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OK! So, now that it's over, I can finally update about everything that's gone on here!
DNC 2008
We had the DNC roll through this past week, and it just made our entire weeks hellish...12 hour days, 6 days for the week, and nothing but dealing with people the whole time. The people in the hotel weren't so bad, but the people outside...
Lock down!
I don't know what people are trying to prove when they protest something like this, but crowding around a hotel (thankfully not mine) and spray painting "Fuck The Pigs" on it proves...what, exactly? I realize that some people don't like the police, but do you realize that you're in a city of roughly 800,000 people who are happy the police are around right now? It's because you idiots keep clogging up our streets, screaming inane slogans at people who don't give a shit, they just want to go to work, go get food, go home, get laid, and go to sleep. We here in Denver wish you would all kindly play a game of Hide and Go Fuck Yourselves.
She looks good for her age.
We had a protestor throughout the week who looked like something out of a bad joke. He was about 5'10", wore a wife beater, was hairy as all hell, looked like he was pregnant, and had mid-back length blond hair like he was the lost member of the band Whitesnake. He also carried some signs that said things like "Impeace Bush (Swastika) Cheney", "No Black Separatist for President", and "When you give up your guns, you give up your rights." You could also tell his presence there was more to incite reactions and get people to try something, because he kept a video camera palmed 100% of the time to film anyone who so much as stepped near him.
The final night, he keeps trying to come on property to "attempt to sieze someone for criminal, uh, ripping away my signs", which is a new one to me. I could be wrong, but I don't think that's in the Colorado statutes anywhere. He tries this 3-4 times, and it's obvious we're not letting him on property, so he gives up and stands back out on his street corner. The best part of his whole stay, though, is when we talked to someone who saw his signs, and we said sorry for it. His response? "Sorry for what? She looks good for her age!"
Do you have to be such douchebags?
There was a large party across the street from the hotel on the last night...and the idiots, for some ungodly reason, closed their bathrooms to the public. The party, who is in no way affiliated with the property across the street that has been screening and stopping non-guests all week, tells them all to come here to use the bathroom. Uncle Khiras finds this very amusing.
People start losing their minds at me, asking me where I expect them to pee. The questions are great:
"What if I just pee on the side of the building instead then?"
Police Officer next to me: "Then you're going to be spending the night with me, aren't you shithead?"
Me:
"Come on, can't you just let me in?"
Me: "No, because then the 40 people right next to you bug me even more."
And my favorite:
"Do you have to be such douchebags?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, and I'm enjoying myself immensely right now."
We put up with about 45 minutes of that until the police went over to the party, and informed them that, under any circumstances, we would not allow their random people to come use our toilets and make a mess. It didn't help much, but it was a nice move.
I'm a guest.
This repeated conversation can be more or less verbatim, since I had it about 500 times over the course of an 80 hour week. This occured every night at the front doors.
Me: "Good evening sir, do you have your credentials or guest passport?"
SC: "No, but I'm staying here."
Me: "Do you have your ID? We'll need to check your name against the rooming list."
SC: "I don't have my ID with me."
Me: "Is there anyone you can call inside the hotel to vouch for you?"
SC: "No, I'm staying alone."
Me: "Ok...what is your room number?"
SC: "(Insert number that doesn't exist)"
Me: "We don't have a room by that number."
SC: "Yes you do. (Oh, right, I forgot, we built rooms inside the meeting rooms! Idiot.) Look, just let me in."
Me: "I'm afraid I can't do that right now."
At this point, SC either pulls out a room key, or an ID (which, oh, I thought you didn't have, fuckwit!) and we find out they're at the wrong hotel. However, regardless of this, he still manages to call us fuckers on his way out of the hotel. I hope they all died horrible deaths, complete with a cavity search from the FBI just prior to their untimely demise.
Anyone famous?
SC: "Hey, anyone famous staying here?"
Me: "I'm actually not sure...not that we could say anyway."
SC: "Isn't Obama staying here?"
Me: "Nope."
SC: "Ooo, that means he is!"
Me: "Actually, that means 'Nope', but if you'd like to camp out waiting on the public sidewalk, I suppose you could. You'd never see him though, he's really not here."
SC: "Right...nudge nudge. What's it worth to see what his room's like?"
Me: "Hell if I know, I only care about the rooms in this hotel. You can go find his and bribe someone there."
This conversation continues along this track for about 20 more minutes, but I'll spare you. I'm telling the truth, folks...he ain't here. Now go away. Actually, I think I just walked away from the guy mid-sentence and he couldn't get in the front door.
I was being serious.
