Random Sucky Callers

[calulu]

Since work is now allowing me to telecommute I am getting more of a laugh out of the idiots that call rather than worked up. Some gems from last week..

Some Customer Loyalty With Cursing Thrown In

SC1 = Lady that once did business with us a million years go
Me = Recipient of earful

SC1 - 'Yeah, Uh, I need help real badly! I gotta order something for my husband and I hope you have all my information on file. I've bought from you guys lots of times. I'm a loyal customer."

Calls that start out like this make me inwardly cringe, not wanting to explain to this woman that we changed software systems and can no longer pull up credit cards or old info, only orders from the last year can be accessed and no credit card info. If you haven't purchased in a year you're not a 'loyal customer' Accessing her information would only give me her name, phone number and address, nothing else.

Me - 'What is your phone number, ma'am and I'll see if I can pull up your records by the telephone number.'
SC1 - '***-***-****'
Me - 'That number isn't associated with a customer record in our system. Is there another number you might have used?'
SC1 - "It could have been ***-***-****, but I've ordered a lot from you so it shoulda come right up! Please! I'm in a hurry and I have to get something!'
Me - "Ma'am I'm sorry but that number doesn't pull up any customer information either. It must have been more than a year since you last ordered from us, but that's alright, I can quickly go ahead and take your order to put you back into our system."
SC1 - sudden screaming into my ear, "FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are no help!'
click..

I run her phone number on the white pages and come up with the name of a small investment firm. I still wonder what that was all about.

Why Don't You Just Shove 200 Bucks In Her G-String?

SDG - Seriously deluded guy
Me - Obviously me

Guy calls up to order flowers, orders 3 dozen premium red roses, large box of choccies, big teddy bear. Sounds like a guy in love or a high roller? Right?

Me - 'And the recipients name, sir?'
SDG - 'Miss Tiffany'
Me - 'Last name?'
SDG - 'Oh, I don't know her last name.'

Let me get this straight. You're spending something like two hundred, two hundred and fifty bucks and you don't even know the chick's last name? Sucker..

Me - 'Is this going to her place of employment or to a home?'
SDG - 'To her job. In fact, I want the delivery guy to bring it to her while she's dancing on stage, as a surprise. She works at the Pink Pussycat All Nude Mud Wrasslin' and Danceteria on 5th St.'
Me - hardly able to believe this guy is blowing this much money and effort on a stripper he doesn't even know the real name of. Still, his money..

A few more questions asked and then I get to the part about card message, 'Sir, what would you like to say on the card message?'
SDG - 'Dearest Tiffany, I watch you night after night and I can see your sweet soul shining through your eyes ~ insert more super syrupy romantic bullshit in the interests of time~ Please let me take you out on a date this weekend.'
Me - (biting tongue to keep from laughing) 'And how would you like to sign your card sir?'
SDG - 'Professor Simon Twitterinton III, sitting stageside to your left'

I spent the entire call restraining myself from just simply saying 'sir, you'd make more headway with your stripper if you just shoved the money you're playing for flowers into her g-string..'

[Geek King]

I spent the entire call restraining myself from just simply saying 'sir, you'd make more headway with your stripper if you just shoved the money you're playing for flowers into her g-string..'

I don't know. I have a couple of friends who go out to the strip clubs almost every week. Occasionally they'll stop and get some chocolate concoction Coldstone Ice Cream for the girls. They are reportedly very happy to get gifts from nice regulars (ie. not drunken Bubba with his roamin' fingers). If the professor is still spending his money as usual, I don't think it is too different from a regular at a bar getting a gift for their favorite bartender. Strippers are people too.

[calulu]

I can see that with the ice cream and candy or whatever because, like you said, they are first and foremost human beings. I just couldn't see making a big romantic presentation and asking for a date. That is a bit over the top. I'd be scared if I got something like that from a customer at work.

[Primer]

I've had to decline similar gifts from my "clients." It's not cool for a teacher to date her students!

[PepperElf]

well... hey it's his money and if he's a professor he can probably afford it.

I just hope it's something that Miss Tiffany actually wants.


And ... well it's better than "drunken Bubba" offers... I hope it's still an offer on the up-and-up. (Unless Miss Tiffany doesn't mind of course.)

[4011]

i recommend a little from column A and a little from column B. spend the $5 to get her the ice cream & shove the remaining $245 in her g-string. it probably won't get you a date but she'll despise you a little less than all the others. hell, if you get the strawberry cheesecake with graham cracker crumbles, she may even like you.

[bainsidhe]

Oh geez, I just got an image of a poor, embarressed woman stumbling up to stage with gift in hand so she can just deliver the darn thing and run far far away

[Belari]

I don't know. I have a couple of friends who go out to the strip clubs almost every week. Occasionally they'll stop and get some chocolate concoction Coldstone Ice Cream for the girls. They are reportedly very happy to get gifts from nice regulars (ie. not drunken Bubba with his roamin' fingers). If the professor is still spending his money as usual, I don't think it is too different from a regular at a bar getting a gift for their favorite bartender. Strippers are people too.

Oh lord, I crave Coldstone ice cream like Paris Hilton needs some chicken wings.

[friendofjimmyk]

*le sigh*

That's so sad. I mean, if he was just a regular customer that like the dancer and wanted to buy her a gift, that's one thing...but to go over the top to ask her for a date...that's another thing ...another very sad thing.

What's that Tubes song? "She's a beauty" - "don't fall in love!! If you do you'll find out she don't love you."

[crazylegs]

Hmm, we're not allowed to accept gifts at all (not that I prance around in a G string you understand! ).

[Fenrus]

Of course, Crazylegs... That's CLEARLY too much clothing for you...

*runs and hides*

[rerant]

A friend of mine works in a... err... "gentleman's club" and has told me about some of the gift girls receive.
Flowers is the topper, followed by lingerie, candy, toys (of the teddy bear variety, not the naughty kind), clothes, you name it.

"We always say thanks, but I've never seen a gift that hasn't ended up in the garbage."

There's your hard-earned money, guys.

[Broomjockey]

"We always say thanks, but I've never seen a gift that hasn't ended up in the garbage."

There's your hard-earned money, guys.

That's actually a fairly good policy on their part. Think about it. There's absolutely no way to know who's psychotic or not, so candy can be tampered with, toys have things like GPS locators or cameras sewn in, etc.

[calulu]

Not much risk with candy delivered by a reputable florist as the box is still shrink-wrapped and heat sealed from the factory but I wouldn't put anything past some obsessive weirdo as far as cameras or whatever stuffed in toys. Let's face it, some guys just get fixated on a girl they've seen a handful of times and think anything goes in their quest to worm their way into a girl's life, flowers, candy and camera rigged bears.

I imagine most of the girls working in a, uh, gentlemans club, are working for much the same reason the rest of us poor working stiffs work. To make money to support themselves, not to meet Mr/Ms Wonderful or poach gifts from guys they wouldn't give the time of day to on the street.

[Kirkygirl]

A friend of mine works in a... err... "gentleman's club" and has told me about some of the gift girls receive.
Flowers is the topper, followed by lingerie, candy, toys (of the teddy bear variety, not the naughty kind), clothes, you name it.

"We always say thanks, but I've never seen a gift that hasn't ended up in the garbage."

There's your hard-earned money, guys.

Silly question, but why don't the toys go to the local children's ward or something under an anonymous donation?