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I think when I posted about it being too quiet, I may have jinxed myself, but oh well. It hasn’t been a huge plethora of suck, but there were a few instances I thought I’d share!
Er...right…
So, I’m setting shelf tags for the coming spring semester, and we’ve spent the last few weeks clearing down the fall semester books. Naturally, this means people have been coming in for fall books. Even though it’s November, and classes are officially over in less than a month. Ugh. Well, anyways, I had this gem of a conversation recently with a stupid woman.
SW: Why are all your books gone?!?!
Me: Er…well, we’re prepping for next semester, ma’am. We’ve moved the books to the back room.
SW: How does that help ME!?
Me: Um…if you know what book you’re looking for, I can grab it for you.
SW: <Rolls her eyes and gives a look of disgust> You know, if you kept the books out the WHOLE semester, it wouldn’t be so much work for students to find what they need!
Me: (so…it’s a lot of work to remember what class your in and what the book’s titled…?) well, can I help you get a book ma’am?
SW: No! I guess I’m just going to fail my FINAL because YOU can’t be bothered to keep books out! <Storms off>
Me: Right then…
Phone Fun!
Me: <opening spiel> Hi, thanks for calling <bookstore>, this is Lupo, how can I help you?
SC: Uh…yeah…I need to know if you have a book in stock?
Me: Sure, and which book were you looking for?
SC: <Gives title and author>
Me: I’m sorry, sir, it doesn’t appear that we carry that title.
SC: Oh, well I can wait while you check other stores.
Me: …I’m…sorry…? I don’t quite understand what you mean, sir…
SC: Well, can you put me on hold and call around? There are more stores in your area, right?
Me: Um…I…can’t do your shopping around for you, sir, I’m sorry.
SC: When you answered, you asked how you can help me. This is how?
Me: (please tell me this is a prank, please say “April Fools!” in the next ten seconds!!) …
SC: Hello? HELLO!?!?!
Me: Yes, I’m still here, sir, but I’m sorry, I can’t do what you’re asking.
SC: <Screaming> THEN WHY ASK HOW YOU CAN HELP ME IF YOU WON’T DO ANYTHING!!! <Click>
Me: … <to my textbook manager> Hey, L, it’s lunch time!
L: …but you only got here 15 minutes ago…
Me: Damn…
And more phone fun!!
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: <Rantragesnarlrabblescreamfoamatmouth!!!!!>
Me:
Um, beg pardon…?
SC: I SAID, why haven’t you’n’s filled out mah son’s employment verifying form so’s I can get mah food stamps!! Yer holdin’ up mah application!!!!
Me: …
Ma’am, I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking…
SC: I already told you! Where’s mah form!!?!?!?
Me: Ma’am, I can—
SC: I sent it with him TWO WEEKS AGO!!
Me: If you’ll just let me call a mana—
SC: And he said you said it wuz gonna be done in two days—
Me: No, seriously, let me get you to a mana—
SC: And I just want mah food stamps!! But NOOOO, I have to wait on you idiots at <Store that isn’t US> to fill out one stupid page!
Me: Ma’am?? Ma’am!
SC: I demand your manager!
Me: That’s nice, ma’am, but I don’t think he’ll be able to help you!
SC: Why not?!?!
Me: Because we’re <Bookstore>, not <Other store that is so obviously NOT us!>
SC: <Click>
Me: You have a great day, too, cupcake!
L: Do I want to know?
Me: Nope!
L: All righty then…
And people wonder why I believe in forced sterilization
I need to take a moment to explain that yesterday was a REALLY interesting day in that I got NO sleep the night before. And I still went to class and work. Class was interesting, at least it was to my sleep deprived mind. And then I get to work. Now, recently, L informed me that he and K had decided to put me in charge of re-setting the textbook floor and shelf tags. Whoopie! This means pulling old tags, printing new tags, alphabetizing tags by department, then further organizing them by course number, then section number. So it’s a lot of tedious work that you have to do right or it fucks up the entire department, and could fuck up an entire wall, requiring it to be redone. Yesterday, I managed to get every A department done, from African American Studies (AAS) to Art History (ARTH). How, I’ll never know, because I was so slaphappy stupid from lack of sleep that a cop thought I was on drugs, and I was forbidden from riding the bus home by myself, and was told I HAD to have someone drive me home. No one at the store volunteered, naturally, thanks guys, but luckily I was able to get ahold of EQ, so she could see me in all my sleep deprived glory.
