Tweet
Time for another weekly rundown...but first the good news, I found out I'm officially Uncle Khiras now as of 10:18 MST 
Too bad that news does little to soften the blow to my psyche from the idiots this week. 
And here...we...go.
.....You suck...
CW: Khiras? We got a call from the cleaners that there's someone suspicious in the bathroom.
Khiras: Hooray.
We get there, and inside is a vagrant...he's changed his clothes inside the stall, and he has a shoe in-hand. His shoe is covered with poop, and it's trying to wash it. In the sink.
Me: What are you doing!?
Poopy Vagrant (PV): Just trying to wash my shoes, I had an accident outside and...
Me: You can't do that in the sink, that is fucking disgusting. (said it before I even thought it)
PV: Well what am I supposed to do?
Me: Put on your shoes and get out...you can find somewhere else to do this, you're not going to be pulling that shit here.
PV: But I shit my pants!
Me: Impressive, I don't recommend that.
PV: If you shit your pants and pissed yourself, what would you do?
Me: Since I haven't shit myself since I was 7, I assume it's something I've grown out of. Now get. Out. Now.
I'll admit I was in a bad mood, but it was disgusting. He kept trying to leave his soiled clothes behind too, but we kept following him and making him pick them back up. I did at least throw him a bag of saniwipes (I didn't want to touch him ) to clean his shoes off, but this is the second time I've seen this guy pulling crap downtown (another hotel released pictures of him after he did the same thing to them). Nasty.
Drunk
Me: Excuse me sir, we can't allow outside alcohol into the hotel.
Asshat: What?
Me: It's an unfortunate Colorado law...we can't allow outside alcohol into the hotel.
Asshat: We have a room here.
Me: I understand, sir, but we have no choice in the matter.
Asshat: That's unacceptable.
Me: Acceptable or not, we have no choice in this decision; it is illegal in Colorado to allow that item inside. We can check it at the bell desk, or we can return it to your vehicle.
Asshat: I said, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.
Me: This is the nicest option we can legally offer. If you take the bottle to your room, I'm legally required to contact the police to retrieve it from your room. I don't have to like it, but I do have to enforce it, so again, it needs to go to the bell desk, or to your car.
Asshat: WHARRGARBL!
Seriously, when are you people going to learn that carrying bottles of shitty Scotch (it wasn't the good stuff, trust me) in plain sight is going to get you caught? Just stow it in your bag like everyone else, damnit.
Drunk, Noisy A-Holes
The time is currently 3am...it's a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, and there was an AC/DC concert, so we've got plenty of drunks around.
Me: It's a bit late to be having a party, we need you to please keep the noise down.
Idiot: OH COME ON! It's not that late!
Me: *looks at watch* It's 3 in the morning...and please keep your voice down.
Idiot: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, DAMNIT! WE'RE JUST HAVING A PARTY!!!
Me: Yes, I see that...and it's time to end the party.
Idiot: SERIOUSLY!?
Me: Seriously. Option B is we have to start asking people to leave...and screaming at the top of your lungs into the hallway won't slow that process down.
Idiot:
Me: *sighs mentally*
Idiot: .......
Me: .......
Idiot: ..............................
Me: .................................................. ......
Idiot: .......................so......we should be quiet then?
Me: My sentiments exactly.
I swear to god, the running wheel was spinning, but his hamster died a long...long time ago. You could hear it flopping around in his head.
Congratulations, you win the Idiot of the Month award
I was wondering who would take this in November, and finally, I found myself a prime candidate for the month.
Harken ye to the story of the douchebag in our restaurant who, early this morning while eating, wanted to go onto their balcony area! The doors are locked...what is this, he says? A large, red pull-thing marked "FIRE EMERGENCY"? Surely that must be the duplicitous contraption that causes the doors to magically open for me!
NAY poor fuckwit, that is a fire pull station. Hence, "FIRE EMERGENCY" you goddamned mental wasteland. Thank you for causing me to stop eating my delicious pancakes so I could sprint over to make sure that no one is dying, that was the highlight of my fucking year. Especially because the doors have a big thing marked "UNLOCK" right on them that you clearly couldn't understand.
