I too could tell it was full moon yesterday. I pulled a long long shift of 12 hours at Flowers O Suck and kept having the same rude nasty evil sniping grasping hateful type people calling in. You know the type, the ones that would trample over a dying man in front of Wal Mart to save two nickels on toilet paper and think that's a-okay because they are somehow magically entitled! Normally most of our customers are nice, just every now and then they get ugly. Not yesterday, I kept having the same convos over and over again until I popped a xanax and took a long break before I broke.
Thomas Kincade Doesn't Live Here Anymore
CSC - Confused Senior Citizen
Me - Me
CSC - "Do you carry that Thomas Kincade Christmas center piece I seen in Parade Magazine/Pleasers for Geezers Magazine/Neighbors House/Metamucil Hour on the TV?"
That arrangement is another florists 'exclusive' but all of us sell everyone else's arrangements too because, quite frankly, we're all going through the same damn local shops. So while it's not 'ours' I can sell it.
Me - "Yes sir/ma'am, I can get that for you no problem at all."
CSC - "Well, how much is it? I'm on a fixed income and times are tight."
Now this thing has been advertised all over the place, Parade Magazine, Geezer Pleasers, TV and radio, and all the ads state that it is 60 bucks or 80 depending on if you want the medium size or the large.
Me - "It comes in two sizes, the medium one that is 18 inches long is 59.99 and the 24 incher is 79.99. Which size would you like to order."
CSC - "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *screaming and rupturing my eardrums* "That is OUT-RAG-EOUSSSSSSSSS! Why, I remember back during the DEPRESSION my momma could buya dozen roses for three nickels and a bag of onions! I demand YOU LOWER THE PRICE!! BECAUSE WE"RE HAVING ANOTHER DEPRESSION!!!"
Me - *slaps self in head with a sigh* Sir/Ma'am I'm sorry but the price is the price. Have a great day!"
'click'
Lather, rinse, repeat...
You know if this is going to put you in the poorhouse you probably shouldn’t even be considering ordering something like flowers.
You're A Mean One, Mr Grinch
SL - Sucky Lady
Me - obviously
SL - barks out quickly "What do your prices start at?"
Me - "And what occasion do you need to order flowers for?"
SL - voice spoken through gritted teeth like you'd tell someone off with, "I asked you for your damn prices, not to play twenty questions."
Me - "Ma'am in order for me to give you a correct price I have to know the occasion so I can make a recommendation. Where the arrangement needs to be sent and how quickly also determine the final price. I'm asking only so that I can give you accurate pricing."
SL - "No, you tell me the prices..."
Me - “Our mixed arrangements start at 40 dollars, roses at 60 per dozen, standard delivery will run you ten bucks and there is six percent sales tax.”
SL - “WHY ARE YOUR PRICES SO HIGH????? IT SAYS PRICES STARTING AT 30 DOLLARS IN THE PHONE BOOK.! I DEMAND YOU SELL ME A DOZEN ROSES FOR 30 BUCKS AND I AM NOT PAYING DELIVERY!!!!THE ECONOMY IS BAD SO I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME THISSSS!!”
Me - “I’m sorry ma’am, but our prices are our prices, have a pleasant day.”
‘click’
Chill out! It’s just flowers!
JC Penney Doesn’t Live Here Any More
VCG - Very Confused Guy
VCMe - Very Confused Me
VCG - “Uhh, yeah, how did I end up on your website when I was trying to get to JCPenney’s website?”
VCMe - ??
VCG - “I got a flyer in my Penneys bill that said that I could use my Penneys card to order flowers if I went to their website but it takes me straight to yours and there’s no place in there to input my Penneys charge card.”
VCMe *jaw dropped and flabbergasted with no clue how to answer than one.* - “Uh, em, I don’t quite know the answer to your question. I’m going to put you on hold and ask the operational manager if we have some new partnership with Penneys. I know we used to, then Penney’s started their own floral service that that went under last year.”
So I consult with the operational manager and we go talk to marketing…. No one knows a damn thing. So the operational manager tells me to ask him step by step how he got to our site, she’ll listen to the call and shadow what he’s doing so that we can figure out what the deal is.
