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Sam's Club can't find its ass with both hands and a map: The awful truth revealed

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  • Sam's Club can't find its ass with both hands and a map: The awful truth revealed

    Not too far away from my hotel, a Sam's Club is rising from the earth like a zombie from its grave. In fact, they're almost done, and the store is already operating half shifts. The grand opening is later this week. Literally hundreds of people have converged on Hendersonville to help with the opening, to get the place up and running, and several local hotels, including ours, have huge blocks of rooms set aside for Sam's Club employees, each booked according to reams of lists provided us by the Sam's Club bosses.

    This is the part in the movie where the cheerful flute music gives way to a thudding bass drum, to alert the playful woodland creatures that danger is afoot. The denim-blue sky clouds over. Lightning strikes!

    The problem we're having here is that this store opening is the most disorganized slog of bullshit that I have ever been a party to, and desk clerks at other hotels agree.

    The people staying in the rooms don't know who their roommates are supposed to be. Some have arrived several days early. Others have arrived several days late. Guests supposed to be staying at one hotel show up at another. Every hotel is overbooked. Some guests' names appear on the original lists provided to us, but we learn they're not supposed to show up at all as their schedules warp mutate, and carry them to other places. We book other guests in those rooms, and then -- surprise! -- the original guests appear like alien abduction victims suddenly mysteriously returned to earth.

    The boss doesn't know where his employees are staying, and the employees don't know where they're supposed to be staying. Non-smoking guests end up in smoking rooms either because their roommate smokes, or because the boss didn't know what to book for them at all, and took a random stab at it.

    Rooms with single king-size beds are booked for the use of two complete strangers. It sounds like the plot of a porn movie, I know, but the guests aren't taking it that way. I could add this to my thread about manual labor in your good clothes, but it's appropriate here -- I just spent a good half hour hauling sleeper sofas from room to room upstairs to accommodate people who should have been in double rooms but who got singles instead.

    A wing chair and a recliner were also part of the great migration, not to mention a pair of coffee tables.

    At any rate, it's been six days of complete chaos here, ever since the first Sam's Club people started showing up -- or not showing up, as the case may be.

    Thankfully, the guests themselves are, for the most part, very nice and understanding about everything, even if their bosses have their heads so far up their asses that they need snorkels to breathe. We've only had a little trouble with the guests, really just one -- he was a germophobe who demanded a can of Lysol brand disinfectant spray for his room or else he was walking out, and who was not to be seen anywhere during his stay, not carrying the Lysol. He clutched it the way a child clutches a teddy bear. This same guest also took deep personal offense at the fact that Hendersonville does not have a Starbucks store. His eyes got huge, he sputtered, fishlike, for a moment, then cursed under his breath, turned on his heel and stormed out. I've never seen a middle-aged man do such a good petulant stomp. Nellie Olsen could have taken lessons.

    I will be so glad when this mess gets over with.
    Drive it like it's a county car.

  • #2
    Great story telling. I feel your pain.

    Quoth hauntedheadnc View Post
    I've never seen a middle-aged man do such a good petulant stomp. Nellie Olsen could have taken lessons.
    Unseen but seeing
    oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
    There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
    3rd shift needs love, too
    RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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    • #3
      Lol,....Welcome to the wonderful land of insanityville....That is Wal-Marts way!

      If you think this was bad, then can you imagine these very same poeple running a store???? Oh fun! What Joy!

      Oh, why am I not suprised! I feel for you, I honestly do! Hopefully though, all this will end real soon for you...well.....till the head honchos decide to take flights down there for a visit!

      As for that man...lol, now I have a mental image of IGOR sneaking around clutching very tightly to his chest that can of lysol, proclaiming. It's Mine, It's Mine I tell ya!!!!

      Truthfully though, we did have a Mister Rogers look alike staying at the hotel where we worked...let me say this,...Never, ever have I ever seen a cleaner room then this mans was...I'd go in their to clean and look helplessly at my mom, who would shrug and tell me to at least make it look like we did do something..for even the tub and washclothe was spotless, down to him having his own vaccum cleaner.

      Comment


      • #4
        This same guest also took deep personal offense at the fact that Hendersonville does not have a Starbucks store. .
        I think I saw one in Asheville though I heard about that Sams club on the radio too
        The Pens 2009 Stanley Cup Champs

        Listen to some Steely Dan Tonight its good for Ya

        Il Son Patie

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        • #5
          Gypsy-Rose is quoted as saying:now I have a mental image of IGOR sneaking around clutching very tightly to his chest that can of lysol, proclaiming. It's Mine, It's Mine I tell ya!!!!
          No its his pre-sss-iou-ssss calling to him.! Yes his precious in deed now that he has it away from those nassty hobbitssess.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Rahmota View Post
            No its his pre-sss-iou-ssss calling to him.! Yes his precious in deed now that he has it away from those nassty hobbitssess.
            D'oh! Beat me to it!
            "I don't have an anger problem I have an idiot problem!" - Hank Hill

            When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt, run around in little circles, wave your arms and shout!

