Rude outgoing messages

[friendofjimmyk]

When calling members today, I have encountered two rude outgoing voicemail messages on their cell phones.

One was the members granddaughter. She was putting on a voice that was supposed to be that of a snotty brat...and it came off rather well. The message went something like this:

"Hi, you've reached ***** voicemail. This is his granddaughter, the most important person in the world to him. He has no time to answer your call because he does not care about anything else but me. If you think you are important enough for him to call back, you can leave a message, but I doubt it will do you any good!"

It may have been a joke, but I didn't find it funny. It wasn't a little girl doing it either, this woman sounded at least in her early 20s.

Another message simply said:

"I'm not in, talk to my secretary." Then it beeped.

Smart ass.

[Becks]

When calling members today, I have encountered two rude outgoing voicemail messages on their cell phones.

One was the members granddaughter. She was putting on a voice that was supposed to be that of a snotty brat...and it came off rather well. The message went something like this:

"Hi, you've reached ***** voicemail. This is his granddaughter, the most important person in the world to him. He has no time to answer your call because he does not care about anything else but me. If you think you are important enough for him to call back, you can leave a message, but I doubt it will do you any good!"

It may have been a joke, but I didn't find it funny. It wasn't a little girl doing it either, this woman sounded at least in her early 20s.

I wonder if she had Gramps' permission...and if she didn't, what he'll say to her when he finds out.

[friendofjimmyk]

Well, there was a slight giggle among the rudeness...so it made me believe that it was supposed to be a joke. I just didn't find it funny! I would hope grandpa is retired and does not recieve calls of the professional nature on that phone.

[Jester]

Actually, some people find MY current outgoing message on my cell phone rude. I say some, because most people who know me find it funny. And I say current because I change the message semi-regularly.

The current one sounds something like this: "Hi, this is Jester. If you're hearing this, it means that either I am working, sleeping, in a movie theater, or just flat out don't want to talk to you. Leave a message, and if I actually want to talk to you, I'll call you back when I get the chance."

[Rapscallion]

A guy I used to know always answered the phone "Over sixties hang-gliding club."

Twenty years and more on, it's more a reality than a joke.

Rapscallion

[friendofjimmyk]

I will admit to having some rude outgoing messages on my voicemail before. I haven't in a long time. I keep my messages rather professional. Don't get me wrong, I love a good funny one as much as anyone, but I just did not find the humor in either of those messages...ESPECIALLY grandpa's!

My own most rude outgoing message:

"Congratulations you are the grand prize winner of not being important enough for me to answer! If you feel you have won this prize in error leave a message and see if I call you back!"

That was during a very dark period in my life when I had quite the flare for the drama.

[MadMike]

I don't know if this qualifies as "rude" or not, but one time I had one that had really loud music in the background, and then, "Hello? (pause) Hold on, I can't hear you. Let me turn the music down. (music lowers) OK, I'm back. (doorbell rings) Oh, sorry. Hold on, someone's at the door. I'll be right back. (longer pause) OK, I'm back. What's up? (pause) Oh, you wanted to talk to Mike? Well, I'm not home right now. If you leave a message, I'll get back to you!"

I ended up changing it after my best friend got all annoyed.


Another story, again not sure if it qualifies as "rude" or not.

Every so often, I'd get a message for someone who didn't live there, despite my name being on the outgoing message. So I changed it to something like "This is Mike. I'm not here right now, but if you leave a message I'll get back to you. If you're trying to reach someone other than Mike, I'm afraid you have the wrong number."

Anyone want to guess whether or not I still got messages for someone other than me, despite the message and the fact that I lived alone at the time?

[skeptic53]

A guy I used to know always answered the phone "Over sixties hang-gliding club."

Twenty years and more on, it's more a reality than a joke.

Rapscallion

I grew up in a small town a long time ago (yeah, in a galaxy far far away...). The local phones at that time only needed 5 digits. My friend's phone was 6-3834, the local funeral home was 6-3438. He would answer the phone "**** Family Mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!"

Once a month or so he'd get an horrified gasp in response.

[Broomjockey]

My manager would answer the internal phones with various silly responses, including "City morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em" Now I wonder where he got that from.

[repsac]

When I was in HS, one of my buddy's dad actually was the local mortician. I remember him telling me a rather amusing story. I'm going to try to do the dialect so it comes out right. Just picture a rather shocked young gang banger on the other end of the phone.

D: Dave (not real name)
C: Caller.

D: *ring. ring* Wilson's funeral home. Dave speaking.
C:Shantee there?
D:Who?
C:Shantee. She der? I gots to speak to her.
D: (at this point, Dave opted to have some fun.) Daymn! Man din you hear!? She dun died! We's gonna funeralize her tomarrow.
C: (Sounding shocked) "Wot? Naw naw. Can't be her. She can't be dead, I jus talked to her befoe I gots out of jail. You shore it her?
D: Yeap, she gunna be buried at the Sidon first baptist church. You come on an see for yourself.

About this time, the caller just ended up repeating "No, it can't be." Over and over and over. Dave hung up about then.

Upon hearing this story, I had to wonder. What happened if Shantee called that guy?

[digilight]

Oh I love caller ID. Gives me a chance to answer the phone with variations of

City Morgue you kill 'em we chill em

Dads Roadkill dinner, you kill 'em we grill 'em

Johns adult cinema, now with 50% less sticky spots.

and of course, Roscoes house of ribs.

ahh the fun, pisses my mom off to no end at times.

Maybe thats why my wife doesn't let me answer the phone to often.

[pbmods]

For various reasons, I would always end my voicemail recording with, "In the future, you can press '1' to skip this recording."

Until I found out that '1' does *not* skip the recording on my voicemail. D'oh!

[Spiffy McMoron]

"I'm not in, talk to my secretary." Then it beeped.

Hey, I like that one.

My old roommate and I really liked Tenacious D, so on our answering machine we put down, "Hello, you've reached the two kings. We're off in Idaho to help with the potato famine, so leave a message." Confused the hell out of Dad.

As an aside, I really hate it when I'm phoning people up that I'm not to familiar with and I get a machine that doesn't have the name on it, just the number. Then I'm not sure if I've reached the right place. Double confusion if I'm phoning for a "Jeff", for example, and it's a woman's voice on the machine.

[Acolyte]

My voicemail is:
'Hello?

...

...

Ha! Just kidding. I'm not in. Leave a message.'

Most of my messages start with 'Don, you ass.'

[Discourtesy Clerk]

I had a friend that always answered her home phone, "Hello, city morgue." Always. Even after she had started job hunting and every potential employer had her number. She was...not the most mature person I've ever known.