"Where are the real books?"

[depechemodefan]

I work in a library. This was asked of me this week:

guy: Where are the real books
me:
guy: I mean not the reference books.
me: all the floors had books. Third floor has the 800s, 900s, Biographies. Second has 000s-799s. First if fiction.
guy: what's on teh second floor?
me: 000s-799s.
guy: ok, second floor.
me:

This is a library. We carry real books. The only fake books we carry are in the 780s.

Then me and a co-worker are on the second floor and were waiting for an elevator to go up. Idiot gets off the elevator and sees us.

Idiot: Where are your non-fiction Dean Koontz books?

Now there are non-fiction books by Dean Koontz. They are biographies and critical analysis, and some other stuff if I want to dig around a bit. This doesn't make him stupid.

co-worker: The Dean Koontz are fiction books. They are in the first floor.

This is what makes the stupid:

Idiot: Oh, I meant fiction books. I don't want you to think I don't know fiction from non-fiction.

Ok, some people do get words turned around, but his considering he's a regular, who acts dumb around us anyway, I would label him as an idiot.

[MannersMakethMan]

The real books are in the real library... It looks as though you've accidentally stumbled upon our little secret hideout. For that you must pay.

Bring forth my best whippin' salmon!

[Kirkygirl]

Depechemode fan wrote:
I work in a library. This was asked of me this week:

guy: Where are the real books
me:
guy: I mean not the reference books.
me: all the floors had books. Third floor has the 800s, 900s, Biographies. Second has 000s-799s. First if fiction.
guy: what's on teh second floor?
me: 000s-799s.
guy: ok, second floor.
me:

What, did this guy fall out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down?
Not only does he not listen, it seems he needs some edumacation to even know how to use the library.

[chainedbarista]

it doesn't sound like he's ready for grown up books yet (if ever); redirect this one to the children's section, pronto, so his brain isn't overloaded by things he's not able to understand.

[Stryker One]

So, where do you keep your synthetic books?

[JLRodgers]

The only fake books we carry are in the 780s.

What makes those fake?

[Ill_Used_Heroine]

What makes those fake?

Fake books are song books, like "The Greatest 150 Christmas Songs of All Time" -- bound sheet music.

[PepperElf]

The Dean Koontz are fiction books.

WHAT? You mean Odd Thomas isn't real?

and here I was planning a vacation to Pico Mundo just to eat some of his perfect pancakes...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

guy: Where are the real books

As opposed to the imaginary ones I guess.

[Dark Psion]

Oh just show her the Necronomicon,......it's hungry

[Eric the Grey]

As opposed to the imaginary ones I guess.

I would think, as opposed to audio books, but I'm weird that way.



Eric the Grey

[Dreamstalker]

Oh just show her the Necronomicon,......it's hungry

*notes that the copy I have is starting to rattle its cage* HEY! Now I'll never get it calmed down--the idiots have been staying indoors.

Here, give the idiots The King In Yellow. It's not quite as problematic for the owner...also you might get to trick them into saying the magic words (then the results can be fed to the Necronomicon so everyone's happy).

[Mark Healey]

Fake books are song books, like "The Greatest 150 Christmas Songs of All Time" -- bound sheet music.

Actually a fake book has less than that. They usually only have the lyrics, melody and a few chords. The performer has to improvise the rest.

[depechemodefan]

it doesn't sound like he's ready for grown up books yet (if ever); redirect this one to the children's section, pronto, so his brain isn't overloaded by things he's not able to understand.

that reminds me of another thing. People come up to the third floor and ask for something (say, a dvd or a history book or a biography) and either I direct them to another floor or show them where the book is on the third floor.

Idiot: But I want a children's (dvd, book, cd, etc)!
Me: That would be on the fourth floor.
Idiot: This isn't the fourth floor?

If you take any of the elevators, you will see a sign when the doors open telling you what floor you are on. Though if you take the stairs, if you go to the left you will miss the sign that tells you what floor you are on. So there is a 1/5 chance you don't know what floor you are on. Though you should know how to count. Started on floor one, went up one floor so that is two (and you will have to pass the sign that tells you it's floor 2 if you continue to the stairs that go up).

So either you don't bother to read when you get off the elevator or can't count how many flights of stairs you climbed.

A lot of times people act like I'm wrong about where things are until they say, "This isn't the x floor?" *sigh*

[AnaKhouri]

Here, give the idiots The King In Yellow. It's not quite as problematic for the owner...also you might get to trick them into saying the magic words (then the results can be fed to the Necronomicon so everyone's happy).

According to the Encyclopedia Cthulhuiana, many scholars believe that performing the entire play will summon Hastur...I mean, the Unnamable. >cringe<

(The King in Yellow and the Yellow sign stories are some of my favorites. I have a little yellow sign pin on my work apron).