VCMe: “Sir, what is that web address you initially used?”
VCG -” www dot jcpennysflowers dot com “and he spelled it out.
I put him on mute and the operational manager and I start laughing as we both pull up a holder page that has not a damn thing to do with Penney’s. It’s a search engine type thing, looks nothing like Penneys and the first link is to our page. We both pull up the correct page and it’s a competing florists page branded for Penney’s, just like we used to do years ago.
VCMe trying so hard not to sound smug, “Sir, you misspelled ‘Penneys’ in your web address. The site is there if you spell it exactly as it is on your credit card.’
Dude, put down the bong and learn to spell, or read, or something!
Do I sound like Santa Claus?
VQ - Vile Questioner (speaking in a belligerent I’ll kick your ass voice the entire time like this was WWF)
Me
VQ - “So why should I order from you guys instead of walking two blocks down the street to my local florist who isn’t a crook or a swindler?”
Me - ?????? “Ma’am, I’m not sure what you’re asking? Are you calling up to accuse this company of operating in a criminal fashion? Would you like me to generate a complaint ticket? ”
VQ - “You heard me, what’s so great about doing it this way? You better be cheaper, well are you?”
Me - “Ma’am, I have no way of knowing if we are less or more expensive than your local florist because I’m not in your area and I don’t k now your local florist, but we do have access to over 50,000 premium florists worldwide and can deliver just about anywhere. What occasion do you need to purchase flowers for?”
VQ - “Just answer the stupid question!!!”
Me - “Happy Holidays ma’am. I am disconnecting as it seems I am unable to help you further.
Now WTF was that about? Is there a lithium shortage or did someone don too tight of panties this morning?
Happy Holidays Mrs Ebenezer!
IL - Idiotic Lady
Me
IL - “Yeah, I want to order your gift basket for baby girl and have the baby girl flowers sent with it.”
Me - “Ma’am, I can sent out the gift basket and deliver the flowers separately but I cannot do them at the same time. The gift basket ships directly from the manufacturer and the flowers come from the local florist.”
IL - “Yeah, I want to order your gift basket for baby girl and have the baby girl flowers sent with it.”
Me - “Ma’am, I can sent out the gift basket and deliver the flowers separately but I cannot do them at the same time. The gift basket ships directly from the manufacturer and the flowers come from the local florist.”
IL - “Yeah, I want to order your gift basket for baby girl and have the baby girl flowers sent with it.”
Me - “Ma’am, I can sent out the gift basket and deliver the flowers separately but I cannot do them at the same time. The gift basket ships directly from the manufacturer and the flowers come from the local florist.”
Lather, rinse, repeat above conversation several more times.
Me - “Ma’am as I keep stating I can get both the basket and the flowers there on the same day but not together. The basket ships out via UPS and I can get it there overnighter for 35 dollars or in two days for 19. I’ll even knock off the florist delivery fee for the flowers if you want to go ahead and order both things.”
IL - “Yeah, yeah, sent ‘em out for tomorrow.”
So I get all the way through the order to the final screen, the payment screen and I give her the totals, she’s ordered a hundred dollar gift basket, overnight shipping, an 80 dollar flower arrangement and I’ve given her a senior discount and knocked off the flower delivery fee. So you’d think she’d been happy as a pig in shit with the total as I’ve been telling her the prices as we go along and you know, some basic math and common sense tells you this is going to be somewhere near 200 buckeroos.
But no………… she goes batcrap insane crazy and screams so loud it rattles the windows in my office and I have to take my earpiece and fling it away like a radioactive spider.. She is screaming and cursing and accusing me of everything short of selling her grandbaby to Hitler.
What is she angry about? The price.
Math, another important skill, like spelling…
Operating Room Operator
I am not even going to attempt a breakdown of this convo. This doctor calls FROM THE FREAKING OPERATING ROOM and screams at me over and over again about how he has to make the first cut in three minutes so I better be moving at lightening speed as he proceeds to shout out all the information like he’s an auctioneer at a hog sale at the stockyards. It gets funny when he’s shouting out his mushy bad love poetry at full blast. Yeah, asshole, your time is sooooo damn important that you cannot allot five minutes in your day to order roses for whoever it is you’re boinking.
