'Tis the season to be sucky! (EPIC LENGTH)

[PizzaDrone]

I love wrapping gifts, tends to drive home the Christmas spirit more. Sounds like a lovely service you're offering for charity though. Is a shame there are a few idiots about.

[RetailWorkhorse]

At this point, I am suddenly introduced to something I wasn’t aware of existed before : A vibrating ring.

*Yells at Student*

Hey, Chotzkey! COCKRING!

*Watches have a conniption*

Okay, I'm happy.

Or unless they're an anime character. Then they can do all of the above, except rap, because the yellow men voicing them can't rap either. Yellow women on the other hand, let's just say I'll have Megumi's strawberry sherbet any time.
Yeah, I went there.

I'm considering going Straight for you, if only for your anime collection.

It is for me.

Dog bless the person who invented gift bags. *kisses an armful of them*

AMEN, BROTHER!

[Pagan]

Obviously, you havn't seen my father wrap a gift. He'll actually measure the box he's trying to wrap as well as the paper he needs to make sure he has the right amount of paper. He'll even make sure every line is completely straight. When it comes time to actually wrap the box, he creases every fold perfectly to make sure the paper doesn't bubble up and crinkle.

My mom? As long as the gift is covered, all's well.

If it wasn't that I know for a fact that I'm an only child, I'd think that you were my long-lost sibling! My dad does pretty much the same thing!

[Chromatix]

I'm fairly good at wrapping too - not world-class, but competent. I'll measure the paper against the object, but only roughly, and I'll try to keep it fairly neat and avoid too many white paper-undersides poking out. But then I actually observed how my childhood presents were wrapped, while I was unwrapping them...

[PepperElf]

OG: DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

... ironically, I disagree with his notions. Sure he can't see the wrapping paper, but that doesn't magically mean the rest of humanity should assume he doesn't care what it looks like. Hell, there are sightless people out there who'd be *offended* if you assumed that.

(just remembering the "Mr Holland's Opus" where the guy's son was pissed off cos dad just assumed his deaf son had no knowledge about the beatles and popular music)

And... hey the person he's giving the gift to might have a favorite color.

[AriRashkae]

Why is it guys can't wrap? It seems to be a universal truth.

My husband can. But then, he's the gayest straight man I've ever known. He usually picks out my clothes if it's anything other than jeans-and-a-t-shirt-or-sweatshirt.

[otakuneko]

I'm considering going Straight for you, if only for your anime collection.

Er, I'm.. not quite sure how I should take that.

You can have MAPS. But you're not getting my SMJ (VHS Box set, watch it every new years! First big anime purchase I ever made), or even my Gundam Wing CD-Rs

[Dreamstalker]

My mom? As long as the gift is covered, all's well.

My dad's an engineer, so he will always throw some sort of twist into the wrapping job that makes the unwrapping a bit more difficult than it looks. Of course, once the unwrapping is complete there's no way to figure out exactly what he did so as to get back at him...

My mom and I could care less, as long as it's covered...one year she wrapped something for me using the ends and scraps of various papers we had lying around (hey, might as well get some use before they were thrown out).

My grandmother would save paper and reuse it until it was torn to shreds. On Christmas Day she would watch everyone like a hawk to make sure that not one centimeter of paper was torn. We recently cleaned out the attic of that house, and threw out paper that was probably older than me.

[snackbandit]

Permission to paste the bit about the mother-in-law's present on another forum I belong to? The folks over there'll die laughing. I'd give proper credit, of course!

OMG that is just too funny

sure thing!

[Jester]

I mean, I understand that maybe you wanna spice it up with your girl and all, but please, don’t make me touch your sex toys, mkay?

Great post, but I have to point out one mistake you made. See, according to your post, he didn't make you touch his sex toy. Just the box it was in. Frankly, I don't see the problem with that. Big festive deal. It's a box. Now, if he actually handed you the ring itself, out of the box, I could understand your ick factor.....but no, I can't. Sorry. Thanks for playing.

Why is it guys can't wrap? It seems to be a universal truth.

No, no, no, no and HELL no.

Look, I may not be able to wrap as artistically as Mom and my older sister, The Witch, but not many people can. My gifts look good, sometimes even great, and the flaws I do have, I know how to cover up. Folding and scotchtaping can work miracles.

Now my mom's wrapping is not what drives me nuts. It's her unwrapping. She's will ever so slowly unwrap a gift, slowly, making sure not to rip the wrapping paper at all if she can do so, merely untaping it as she goes. This despite the fact that, at the end of the day, we merely toss all the wrapping paper in the trash.

That's right. My mother doesn't save the used wrapping paper. She just can't bring herself to actually tear it open like the rest of civilized society.

Well, I donno about the other races, but you see, white men can't jump, dance, wrap, or rap.

And again, no.

Okay, I'll admit I can't jump. Only way I'm dunking a basketball is if they lower the rim by a few feet.

And I don't think I can rap, but I don't honestly know, because I have zero DESIRE to rap.

But as stated above, I CAN wrap.

And I can also dance. Very well, for a straight white guy.

And for that matter, I can also coordinate my clothes when I get all dressed up, and have actually impressed some of my female friends with this. Especially when they know I'm straight.

just remembering the "Mr Holland's Opus" where the guy's son was pissed off cos dad just assumed his deaf son had no knowledge about the beatles and popular music

"YOUR BEST ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!"

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Why is it guys can't wrap? It seems to be a universal truth.

I've never had a problem wrapping gifts. It just takes a little patience.

Last year I wrapped gifts for my friends with (kitchen) tinfoil. No tape required!

The year before that I used Saran Wrap. My favorite colour... clear!

I'm thinking that this year it's going to be in newspaper... hopefully I can find something in a foreign language.

[Chromatix]

I've got a whole pile of Finnish-language local papers over here. They get delivered for free. But getting them to you might be more tricky.

[depechemodefan]

I think the guy who gave the cockring box to the OP could have given it to another, older person. Unless that particular year only teens were staffing the wrapping stations. Maybe he just wasn't thinking. I would be laughing too, though.

[BoxGirl]

Ah! A fellow box girl! It's amazing how stupid people can be as they're supposedly "spreading the Christmas cheer" with their gifts, isn't it?

I am in agreement with everyone else here... I'd like some of this mythical santa wrapping paper! But it makes me wonder why it was even bought in the first place...

Oh, and on the co-workers/co-volunteers note... I believe the correct term is "inmates".