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  • Uncle Khiras goes to the madhouse!

    Another update, another tired Khiras. My feet hurt >< That, and it's cold as all hell! Let's begin, so my rage can warm me up.

    That Which I Cannot Say Yet

    This is a teaser I can't tell the full story yet since it may go to court. If it doesn't I'll post the whole story later, but Sunday night we had a run in with an oh-so-pleasant...what's the word? Oh yeah...FUCKER!

    Here's the summary, to get you interested for later when the story shows up: We find idiot. Idiot gets unruly. Idiot gets abusive. Idiot gets surrounded. Idiot gets arrested. Idiot, naturally, is drunk.

    Look forward to this...I have the full story written so I had all the details, but it's another epic one.

    Finally, something nice for Khiras!

    Just a side note, I found happiness this week! I found a radio station that I can listen to online, KKRW Classic Rock in Houston, TX. Why does this make me happy? The morning crew, "Dean and Rog", used to be here in Denver, and they were (and are) absolutely hilarious. My mornings starting at 4:30 my time are great now, since I get a few hours listening to them daily.

    They do a fun thing called the Birthday Scam...if I ever find out EQ's name and phone number, and her birthday...she's definitely getting a prank call from them But it'll get her some free concert tickets, so I don't think she'd mind.

    Drunk

    Most of this week was quiet, but Friday/Saturday we had another group of kids, and LOTS of drunks. Yay. You guys know the routine, right?

    SC: Can you get me more alcohol?
    Me: Sorry, not after 2am...not legal here.
    SC: What if Mr. Abe Lincoln was involved?
    Me: I'd say you're the lowest bidder...the highest offered $1000 and didn't get any alcohol either.
    SC:

    You Chose Wrong

    We are having a lot of Christmas parties, naturally, which means even more alcohol flowing than usual. This actually was not the cause of too many of my problems, though I had a few...it was the other people pissing me off.

    We get a call that 4 people are crashing one of the parties...now by the time we get there, they have left and gone back to a floor, we know which one, so we get their descriptions: "Young, not quite punk, but not intelligent looking. Dumbass wannabe punk."

    I immediately know how to picture these individuals. Gravekeeper described them perfectly in last week's post.

    We go up to the floor they went to, and start listening for noise...and sure enough, we hear one room making noise, and give them a "complaint warning." The people inside? Exact descriptions, as noted above. They are also giving me a wide-eyed, panicked scare...I don't say it, but I know who they are, and they know that I know. There's an unspoken warning, "stay the fark away from the party."

    Not 20 minutes later, we get a call that there's a fight in the party, and myself, one of my guys, and our 2 off-duty police helpers all happen to be 1 floor above...we power down, and see 2 of the idiots from before...there's no guessing here, we know what happened already. Sure enough, another employee points them out, and the chase is on! We catch one right away, the other one runs through our lobby bar and out the front entrance, and manages to get away from the cop chasing him. We drag the first kid back to our office so he can be removed, and start looking for #2.

    First sighting, #2 tried to sneak in, and noticed people watching him. He tears ass away from the hotel and runs into an alley...but he rips off his sweatshirt before we lose sight, so we already know he's changing clothes.

    Now, as we're outside, we notice a THIRD kid, one of the people we warned about noise, outside taking a very keen interest in us. Every time he thinks we're not watching, he's looking at us. If we turn our heads, he looks away, then after a while he makes a phone call. Once again, this does not take a scientist to figure out: he's calling his friend who ran.

    Sure enough, 5 minutes later, the third guy comes back into the hotel wearing his friends hoodie sweatshirt...and no coat. Criminal masterminds, they are not.

    Second sighting, #2 tries to stroll to our side entrance, now wearing his friend's blue coat. I'll note here, by the way, that this whole idea was stupid...his face looks like the end of a goats nutsack, he has a scraggly beard with a long goatee, and he's 20 years old...he sticks out like a sore thumb. We weren't looking at his coat, his face was the easiest thing to notice unless he shaved. Anyway, he notices that we've somehow seen through his clever disguise, and high-tails it across the street, where he jumps the fence into a construction site. Our police guys have already called in help, so he's easily picked up over there and brought back.

