what you'd like to state...

[staticradio]

I have a colleague who, instead of stating "have a nice day!" would like to state something to the effect of "hope you die in a fiery car crash!"

any others (in jest, mind you...well, maybe...)?

[Jester]

[after getting a lame-ass tip after doing a helluva job]

"Thanks for nothing. Hope your cheap ass gets gang-raped by a bunch of large smelly hillbillies!"

"Thanks for the 1% tip. Hope you're vacation sucks ass."

"Thanks for the generosity of that $1 tip on a $50 tab. Now I can get my mother that operation she needs!"

You get the idea.

If customers could hear what I was thinking when I get jacked by cheap assholes, oh, man, would I be in some serious deep shit.

[ArenaBoy]

When working VIP:

"You're not a VIP and you're not funny now show me your damn pass."

"You don't own the place and I think you should shut up."

"Just because you drive a Escalade doesn't mean that I'm impressed. It means you're compensating for something."

"I hate to say this to you, but I think your gf or wife is only dating you for your money."

"You pay that much for a spot? Well I know of guitars that are expensive so shut it."

Working Suite:

"You are not funny when you make that pun, you just killed my brain cells."

"Your ticket just has your suite number, it's not a pass you idiot."

"For the last time, STOP MAKING THAT PUN!!!!"

Directing traffic of any kind:

"I don't care what you have to say, move along."

"I am dodging idiots like you, not answering your questions."

"Quit your whining, I'm in charge of where you go."

"Learn to drive you dumb sack of "

Jester, I am in the same boat as you if customers could hear my thoughts.

[friendofjimmyk]

The thing that most often rings in my head while on the phone with someone acting stOOpid is, "Hello, McFly!?!?!"

[pbmods]

Heh.

99% of the day, the only thought running through my head is...

"Well, they're YOUR memories, you cheap bastard."

[AFpheonix]

To the typical question: "15 minutes? It's really going to take that long? "
What I usually say: "Yep. See you back in a bit!"
What I'd like to say: "Nope, I lied, it's going to be an hour."

[Knightmare]

Working Suite:

"You are not funny when you make that pun, you just killed my brain cells."

"For the last time, STOP MAKING THAT PUN!!!!"

Ok, I'll bite... what pun would that be?

[ArenaBoy]

Ok, I'll bite... what pun would that be?

It goes: "I am suite (Sweet) you know." Which usually ends with me wanting to send them throught the chipper. In fact : I feel better now.

[Deceptitech]

What I want to say

Thank god for mute buttons.

"Thank you for calling retard shack, what do you think you want today?"

"Thank you for calling go f*&% yourself.com"

"You want your money back? I want you to shut up. neither of us are getting what we want today."

[Drakstern]

"Please hang up if you don't have your policy information ready. Thank you."

[chainedbarista]

'thanks for your patronage of our...BATHROOM! hope you die a slow painful death, douchbag!'

said to those who like to use our restroom and never buy a damned thing...

[dragonflygrrl]

"Thank you for wasting my time so you can learn how to use the phone you bought at our competitor. Be sure and hurry back there next time you want to make a pest of yourself."

"If I wanted to hear sob stories, I'd listen to country music. Just pay your freaking bill already and get out of my face." said to people that come in and have to explain why their bill is late with ever more improbable stories about how they were in the hospital, and their dog died, and their sister ran off with the milk man, and then they got abducted by aliens, and how dare you shut off my phone?!

[MadMike]

One day when I was on register, I told a customer to "Have a crappy day!" It was OK though, because he was a friend of mine. He just smiled and said, "Thanks! You too!" I smiled back and said, "Already there!"

[Sunsetsky]

Usually after I'm done dealing with an SC, that thing that goes through my head is usually:

"Hope you rot in hell today!"

or

"I hope you get run over in the parking lot."


I'm surprised that I haven't accidentally said it outloud.