Thomas Kincade Doesn't Live Here Anymore
CSC - Confused Senior Citizen
Me - Me
CSC - "Do you carry that Thomas Kincade Christmas center piece I seen in Parade Magazine/Pleasers for Geezers Magazine/Neighbors House/Metamucil Hour on the TV?"
That arrangement is another florists 'exclusive' but all of us sell everyone else's arrangements too because, quite frankly, we're all going through the same damn local shops. So while it's not 'ours' I can sell it.
Me - "Yes sir/ma'am, I can get that for you no problem at all."
CSC - "Well, how much is it? I'm on a fixed income and times are tight."
Now this thing has been advertised all over the place, Parade Magazine, Geezer Pleasers, TV and radio, and all the ads state that it is 60 bucks or 80 depending on if you want the medium size or the large.
Me - "It comes in two sizes, the medium one that is 18 inches long is 59.99 and the 24 incher is 79.99. Which size would you like to order."
CSC - "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *screaming and rupturing my eardrums* "That is OUT-RAG-EOUSSSSSSSSS! Why, I remember back during the DEPRESSION my momma could buya dozen roses for three nickels and a bag of onions! I demand YOU LOWER THE PRICE!! BECAUSE WE"RE HAVING ANOTHER DEPRESSION!!!"
Me - *slaps self in head with a sigh* Sir/Ma'am I'm sorry but the price is the price. Have a great day!"
'click'
Lather, rinse, repeat...
You know if this is going to put you in the poorhouse you probably shouldn’t even be considering ordering something like flowers.
You're A Mean One, Mr Grinch
SL - Sucky Lady
Me - obviously
SL - barks out quickly "What do your prices start at?"
Me - "And what occasion do you need to order flowers for?"
SL - voice spoken through gritted teeth like you'd tell someone off with, "I asked you for your damn prices, not to play twenty questions."
Me - "Ma'am in order for me to give you a correct price I have to know the occasion so I can make a recommendation. Where the arrangement needs to be sent and how quickly also determine the final price. I'm asking only so that I can give you accurate pricing."
SL - "No, you tell me the prices..."
Me - “Our mixed arrangements start at 40 dollars, roses at 60 per dozen, standard delivery will run you ten bucks and there is six percent sales tax.”
SL - “WHY ARE YOUR PRICES SO HIGH????? IT SAYS PRICES STARTING AT 30 DOLLARS IN THE PHONE BOOK.! I DEMAND YOU SELL ME A DOZEN ROSES FOR 30 BUCKS AND I AM NOT PAYING DELIVERY!!!!THE ECONOMY IS BAD SO I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME THISSSS!!”
Me - “I’m sorry ma’am, but our prices are our prices, have a pleasant day.”
‘click’
Chill out! It’s just flowers!
JC Penney Doesn’t Live Here Any More
VCG - Very Confused Guy
VCMe - Very Confused Me
VCG - “Uhh, yeah, how did I end up on your website when I was trying to get to JCPenney’s website?”
VCMe - ??
VCG - “I got a flyer in my Penneys bill that said that I could use my Penneys card to order flowers if I went to their website but it takes me straight to yours and there’s no place in there to input my Penneys charge card.”
VCMe *jaw dropped and flabbergasted with no clue how to answer than one.* - “Uh, em, I don’t quite know the answer to your question. I’m going to put you on hold and ask the operational manager if we have some new partnership with Penneys. I know we used to, then Penney’s started their own floral service that that went under last year.”
So I consult with the operational manager and we go talk to marketing…. No one knows a damn thing. So the operational manager tells me to ask him step by step how he got to our site, she’ll listen to the call and shadow what he’s doing so that we can figure out what the deal is.
VCMe: “Sir, what is that web address you initially used?”
VCG -” www dot jcpennysflowers dot com “and he spelled it out.
