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Hello all! So I'll jump right into the good stuff, here are some fantastic emails from work:
note: names and private information changed for privacy reasons.
Do you know who you emailed?
Does HA fly between Canadian cities? Is YVR the only closest airport for departure in Vancouver BC? What are the fall specials and terms and conditions for booking? Cheapest fares and dates or days of specials?
Ok, seriously?
HA stands for Hawaiian airlines, which is not me. If you had sent this in from my airlines website, which you must have since I am now reading your ridiculous email, and didn't notice the big logo for my airline all over the damn website then I can't help you. Also, yes, YVR (which STANDS for Vancouver Airport) is the closest airport in Vancouver. Asking about all the fall specials and all the terms and conditions will take too long for me to post in one email, why don't you tell me where you want to go and I'll tell you if we have any specials. And as far as the cheapest fares and dates, what do you want me to just magically know this? The system doesn't work that way as much as you may want it to, the fare will totally depend on what day and flight combination you pick, so how about you call in and tell us where and when you want to go and we'll work from there...sheesh. 
But you don't want a response?
STOP SENDING ME EMAIL! FIX YOUR WEBSITE TO MAKE IT EASIER TO STOP JUNK MAILINGS! DON'T RESPOND TO THIS! JUST STOP
Um...we don't send junk mail. (hard to believe I know but we really don't) You probably went to some travel agency website and now they are sending you promotions if you purchase through them and fly on our airline they'll give you a discount. The only emails we send out are the one's you get confirming you booked a reservation, or if you are signed up for email updates about your mileage plan. Also, you can block emails coming into your account, just use the handy dandy tool that let's you type in the name of where the email is coming from and it will block them for you. I can assure you though, they are not from us. But of course I cannot tell you any of this as you told me not to reply.
What now?
Thank you...this does not show on my reservation. In the past it has shown, but not on this reservation...thank you
What? What doesn't show? Who the heck are you and what are you talking about? This is not all that unusual actually as we have several different employees who answer the emails besides me and very often we get people who reply back to one of our email agents assuming that it will be the same person and they will remember what they were talking about. On all of our response emails we ALWAYS ask the customers to please reply with all previous email information, otherwise we end up with emails like this one that make no sense.
Call you?
Our admin assistant just purchased my ticket but the dates are wrong. Please contact me to amend.
First off I dislike you already because you're blaming someone else for messing up the ticket, they may have messed it up but there's no need to place blame. I can assure you I do not care who messed it up so telling me who did it makes no difference. All it does is make you feel like a smarter person because it wasn't YOU who messed up. Second, what kind of service do you think we offer? You can email us, or call us. Those are the choices. We will not answer your little summons your Highness and call you. Unless you would like to hear from me at 12:00am as I work the graveyard shift, would that be ok?
You sir, are a LIAR!
I am in Europe and can't telephone. Can I change my ticket...will be at the above phone number...555-555-5555
Am I supposed to believe this? Not only did you tell me you cannot telephone in to make your precious changes and then provide me with a phone number to call you at, but that said number is not even an international number! I admit to having brain hiccups quite often but even I am not dumb enough to fall for this one.
This is not obvious
side note: on the emails people send in we ask them to provide their phone numbers, I don't know why since we will almost never ever call them, but we do.
I would like to know how I could change my flight out of San Francisco on Nov 2nd to a flight out of Fresno. I don't know what flights are available. Obviously, I'm not at that home phone number right now!!
Why did you use the word obviously? The fact that you are not currently at home is not OBVIOUS to me at all! Not only is it not obvious that you are not at that home phone number, it is also not OBVIOUS that the phone number provided even goes to your home! For all I know that's a business number, or a cell number, or your summer vacation home in Hell's number. No where in this email should the word obvious be used you freaking waste of my time.
And...?
Hi, my confirmation code abcdef my daughter is ghijkl, we are traveling together on sunday 2 November
Ok...that's good. I'm glad you managed to not only book your own reservations, but to book two separate reservations for two different people to travel on the same flight and same date! In all honesty this poses more of a problem for passengers than one might think. But wait, I'm sure you needed something more than my praise about your reservation skills. If you have a quiestion about these reservations you must phrase your email in the form of, say it with me now, a question. Otherwise what we have here is a statement.