    Person 1 is charged with disturbing the peace (for the fight) and trespassing (for going back to the party after being ejected once.
    Person 2 is charged with disturbing the peace, trespassing, and interference with a lawful order (for running), but THAT'S NOT ALL, KIDS! He's on probation for burglary a few months back. He is also out on bail for assaulting a police officer...last week. The stupid is strong with this one.

    And the best part? After they were carted off on jail on a Friday night (which means they're stuck there until Monday when the judge gets back ), Person 2's MOTHER shows up asking the police what happened

    Some arrests just fill me with glee.

    A-hole

    SC: What's your rate for tonight?
    Me: $189
    SC: That's unacceptable.
    Me: Sir?
    SC: That's the best you can do?
    Me: That is our lowest rate available tonight.
    SC: I'll give you $50.
    Me: Ok...did you still want the room for $189 after that?
    SC: No, $50 for the room!
    Me: Oh, I thought you were giving me Christmas present money...sorry. No, the room's still $189.
    SC: But...!
    Me: Non-negotiable...$189, and up from there...not down.
    SC:

    Sorry, did I screw up your haggling routine? Go to Motel 6 you cheap bastard, you can catch syphilus AND crabs there!

    We Three Hobos

    I'm walking around the parking garage with one of my guys...and what do we find? 3 hobos snuck into the garage and went to sleep.



    Ok, I do my thing and kick them out, no big deal, not annoyed...well, a little annoyed, but whatever. 2 minutes later, I walk through the lobby...and We Three Hobos are camped out on the couches!



    Me: Did we not understand?
    WTH:
    Me: We find you asleep in the garage. We kick you out. Where in that time did we say "Go inside and use the couches instead"?
    WTH:
    Me: You guys are killing me...this is a not-so-subtle hint that, when we ask you to leave...we mean go somewhere else. Somewhere, not here. Elsewhere. Away. About the city in a place not the <hotel>!
    WTH: Er...so...we need to leave?
    Me: YES!!
    WTH: But we're homeless.
    Me: Congratulations...there's a shelter 2 minutes from here, it's well known. I suggest you trek there. Go. Now. OUT!

    The funniest thing? We found another hobo 5 minutes later asleep >< I hate Winter, they start to swarm on me, and I find them everywhere in the hotel tucked into corners!

    Idiot

    SC: Your elevator isn't working.
    Me: Did you try your key? They won't go to the guest floors at this level without using a key.
    SC: We tried that.
    Me: Ok...I'll ride up with you to make sure it works. Do you have your key with you? Maybe it got de-magnetized.
    SC: Yeah. *hands it over. I try it...it works just fine for me* Wait, you have you use your key?
    Me: /facepalm

    Eureka! You've discovered the idea that I just described to you seconds ago that you said you tried! You have received the achievement: Blazing Idiot! Please don't reproduce, that would make Uncle Khiras cry.

    Drunk

    I catch them coming in, it's after 2am...as always...and they have outside liquor in hand. 2 cops are also standing next to me.

    Me: Excuse me gents, can't bring in the outside liquor.
    SCs: We gotta throw it away?
    Me: (Well no, but you suggested it, so...) Either that or...
    SCs: OK! *throws it away*

    Well ok then...I was gonna say put it back in the car, but whatever.

    1 hour later, I check out the health club...and there they are again. More beers, who knows from where.

    Me: Hello again guys...can't have glass down here, can't have alcohol in here....aaaaaaaaaaaaaand still can't have it after 2am like before.
    SCs: Oh...ok. *throw it all away* Hey man...how did you know we were here?
    Me: I see all, I know all. OoooOOOoooOOoooOOO!
    SCs:

    I actually kinda liked them. I wish every drunk had that much fun without pissing me off.

    There's more, but I'm so tired, I don't even have the energy to type it all...will try to add more later, but I am just too exhausted...
    "That's too bad. Hospitals aren't fun to fight through."
    "What IS fun to fight through?"
    "Gardens. Electronics shops. Antique stores, but only if they're classy."