Drunk...est
A car pulls up to the front drive, and someone immediately falls face-first onto the pavement. He then proceeds to puke all over the front drive. Can't get any more classy than that, right?
Wrong, he then proceeds to spit, while being dragged, all over the floor in the lobby. I idly hoped he would have alcohol poisoning, and snuck a nice little cleaning fee onto his bill.
I'm evil like that.
You should re-think your choice in words...
Friday, I'm out on the front drive with our police guys, and one of them is grabbing something from his car. Asshat in a truck pulls up...
Asshat: (To Police (DPD)) Hey, are you guys looking for someone breaking into cars?
DPD: What?
Asshat: If you're looking for a car thief, what are you going to do about mine, damnit!?
DPD: *visibly pissed already*
Asshat: Oh...er...eh...hehe...uh...never mind.
His truck had its rear window smashed out while being parked elsewhere, and the guy just decided that the best way to deal with that was to be a dick to 2 cops. Good idea...
Drunk? Maybe. Confused? Yes
Got called into the lobby because some 20-something guy was walking around in his boxers and a t-shirt. Catch up to the kid, and have a surreal conversation that involves him mumbling something and me asking "what" then him mumbling and laughing, then hugging me.
We got him back to his room eventually, and back to sleep, but it was a fun 15 minutes I would've minded the hugs, but he was actually pretty good looking for once...not even a beer gut! Definite improvement over my usual scantily-clad people...
Sorry, did I interrupt?
Wandered into the health club's locker room, and found myself inadvertently sneaking up on a couple going at it inside. They didn't notice me until I was right there...mainly because I cleared my throat, and simply said what I've always wanted to say:
Me: This must be embarassing as all hell, right?
Couple:
Me: Let's go...clothes on, then we'll see your IDs.
Sadly for them, they weren't guests, and had been let in there by a friend of theirs, and our police were still on property. They were also people we had let go nicely before for trying to go at it in a stairwell of all places, so they got arrested this time around...public indecency, I hear you have to register as a sex offender for that.
Interesting.
You are a dick, sir!
We had an incident with a child who had slipped and fallen on ice about a block away from our property...they were staying at the hotel, so the father brought him back to get some help. The kid was 5, so he's crying rather loudly, but thankfully it doesn't look too bad...he does have a nice gash on the top of his head that needs stitches though. Anyway, the paramedics are there, and we're assisting, when suddenly I hear this little gem from over my shoulder:
"I don't care what happened to the damn kid, I want a manager NOW!"
Whoever yelled that is told that I'm the MOD, and I'm busy right now...and I go back to ignoring it. I'm still "gloved up" to deal with blood, so I'm helping the paramedics with things like gauze and such to clean blood...and suddenly, a hand grabs my shoulder and rips me around in a 180. I'll note now that somehow, I don't know how, I didn't instantly deck the guy and get him covered with the kids blood.
Fuckwit: You're going to service me NOW!
Me: Sir, this is a serious matter. Step back, you will wait until this emergency is finished.
FW: I don't care what happened to some dumbass kid, I have a REAL problem.
Police (who I hadn't noticed was right there): Hey asshole, come here. Now.
FW: *cat butt face*
The guy damn near got himself arrested, and the kids father looked like he was moments away from homicide as well. Later on, I had to talk to him and find out what his "real problem" was.
He wanted more shampoo each day when Housekeeping serviced his room. That's what was more important than a bleeding, screaming kid. Real nice, dickhead.
Expedia? Nay, sir.
We had a scammer here this week who was trying to get everything...he got an Expedia reservation, then tried to get a whole bunch of things for free. His requests this far:
1) Give me a free room because I'm an Expedia manager (Perhaps you don't realize, everyone in hotels HATES companies like yours. No.)
2) Give me free internet, I'm an Expedia manager (No.)
3) I want a second room for $50. (HA! Not happening.)
