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Barnum & Bailey gone horribly wrong! In Textbook Hell.... (Yeah, still kinda long!)
Only one really big noteworthy incident of suck to detail tonight, but boy is it a doozy. And by now, everyone should know I don’t write short posts. And away we go!!
So, this innocent looking little froshie (freshman) comes up to me, asking for help in obtaining a book that he accidentally knocked behind the shelving unit, and it is now stuck. When I say innocent looking, I mean he looked 12, maybe 14 at the oldest, and like he’s a lost Cleaver child. Or at the very least is part of the Mickey Mouse club of yore, who only likes good wholesome fun!
Ahem. Now, Naturally, this book is the last copy in our system, and he needs it for his class tomorrow. So, I grab a broom and head over to see if I can jar it loose, as it’s in the history shelves.
Allow me to take a moment to describe how our history shelves are set up. Because there are seventy million history classes, and it’s such a fecking huge section, the history shelves line one entire back wall, and one set come close to almost hitting perpendicular another set of shelves, forming a 90 degree angle, that leaves MAYBE a foot of space between the two shelving units. We fill this space with boxes of overstocked books, so no room to fit a ladder in. The book has fallen between the unit and the wall behind the highest shelf, naturally…
So, after poking it with a broom to try and jar it loose to no avail, I am forced into climbing the shelves to try and jar it loose from above.
Picture, if you will, a 6 ft tall, plump female who is very very curvy, scaling a shelving unit. Not even the unit the book is stuck behind, no. I had to climb on the boxes of books, balance one leg on the shelves perpendicular to where the book is stuck, and twist so I can reach into the crack between the wall and the shelf, in the hopes of wiggling it free. I climb to the very top of the unit, and contort myself at an angle that resembles downward facing dog, the yoga position, which I can never get into on flat ground on a good day.
In the course of this, my t-shirt is naturally being tugged down by gravity, (and to myself, I thought thank goodness I’m wearing the pretty purple underthings today!!!) I manage to wiggle the book inch by excruciating inch free, all the while the customer is murmuring encouragement. I think that the placement of his voice is odd, and I glance over…
To see that he’s standing UNDERNEATH me, LEERING at me with his gaze fixed firmly on my pretty purple bra!!
I manage to finally retrieve the book and hop down, offering it to him with a frosty smile. And of course, the indignity doesn’t end there.
Me: There you are, sir. Good luck with your studies.
SC: Thanks! Oh…wait, this is the book for History 3395, right?
Me: Yes.
SC: Oops! My bad, I need the book for History 3359!! <chortles>
Me: <Say. What. Now.!?!? I was just perved on by a Mousketeer!!!>
Seriously? I hope on your next peeping venture you end up outside the home of a female who has a recently paroled boyfriend. I hope this recently paroled boyfriend decides he missed his old prison pet named Snowflake, and upon catching you, decides you shall be Snowflake II. I hope one day, while googling snowflake for a random reason, I see some of the most disturbing images in my life involving you, three sheets of plywood, a corkscrew and some bacon fat, on the cover of the gay bondage version of Penthouse!!
If fate is too busy to grant that particular wish, then with luck, the next time I’m volunteering in the hospital, you’re the next drunk fuck who decides to try and win a $50 bet by shoving a cantaloupe up your ass!!
Or, you know, you can just die in a fire…
I retrieve the book for him silently, and send him toddling on his way, still chortling to himself in glee. I glance up and while at the registers, he looks my way and WINKS at me, still leering. I smile vaguely, as I’m on the phone with my manager K, explaining what happened, and K is taking notes, seeing the guy pays with a card. Guess who’s name is being put on the ban list???
Perved on by a 12 year old looking Mousketeer. I feel so…unclean… <shudder>
So, this innocent looking little froshie (freshman) comes up to me, asking for help in obtaining a book that he accidentally knocked behind the shelving unit, and it is now stuck. When I say innocent looking, I mean he looked 12, maybe 14 at the oldest, and like he’s a lost Cleaver child. Or at the very least is part of the Mickey Mouse club of yore, who only likes good wholesome fun!
Ahem. Now, Naturally, this book is the last copy in our system, and he needs it for his class tomorrow. So, I grab a broom and head over to see if I can jar it loose, as it’s in the history shelves.
Allow me to take a moment to describe how our history shelves are set up. Because there are seventy million history classes, and it’s such a fecking huge section, the history shelves line one entire back wall, and one set come close to almost hitting perpendicular another set of shelves, forming a 90 degree angle, that leaves MAYBE a foot of space between the two shelving units. We fill this space with boxes of overstocked books, so no room to fit a ladder in. The book has fallen between the unit and the wall behind the highest shelf, naturally…
So, after poking it with a broom to try and jar it loose to no avail, I am forced into climbing the shelves to try and jar it loose from above.
Picture, if you will, a 6 ft tall, plump female who is very very curvy, scaling a shelving unit. Not even the unit the book is stuck behind, no. I had to climb on the boxes of books, balance one leg on the shelves perpendicular to where the book is stuck, and twist so I can reach into the crack between the wall and the shelf, in the hopes of wiggling it free. I climb to the very top of the unit, and contort myself at an angle that resembles downward facing dog, the yoga position, which I can never get into on flat ground on a good day.
In the course of this, my t-shirt is naturally being tugged down by gravity, (and to myself, I thought thank goodness I’m wearing the pretty purple underthings today!!!) I manage to wiggle the book inch by excruciating inch free, all the while the customer is murmuring encouragement. I think that the placement of his voice is odd, and I glance over…
To see that he’s standing UNDERNEATH me, LEERING at me with his gaze fixed firmly on my pretty purple bra!!
I manage to finally retrieve the book and hop down, offering it to him with a frosty smile. And of course, the indignity doesn’t end there.
Me: There you are, sir. Good luck with your studies.
SC: Thanks! Oh…wait, this is the book for History 3395, right?
Me: Yes.
SC: Oops! My bad, I need the book for History 3359!! <chortles>
Me: <Say. What. Now.!?!? I was just perved on by a Mousketeer!!!>
Seriously? I hope on your next peeping venture you end up outside the home of a female who has a recently paroled boyfriend. I hope this recently paroled boyfriend decides he missed his old prison pet named Snowflake, and upon catching you, decides you shall be Snowflake II. I hope one day, while googling snowflake for a random reason, I see some of the most disturbing images in my life involving you, three sheets of plywood, a corkscrew and some bacon fat, on the cover of the gay bondage version of Penthouse!!
If fate is too busy to grant that particular wish, then with luck, the next time I’m volunteering in the hospital, you’re the next drunk fuck who decides to try and win a $50 bet by shoving a cantaloupe up your ass!!
Or, you know, you can just die in a fire…
I retrieve the book for him silently, and send him toddling on his way, still chortling to himself in glee. I glance up and while at the registers, he looks my way and WINKS at me, still leering. I smile vaguely, as I’m on the phone with my manager K, explaining what happened, and K is taking notes, seeing the guy pays with a card. Guess who’s name is being put on the ban list???
Perved on by a 12 year old looking Mousketeer. I feel so…unclean… <shudder>
No, I think my mind was just TOO far in the gutter!
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