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Updating a day earlier than usual this week, since I'm in on my normal day off, having been sick this week. I've also been moved to day shifts this week/month, so I only work a couple graves a week, this means I'm dealing with an entirely different timeframe of idiocy, which tends to throw me off a little bit. That said, here. We. Go.
Madonna and The Vatican!
We get called over to the lobby level woman's restroom, when we go in there is a woman about 20 years past her prime who is laying on the ground, curled up, clutching a backpack as a pillow. Now, the assumption here is that she's passed out drunk, so we make sure she's breathing (she is), and my female night officer shakes her a couple times and tries to wake her up. Suddenly, the woman whips up at full speed, obviously not having really been asleep, and screams "GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD WAKE UP FOR YOU!" Naturally, we were a bit surprised.
The instant she does this, I also recognize her as one of the more...er...colorfully worded hobos in the downtown area. We start trying to get her out of there, and she asks us "If Madonna can't sleep here, where can she sleep, The Vatican!?" Uhm...sure! Head off to Italy, lady, they'll welcome you with open gunfire, er, arms.
I hope a train hits you in front of your family.
Every Wednesday, there's a large group of douchebags who like to ride around Denver on bicycles. Now, the riding does not turn them into douchebags, but a lot of them like to pull shit while they do it...specifically, riding around in circles on private property. They used to do this a lot, and since they had a lot of near misses with vehicles and pedestrians on our property, we started responding to it in the most unfriendly way possible. Sometimes we have the police help out, but usually we just gather people at the entrance to the front drive, so their only option would be to hit someone with a bike to get in (assault and battary, plus trespassing if they did so), so people got the message and tend to just ride by, no problem. Mostly.
See, a few weeks ago, one of them decided that the best course of action was to get off his bike and get in an argument with me, which resulted in one of the few times I've gotten to swear at someone with a "get the fuck off my property." I'm normally more calm, but he was an ass, so meh. Anyway, he rode past screaming at us, calling us names and such...and damn near got hit by a car as a result. Maybe I'm vindictive, but I was a little disappointed by that...he really had earned at least a nudge from a car lately.
26 pages...
When you stay with a large hotel chain, records of your stays follow you...or more specifically, records of the things you bitch about. Some of the notes are good...ie, we have a system here for our "Top Guests" where people who stay a lot and who are generally awesome get little free perks that we offer them from time to time...things like wine and such. Other notes are bad, basically detailing every complaint you had that was worth nothing.
We had a guy check in a couple days ago who has 26 pages of notes. His brother added 2 more pages. Everyone else in the hotel: 1 page. Wow.
The notes are for everything from room temperature (room must be cold on arrival), he needs 4 newspapers delivered daily, room rate (if he thinks a rate is too high, he whines...we didn't cave though, since he reserved the best suite we have), he even has specific demands on what sheets are used on his bed, and what order they are laid down in. All in all, he's actually not abusive or anything, and is very cordial with employees, but he is a complete entitlement whore in terms of being spoiled silly. That said, his stay here's gone well so far, so maybe he isn't so bad...
Goodbye
This one saddens me a bit, and is more of a co-worker issue, but alas it's part of the week. One of the people on my staff that I trusted 100%, and one of my best officers in general, was caught doing something bad. My hope is still that it was an honest mistake, but from the way it looks, it appears he was caught stealing and returned the items as a result. Bit of a long story (that I actually can't post in full yet), but I had to take him into our HR and let him go this morning. Sucks too, since he's the 2nd person I lost this week, since someone else no-called until they got fired too.
My schedule sucks
Another co-worker issue, folks, I know you have your preferred days off. I know that, when I schedule you to work those days, I sometimes interrupt your personal life, or make you re-plan things to do in your free time. That said, how many times do I have to make it clear that "preferred" =/= "guaranteed"? 99% of the time, you get your days, but when I have 2 people fired and a busy week, hours have to be covered however possible to make sure we're properly staffed. I know it sucks, but complaining to me is not going to make me schedule 1 person to cover an entire shift...we can't do that.
Eew... (A little gross for some of you, I'd imagine
)
SC: Sick Customer
Me:
SC: Hi...er...I'm having a problem.
Me: Alright sir, can you tell me what's happening?
SC: I had a little...uh...accident in my room.
Me: (Great, he shit or pissed the bed) O...k, er, do you need medical assistance?
SC: I think I might...it's a little embarassing though, is there any way to keep it quiet?