You are media, with a press pass. Fine, but you've been informed that we have designated media areas...and in the bar, with random people, is not one of them. So why is it, when told by us and police that you cannot interview here...you walk 50 feet around a corner and do it again? Now you're stuck outside of the hotel, and we have pictures posted of you so you can't come back in. How're those interviews going?
Edit: forgot one!
But it worked yesterday!
This was annoying, at the same time as the bathroom deal above. We were letting people with valid credentials enter and use the hotel all week, but the GM ordered the hotel closed to non-guests when the bathroom thing started happening...so we locked all but a couple doors, and we stood guard in front of them, and every conversation was like this (at least, the non-bathroom ones from above):
Us: "Good morning, do you have your guest key or passport from check-in?"
SC: "I have my credentials right here."
Us: "Are you staying in the hotel?"
SC: "No, but you've taken these all week."
Us: "I apologize, but we're only open to registered guests at this time as a security measure."
SC: "But you accepted this before!"
Lather, rinse, repeat, diaf.
Ok, so that's the worst of the DNC...we were tired, but I got to meet a lot of cool people (ton of famous politicians, including 2 presidents, plus guys like Chevy Chase and Stevie Wonder shook my hand!
), so now it's over...and we already have SC's tonight, after my 1 night off. 
Also, quick note...someone on the forums apparently knows where I work Whoever that was, you asked for me once early during our shift change, and the second time you asked was during the story below. So, to whoever was looking for me,
Fuck, duck!!
For once, I'm going to try and see things from how I imagine these two idiots saw them:
Idiot 1: "Hi! I'm part of a wedding party, and instead of celebrating, I'm going to get drunk and my mouth is going to write checks my ass can't cash!"
Idiot 2: "Hi! I'm a 20-something jackoff who's too drunk to make sense of cheese, and I think I'm a badass!"
Idiot 1: "Look, idiot 2 is hitting on random girl that I know! I'm going to mouth off about how he's a piece of shit because he's nowhere near our 'stature' in the world." (Note, yes, #1 did actually admit later that he got pissed because "people of his stature shouldn't be speaking with people of our stature")
Idiot 2: "Fuck you, buddy."
Idiot 1: "No, PUNCH! THROW BEER BOTTLE!"
Idiot 2: "OW! THROW BEER BOTTLE BACK!"
Melee ensues.
Bar manager: "Uh, Security?"
We go up with the police and arrest both people, and almost detox a third guy about 20 minutes later when he also makes comments about how "you've got guys of their stature, and people like you (the police), and it's no wonder this city's got problems." Oh yeah, that went real well.
Wasn't even a good fight...they both threw punches like pansies.
The Wedding Crashers
This night's just a gem, I got to break up a wedding party! 2:30, first warning...3:10, second and final warning...ok folks, at 3:30, when you've already been told that I don't want to see you ever again, why do you crank up the noise and play a game of high speed roller fucking in the room with 8 people? Your music selection sucks ass on top of it all, and now you're surprised when the police and I show up at your door and tell you all to fuck off?
The best part, one of the shitheads there walks out of the room, sees me, and gives one of those smartass "huh" chuckles and smirks at me. Amusingly enough, the swat upside the back of his head from the police officer got his attention, and he stopped being a fuck so openly after that.
Seriously, I hate you goddamn people, I hope you die.
Don't ride it, cowboy.
One last one...when one of our bars closed (2am's the latest you can serve alcohol in Colorado), a group of idiots left...with us about a minute behind them, and 2 police with me who were there until about 2:30 or so. We get into the lobby right as a jackass tears the vacuum cleaner backpack our night cleaners use away from a tiny girl who works here, puts it on, and begins acting like a jackass with it...screaming, and acting like the hose part is a horse bucking him off. This goes on for about 10 seconds, and suddenly his whoops and hollars turn into a very uncomfortable scream/moan sound as the no longer patient officers (DS and DM from here on) catch up to him. See, he's now had his arm wrenched behind him at an uncomfortable angle for disrupting the "Not Being a Fuck" clause in their existence contract. We're now going to watch and giggle while the backpack is removed from the Dancing Idiot, and he'll be paraded into the back room in front of his friends...who will also still be conveniently present when he's dragged back onto the front drive to be loaded into the detox van.
Would anyone else like to rip things away from my night cleaners? No? Good, I'm glad you got the message that we don't like that.
So, that's more or less been my week...and things ain't getting any easier next week. Stay tuned, I should have plenty of drunkard stories coming up soon on Funtime With Uncle Khiras...
