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  • What do you call a Thief + Others (contails gross details)

    ok people first post, been reading this for a long time and finally think I have enough stories to qualify so here goes

    What do you call someone who steals

    ok so first thing first, a bit of infomation, I work at a club, it's a rather nice one. In the cafe we have all of our wine choices displayed in a cellar like wall-thing (can't exactly remember the term but think about the massive wine cellars in old-schoolish places and it looks like that only smaller) this not only looks pretty cool but allows the guests in the club to view our wine choices, to pick them up and read the labels, year etc the cellar-thing is in full view of the cafe staff and has several security camera pointing at it but we still sometimes have a problem with morons being "smart" enough to think they can steal the wine and when we catch them we get the usual assortment of pathetic excuses such as "oh I thought they were free" or "it was given to me by an employee" usually these people are banned from the club and are charged for the wine they stole.

    However, one friday night while doing a floor run I catch a group of young girls stealing the wine red-handed and gave them a bit of a talking to

    traditional Key
    Me: yours truly
    SC: The group of girls and their elective "diplomat"
    DM: Duty Manager on for the night

    So I walk out of the back room of the bar (into the cafe just a few metres from the Wine-Wall) and see the girls giggling and puting a few bottles of wine in their handbags and holding a couple in hand.

    Me: Excuse me? what do you think you're doing?

    SC: oh..um..we were just choosing some wines

    Me: The bar is right around the corner, you'll have to go to the bar to buy the bottles.

    the girls who had the wines in the handbags quietly shift their bags out of my sight

    SC: oh ok then thank you!

    I follow them around the corner to the bar out of suspicion and naturally they don't take the bottles in the handbags out for purchase

    I tell the bartender to wait and ask the girls to open their handbags
    the girls do and sure enough they've stuffed two bottles of wine in the bags.

    SC: What!? how'd these get in here!?

    (pages DM and security)

    Me: I'm going to have to ask you wait here until the manager arrives

    SC: Why? we've done nothing wrong

    at this point one of the other girls walks up to me and whispers that she'll give me $50 if I let them go (you just stole two $23 bottles of wine, for $50 you could've just bought them you dumb cow)

    Me: Sorry I'm not going to risk my job by letting you steal while I'm in full view of several cameras and my co-worker

    SC: Steal!? are you calling me a THIEF!?

    Me: well what do you call someone who steals?

    SC: I want to speak to your manager!

    Me: I paged him a little while ago when I found the bottles and he should be here momentarily.

    SC: You have no right to accuse me of stealing!

    DM and security turn up and the DM asks me what is wrong, I tell him I found 2 bottles of wine in the girls handbags when I asked them to open it. DM pages security offices and has them search the wine-wall footage of the last few minutes and confirms they stole the wine

    DM: would all of you mind passing me your membership cards?

    they reluctantly hand over their cards and the DM pockets them

    DM: we do not tolerate theft of any kind here, all of you are banned from the club permenantly and we'll have security escort you out

    SC: I'm going to complain about all of you! I'm never coming back to this club ever!

    DM: I know ma'am, I'm going to make sure of it

    Security escorts the cursing women out of the club and I never saw them again...natually

    The Antics of the Drunk

    ok this one didn't happen to me but to a co-worker of mine (I was on holiday at the time)

    on busy nights the floor people have to go into the toilets to check for bottles, messes, broken glass, passed out people, you know the usual. So my co-worker walks into the male toilets and finds a small crowd around one of the toilet cubicles (wtf right?) so he moves into the crowd to see what all the commotion is about and there's a guy sitting on the toilet, taking a dump while a girl is going down on him

    so he quickly runs out of the toilet and grabs security who promptly kick both out

    as weird as that be, apparently the back story behind it, from the point of a guy using the urinal is that the guy, blind drunk, stumbled into the toilet, didn't lock or even close the door before proceeding in his business and then the girl, who had never met the guy and was even MORE blind drunk, stumbled in, saw the guy and got interested and it happened from there...crazy right?

  • #2
    SC: I'm going to complain about all of you! I'm never coming back to this club ever!

    DM: I know ma'am, I'm going to make sure of it
    PRICELESS! FATALITY!