4) Make an Expedia-rate reservation for you. (EEERRRP! Wrong answer, and congratulations, we know you're a liar now. If you were really from Expedia, you would know that no hotel can do that. Sorry, play again.)
As a result of #4, the hotel management actually took away something they had given him (they gave him half off one night for a complaint), so he's being charged his full rate every night. Shouldn't have kept lying to us, pal!
Parenting, what's that?
We look on the cameras at our health club and see 5 unattended girls, ages probably 8-10, no older. This is not good, because with all the weights and things there, it is not a good place for children to be unattended, so we go up and talk to them. They tell us that their mom has gone up to her room, and was going to be back...5 minutes later, no mom. 10 minutes later, nothing, so we send them back to their room. We get called away, and suddenly, all 5 are now in the lobby. Barefoot. Keep in mind, it snowed yesterday, so the floors are nasty.
We find out what room their mom is in, and call up...her reaction? Is it "Oh my god, my kids are alone!?" Of course not, she asks if they have a key, and asks what the big deal is.
I'm in a bad mood since the kids are being little shits (your classic spoiled brats), so I make sure our two police officers are nearby when she finally shows up 10 minutes later. They proceed to bully her and threaten her with an arrest and child services report until they figure she finally got the point, and then let them all go. I took an evil pleasure at her getting told that she was an idiot...and although the kids annoyed me, at least they didn't get kidnapped...
Drunk
Our side doors lock at 11pm every night as a safety feature, it makes the building entrances more controlled. I watch this guy walk head first into the locked and very non-moving door, stand back, blink...and then he bounds gloriously into ineptitude. He spies the giant, red button that said "UNLOCK"...presses it...then proceeds to stare at the door. He presses the button again...and stares at the door.
And then he walks away.
"Classy" Drunk
I wanted to explain this whole situation, but in my mind, it's funnier just to summarize it like this.
"Lady": I'm not DRUNK! I'm a classy lady! *falls over*
Me:
Yep.........reaaaaaal classy.
That's all so far for this week...next week will be a doozy, since we have our worst group of the year next weekend...it will be an EW filled drama-fest, so stay tuned for more of my pain
Too bad that news does little to soften the blow to my psyche from the idiots this week. And here...we...go......You suck...
CW: Khiras? We got a call from the cleaners that there's someone suspicious in the bathroom.
Khiras: Hooray.
We get there, and inside is a vagrant...he's changed his clothes inside the stall, and he has a shoe in-hand. His shoe is covered with poop, and it's trying to wash it. In the sink.
Me: What are you doing!?
Poopy Vagrant (PV): Just trying to wash my shoes, I had an accident outside and...
Me: You can't do that in the sink, that is fucking disgusting. (said it before I even thought it)
PV: Well what am I supposed to do?
Me: Put on your shoes and get out...you can find somewhere else to do this, you're not going to be pulling that shit here.
PV: But I shit my pants!
Me: Impressive, I don't recommend that.
PV: If you shit your pants and pissed yourself, what would you do?
Me: Since I haven't shit myself since I was 7, I assume it's something I've grown out of. Now get. Out. Now.
I'll admit I was in a bad mood, but it was disgusting. He kept trying to leave his soiled clothes behind too, but we kept following him and making him pick them back up. I did at least throw him a bag of saniwipes (I didn't want to touch him
) to clean his shoes off, but this is the second time I've seen this guy pulling crap downtown (another hotel released pictures of him after he did the same thing to them). Nasty.Drunk
Me: Excuse me sir, we can't allow outside alcohol into the hotel.
Asshat: What?
Me: It's an unfortunate Colorado law...we can't allow outside alcohol into the hotel.
Asshat: We have a room here.
Me: I understand, sir, but we have no choice in the matter.
Asshat: That's unacceptable.
Me: Acceptable or not, we have no choice in this decision; it is illegal in Colorado to allow that item inside. We can check it at the bell desk, or we can return it to your vehicle.
Asshat: I said, THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.
Me: This is the nicest option we can legally offer. If you take the bottle to your room, I'm legally required to contact the police to retrieve it from your room. I don't have to like it, but I do have to enforce it, so again, it needs to go to the bell desk, or to your car.