That's all for now folks. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! While they may be irritating I have to admit these absolutely ridiculous emails make my day more interesting.
note: names and private information changed for privacy reasons.
Do you know who you emailed?
Does HA fly between Canadian cities? Is YVR the only closest airport for departure in Vancouver BC? What are the fall specials and terms and conditions for booking? Cheapest fares and dates or days of specials?
Ok, seriously?
HA stands for Hawaiian airlines, which is not me. If you had sent this in from my airlines website, which you must have since I am now reading your ridiculous email, and didn't notice the big logo for my airline all over the damn website then I can't help you. Also, yes, YVR (which STANDS for Vancouver Airport) is the closest airport in Vancouver. Asking about all the fall specials and all the terms and conditions will take too long for me to post in one email, why don't you tell me where you want to go and I'll tell you if we have any specials. And as far as the cheapest fares and dates, what do you want me to just magically know this? The system doesn't work that way as much as you may want it to, the fare will totally depend on what day and flight combination you pick, so how about you call in and tell us where and when you want to go and we'll work from there...sheesh. But you don't want a response?
STOP SENDING ME EMAIL! FIX YOUR WEBSITE TO MAKE IT EASIER TO STOP JUNK MAILINGS! DON'T RESPOND TO THIS! JUST STOP
Um...we don't send junk mail. (hard to believe I know but we really don't) You probably went to some travel agency website and now they are sending you promotions if you purchase through them and fly on our airline they'll give you a discount. The only emails we send out are the one's you get confirming you booked a reservation, or if you are signed up for email updates about your mileage plan. Also, you can block emails coming into your account, just use the handy dandy tool that let's you type in the name of where the email is coming from and it will block them for you. I can assure you though, they are not from us. But of course I cannot tell you any of this as you told me not to reply.
What now?
Thank you...this does not show on my reservation. In the past it has shown, but not on this reservation...thank you
What? What doesn't show? Who the heck are you and what are you talking about? This is not all that unusual actually as we have several different employees who answer the emails besides me and very often we get people who reply back to one of our email agents assuming that it will be the same person and they will remember what they were talking about. On all of our response emails we ALWAYS ask the customers to please reply with all previous email information, otherwise we end up with emails like this one that make no sense.
Call you?
Our admin assistant just purchased my ticket but the dates are wrong. Please contact me to amend.
First off I dislike you already because you're blaming someone else for messing up the ticket, they may have messed it up but there's no need to place blame. I can assure you I do not care who messed it up so telling me who did it makes no difference. All it does is make you feel like a smarter person because it wasn't YOU who messed up. Second, what kind of service do you think we offer? You can email us, or call us. Those are the choices. We will not answer your little summons your Highness and call you. Unless you would like to hear from me at 12:00am as I work the graveyard shift, would that be ok?
You sir, are a LIAR!
I am in Europe and can't telephone. Can I change my ticket...will be at the above phone number...555-555-5555
Am I supposed to believe this? Not only did you tell me you cannot telephone in to make your precious changes and then provide me with a phone number to call you at, but that said number is not even an international number! I admit to having brain hiccups quite often but even I am not dumb enough to fall for this one.
This is not obvious
side note: on the emails people send in we ask them to provide their phone numbers, I don't know why since we will almost never ever call them, but we do.
I would like to know how I could change my flight out of San Francisco on Nov 2nd to a flight out of Fresno. I don't know what flights are available. Obviously, I'm not at that home phone number right now!!
Why did you use the word obviously? The fact that you are not currently at home is not OBVIOUS to me at all! Not only is it not obvious that you are not at that home phone number, it is also not OBVIOUS that the phone number provided even goes to your home! For all I know that's a business number, or a cell number, or your summer vacation home in Hell's number. No where in this email should the word obvious be used you freaking waste of my time.
And...?
Hi, my confirmation code abcdef my daughter is ghijkl, we are traveling together on sunday 2 November
Ok...that's good. I'm glad you managed to not only book your own reservations, but to book two separate reservations for two different people to travel on the same flight and same date! In all honesty this poses more of a problem for passengers than one might think. But wait, I'm sure you needed something more than my praise about your reservation skills. If you have a quiestion about these reservations you must phrase your email in the form of, say it with me now, a question. Otherwise what we have here is a statement.
That's all for now folks. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do! While they may be irritating I have to admit these absolutely ridiculous emails make my day more interesting.
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