Sexual Harassment much? *Xtra LENTHGY and unfortunately perverted*

[Amina516]

I post this here b/c its about a patient and patients are technically "customers" ...so here I go. (I'm a nursing student BTW)

I had an older gentleman, and I use that term VERY loosely, as a patient for Thursday and Fri.

With each passing moment, he got increasingly more perverted, saying/doing things like:

*Asking me to help with his bath, which I was fine with, what I wasnt fine with was him wanting to stand butt naked in front of the mirror wanting a view of me scrubbing his chest and back. (I made him sit and I covered his lap with a towel)

*Telling me he was "Okay with me cleaning him "Down there" since he's not 17 anymore and he wouldnt mind". I told him if he was capable of washing his own, then he would. (Thats what we're supposed to do.)

*Telling me"My wife calls my thing a wrinkled piece of bacon, want to see it?"

*When Im helping him put a clean gown on, asking me is he "Could grab the first thing his hands could reach?" ie my boobs. (I told him NO and gave him the stare of death.)

That was all the first day.

I come back Friday to him still be slightly pervish so I avoided him BIG TIME...I stopped in to give him his medications and do his assessments, otherwise I didnt try to socialize like I mistakenly did the first day ( I only had one patient on Thursday and If im seen in the hallway too much, I'll get in trouble)

So Friday, I give him the cares he NEEDS and thats it. I come in for the afternoon assessment and he starts whining BIG TIME about how he had to wash up all by his self and wasnt able to reach his back and whine whine whine.

He also mentioned his "wrinkled piece of bacon" again but I wasnt really paying attention at that point.

So, while Im listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he then tells me I look like Im "Low Mileage"......that made me want to smack him. After this Im checking his hands for warmth and things like bloodflow to the fingers, when he takes his hands back licks both his thumbs and starts to rub his thumbs and forefingers together, telling me "My fingers are kinda cold, I think they need some exercise..." WHILE GESTURING TO MY NIPPLES!!!

Are you FUCKIN serious?!?!? I wonder what the hell gives people the right or idea to act like I or anyone for that matter ENJOY their twisted perversions or should have to be subjected to listening to them.

At that point, it was time for me to go..I told him I was leaving, I also told him his behaviour was highly inappropriate. He then asked if i would BE BACK TOMORROW? I said NO...Then hes like "What about Monday??" I said "Mr. Patient, good Luck with your surgery." and left.

I didnt share this with my instructor and I should have. I think I was too bothered at the time...I seriously felt (and still do kinda) feel dirty. I told a fellow student and she advised me not to go back..and I didnt. The weird thing was that everyone else described this patient as withdrawn and quiet, though when I was around he was anything but that.

I would describe myself as easy going, rolling with the punches and seriously ready for anything. Nothing phases me, truly it doesnt and people always look to me for advice and to be their rock. I think thats why I put up with it for so long, b/c I want to be just so uber that I can deal with anything.

And honestly I didnt realize how much it bothered me til I started to type it all out. I still feel dirty.

[Chanlin]

My Aunt, my cousin, and my best friend's mother are all RN's and have worked in similar situations. From stories I have heard from them what you experienced was mild. If it makes you seriously uncomfortable I will first say you may wish to find other work as it will happen again. I am not in any way saying what the patient did or said was in any way right. He was very very very wrong.

I am also not saying you should give up your dignity. But, I will also say from stories I have heard this is very much a normal thing to encounter in varying degrees. Also keep in mind the field can be competitive and you may end up finding yourself out of work if you constantly refuse to see patients like this. Again i am not excusing the behavior, but the reality is if you won't put up with it they can just as easily find someone who will.

I think you handled yourself very well. Advice my aunt gave my sister when she thought about going into nursing was just remember it's ok to say no to a patient. And make sure its polite, but make sure you get your point across as well. Also in cases like this you can always go to your immediate boss and they can either reassign you or inform the family. My grandmother would always scold her father when she heard about him doing similar things.

Keep in mind these are old men who are probably bored to tears in the nursing home. They are mostly doing this sort of thing for fun, or to get a rise out of you, or both. Not saying that makes what they do right, but you can always shoot back on things like this too. For example: "You would speak that way to a lady?" best to act shocked.

Or "I don't think my boyfriend/husband would appreciate that."

Don't let them see it bother you, but also make it clear you don't like it and they should tone it down or stop.

Most of what they say is harmless in the sense that they don't actually intend to act on what they say. My great grandfather was notorious at his nursing home for making similar comments and on one or two occasions for having pinched a nurse. The home eventually assigned a male nurse who was an army reservist and they got on great until my great grandfather passed on.

More advice is to rant like this and talk with your fellow students, peers or instructors for advice in this kinds of situations. You'll find I'm sure many people who have had similar experiences.

[Amina516]

I realize that this was mild compared to some. I have worked with nurses for years and knew what I was getting into. It was this that stopped me from telling my instructor...I didnt want to appear weak/whiny.

But does it bother me? VERY MUCH SO. No one has the right to act like that when theyre not mentally compromised.

This was a 70 year old man who lived at home with a wife and owned his own business. He was not bored to tears so otherwise has no excuse to act this way.

Like i said before, I really thought nothing of it til I started to type it out and relized how much it was bothering me. Will I go to school on Monday? YES. Will I graduate in May? YES. Will I be a kick ass RN? YES.

Im here to Vent. Thats all.

[Chanlin]

Good ^^

I know a few people, my sister included, who got to where you are and quit because they found out they didn't like it.

[Lil Bunny]

*HUGS* That seriously sucks!