Asshat: WHARRGARBL!
Seriously, when are you people going to learn that carrying bottles of shitty Scotch (it wasn't the good stuff, trust me) in plain sight is going to get you caught? Just stow it in your bag like everyone else, damnit.
Drunk, Noisy A-Holes
The time is currently 3am...it's a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, and there was an AC/DC concert, so we've got plenty of drunks around.
Me: It's a bit late to be having a party, we need you to please keep the noise down.
Idiot: OH COME ON! It's not that late!
Me: *looks at watch* It's 3 in the morning...and please keep your voice down.
Idiot: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, DAMNIT! WE'RE JUST HAVING A PARTY!!!
Me: Yes, I see that...and it's time to end the party.
Idiot: SERIOUSLY!?
Me: Seriously. Option B is we have to start asking people to leave...and screaming at the top of your lungs into the hallway won't slow that process down.
Idiot:
Me: *sighs mentally*
Idiot: .......
Me: .......
Idiot: ..............................
Me: .................................................. ......
Idiot: .......................so......we should be quiet then?
Me: My sentiments exactly.
I swear to god, the running wheel was spinning, but his hamster died a long...long time ago. You could hear it flopping around in his head.
Congratulations, you win the Idiot of the Month award
I was wondering who would take this in November, and finally, I found myself a prime candidate for the month.
Harken ye to the story of the douchebag in our restaurant who, early this morning while eating, wanted to go onto their balcony area! The doors are locked...what is this, he says? A large, red pull-thing marked "FIRE EMERGENCY"? Surely that must be the duplicitous contraption that causes the doors to magically open for me!
NAY poor fuckwit, that is a fire pull station. Hence, "FIRE EMERGENCY" you goddamned mental wasteland. Thank you for causing me to stop eating my delicious pancakes so I could sprint over to make sure that no one is dying, that was the highlight of my fucking year. Especially because the doors have a big thing marked "UNLOCK" right on them that you clearly couldn't understand.
Drunk...est
A car pulls up to the front drive, and someone immediately falls face-first onto the pavement. He then proceeds to puke all over the front drive. Can't get any more classy than that, right?
Wrong, he then proceeds to spit, while being dragged, all over the floor in the lobby. I idly hoped he would have alcohol poisoning, and snuck a nice little cleaning fee onto his bill.
I'm evil like that.
You should re-think your choice in words...
Friday, I'm out on the front drive with our police guys, and one of them is grabbing something from his car. Asshat in a truck pulls up...
Asshat: (To Police (DPD)) Hey, are you guys looking for someone breaking into cars?
DPD: What?
Asshat: If you're looking for a car thief, what are you going to do about mine, damnit!?
DPD: *visibly pissed already*
Asshat: Oh...er...eh...hehe...uh...never mind.
His truck had its rear window smashed out while being parked elsewhere, and the guy just decided that the best way to deal with that was to be a dick to 2 cops. Good idea...
Drunk? Maybe. Confused? Yes
Got called into the lobby because some 20-something guy was walking around in his boxers and a t-shirt. Catch up to the kid, and have a surreal conversation that involves him mumbling something and me asking "what" then him mumbling and laughing, then hugging me.
We got him back to his room eventually, and back to sleep, but it was a fun 15 minutes
I would've minded the hugs, but he was actually pretty good looking for once...not even a beer gut! Definite improvement over my usual scantily-clad people...Sorry, did I interrupt?
Wandered into the health club's locker room, and found myself inadvertently sneaking up on a couple going at it inside. They didn't notice me until I was right there...mainly because I cleared my throat, and simply said what I've always wanted to say:
Me: This must be embarassing as all hell, right?
Couple:
Me: Let's go...clothes on, then we'll see your IDs.
Sadly for them, they weren't guests, and had been let in there by a friend of theirs, and our police were still on property. They were also people we had let go nicely before for trying to go at it in a stairwell of all places, so they got arrested this time around...public indecency, I hear you have to register as a sex offender for that.
