples who always comes in to shoot the shit and share witty banter about work related topics. This is why when you order a medium coffee ($1.94 after tax) I charge you for tea ($1.58 after tax) and you leave me the difference and then some.
Thank you, guy who gave me $2 because I brought your drinks to your table and suggested beverages to (which you decided to get then subsequently loved - I've gotten good at reading people and being able to pinpoint what they might like).
And now, because I'm tired of typing, I'm going to copy and paste a similar rant I made in my journal.
Thinking about work has reminded me of the sort of people I hate.
I'm going to vent, but remember, my misery is your entertainment.
The I'm In a Hurry people
Who among us would stop for coffee if they had to be at work in 10 minutes but were 15 minutes away?
It's real cute that you just HAVE to have that decaf vanilla bean latte on ice, but there are people in front of you and your ass is going to have to wait.
Oh, your favourite blend has run out? Well, it takes two minutes for a fresh pot to brew. Do you mind waiting?
Oh you DO! Well, I suppose you should berate me then. That will shift space and time and allow your desired brew to appear in mere seconds.
That just happens to be the Open Sesame of coffee.
The I Know More Than You Do people
"What's the dark blend like?"
"It's a bolder flavour (yeah, I actually have to say shit like this) but the caffeine content is lower."
"Less caffeine? Tsk. I don't think so. Dark means more caffeine."
Oh it does? Look at you, altering science to suit your whims. How do I sign up for a talent like that?
Hey, pecker-breath, the longer you roast a bean to achieve the desired "darkness" the more caffeine you extract, thus leaving the coffee with a lower dose of it.
Mr. and Mrs. Douchebag drink
"I need (no, you want) a half decaf half regular no foam skinny chai latte with a sugar-free vanilla shot and caramel."
"Coffee?"
Let's not even get into the act of trying to make people understand that yes, while it is a latte which typically involves espresso, a chai latte has none. You would be amazed (or probably not) at how often I have to explain this to people who want theirs decaf. Yet another reason why chai is the bane of my existence.
I understand knowing what you want and that's no crime, but when you walk in and demand it like I owe it to you to make this all but vomit-inducing beverage you'll be the person whose drink I make with that bag of milk that I've spent the last hour trying to figure out if it was skim or 2%.
Even though I have spent my time there inventing new drinks I will never walk into a Second Cup and ask for them. Why? Because they're ridiculous and I would feel like an asshole listing off all the specifications to the poor overworked person on the other side of the counter.
FYI soy white hot chocolate with two shots of raspberry flavour and thick foam is the best I've made so far.
And what's with the dude who comes in every day asking for an Irish cream and a shot of milk?
The milk is RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dude. Do it yourself.
The Bathroom Ninjas
You don't buy anything, you don't even pretend like you're going to buy anything, and sometimes I don't even see you until you leave.
Just because you're not required to use a key for our bathrooms doesn't mean we're a public piss hole.
Buy something or get out.
Tip me or die.
Pig-Pen and His Playmates
You've been here for 20 minutes. Fine, you spent $10 on coffee and a day-old muffin, chill out for a bit.
But please, do NOT leave such a hideous mess! Do you eat, or do you just shove your face in the muffin and motorboat it?
And how the hell did you get coffee under your chair? Is that your special place where you design your tinfoil hats?
The Business Meeting/Job Interview
Really? You're going to do this here?
First off, how embarrassing for the person you're interviewing, and secondly, if you're going to conduct business in our business may I please ask that you choose your seating accordingly?
The table RIGHT BESIDE the counter entrance/exit is not the best choice. Certainly when you're sitting far enough away from the table that you're blocking my path completely, and refuse to move when I sand behind you repeating, "Excuse me," three times.
No, I'm not sorry I elbowed you in the head, despite how sorry I pretended to be.
Get your ass out of my way or I'll suddenly have to carry some sort of liquid near your OMG IMPORTANT ELEVENTY! papers and I might lose my balance.
The Stragglers
All I have to say about you people is that you've been here for FOUR hours and all you bought was a small coffee.
And you didn't tip me.
Get out.
*edit*
I thought of more!
We are not Starbucks!
"You know that drink at Starbucks... the green tea one with the thing and the stuff? You know?"
No I don't know. I have no bloody idea what in the hell you are talking about.
You may have noticed I am wearing a black apron not a green one and that NOTHING in this cafe even slightly resembles the decor of a Starbucks.
In fact the mere act of you bringing up Starbucks in an effort to help me better understand the heinous concoction you want me to brew up for you suggests to me that you know damn well you're not in a Starbucks.
Why are we even having this conversation? There's a Starbucks down the street; go there if you want what they have.
Did you like my response to your question, though? That deadpan stare followed by, "I've never been to a Starbucks in my life."
I have, but for you I will pretend I have not because it further reinforces my point that WE ARE NOT STARBUCKS and if you want one of their drinks, honestly, five minutes to your left.
Confused much?
Things we do not have:
Frappucinos: NOT Starbucks. Say Chillers. Saaaay iiiiiit!
Iced Capps: NOT Tim Hortons. Icespresso Chiller. It says it on the machine. PS they're gross and so are you for ordering it.
Venti: LAAAAAAAAAARGE. Say it with me, laaaaaaaaaarge.
Wraps: We did, but I ate the last one of the kind you wanted. You snooze you lose, sucker.
http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1214 - hotlinking removes the chance for the provider to make a living from advertising, and we don't want to make him stern and frowny ~ R
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