Me: (Oh jesus, dare I ask?) I can...try, if we have to call an ambulance though there will be some of my staff who brings them up to the room. Would you like me to come up there alone, and I can keep my people outside?
SC: ....................Yeah, I guess that would work. Can you call an ambulance?
Me: Ok...I'll be right up.
So I head up, just wondering what the hell is going on...I get people moving, get the call going, and make sure everyone knows to just wait outside. I get there, and the guy is about my age, he's hunched over though, so at first I'm thinking maybe his back gave out or something, or he got a dive bar pickup girl/guy, and tried lifting them only to realize they were a land whale. Something like that, right?
No. He was alone, and lonely, and he had a large, personal...er...appliance that rhymes with "high grater". He got a little overexcited while using this appliance, and it got...er...lost. He couldn't get it out, and I sure as hell wasn't going to do it for him, and he did end up going to the hospital for it. However, in a moment of surreal hilarity, I suddenly realized while talking to him that his appliance was...turned on. It was subtle, but you could hear it...and when they got him on the stretcher to transport him, suddenly the sound amplified, and I found myself damn near ready to pee my pants as I tried not to laugh.
He's back now, having been...unplugged? Heh...he at least had the good sense to thank me for being discreet (he must not know I post here), and just asked where the gay bars were in town this time around. If he'd only done that to begin with...but I gave him the info and saw him a few hours later, plus one so everything appears to have worked out 
Wherein I use my first wherein
I commented on a post yesterday how much I love it when people use the fish-eye stare at me...mainly because I'm a pro, and I use it on my employees whenever they ask for anything just to mess with them. Go figure, this morning, I'm in the lobby and someone does it to me...and the strangest interaction I've had all week occurs with 3 bellmen looking at both of us like we were insane.
FE: Fisheye'd Customer
Me: Do we really need to keep reviewing this?
Me: Hello!
FE: Hi.
Me: How are you today?
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare> (this goes on for about a minute)
FE: I'm ok. <walks away>
Me:
Bellman 1: What the fuck is wrong with you people!?
Me: <stare>
BM1: That's it, I'm leaving. <walks away>
Maybe FE was someone who knew me from here, but I managed to freak out an entire department by just staring deeply into their eyes with my mouth slightly open. Good times
Overall, not too bad a week! Next week looks like a doozy, though...
Madonna and The Vatican!
We get called over to the lobby level woman's restroom, when we go in there is a woman about 20 years past her prime who is laying on the ground, curled up, clutching a backpack as a pillow. Now, the assumption here is that she's passed out drunk, so we make sure she's breathing (she is), and my female night officer shakes her a couple times and tries to wake her up. Suddenly, the woman whips up at full speed, obviously not having really been asleep, and screams "GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD WAKE UP FOR YOU!" Naturally, we were a bit surprised.
The instant she does this, I also recognize her as one of the more...er...colorfully worded hobos in the downtown area. We start trying to get her out of there, and she asks us "If Madonna can't sleep here, where can she sleep, The Vatican!?" Uhm...sure! Head off to Italy, lady, they'll welcome you with open gunfire, er, arms.
I hope a train hits you in front of your family.
Every Wednesday, there's a large group of douchebags who like to ride around Denver on bicycles. Now, the riding does not turn them into douchebags, but a lot of them like to pull shit while they do it...specifically, riding around in circles on private property. They used to do this a lot, and since they had a lot of near misses with vehicles and pedestrians on our property, we started responding to it in the most unfriendly way possible. Sometimes we have the police help out, but usually we just gather people at the entrance to the front drive, so their only option would be to hit someone with a bike to get in (assault and battary, plus trespassing if they did so), so people got the message and tend to just ride by, no problem. Mostly.
See, a few weeks ago, one of them decided that the best course of action was to get off his bike and get in an argument with me, which resulted in one of the few times I've gotten to swear at someone with a "get the fuck off my property." I'm normally more calm, but he was an ass, so meh. Anyway, he rode past screaming at us, calling us names and such...and damn near got hit by a car as a result. Maybe I'm vindictive, but I was a little disappointed by that...he really had earned at least a nudge from a car lately.
26 pages...
When you stay with a large hotel chain, records of your stays follow you...or more specifically, records of the things you bitch about. Some of the notes are good...ie, we have a system here for our "Top Guests" where people who stay a lot and who are generally awesome get little free perks that we offer them from time to time...things like wine and such. Other notes are bad, basically detailing every complaint you had that was worth nothing.