    Comment


    • #3
      *stares*



      My brain... it hurts...
      Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

      Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

      Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Scarto View Post
        The Antics of the Drunk
        As disgusting as the act you described is, there actually is a term for it and it apparently is a prized "achievement" among some males. The term is "Plumpkin".
        Quoth Scarto View Post
        SC: I'm never coming back to this club ever!

        DM: I know ma'am, I'm going to make sure of it
        I agree with UncleImpy. That is an excellent come back! I like your manager.
        Last edited by South Texan; 10-08-2008, 05:33 PM.
        "Ignorance is no excuse for a law."
        .................................................. ..................- Alfred E. Newman

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Scarto View Post
          So my co-worker walks into the male toilets and finds a small crowd around one of the toilet cubicles (wtf right?) so he moves into the crowd to see what all the commotion is about and there's a guy sitting on the toilet, taking a dump while a girl is going down on him

          Isnt that a blumpkin? LOL





          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Scarto View Post
            SC: Steal!? are you calling me a THIEF!?

            Me: well what do you call someone who steals?


            DM: we do not tolerate theft of any kind here, all of you are banned from the club permenantly and we'll have security escort you out

            SC: I'm going to complain about all of you! I'm never coming back to this club ever!
            NO NO! Don't say you'll never come back! How will we ever live without you?!?!

            DM: I know ma'am, I'm going to make sure of it
            1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
            -----
            http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Scarto View Post
              So my co-worker walks into the male toilets and finds a small crowd around one of the toilet cubicles (wtf right?) so he moves into the crowd to see what all the commotion is about and there's a guy sitting on the toilet, taking a dump while a girl is going down on him
              Quoth South Texan
              As disgusting as the act you described is, there actually is a term for it and it apparently is a prized "achievement" among some males. The term is "Plumpkin".

              Quoth Amina516
              Isnt that a blumpkin? LOL
              Amina's got it correct. It's called a blumpkin.

              And yes, it is about the greatest thing that can happen to a male, if my co-workers opinions on the subject are any indication.

              I'd also like the record to show I'm probably the one who introduced this board to the term. I revel in my gutter-mindedness.
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                Amina's got it correct. It's called a blumpkin.
                Geez, the things this board has caused me to look into.

                According to the Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) there are three terms for this act: Blumpkin, Lumpkin and Plumpkin.

                Call it whatever you want. I am going to find that bleach.
                "Ignorance is no excuse for a law."
                .................................................. ..................- Alfred E. Newman

                Comment


                • #9


                  Damn you Irv, I'm going to blame you for this.
                  Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

                  Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

                  Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    And yes, it is about the greatest thing that can happen to a male, if my co-workers opinions on the subject are any indication.
                    I'd be considered an oddity amongst yourco-workers then, sexual gratification is the last thing on my mind whilst I'm pinching out a loaf.
                    I am the nocturnal echo-locating flying mammal man.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Scarto View Post
                      The Antics of the Drunk

                      ok this one didn't happen to me but to a co-worker of mine (I was on holiday at the time)

                      on busy nights the floor people have to go into the toilets to check for bottles, messes, broken glass, passed out people, you know the usual. So my co-worker walks into the male toilets and finds a small crowd around one of the toilet cubicles (wtf right?) so he moves into the crowd to see what all the commotion is about and there's a guy sitting on the toilet, taking a dump while a girl is going down on him

                      so he quickly runs out of the toilet and grabs security who promptly kick both out

                      as weird as that be, apparently the back story behind it, from the point of a guy using the urinal is that the guy, blind drunk, stumbled into the toilet, didn't lock or even close the door before proceeding in his business and then the girl, who had never met the guy and was even MORE blind drunk, stumbled in, saw the guy and got interested and it happened from there...crazy right?
                      That reminds me of a youtube video. It's called Internet Party: When Google's parents leave town...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgQMTLKmwrA. Ok, just found out it's from cracked.com. But anyway, that's how the video ends. It's hilarous
                      Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                      Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                      I wish porn had subtitles.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        There was a thread about a "blumpkin" a little while ago. I thought it was worse, so I didn't follow the link to see what it was. Still, that's so gross!
                        Check out my cosplay social group!
                        http://customerssuck.com/board/group.php?groupid=18

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