I, and many of my family members, will give the nurses a "hard time" but none of them have ever showed that type of disgusting behavior. The hard time usually is a well played bantering if they seem the type that will play back. If someone seems like they don't want to "play" then it's nothing but clinical. Hopefully you know what I mean.

To cross that line is disgusting and horrid! I wish I had something other than hugs for you but sadly, that's all I can supply.

Much love though!

[SailorMan]

What he did may be considered only 'mild' by some, but it was basically an assault on you, even if it wasn't a physical one. The only basis for comparison of whether or not it was 'mild' should only be a subjective one: and judging from the way he left you feeling, it definately wasn't a mild 'attack.' You were obviously upset by it -- of course! -- and that was probably why you didn't think to turn him in for his sexual harrasment. Yes, him making you feel dirty because of the incident shows how insidious such a thing could be, because no one deserves to be made to feel that way. You were probably thinking so emotionally (understandably) at the time, that it was somewhat lost on you that you were the victim, and definately didn't deserve what he did to you.

I hope that it's not too late for you to turn him in, if that's what you want to do.

[Nyoibo]

*Hugs* that sucks having to deal with that stuff, but try not to let it put you off your chosen career.

*Telling me"My wife calls my thing a wrinkled piece of bacon, want to see it?"

I'm sorry sir, I left my magnifying glass behind, so I doubt I could see it, but if you remind me I'll bring it tomorrow and try to find it.

[poofy_puff]

My husband is trying to get a nursing degree. Somehow I don't think he will have this particular problem. He has 3 sisters that are nurses, and they work in nursing homes, so they probably get this a lot.

[One-Fang]

But does it bother me? VERY MUCH SO. No one has the right to act like that when theyre not mentally compromised.

Did you tell him to stop? Your post doesn't say so it kind of seems like you just kept saying no without saying "Mr Patient, this kind of behaviour is unacceptable, you must stop it".

[Amina516]

Did you tell him to stop? Your post doesn't say so it kind of seems like you just kept saying no without saying "Mr Patient, this kind of behaviour is unacceptable, you must stop it".

I did. I told him he was inappropriate and would redirect the conversation..thats what we're supposed to do. What I WANTED to do was completely different..lol..as violence isnt condoned against patients.

My post isnt entirely complete , there were still more comments and shit...I just didnt want to write a novel on here. The first post is the jist of what happened.

He just sucked.

[Bramblerose]

1) I feel sorry for his wife. Unless she likes this sort of thing. After however many years, though, it must have gotten old.

2) can ya send a male co-worker in the next time? That oughtta settle his hash...

[One-Fang]

Well, you're mentally prepared for that and probably worse, in this line of work. It's unfair, but it's reality. Just come on back and share the best of the suckiness with us each time. We'll give you cookies.

[BroSCFischer]

What he did may be considered only 'mild' by some, but it was basically an assault on you, even if it wasn't a physical one.

IANAL, but I believe that Assault, in legal terms, is the threat (verbal or physical) of unwanted physical contact.

Battery is the actual unwanted touching of a person.

Example, if you take a swipe and MISS, that's assault, if you make contact, that is battery.

So what this creep did can be considered assault, and you may be able to bring charges, though that depends on the finer points of the law.

SC

[chinashirtgirl]

I had a patient just like that in the last nursing home where I worked. Only he didn't just fake grabbing the nurses' aides, he actually grabbed them! He got me between the legs one time and got a very stern talking to by both me and the nurse, then one time when I was adjusting his foot support on his wheelchair (bending over) he slapped my ass! I jumped up and held my hand up to slap him but luckily my head clicked in and I didn't. Another stern talking to by the nurse and this time the head of the nursing home but it didn't stop.

At first it was only the younger girls he went for but as his sinilty progressed he'd do it to everyone, even the male nurses aids and then call them "gay" when they told him off. In the end we had a routine where we just didn't go near him more often than neccessary, handing him his dinner from across the table for instance, and standing on his lame side when washing him.

But all the time you were in his room he would yell, "I want some pussy!" and other stuff like that. We all ignored it completely. The worst thing was that he tried to get it on with the other tenants, touching the old women inappropriately and that got him pretty much confined to solitary. Not that he couldn't leave his room, but he wasn't allowed contact with the female tennants because their families did not take lightly the fact that they weren't safe from being assaulted.

It is true as others have said that this type of thing is fairly common but it does not need to be "put up with". You definatly must tell higher-ups and tell the patient off "correctly" not rudely when they are in the wrong. If they pulled that crap on the street with other people they would be arrested for lude behavior.

All in all, when you learn "how" to deal with this kind of thing it gets easier to take it in your stride though it is never pleasant, and these men who do this actually end up biting themselves in the ass because the attention they so dearly want is not given. Nobody deliberately goes in to talk to these people just to shoot the breeze because it is unpleasant. Whearas we may do that with other patients just for fun and to see how they're doing.

Keep up the good work with your nursing program and stand up for yourself in future knowing you're doing nothing wrong. With time your confidence will tell you how to react to this kind of behaviour and you won't end up feeling so dirty! Good luck!

[TTAZ]

Next time you get asked about a "wrinkled piece of bacon" tell him you need to get your frying pan first. If you get flashed anyway, tell him "that must have been one starving pig." I understand about redirecting the conversation, always being respectful, etc. but in a case like this couldn't you be forgiven for dishing it out in kind? Would you be called to the carpet for telling him he could wash his own willy, but if he needs tweezers, you'd go fetch him a pair, but be warned that the labs don't let you check out their microscopes?

Poor you, I could never be a nurse. It's a hard as hell job and the fact that you're doing so well at it makes me give you mad props. Keep your chin up, girl!