Awesome Parenting, Really.

[TruthHurts]

We had a couple come in with their child who looked about three years old. They tell the kid he can get a candy bar. He runs up grabs one and his mother takes it from him to put on the counter.

The kid begins to cry and then grabs another candy. The mom tells him not to cry, she'll buy that for him too. She puts it on the counter, the kid cries again and grabs another. This happens about four more times.

Soon I realize something, the kid's not crying because he wants more candy. He's crying because his mom keeps taking the candy from him. I suggest that I just ring up one of the candies on the counter instead of her taking it from him. (All the candy bars are the same price.)

Sure enough the kid stops crying and does not grab another candy. How is it that I who is not a mother figured out what was going on with kid when his mother could not? How about figuring out why the kid is crying instead of just buying him whatever he grabs?

To top it off who knows what kind of example this is setting for the poor kid?

[Aislin]

Maybe she was just having a rough day and not thinking, you pointed out the obvious and she went for it. Hopefully she was grateful for your brain power saving her a ton of money in candy. Yes, she was setting a bad precedent — cry and you get more of what you want, but maybe at that point she was too overwhelmed to think.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Three is plenty old enough for them to teach him how to put his treats on the counter for the nice lady to ring up for them. My three year old has understood the concept of "we have to pay for our stuff" since she was two. She helps me load groceries onto the belt, and hands the cashier her treats herself. Keeping the kid busy and letting her help makes my shopping errands a lot easier. This lady needs to figure that out.

She also needs to figure out that caving to him the instant he starts crying is going to make everyone's lives very, very hard.

[tollbaby]

RK, my ex-boyfriend had a child who had Williams Syndrome (a mid-functioning disorder on the autism spectrum). By all outward appearances, a normal child. However, understanding a concept like "put the candy on the belt and the lady will give it RIGHT back when she's rung it through" was completely beyond him. So we would take one from the shelf for the girl to scan, and he would hold HIS in his grubby little paws

My son, who has Aspergers, also had trouble with that type of concept when he was 3-4 years old. You can't judge what the child is capable of simply by his age.

The mom, however, was a bonehead

[Geek King]

How is it that I who is not a mother figured out what was going on with kid when his mother could not? How about figuring out why the kid is crying instead of just buying him whatever he grabs?

Probably because you are removed from the situation emotionally, and can look at it from an intellectual veiwpoint. This is the same reason why it is considered unethical for a surgeon to cut on a family member or loved one. Your emotions can get in the way of making the correct decision.

Yeah, she probably wasn't giving the best signals to her kid, but parenting is like that. Parents make mistakes, sometimes. I wouldn't go to hard on the mother in the OP, it doesn't sound like the kid was being a brat. Kid just couldn't understand why mom kept taking the candy she said he could have. Young kids have oddball logic sometimes.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

My son, who has Aspergers, also had trouble with that type of concept when he was 3-4 years old. You can't judge what the child is capable of simply by his age.

You're right, of course. Sorry, I didn't consider that.

[poofy_puff]

You're right, of course. Sorry, I didn't consider that.

It sounds like the mother is the one with the developmental disability. The kid is pretty smart, learning how to exploit that at such an early age.

[blas]

Somewhat off topic, but I have several friends with babies and small children.

My friend Lisa has a daughter, Kelly, who was about 4 at the time.

We were at a store and Kelly wanted some lollipop or Spongebob candy or something......and she just kept throwing a fit and screaming and yelling......

Lisa was just humiliated and wanted to cry, the stupid teenage associates thought it was so cute and funny, and I totally lost my character and bent down to Kelly's level and said "Hey, quit being a drama queen. Your mom said no. Now knock it off!" and she stopped. Granted she pouted up a storm and called me Blas Poopypants for the rest of the night, but it worked.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, mine just goes "You are not my best friend anymore!"

Apparently, having this pronoucement lobbed at you is a fate worse than death on the toddler playground.

[smileyeagle1021]

Yeah, mine just goes "You are not my best friend anymore!"

and then there is my mother's response "oh good, that means I must be doing something right, you see, I'm not your friend, I'm your mother"
oh, I hated her at the time, but I know it really did shape me into a much better person than if she had said "oh noes, I'm no longer his friend, oh what shall I do, here, have the toys, have the candy"

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Man, that is so right. I remember there was some dispute with her sometime back and she ended up crying and in time out and my husband was all like "well, she didn't like what you did blah blah blah..." and I just retorted "So? We're not equal. She's not my peer. This is not under negotiation. Do I need to put YOU in time out???"

[Dark-Star]

It sounds like the mother is the one with the developmental disability. The kid is pretty smart, learning how to exploit that at such an early age.

My thoughts exactly! I've seen dozens of kids who scammed their moms or dads for free junk in this manner. What's truly shameful is that so many parents nowadays are either gullible or spineless enough to keep falling for the oldest trick in the Book of Brattery.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I've had situations like this sometimes, though not with candies they can pick up at the registers. There is no candy at the registers at my store, only magazines. But I've had kids with the "death grip" on their treats or toys or whatever, and I've been able to defuse a potential blow-up at someone taking away their treat/toy by saying, very kindly, "I just need to ring this up, and I'll give it right back, okay?" They're usually giving me that "deer in headlights" stare kids give to a stranger, but I'll just take the item, scan it with the hand-scanner, and then give it right back. "There you go! Thank you!" And the kid settles right down.

But then, I always do seem to get on well with kids.

[Buglady]

It's funny how kids will often behave (and listen!) much better for a stranger than for parents. I think it's the shock of "oh my God, it's not just Mom being a meanie" that does it. They have to take a few minutes to process the new information, and in the meantime they just obey.

I get along well with kids. The pre-verbal ones all seem to be fascinated by my glasses (judging by how many babies have grabbed them ) and the ones who can talk LOVE me because I listen to them. I also NEVER use baby talk - I simplify what I'm saying, of course, but I never do the high pitched voice and mispronunciation "Oh, wook at da cute widdle doggie!!" :vomit: Actually, I talk to kids and animals in much the same way - soft tone, lots of repetition, and for some reason I say "Hi" to them a lot. Over and over. They love it.

(I get to be an auntie this year! yay!!)

[boringscreenname]

The manipulation starts early, my 4 month old son knows how to pout on command.