  • #2
    What is wrong with these people that they can't think to hide the booze in their bag and then just keep it in their room?
    I don't go in for ancient wisdom
    I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
    It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth BookstoreEscapee View Post
      What is wrong with these people that they can't think to hide the booze in their bag and then just keep it in their room?
      Haven't you heard about the laws of alcohol?

      Too much alcohol + brain cells = mass murder of brain cells.

      So, in conclusion, too much alcohol kills intelligent thinking.
      Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

      Comment


      • #4
        I am giggling at the mental image of hobos tucked into every little corner of your hotel, like finding mice and things inside when it gets cold.

        But the response to the haggler was total WIN.
        My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

        Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Saydrah View Post

          But the response to the haggler was total WIN.
          Agreed!! I'm going to remember that for next time someone tries to haggle over cake prices

          Comment


          • #6
            I hope the idiot can't find a lawyer or the judge bounces it- I'm rather curious how you can sue someone else for your own stupidity.....

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Bramblerose View Post
              I hope the idiot can't find a lawyer or the judge bounces it- I'm rather curious how you can sue someone else for your own stupidity.....
              Common sense would tell you that the only person for that moron to sue would be himself, but unfortunately sense isn't so common anymore.

              Now that would be a trial I'd definitely be watching on TruTV. Some moron suing themself.
              Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                Haven't you heard about the laws of alcohol?

                Too much alcohol + brain cells = mass murder of brain cells.

                So, in conclusion, too much alcohol kills intelligent thinking.
                Rubbish, I've done some of my most intelligent and profound thinking while drunk, followed by the losing of the pants.
                If I dropped everybody who occasionally said something stupid from my list of potential partners, I wouldn’t even be able to masturbate

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Nyoibo View Post
                  Rubbish, I've done some of my most intelligent and profound thinking while drunk, followed by the losing of the pants.
                  Just the pants? You don't lose anything else?
                  Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                    Just the pants? You don't lose anything else?

                    No unfortunately.
                    If I dropped everybody who occasionally said something stupid from my list of potential partners, I wouldn’t even be able to masturbate

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth KhirasHY View Post
                      Drunk

                      Most of this week was quiet, but Friday/Saturday we had another group of kids, and LOTS of drunks. Yay. You guys know the routine, right?

                      SC: Can you get me more alcohol?
                      Me: Sorry, not after 2am...not legal here.
                      SC: What if Mr. Abe Lincoln was involved?
                      Me: I'd say you're the lowest bidder...the highest offered $1000 and didn't get any alcohol either.
                      SC:
                      $5 in exchange for the possibility of fines and loss of a job? Pathetic. Your response is perfect, though.

                      At the same time, the I-Need-More-Money part of my brain is wondering if you could hide some of that non-alcoholic beer (which I've been told is some nasty stuff) in some convenient location. That way, if someone drunk enough bribes you for more drinks, you can give it to them. They'll think they got booze long enough for you to pocket the cash; you can't really get in too much trouble for it because you're not providing them with alcohol; and you get to laugh while the drunk idiots try to get a buzz off disgusting fake beer.
                      I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
                      - Bill Watterson

                      My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
                      - IPF

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        OH, Uncle Khiras I know EQ's name and birthday... I'm willing to sell her out for the right price

                        Ok, so no I wouldn't... but it's a nice thought.
                        If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth smileyeagle1021 View Post
                          OH, Uncle Khiras I know EQ's name and birthday... I'm willing to sell her out for the right price

                          Ok, so no I wouldn't... but it's a nice thought.
                          I know her name, location, and birthday.

                          I gots no problem selling her out.
                          Now a member of that alien race called Management.

                          Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I can't stand kids in hotels. Oh wait, I can't stand kids. But, ESPECIALLY in hotels! And ESPECIALLY if they are entitlement-whore know-it-all's.

                            Why did that asshole keep coming back to the hotel? What a tard.
                            Check out my cosplay social group!
                            http://customerssuck.com/board/group.php?groupid=18

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I know her name, location, and birthday.

                              I gots no problem selling her out.
                              For the right price?
                              If I dropped everybody who occasionally said something stupid from my list of potential partners, I wouldn’t even be able to masturbate

                              Comment

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