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I'd have rather ordered a pizza. 
But that applies to most things I have to do.
I get a bit sweary ahead.
More remedial counter tales. In half an hour, I sold a clip. 84 cents. I sold an oil filter. 7 bucks. The rest was a non-stop barrage of questions and smart-asses. These are the good ones.
The Clip
This is the clip I sold, but the BS from Mr Douche was not worth it.
MD: I need one of these. <hands me remnant of said clip>
Me: No worries, I have plenty of these.
MD: It ought to be free. I shouldn't have to pay for something like that.
Me: It's not free. Nothing is. You're lucky, though. It is cheap. 84 cents.
MD: More than free is a rip off.
Me: Cashier to the right. Good day, sir.
Dude. You're getting out of a dealership parts department for less than a dollar!! How often does that happen? Fuck off and smile when the door hits your ass!
The Joker
You think you're clever. You think you're slick. Well, kiss my ass, I think you're a prick.
Me: Can I help you?
TJ: Yeah, I need an LS7 and the computer kit. <said with a straight face. I thought my day was looking up>
Me: No worries, although I will need to order it for you.
TJ: Nah, just playin' bro. I need an oil filter for my 96 Tahoe.
Me: That I have in stock. Cashier to the right.<I sincerely hope you trip on the way out and accidentally jam it up your ass. No really, I do>
In his defense, he was "just playin". However, cockwaffles like this guy just make me not believe the people who actually want to spend 15 grand when they come in.
More wire schematic asshattery
I refer to this guy as Microwaved Sock. That's how he smelled.
MS: I need the chassis wiring diagrams for an '85 Cadillac Eldorado <HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA No>
Me: My catalogs don't have diagrams unfortunately. You'll need a repair manual or you might ask the shop. If they have them in ALLDATA they may be able to print them.
MS: You're not gonna help me? I should have bought a Lincoln. <shuffles off>
Dude. First, bathtime. Then, wake up. We don't keep wiring diagrams in the parts department. Why? Because we aren't in the habit of rewiring cars in the parts department. Thank you, that is all.
BTW, the Lincoln dealer wouldn't have wiring diagrams in the parts department either. How do I know? I know the guys at the Lincoln dealer.
Sequence this!!!!
This guy had a PedoSmile. EWW.
PS: I need the torque sequence for the heads on my 350. It's in a '78 Cheyenne truck.
Me: <FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!> I'm sorry, sir. I don't have any service info in here. However, that kind of info should be in any service manual for vehicles with 350's(of which there are about 8 billion!!!!). <He's gonna give me shit. The pedosmile went away. Ah shit here it comes>
PS: You don't have it? Unbelievable. Is this not the dealer? Why is it a run around when I come in here? Why don't you stock parts for the older cars? You never have any information when I come in here! You just want me to buy a new truck!
Me: OK. Pardon my forthrightness. Yes this is the dealer. However, we don't fix cars in the parts department. We don't diagnose problems in the parts department. We don't have service information in the parts department. If you need service info I suggest buying a manual, talking to the service department or searching for it on the internet. The info you're looking for is widely available(Google is your friend). Would you like to buy a service manual? Perhaps you could ask the service department to print that info out for you?
PS: No. They just want me to spend money too! Nothin's free anymore. <Leaves>
Why is it assumed that ownership of a Chevrolet, regardless of year, entitles you to ass-kissing-for-life at the dealer? Why? I've read the owners manuals on most of these things and it doesn't mention it in there. Is there a secret phone call that Chevy owners get? I had a Chevy once, I didn't get my phone call!!!
But that applies to most things I have to do.I get a bit sweary ahead.
More remedial counter tales. In half an hour, I sold a clip. 84 cents. I sold an oil filter. 7 bucks. The rest was a non-stop barrage of questions and smart-asses. These are the good ones.
The Clip
This is the clip I sold, but the BS from Mr Douche was not worth it.
MD: I need one of these. <hands me remnant of said clip>
Me: No worries, I have plenty of these.
MD: It ought to be free. I shouldn't have to pay for something like that.
Me: It's not free. Nothing is. You're lucky, though. It is cheap. 84 cents.
MD: More than free is a rip off.
Me: Cashier to the right. Good day, sir.
Dude. You're getting out of a dealership parts department for less than a dollar!! How often does that happen? Fuck off and smile when the door hits your ass!
The Joker
You think you're clever. You think you're slick. Well, kiss my ass, I think you're a prick.
Me: Can I help you?
TJ: Yeah, I need an LS7 and the computer kit. <said with a straight face. I thought my day was looking up>
Me: No worries, although I will need to order it for you.
TJ: Nah, just playin' bro. I need an oil filter for my 96 Tahoe.
Me: That I have in stock. Cashier to the right.<I sincerely hope you trip on the way out and accidentally jam it up your ass. No really, I do>
In his defense, he was "just playin". However, cockwaffles like this guy just make me not believe the people who actually want to spend 15 grand when they come in.
More wire schematic asshattery
I refer to this guy as Microwaved Sock. That's how he smelled.
MS: I need the chassis wiring diagrams for an '85 Cadillac Eldorado <HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA No>
Me: My catalogs don't have diagrams unfortunately. You'll need a repair manual or you might ask the shop. If they have them in ALLDATA they may be able to print them.
MS: You're not gonna help me? I should have bought a Lincoln. <shuffles off>
Dude. First, bathtime. Then, wake up. We don't keep wiring diagrams in the parts department. Why? Because we aren't in the habit of rewiring cars in the parts department. Thank you, that is all.
BTW, the Lincoln dealer wouldn't have wiring diagrams in the parts department either. How do I know? I know the guys at the Lincoln dealer.
Sequence this!!!!
This guy had a PedoSmile. EWW.
PS: I need the torque sequence for the heads on my 350. It's in a '78 Cheyenne truck.
Me: <FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!> I'm sorry, sir. I don't have any service info in here. However, that kind of info should be in any service manual for vehicles with 350's(of which there are about 8 billion!!!!). <He's gonna give me shit. The pedosmile went away. Ah shit here it comes>
PS: You don't have it? Unbelievable. Is this not the dealer? Why is it a run around when I come in here? Why don't you stock parts for the older cars? You never have any information when I come in here! You just want me to buy a new truck!
Me: OK. Pardon my forthrightness. Yes this is the dealer. However, we don't fix cars in the parts department. We don't diagnose problems in the parts department. We don't have service information in the parts department. If you need service info I suggest buying a manual, talking to the service department or searching for it on the internet. The info you're looking for is widely available(Google is your friend). Would you like to buy a service manual? Perhaps you could ask the service department to print that info out for you?
PS: No. They just want me to spend money too! Nothin's free anymore. <Leaves>
Why is it assumed that ownership of a Chevrolet, regardless of year, entitles you to ass-kissing-for-life at the dealer? Why? I've read the owners manuals on most of these things and it doesn't mention it in there. Is there a secret phone call that Chevy owners get? I had a Chevy once, I didn't get my phone call!!!
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