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth hauntedheadnc View Post
              We've only had a little trouble with the guests, really just one -- he was a germophobe who demanded a can of Lysol brand disinfectant spray for his room or else he was walking out.

              Specifically Lysol®? Not a reasonable facsimilie? Not a store brand?
              Unseen but seeing
              oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
              There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
              3rd shift needs love, too
              RIP, mo bhrionglóid

              Comment


              • #8
                We've only had a little trouble with the guests, really just one -- he was a germophobe who demanded a can of Lysol brand disinfectant spray for his room or else he was walking out, and who was not to be seen anywhere during his stay, not carrying the Lysol. He clutched it the way a child clutches a teddy bear.
                next time, offer him a suit like WHO personnel wear during outbreaks...and the gollum/lysol image is forever burned into my brain. what a freak! to his tantrum, a petulant 50 something princess would have been the highlight of my day!

                starbucks not available? don't worry, they SOON will be; they're everywhere or coming soon to everywhere!
                look! it's ghengis khan!
                Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
                  Specifically Lysol®? Not a reasonable facsimilie? Not a store brand?
                  He was actually very insistent that it be Lysol.
                  Drive it like it's a county car.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth irateguy View Post
                    I think I saw one in Asheville though I heard about that Sams club on the radio too
                    There's at least three, maybe four, in Asheville. I hope you had a good time when you were down here, irateguy. This post is the reason I never got online Sunday. Sunday was absolutely, completely, totally insane. Monday was just as bad. So was Tuesday, and today. Tomorrow, Friday, and possibly Saturday are looking bad too. Things won't calm down here until at least Sunday.
                    Drive it like it's a county car.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Yea, often the evil smiley face doesn't know its *ss from page 8. I got sent across the state to help with another store getting ready for THEIR grand opening when we where desperately trying to get ready for ours. Net outcome: I get paid for 16 hours of travel time (14 hours of it spent sleeping in the back of co-workers car. ), paid meals, motel room, and one store is still short staffed.

                      It seems that our district as a whole doesn't seem to be too bad. It's the people from beyond our district that tend to screw with things. Many of my co-workers want to deliever a beatdown to whoever designed our backroom. You would think that after doing this for X number of years that they could get it right? Nope, they keep screwing things up and make stuff more difficult than it needs to be.
                      "Magic sometimes sounds like tape." - The Amazing Johnathan

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth hauntedheadnc View Post
                        We've only had a little trouble with the guests, really just one -- he was a germophobe who demanded a can of Lysol brand disinfectant spray for his room or else he was walking out, and who was not to be seen anywhere during his stay, not carrying the Lysol. He clutched it the way a child clutches a teddy bear. I've never seen a middle-aged man do such a good petulant stomp.
                        Visions of Tiny Tim came to mind...he was a huge germophobe and very eccentric. Had he not passed away a few years back, I would think that he was hired as entertainment for the opening!
                        "I'm still walking, so I'm sure that I can dance!" from Saint of Circumstance - Grateful Dead

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          While I rather like the company I work for, it's things like this that make me think the company as a whole is like a sandwich with marshmallow fluff as the filling. The peon level (bottom slice of bread) is solid, hardworking, and generally knows their stuff. The top levels of corporate (top slice) are similar, with good ideas and good intentions. Unfortunately, few ideas manage to work their way through the impenetrable middle layer (the fluff), that consists of the fluff-for-brains management level (usually SM and up).
                          "Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
                          - Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy V

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Rahmota View Post
                            No its his pre-sss-iou-ssss calling to him.! Yes his precious in deed now that he has it away from those nassty hobbitssess.

                            Oh My.....LMBO...How could I forget about him?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Kogarashi View Post
                              While I rather like the company I work for, it's things like this that make me think the company as a whole is like a sandwich with marshmallow fluff as the filling. The peon level (bottom slice of bread) is solid, hardworking, and generally knows their stuff. The top levels of corporate (top slice) are similar, with good ideas and good intentions. Unfortunately, few ideas manage to work their way through the impenetrable middle layer (the fluff), that consists of the fluff-for-brains management level (usually SM and up).
                              Marshmellow Fluff? Oh now that really will help me when I go to work...

                              Now everytime I see Management, I'll be having mental images of the staypuff marshmellow man from Ghostbusters. Great,...Guam (sp) and Fluff man..oh what this will do for my vivid imagination at work!

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