ANYWAYS, today, I’m working my way through the B departments, which are a bit more irritating because there’s Biochem, Bioengineering and Biology, to deal with, and then there are the C departments and oh dear gods, the Cs… I’m also the only one in textbooks so when someone comes to the counter, I go to help. So, this couple comes in, with two kids, maybe 4-5 years old. Boy and girl. The parents want to do a buyback, so I’m plugging in the information and toddling along and then I hear it.
Shrieks of childlike glee. Coming from the textbook section. I look up and their spawn have disappeared. And what are the idiot man and woman focused on instead? That’s right, folks. The amount of money on their buybacks! And thus, the following conversation ensued.
Me: Excuse me, but could you keep your children close by? The textbook section isn’t someplace they should be in alone.
Idiot Woman: They ain’t doin’ nothing wrong.
Me: (How do you know?! You’re not watching them!) be that as it may, ma’am, we can’t have young children unsupervised in the store.
IW: <Heaves a sigh> Fine! Go get the kids! <Idiot man does so and comes back.>
IM: They was just amusing themselves.
IW: Whatever. <Proceeds to bitch about the fact that I’m robbing them blind over the buyback prices, etc, etc, the usual deal. But eventually they leave.>
I go back to my cart where I left of hanging shelf tags and beheld how they amused themselves. My nice, neat, sorted piles of tags, waiting to be put in plastic sleeves and onto the shelves? Yanked off the cart they were on, and THROWN down the aisle. They’re strewn along the floor as if they were ammo in some twisted war game. And if that weren’t bad enough, the tags that had already been put on the shelves were littering the floor as well, with the magnets ripped off the back!! Seems the pwecious widdle angels decided it’d be fun to run with their arms on the shelves to see the tags fly. (I gather this from the fact that it’s the shelves about kid height, none of the higher shelves were molested.)
So, those idiot, money grubbing incestuous fucknuggets who were more interested in buybacks thought THIS was just a mere example of children amusing themselves?!?! What do THEY do for fun, sling their own shit at the TV to change the channels, maybe? Oh my gods, I was so PISSED!! They had left the store by this point, and my textbook manager came out to see me on the floor, picking up tags and nearly in tears because it had taken me two HOURS to get them sorted correctly to be put up. AND I had to go back and reset some of the A department tags, too!! All my work…used to amuse children.
I want to find these maggot infested whorecorpses, and when I do, I want to amuse myself by helping to control the stupid, SC population by having these shining examples spayed and neutered. I don’t care how it’s done, rusty spoons, radioactive plutonium under the bed, whatever.* Just stop further spawning because what has been done is tragic enough as it is, and I can already see a future pair of twatpumpkins in the making, being molded to fit the ways of the EW. This SCARES me…
Just call me Lupo Holmes…
This wasn’t necessarily an instant scene of suck, but more of the the sucketh runneth over as certain information came to light.
So, after the little scene from above, I took a much needed break, and returned in time to see my textbook manager, L, completing a buyback for a guy who looked vaguely familiar. He was polite, congenial, and jokingly said the amount he earned ($91) would probably help buy one book next semester. A refreshing change from the typical money grubbers we usually get. I don’t understand why he seems familiar until I get a look at the books he sold back and BAM! It hits me…
This guy’s been in twice before in the last couple of weeks, selling books. And as far as I can tell, this is the third time he’s sold back copies of the SAME THREE BOOKS!! I told L, and he looked concerned, and pulled up his last transaction. I pulled up the ID number the guy used all 3 times and plugged it in to see if I was right. And boy was I. Three visits in the last 15 days, selling a total of 13 books, and managing to accrue a total of $229 from us in buybacks, by selling back 4 copies of one title, and 3 copies each of two other titles, plus a few miscellaneous ones that he’s only sold once, (so far!!) EVERY SINGLE book was in brand new, pristine, spine never been cracked condition, with all identifying tags cleaned off. Except for one sticky part on the back of one book where he failed to completely remove a security sensor tag. Those can be a bitch and a half.
I am irritated. Textbook thieves piss me off. It’s 100% pure profit for them, yet it puts bookstores in the unique position of not offering a lot of money back for buybacks because they don’t know how much is product that’s been taken from their shelves, and they’re buying back. That’s part of why buyback prices suck, and why employees get harangued for it so often. (Only part, mind you, but a pretty good part). That and it makes us have to be suspicious of EVERYONE coming in to do a buyback in our store, even people we KNOW. We have to have such stringent policies that can be borderline harsh on some people, just to protect the store if a buyback goes wrong.
