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Wherein Irv gets bitched at and cleans up something disgusting

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  • Wherein Irv gets bitched at and cleans up something disgusting

    Today was certainly...special.

    Receipt checks, sort of

    At my store, policy is when you do a furniture/TV carryout for somebody, you ask to see the person's reciept, check it, and then initial it before loading up the item. Otherwise, any dick-for-brains can just drive up and say "I got that 42-inch TV you have there."

    Now I understand receipt checking is a controversial topic here, but in this case we're not accusing anybody of shoplifting if they don't agree to the check. They haven't even taken something without paying. We just won't load up the item until we can prove it's paid for. I'm not going to have LP browbeating me over a $1500 TV that left the store without having been paid for, that I delivered to the "customer". Plus it occasionally happens that the cashier rings up only one item when the customer has two, or they ring up two items when the customer only has one.

    So today, I carried out a TV for a customer, and asked to see their receipt.

    "Why do you need to see that?"

    "I just need to initial it."

    "You don't need to see that and I don't have to show it to you."

    "I'm not allowed to load up your TV until I initial your receipt."

    *cat-butt face, gusty sigh* Okay, HERE....

    And then later today, I had to carry out two TVs (total purchase of almost $2000). The customers turned out to be four Mexicans, speaking very enthusiastic Spanish amongst each other. They didn't speak a word of English to me until I asked to initial their receipt, at which point one of them piped up "What, you think we're trying to steal those?"

    As an added bonus, they tried to pick up their two bulky TVs in a Dodge Stratus, which didn't have enough room for them and the TVs combined.

    Ewwwww...

    All in all, it seemed like a fairly routine shoplifting bust. As I was changing labels in my printer this afternoon, this big, fat, burly guy with blond hair and a blond mustache went sauntering out the doors, and the LP lady and two manager came bolting out of the LP office after him.

    They brought him back inside the store and called the police.

    Instead, it turned out our culprit was one of our irregulars, who likes to come in and try on the women's clothes. It also turned out he had a pisser going on, because everybody who dealt with him said they could really smell the booze on him, and the cops had to call one of his friends or relatives to remove his car from the parking lot. Once again, it has never ceased to amaze me how many people around here are three sheets to the wind by early afternoon, and they're not at a ballgame or anything.

    He came in and decided to start his excursion by modeling some of the latest ladies fashions. Then he started following around some lady and her daughters, staring kinda intensely at them with his hands gallivanting around inside his waistband . They got shook up and told management about him.

    Then, I dunno, I guess he tried following somebody else around, and they too reported him, so LP began following him via camera.

    Then, he stopped in the bathroom, went into a stall, and started grunting and gasping in a manner not consistent with struggling with a Number 2.

    The store manager started following him around, and went into the bathroom behind him, washing his hands and just trying to see what he'd do. I guess he came out and told the service desk people "I don't think I want to know what he's doing in there."

    As the police were doing their thing with this guy, I got a call from the store manager:

    "Irv, I need a huge favor from you. Put on some rubber gloves and a dust mask and mix up some bleach and water. We've got a ...spill in the men's room to address."

    And that, dear friends, is how I wound up cleaning jizz off the men's room floor. Let's just say I kept my distance and let the mop take care of everything.

    Store manager gave me a $10 gift certificate to the sub shop in the mall for doing it though.

    So how are you all doing today?
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    Ahhh!!!

    Brainbleach, brainbleach, brainbleach!

    The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

    Now queen of USSR-Land...

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post

      Store manager gave me a $10 gift certificate to the sub shop in the mall for doing it though.

      Firstly, may I LMAO?

      But really, ONLY $10?!

      Im not sure I could attach a monetary value to that, but im thinkin that woulda been worth more than that......(maybe suggest one of those $1500 TV's??? )

      Im sorry for that ding into your humanity though.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
        So how are you all doing today?
        Barfolicious now, thanks.

        Please tell me this yokel was banned from your store too.
        "You are the dumbest smart person I have ever met in my life!" Will Smith, 'I, Robot'.

        "You LOSE! Good day, sir!" Gene Wilder, 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'.

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        • #5
          Store manager gave me a $10 gift certificate to the sub shop in the mall for doing it though.
          Yeah, cos after cleaning up sperm, everyone likes eating submarine sammiches.

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          • #6
            Quoth PepperElf View Post
            Yeah, cos after cleaning up sperm, everyone likes eating submarine sammiches.

            Thankfully, I had eaten lunch before this happened. Otherwise I think I would've ordered my sammich without mayo.
            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

            Comment


            • #7
              Friends and I used to have discussions on what we thought the worst job in the world had to be, jizz mopper topped the list frequently, my condolences.
              If I dropped everybody who occasionally said something stupid from my list of potential partners, I wouldn’t even be able to masturbate

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              • #8
                what would you of rather of cleaned up....a nasty number 2 or what that pee for brains did because he wasn't good enough for a woman.
                It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.

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                • #9
                  Quoth Sarlon View Post
                  what would you of rather of cleaned up....a nasty number 2 or what that pee for brains did because he wasn't good enough for a woman.
                  I'd rather clean up poo... It smells worse, true. But feces is a byproduct of something everyone does, eat. And if it's smeared on the walls, it's from some angry douchebag or a crazy. The deal with semen was that it came from a big ole dirty pervert and that would make me feel unclean in ways only my therapist could help.
                  "I'm working for popcorn - what I get paid doesn't rise to the level of peanuts." -Courtesy of Darkwish

                  ...Beware the voice without a face...

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Sarlon View Post
                    what would you of rather of cleaned up....a nasty number 2 or what that pee for brains did because he wasn't good enough for a woman.

                    Quoth NightWatch
                    I'd rather clean up poo... It smells worse, true. But feces is a byproduct of something everyone does, eat. And if it's smeared on the walls, it's from some angry douchebag or a crazy. The deal with semen was that it came from a big ole dirty pervert and that would make me feel unclean in ways only my therapist could help.
                    What she said.

                    I can deal with the smell of poo or even vomit. The thought of this big, fat, not-at-all handsome guy doing the secret handshake in the bathroom, and the liquid tell-tales of said handshake are just a tad creepier to me.
                    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                    • #11
                      "Welcome to my submarine. It's long and hard and full of se(a)men." -- from Goldmember.

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                      • #12
                        ... not a good time to eat tapioca.... :P

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                        • #13
                          Pass the brain bleach plz! That's better.

                          Why isn't he banned?
                          Check out my cosplay social group!
                          http://customerssuck.com/board/group.php?groupid=18

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                          • #14
                            management had him arrested, one could only assume he was also banned

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                            • #15
                              Never assume they get banned, management are idiots like that.
                              If I dropped everybody who occasionally said something stupid from my list of potential partners, I wouldn’t even be able to masturbate

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