I put him on mute and the operational manager and I start laughing as we both pull up a holder page that has not a damn thing to do with Penney’s. It’s a search engine type thing, looks nothing like Penneys and the first link is to our page. We both pull up the correct page and it’s a competing florists page branded for Penney’s, just like we used to do years ago.
VCMe trying so hard not to sound smug, “Sir, you misspelled ‘Penneys’ in your web address. The site is there if you spell it exactly as it is on your credit card.’
Dude, put down the bong and learn to spell, or read, or something!
Do I sound like Santa Claus?
VQ - Vile Questioner (speaking in a belligerent I’ll kick your ass voice the entire time like this was WWF)
Me
VQ - “So why should I order from you guys instead of walking two blocks down the street to my local florist who isn’t a crook or a swindler?”
Me - ?????? “Ma’am, I’m not sure what you’re asking? Are you calling up to accuse this company of operating in a criminal fashion? Would you like me to generate a complaint ticket? ”
VQ - “You heard me, what’s so great about doing it this way? You better be cheaper, well are you?”
Me - “Ma’am, I have no way of knowing if we are less or more expensive than your local florist because I’m not in your area and I don’t k now your local florist, but we do have access to over 50,000 premium florists worldwide and can deliver just about anywhere. What occasion do you need to purchase flowers for?”
VQ - “Just answer the stupid question!!!”
Me - “Happy Holidays ma’am. I am disconnecting as it seems I am unable to help you further.
Now WTF was that about? Is there a lithium shortage or did someone don too tight of panties this morning?
Happy Holidays Mrs Ebenezer!
IL - Idiotic Lady
Me
IL - “Yeah, I want to order your gift basket for baby girl and have the baby girl flowers sent with it.”
Me - “Ma’am, I can sent out the gift basket and deliver the flowers separately but I cannot do them at the same time. The gift basket ships directly from the manufacturer and the flowers come from the local florist.”
IL - “Yeah, I want to order your gift basket for baby girl and have the baby girl flowers sent with it.”
Me - “Ma’am, I can sent out the gift basket and deliver the flowers separately but I cannot do them at the same time. The gift basket ships directly from the manufacturer and the flowers come from the local florist.”
IL - “Yeah, I want to order your gift basket for baby girl and have the baby girl flowers sent with it.”
Me - “Ma’am, I can sent out the gift basket and deliver the flowers separately but I cannot do them at the same time. The gift basket ships directly from the manufacturer and the flowers come from the local florist.”
Lather, rinse, repeat above conversation several more times.
Me - “Ma’am as I keep stating I can get both the basket and the flowers there on the same day but not together. The basket ships out via UPS and I can get it there overnighter for 35 dollars or in two days for 19. I’ll even knock off the florist delivery fee for the flowers if you want to go ahead and order both things.”
IL - “Yeah, yeah, sent ‘em out for tomorrow.”
So I get all the way through the order to the final screen, the payment screen and I give her the totals, she’s ordered a hundred dollar gift basket, overnight shipping, an 80 dollar flower arrangement and I’ve given her a senior discount and knocked off the flower delivery fee. So you’d think she’d been happy as a pig in shit with the total as I’ve been telling her the prices as we go along and you know, some basic math and common sense tells you this is going to be somewhere near 200 buckeroos.
But no………… she goes batcrap insane crazy and screams so loud it rattles the windows in my office and I have to take my earpiece and fling it away like a radioactive spider.. She is screaming and cursing and accusing me of everything short of selling her grandbaby to Hitler.
What is she angry about? The price.
Math, another important skill, like spelling…
Operating Room Operator
I am not even going to attempt a breakdown of this convo. This doctor calls FROM THE FREAKING OPERATING ROOM and screams at me over and over again about how he has to make the first cut in three minutes so I better be moving at lightening speed as he proceeds to shout out all the information like he’s an auctioneer at a hog sale at the stockyards. It gets funny when he’s shouting out his mushy bad love poetry at full blast. Yeah, asshole, your time is sooooo damn important that you cannot allot five minutes in your day to order roses for whoever it is you’re boinking.
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