Anyways, L takes down the information and this guy gets added to our list of suspected thieves. Obviously we can’t prove a thing, but 4 copies of ONE book? I remember when he came in the second time, (Sadly, two out of the 3 buybacks were done by me.) and I asked him why he had two copies. He said that he had a friend who decided he didn’t want his book, and told him if he wanted to sell it, he could keep the money. I smelled the distinct aroma of bovine elimination to that particular tale, and proceeded to low-ball the buyback prices. (I can do that. I has the power. Muwahahaha!!!) Essentially, the second time when he sold the most books, he could’ve potentially gotten around $135. I low-balled him to around $60. but I’m a bitch like that. Still, we can’t prove anything, and we can’t do anything except put him on our list and treat his buybacks with caution. Or so I was told by L, after we called all the other local bookstores and gave them a heads up on this guy. And that, essentially was supposed to be that…
Until one of my favorite campus officers came in. Officer B. (For Badass cop!! Ironically, the same cop who asked if I was on drugs last night...) Inspiration struck. He’s a campus policeman. The suspected thief used a campus ID, with his own unique ID number. I go over to him and proceed to drag him over to the textbook counter, saying I have a show and tell for him.
I pull up the screen, and show him the 3 transactions in 15 days. I show him the amounts. (Nov. 3 - $73, Nov. 12 - $65, Nov. 18 - $91) And B gets a bit upset…
B: Oh, hell no, he’s stealing them from somewhere! <Whips out a pad of paper where he keeps all logs of book thieves, and pulls out a blank sheet, starting to write the info down> Are these the titles.
Me: B, you want a copy of all three of these transactions? They’re yours.
B; Sweet. Bring ‘em. I’ll run this guy through and see if he’s still a student, though it may not be a good thing if his ID is expired.
Me: Well, the name on the slip we had him sign is George Smith (Obviously not his real name). <Pulls up the student directory for BSU online and searches> And lookit that. One entry for a George Jacob Smith. Whaddya know?
B: Look at you, Ms. CSI…
I give him all the info, and a description of the guy, as well as copies of the transactions, a copy of the buyback slip with the guys signature on it, and even asked the cashiers to make sure my description was right. I hope they catch the bastard.
But then I’m vindictive that way. And a bit proud of myself for remembering him without having to rely on end of day, and month end reports to figure out there’s something hinky going on.
Aaaaanad with that, I stop. Once again, entirely too long, but hey, we should all be used to it by now.
*I’m just VENTING. I naturally understand Rule #1 and would never commit violence against a customer unless necessary to defend myself or others. That is all. But after the venting, I feel much better now!!
Er...right…
So, I’m setting shelf tags for the coming spring semester, and we’ve spent the last few weeks clearing down the fall semester books. Naturally, this means people have been coming in for fall books. Even though it’s November, and classes are officially over in less than a month. Ugh. Well, anyways, I had this gem of a conversation recently with a stupid woman.
SW: Why are all your books gone?!?!
Me: Er…well, we’re prepping for next semester, ma’am. We’ve moved the books to the back room.
SW: How does that help ME!?
Me: Um…if you know what book you’re looking for, I can grab it for you.
SW: <Rolls her eyes and gives a look of disgust> You know, if you kept the books out the WHOLE semester, it wouldn’t be so much work for students to find what they need!
Me: (so…it’s a lot of work to remember what class your in and what the book’s titled…?) well, can I help you get a book ma’am?
SW: No! I guess I’m just going to fail my FINAL because YOU can’t be bothered to keep books out! <Storms off>
Me: Right then…
Phone Fun!
Me: <opening spiel> Hi, thanks for calling <bookstore>, this is Lupo, how can I help you?
SC: Uh…yeah…I need to know if you have a book in stock?
Me: Sure, and which book were you looking for?
SC: <Gives title and author>
Me: I’m sorry, sir, it doesn’t appear that we carry that title.
SC: Oh, well I can wait while you check other stores.
Me: …I’m…sorry…? I don’t quite understand what you mean, sir…
SC: Well, can you put me on hold and call around? There are more stores in your area, right?
Me: Um…I…can’t do your shopping around for you, sir, I’m sorry.
SC: When you answered, you asked how you can help me. This is how?
Me: (please tell me this is a prank, please say “April Fools!” in the next ten seconds!!) …
SC: Hello? HELLO!?!?!
Me: Yes, I’m still here, sir, but I’m sorry, I can’t do what you’re asking.
SC: <Screaming> THEN WHY ASK HOW YOU CAN HELP ME IF YOU WON’T DO ANYTHING!!! <Click>
Me: … <to my textbook manager> Hey, L, it’s lunch time!
L: …but you only got here 15 minutes ago…
Me: Damn…
And more phone fun!!
Me: <Opening spiel>
SC: <Rantragesnarlrabblescreamfoamatmouth!!!!!>
Me:
Um, beg pardon…?SC: I SAID, why haven’t you’n’s filled out mah son’s employment verifying form so’s I can get mah food stamps!! Yer holdin’ up mah application!!!!