We had a guy check in a couple days ago who has 26 pages of notes. His brother added 2 more pages. Everyone else in the hotel: 1 page. Wow.
The notes are for everything from room temperature (room must be cold on arrival), he needs 4 newspapers delivered daily, room rate (if he thinks a rate is too high, he whines...we didn't cave though, since he reserved the best suite we have), he even has specific demands on what sheets are used on his bed, and what order they are laid down in. All in all, he's actually not abusive or anything, and is very cordial with employees, but he is a complete entitlement whore in terms of being spoiled silly. That said, his stay here's gone well so far, so maybe he isn't so bad...
Goodbye
This one saddens me a bit, and is more of a co-worker issue, but alas it's part of the week. One of the people on my staff that I trusted 100%, and one of my best officers in general, was caught doing something bad. My hope is still that it was an honest mistake, but from the way it looks, it appears he was caught stealing and returned the items as a result. Bit of a long story (that I actually can't post in full yet), but I had to take him into our HR and let him go this morning. Sucks too, since he's the 2nd person I lost this week, since someone else no-called until they got fired too.
My schedule sucks
Another co-worker issue, folks, I know you have your preferred days off. I know that, when I schedule you to work those days, I sometimes interrupt your personal life, or make you re-plan things to do in your free time. That said, how many times do I have to make it clear that "preferred" =/= "guaranteed"? 99% of the time, you get your days, but when I have 2 people fired and a busy week, hours have to be covered however possible to make sure we're properly staffed. I know it sucks, but complaining to me is not going to make me schedule 1 person to cover an entire shift...we can't do that.
Eew... (A little gross for some of you, I'd imagine
)SC: Sick Customer
Me:
SC: Hi...er...I'm having a problem.
Me: Alright sir, can you tell me what's happening?
SC: I had a little...uh...accident in my room.
Me: (Great, he shit or pissed the bed) O...k, er, do you need medical assistance?
SC: I think I might...it's a little embarassing though, is there any way to keep it quiet?
Me: (Oh jesus, dare I ask?) I can...try, if we have to call an ambulance though there will be some of my staff who brings them up to the room. Would you like me to come up there alone, and I can keep my people outside?
SC: ....................Yeah, I guess that would work. Can you call an ambulance?
Me: Ok...I'll be right up.
So I head up, just wondering what the hell is going on...I get people moving, get the call going, and make sure everyone knows to just wait outside. I get there, and the guy is about my age, he's hunched over though, so at first I'm thinking maybe his back gave out or something, or he got a dive bar pickup girl/guy, and tried lifting them only to realize they were a land whale. Something like that, right?
No. He was alone, and lonely, and he had a large, personal...er...appliance that rhymes with "high grater". He got a little overexcited while using this appliance, and it got...er...lost. He couldn't get it out, and I sure as hell wasn't going to do it for him, and he did end up going to the hospital for it. However, in a moment of surreal hilarity, I suddenly realized while talking to him that his appliance was...turned on. It was subtle, but you could hear it...and when they got him on the stretcher to transport him, suddenly the sound amplified, and I found myself damn near ready to pee my pants as I tried not to laugh.
He's back now, having been...unplugged? Heh...he at least had the good sense to thank me for being discreet (he must not know I post here), and just asked where the gay bars were in town this time around. If he'd only done that to begin with...but I gave him the info and saw him a few hours later, plus one
so everything appears to have worked out Wherein I use my first wherein
I commented on a post yesterday how much I love it when people use the fish-eye stare at me...mainly because I'm a pro, and I use it on my employees whenever they ask for anything just to mess with them. Go figure, this morning, I'm in the lobby and someone does it to me...and the strangest interaction I've had all week occurs with 3 bellmen looking at both of us like we were insane.
FE: Fisheye'd Customer
Me: Do we really need to keep reviewing this?
Me: Hello!
FE: Hi.
Me: How are you today?
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare>
FE: <stare>
Me: <stare> (this goes on for about a minute)
FE: I'm ok. <walks away>
Me:
Bellman 1: What the fuck is wrong with you people!?
Me: <stare>
BM1: That's it, I'm leaving. <walks away>
Maybe FE was someone who knew me from here, but I managed to freak out an entire department by just staring deeply into their eyes with my mouth slightly open. Good times
Overall, not too bad a week! Next week looks like a doozy, though...
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