Oh yeah, and again, to whoever came to watch me wallow in my misery,
DNC 2008
We had the DNC roll through this past week, and it just made our entire weeks hellish...12 hour days, 6 days for the week, and nothing but dealing with people the whole time. The people in the hotel weren't so bad, but the people outside...
Lock down!
I don't know what people are trying to prove when they protest something like this, but crowding around a hotel (thankfully not mine) and spray painting "Fuck The Pigs" on it proves...what, exactly? I realize that some people don't like the police, but do you realize that you're in a city of roughly 800,000 people who are happy the police are around right now? It's because you idiots keep clogging up our streets, screaming inane slogans at people who don't give a shit, they just want to go to work, go get food, go home, get laid, and go to sleep. We here in Denver wish you would all kindly play a game of Hide and Go Fuck Yourselves.
She looks good for her age.
We had a protestor throughout the week who looked like something out of a bad joke. He was about 5'10", wore a wife beater, was hairy as all hell, looked like he was pregnant, and had mid-back length blond hair like he was the lost member of the band Whitesnake. He also carried some signs that said things like "Impeace Bush (Swastika) Cheney", "No Black Separatist for President", and "When you give up your guns, you give up your rights." You could also tell his presence there was more to incite reactions and get people to try something, because he kept a video camera palmed 100% of the time to film anyone who so much as stepped near him.
The final night, he keeps trying to come on property to "attempt to sieze someone for criminal, uh, ripping away my signs", which is a new one to me. I could be wrong, but I don't think that's in the Colorado statutes anywhere. He tries this 3-4 times, and it's obvious we're not letting him on property, so he gives up and stands back out on his street corner. The best part of his whole stay, though, is when we talked to someone who saw his signs, and we said sorry for it. His response? "Sorry for what? She looks good for her age!"
Do you have to be such douchebags?
There was a large party across the street from the hotel on the last night...and the idiots, for some ungodly reason, closed their bathrooms to the public. The party, who is in no way affiliated with the property across the street that has been screening and stopping non-guests all week, tells them all to come here to use the bathroom. Uncle Khiras finds this very amusing.
People start losing their minds at me, asking me where I expect them to pee. The questions are great:
"What if I just pee on the side of the building instead then?"
Police Officer next to me: "Then you're going to be spending the night with me, aren't you shithead?"
Me:
"Come on, can't you just let me in?"
Me: "No, because then the 40 people right next to you bug me even more."
And my favorite:
"Do you have to be such douchebags?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, and I'm enjoying myself immensely right now."
We put up with about 45 minutes of that until the police went over to the party, and informed them that, under any circumstances, we would not allow their random people to come use our toilets and make a mess. It didn't help much, but it was a nice move.
I'm a guest.
This repeated conversation can be more or less verbatim, since I had it about 500 times over the course of an 80 hour week. This occured every night at the front doors.
Me: "Good evening sir, do you have your credentials or guest passport?"
SC: "No, but I'm staying here."
Me: "Do you have your ID? We'll need to check your name against the rooming list."
SC: "I don't have my ID with me."
Me: "Is there anyone you can call inside the hotel to vouch for you?"
SC: "No, I'm staying alone."
Me: "Ok...what is your room number?"
SC: "(Insert number that doesn't exist)"
Me: "We don't have a room by that number."
SC: "Yes you do. (Oh, right, I forgot, we built rooms inside the meeting rooms! Idiot.) Look, just let me in."
Me: "I'm afraid I can't do that right now."
At this point, SC either pulls out a room key, or an ID (which, oh, I thought you didn't have, fuckwit!) and we find out they're at the wrong hotel. However, regardless of this, he still manages to call us fuckers on his way out of the hotel. I hope they all died horrible deaths, complete with a cavity search from the FBI just prior to their untimely demise.
Anyone famous?
SC: "Hey, anyone famous staying here?"
Me: "I'm actually not sure...not that we could say anyway."
SC: "Isn't Obama staying here?"
Me: "Nope."
SC: "Ooo, that means he is!"
Me: "Actually, that means 'Nope', but if you'd like to camp out waiting on the public sidewalk, I suppose you could. You'd never see him though, he's really not here."
SC: "Right...nudge nudge. What's it worth to see what his room's like?"
Me: "Hell if I know, I only care about the rooms in this hotel. You can go find his and bribe someone there."
This conversation continues along this track for about 20 more minutes, but I'll spare you. I'm telling the truth, folks...he ain't here. Now go away. Actually, I think I just walked away from the guy mid-sentence and he couldn't get in the front door.
I was being serious.
You are media, with a press pass. Fine, but you've been informed that we have designated media areas...and in the bar, with random people, is not one of them. So why is it, when told by us and police that you cannot interview here...you walk 50 feet around a corner and do it again? Now you're stuck outside of the hotel, and we have pictures posted of you so you can't come back in. How're those interviews going?