Me: …
Ma’am, I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking…SC: I already told you! Where’s mah form!!?!?!?
Me: Ma’am, I can—
SC: I sent it with him TWO WEEKS AGO!!
Me: If you’ll just let me call a mana—
SC: And he said you said it wuz gonna be done in two days—
Me: No, seriously, let me get you to a mana—
SC: And I just want mah food stamps!! But NOOOO, I have to wait on you idiots at <Store that isn’t US> to fill out one stupid page!
Me: Ma’am?? Ma’am!
SC: I demand your manager!
Me: That’s nice, ma’am, but I don’t think he’ll be able to help you!
SC: Why not?!?!
Me: Because we’re <Bookstore>, not <Other store that is so obviously NOT us!>
SC: <Click>
Me: You have a great day, too, cupcake!
L: Do I want to know?
Me: Nope!
L: All righty then…
And people wonder why I believe in forced sterilization
I need to take a moment to explain that yesterday was a REALLY interesting day in that I got NO sleep the night before. And I still went to class and work. Class was interesting, at least it was to my sleep deprived mind. And then I get to work. Now, recently, L informed me that he and K had decided to put me in charge of re-setting the textbook floor and shelf tags. Whoopie! This means pulling old tags, printing new tags, alphabetizing tags by department, then further organizing them by course number, then section number. So it’s a lot of tedious work that you have to do right or it fucks up the entire department, and could fuck up an entire wall, requiring it to be redone. Yesterday, I managed to get every A department done, from African American Studies (AAS) to Art History (ARTH). How, I’ll never know, because I was so slaphappy stupid from lack of sleep that a cop thought I was on drugs, and I was forbidden from riding the bus home by myself, and was told I HAD to have someone drive me home. No one at the store volunteered, naturally, thanks guys, but luckily I was able to get ahold of EQ, so she could see me in all my sleep deprived glory.
ANYWAYS, today, I’m working my way through the B departments, which are a bit more irritating because there’s Biochem, Bioengineering and Biology, to deal with, and then there are the C departments and oh dear gods, the Cs… I’m also the only one in textbooks so when someone comes to the counter, I go to help. So, this couple comes in, with two kids, maybe 4-5 years old. Boy and girl. The parents want to do a buyback, so I’m plugging in the information and toddling along and then I hear it.
Shrieks of childlike glee. Coming from the textbook section. I look up and their spawn have disappeared. And what are the idiot man and woman focused on instead? That’s right, folks. The amount of money on their buybacks! And thus, the following conversation ensued.
Me: Excuse me, but could you keep your children close by? The textbook section isn’t someplace they should be in alone.
Idiot Woman: They ain’t doin’ nothing wrong.
Me: (How do you know?! You’re not watching them!) be that as it may, ma’am, we can’t have young children unsupervised in the store.
IW: <Heaves a sigh> Fine! Go get the kids! <Idiot man does so and comes back.>
IM: They was just amusing themselves.
IW: Whatever. <Proceeds to bitch about the fact that I’m robbing them blind over the buyback prices, etc, etc, the usual deal. But eventually they leave.>
I go back to my cart where I left of hanging shelf tags and beheld how they amused themselves. My nice, neat, sorted piles of tags, waiting to be put in plastic sleeves and onto the shelves? Yanked off the cart they were on, and THROWN down the aisle. They’re strewn along the floor as if they were ammo in some twisted war game. And if that weren’t bad enough, the tags that had already been put on the shelves were littering the floor as well, with the magnets ripped off the back!! Seems the pwecious widdle angels decided it’d be fun to run with their arms on the shelves to see the tags fly. (I gather this from the fact that it’s the shelves about kid height, none of the higher shelves were molested.)
So, those idiot, money grubbing incestuous fucknuggets who were more interested in buybacks thought THIS was just a mere example of children amusing themselves?!?! What do THEY do for fun, sling their own shit at the TV to change the channels, maybe? Oh my gods, I was so PISSED!! They had left the store by this point, and my textbook manager came out to see me on the floor, picking up tags and nearly in tears because it had taken me two HOURS to get them sorted correctly to be put up. AND I had to go back and reset some of the A department tags, too!! All my work…used to amuse children.
I want to find these maggot infested whorecorpses, and when I do, I want to amuse myself by helping to control the stupid, SC population by having these shining examples spayed and neutered. I don’t care how it’s done, rusty spoons, radioactive plutonium under the bed, whatever.* Just stop further spawning because what has been done is tragic enough as it is, and I can already see a future pair of twatpumpkins in the making, being molded to fit the ways of the EW. This SCARES me…
Just call me Lupo Holmes…
This wasn’t necessarily an instant scene of suck, but more of the the sucketh runneth over as certain information came to light.