Interesting.
You are a dick, sir!
We had an incident with a child who had slipped and fallen on ice about a block away from our property...they were staying at the hotel, so the father brought him back to get some help. The kid was 5, so he's crying rather loudly, but thankfully it doesn't look too bad...he does have a nice gash on the top of his head that needs stitches though. Anyway, the paramedics are there, and we're assisting, when suddenly I hear this little gem from over my shoulder:
"I don't care what happened to the damn kid, I want a manager NOW!"
Whoever yelled that is told that I'm the MOD, and I'm busy right now...and I go back to ignoring it. I'm still "gloved up" to deal with blood, so I'm helping the paramedics with things like gauze and such to clean blood...and suddenly, a hand grabs my shoulder and rips me around in a 180. I'll note now that somehow, I don't know how, I didn't instantly deck the guy and get him covered with the kids blood.
Fuckwit: You're going to service me NOW!
Me: Sir, this is a serious matter. Step back, you will wait until this emergency is finished.
FW: I don't care what happened to some dumbass kid, I have a REAL problem.
Police (who I hadn't noticed was right there): Hey asshole, come here. Now.
FW: *cat butt face*
The guy damn near got himself arrested, and the kids father looked like he was moments away from homicide as well. Later on, I had to talk to him and find out what his "real problem" was.
He wanted more shampoo each day when Housekeeping serviced his room. That's what was more important than a bleeding, screaming kid. Real nice, dickhead.
Expedia? Nay, sir.
We had a scammer here this week who was trying to get everything...he got an Expedia reservation, then tried to get a whole bunch of things for free. His requests this far:
1) Give me a free room because I'm an Expedia manager (Perhaps you don't realize, everyone in hotels HATES companies like yours. No.)
2) Give me free internet, I'm an Expedia manager (No.)
3) I want a second room for $50. (HA! Not happening.)
4) Make an Expedia-rate reservation for you. (EEERRRP! Wrong answer, and congratulations, we know you're a liar now. If you were really from Expedia, you would know that no hotel can do that. Sorry, play again.)
As a result of #4, the hotel management actually took away something they had given him (they gave him half off one night for a complaint), so he's being charged his full rate every night. Shouldn't have kept lying to us, pal!
Parenting, what's that?
We look on the cameras at our health club and see 5 unattended girls, ages probably 8-10, no older. This is not good, because with all the weights and things there, it is not a good place for children to be unattended, so we go up and talk to them. They tell us that their mom has gone up to her room, and was going to be back...5 minutes later, no mom. 10 minutes later, nothing, so we send them back to their room. We get called away, and suddenly, all 5 are now in the lobby. Barefoot. Keep in mind, it snowed yesterday, so the floors are nasty.
We find out what room their mom is in, and call up...her reaction? Is it "Oh my god, my kids are alone!?" Of course not, she asks if they have a key, and asks what the big deal is.
I'm in a bad mood since the kids are being little shits (your classic spoiled brats), so I make sure our two police officers are nearby when she finally shows up 10 minutes later. They proceed to bully her and threaten her with an arrest and child services report until they figure she finally got the point, and then let them all go. I took an evil pleasure at her getting told that she was an idiot...and although the kids annoyed me, at least they didn't get kidnapped...
Drunk
Our side doors lock at 11pm every night as a safety feature, it makes the building entrances more controlled. I watch this guy walk head first into the locked and very non-moving door, stand back, blink...and then he bounds gloriously into ineptitude. He spies the giant, red button that said "UNLOCK"...presses it...then proceeds to stare at the door. He presses the button again...and stares at the door.
And then he walks away.
"Classy" Drunk
I wanted to explain this whole situation, but in my mind, it's funnier just to summarize it like this.
"Lady": I'm not DRUNK! I'm a classy lady! *falls over*
Me:
Yep.........reaaaaaal classy.
That's all so far for this week...next week will be a doozy, since we have our worst group of the year next weekend...it will be an EW filled drama-fest, so stay tuned for more of my pain
Yep, she's reeeeeal classy.
Comment