Edit: forgot one!
But it worked yesterday!
This was annoying, at the same time as the bathroom deal above. We were letting people with valid credentials enter and use the hotel all week, but the GM ordered the hotel closed to non-guests when the bathroom thing started happening...so we locked all but a couple doors, and we stood guard in front of them, and every conversation was like this (at least, the non-bathroom ones from above):
Us: "Good morning, do you have your guest key or passport from check-in?"
SC: "I have my credentials right here."
Us: "Are you staying in the hotel?"
SC: "No, but you've taken these all week."
Us: "I apologize, but we're only open to registered guests at this time as a security measure."
SC: "But you accepted this before!"
Lather, rinse, repeat, diaf.
Ok, so that's the worst of the DNC...we were tired, but I got to meet a lot of cool people (ton of famous politicians, including 2 presidents, plus guys like Chevy Chase and Stevie Wonder shook my hand!
), so now it's over...and we already have SC's tonight, after my 1 night off. Also, quick note...someone on the forums apparently knows where I work
Whoever that was, you asked for me once early during our shift change, and the second time you asked was during the story below. So, to whoever was looking for me, Fuck, duck!!
For once, I'm going to try and see things from how I imagine these two idiots saw them:
Idiot 1: "Hi! I'm part of a wedding party, and instead of celebrating, I'm going to get drunk and my mouth is going to write checks my ass can't cash!"
Idiot 2: "Hi! I'm a 20-something jackoff who's too drunk to make sense of cheese, and I think I'm a badass!"
Idiot 1: "Look, idiot 2 is hitting on random girl that I know! I'm going to mouth off about how he's a piece of shit because he's nowhere near our 'stature' in the world." (Note, yes, #1 did actually admit later that he got pissed because "people of his stature shouldn't be speaking with people of our stature")
Idiot 2: "Fuck you, buddy."
Idiot 1: "No, PUNCH! THROW BEER BOTTLE!"
Idiot 2: "OW! THROW BEER BOTTLE BACK!"
Melee ensues.
Bar manager: "Uh, Security?"
We go up with the police and arrest both people, and almost detox a third guy about 20 minutes later when he also makes comments about how "you've got guys of their stature, and people like you (the police), and it's no wonder this city's got problems." Oh yeah, that went real well.
Wasn't even a good fight...they both threw punches like pansies.
The Wedding Crashers
This night's just a gem, I got to break up a wedding party! 2:30, first warning...3:10, second and final warning...ok folks, at 3:30, when you've already been told that I don't want to see you ever again, why do you crank up the noise and play a game of high speed roller fucking in the room with 8 people? Your music selection sucks ass on top of it all, and now you're surprised when the police and I show up at your door and tell you all to fuck off?
The best part, one of the shitheads there walks out of the room, sees me, and gives one of those smartass "huh" chuckles and smirks at me. Amusingly enough, the swat upside the back of his head from the police officer got his attention, and he stopped being a fuck so openly after that.
Seriously, I hate you goddamn people, I hope you die.
Don't ride it, cowboy.
One last one...when one of our bars closed (2am's the latest you can serve alcohol in Colorado), a group of idiots left...with us about a minute behind them, and 2 police with me who were there until about 2:30 or so. We get into the lobby right as a jackass tears the vacuum cleaner backpack our night cleaners use away from a tiny girl who works here, puts it on, and begins acting like a jackass with it...screaming, and acting like the hose part is a horse bucking him off. This goes on for about 10 seconds, and suddenly his whoops and hollars turn into a very uncomfortable scream/moan sound as the no longer patient officers (DS and DM from here on) catch up to him. See, he's now had his arm wrenched behind him at an uncomfortable angle for disrupting the "Not Being a Fuck" clause in their existence contract. We're now going to watch and giggle while the backpack is removed from the Dancing Idiot, and he'll be paraded into the back room in front of his friends...who will also still be conveniently present when he's dragged back onto the front drive to be loaded into the detox van.
Would anyone else like to rip things away from my night cleaners? No? Good, I'm glad you got the message that we don't like that.
So, that's more or less been my week...and things ain't getting any easier next week. Stay tuned, I should have plenty of drunkard stories coming up soon on Funtime With Uncle Khiras...
Oh yeah, and again, to whoever came to watch me wallow in my misery,
So glad I used to work for a nice, quiet little hotel. Just me on graveyard weekends and the worst I dealt with were the annoying soccer and football kids. I got off light 
And the rent is the same I'm paying now. 
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