So, after the little scene from above, I took a much needed break, and returned in time to see my textbook manager, L, completing a buyback for a guy who looked vaguely familiar. He was polite, congenial, and jokingly said the amount he earned ($91) would probably help buy one book next semester. A refreshing change from the typical money grubbers we usually get. I don’t understand why he seems familiar until I get a look at the books he sold back and BAM! It hits me…
This guy’s been in twice before in the last couple of weeks, selling books. And as far as I can tell, this is the third time he’s sold back copies of the SAME THREE BOOKS!! I told L, and he looked concerned, and pulled up his last transaction. I pulled up the ID number the guy used all 3 times and plugged it in to see if I was right. And boy was I. Three visits in the last 15 days, selling a total of 13 books, and managing to accrue a total of $229 from us in buybacks, by selling back 4 copies of one title, and 3 copies each of two other titles, plus a few miscellaneous ones that he’s only sold once, (so far!!) EVERY SINGLE book was in brand new, pristine, spine never been cracked condition, with all identifying tags cleaned off. Except for one sticky part on the back of one book where he failed to completely remove a security sensor tag. Those can be a bitch and a half.
I am irritated. Textbook thieves piss me off. It’s 100% pure profit for them, yet it puts bookstores in the unique position of not offering a lot of money back for buybacks because they don’t know how much is product that’s been taken from their shelves, and they’re buying back. That’s part of why buyback prices suck, and why employees get harangued for it so often. (Only part, mind you, but a pretty good part). That and it makes us have to be suspicious of EVERYONE coming in to do a buyback in our store, even people we KNOW. We have to have such stringent policies that can be borderline harsh on some people, just to protect the store if a buyback goes wrong.
Anyways, L takes down the information and this guy gets added to our list of suspected thieves. Obviously we can’t prove a thing, but 4 copies of ONE book? I remember when he came in the second time, (Sadly, two out of the 3 buybacks were done by me.) and I asked him why he had two copies. He said that he had a friend who decided he didn’t want his book, and told him if he wanted to sell it, he could keep the money. I smelled the distinct aroma of bovine elimination to that particular tale, and proceeded to low-ball the buyback prices. (I can do that. I has the power. Muwahahaha!!!) Essentially, the second time when he sold the most books, he could’ve potentially gotten around $135. I low-balled him to around $60. but I’m a bitch like that. Still, we can’t prove anything, and we can’t do anything except put him on our list and treat his buybacks with caution. Or so I was told by L, after we called all the other local bookstores and gave them a heads up on this guy. And that, essentially was supposed to be that…
Until one of my favorite campus officers came in. Officer B. (For Badass cop!! Ironically, the same cop who asked if I was on drugs last night...) Inspiration struck. He’s a campus policeman. The suspected thief used a campus ID, with his own unique ID number. I go over to him and proceed to drag him over to the textbook counter, saying I have a show and tell for him.
I pull up the screen, and show him the 3 transactions in 15 days. I show him the amounts. (Nov. 3 - $73, Nov. 12 - $65, Nov. 18 - $91) And B gets a bit upset…
B: Oh, hell no, he’s stealing them from somewhere! <Whips out a pad of paper where he keeps all logs of book thieves, and pulls out a blank sheet, starting to write the info down> Are these the titles.
Me: B, you want a copy of all three of these transactions? They’re yours.
B; Sweet. Bring ‘em. I’ll run this guy through and see if he’s still a student, though it may not be a good thing if his ID is expired.
Me: Well, the name on the slip we had him sign is George Smith (Obviously not his real name). <Pulls up the student directory for BSU online and searches> And lookit that. One entry for a George Jacob Smith. Whaddya know?
B: Look at you, Ms. CSI…
I give him all the info, and a description of the guy, as well as copies of the transactions, a copy of the buyback slip with the guys signature on it, and even asked the cashiers to make sure my description was right. I hope they catch the bastard.
But then I’m vindictive that way. And a bit proud of myself for remembering him without having to rely on end of day, and month end reports to figure out there’s something hinky going on.
Aaaaanad with that, I stop. Once again, entirely too long, but hey, we should all be used to it by now.
*I’m just VENTING. I naturally understand Rule #1 and would never commit violence against a customer unless necessary to defend myself or others. That is all. But after the venting, I feel much better now!!
I kinda liked the rusted spoons myself 
somehow I knew you'd say that and I was just waiting for it 
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