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I currently work at a gas station in a 'service and rest stop' on a major interstate. That would be a petrol station for all you non-americans. I see ALL kinds of sucky customers there and would like to share a few stories that are more recent.
#1 Whaddaya mean it's illegal?
In the state where I currently work, it is illegal to prop the handle of the pump so that gas flows without holding it constantly. This SHOULD be common knowledge to all the people in the state that live in the state, and to anyone with a fifth grade education as there are even signs posted at the pumps that state the illegality of this action.
SC: *seen on camera propping pump handle with gas cap*
Me (Over intercom, private to pump): Sir, it's illegal in this state to prop your gas pump, that's why the latches don't work.
SC: *looks around as if wondering where the voice came from, starts walking away*
Me: SIR! I said it is illegal in this state to prop the handle of your gas pump! Yes, you in the light shirt and dark hat!
SC: *looks around again* Bite me,
.
Me: *turns off intercom, hits 'pump stop'*
SC comes out of 'food court' area half an hour later, sees he only got the $2 of fuel that pumped while he was standing at the pump initially, hits the help button on the pump console only to be ignored by me as a state cruiser pulls up in front of him.
Ahhhh Karma.
#2 Learn Japanese to work in New England
SJC = Sucky Japanese Customer
CW = Co-worker
SJC: Milk for tea?
Me: *blank stare for a moment* The milk is in the small black refrigerated tower right next to you sir. Tea bags are on the other side of the coffee bar. Hot water is available at any of the coffee brewing stations as are cups to contain it properly.
SJC: *stares blankly* Milk for tea?
Me: Did you just want some milk, sir, or did you want some tea?
SJC: *blank look* Milk for tea?
Me:
CW, could you please help this customer?
#3 No Parking means NO PARKING!
SC: *parks car in fire lane, despite multiple empty parking spaces, walks inside*
Me: Sir, you might want to move your car. The state police tend to come through around this time looking for idling truckers.
SC: Oh I'm fine, only came in for a minute.
*State patrol car pulls in front of car, blocking escape.*
SC: Aww shit.
#3.5 Maybe get some glasses with that CDL
Regular state trooper customer is in the store already, patrol car at one of the pumps, clearly visible. 18-wheeler pulls into fire lane, I start laughing before the trooper even notices.
#4 Totally oblivious
Normal store policy is for every shift to check dates on milk at least once a day, and to pull milk that will expire in the next two days, so it's off the shelf BEFORE it expires.
Actual practice: Usually it's third shift that catches 'close calls'.
A couple weeks ago, I found SEVENTY-EIGHT bottles of milk that either expired the day before, that day, or the 'next' day, at 11:45 PM. Proceed with gagging, muttered cursing, and more gagging as I move them over to the front sink to count and empty where the cameras can see them.
Cue bumrush of customers and midnight paperwork delaying the emptying of the bottles for a while. Enter a few SC's.
SC: *plops bottle of milk on counter*
Me: *checks date on bottle* Ma'am, I can't sell you this, it's expired.
SC: I don't care, that's the only bottle I found in your cooler. I want to buy it.
Me: I still cannot sell this bottle of milk. It's expired.
SC: Fine then, I'll find another one. *walks over to counter where all the other bottles are*
Me: Ummm, ma'am? Those bottles are expired as well, that's why they're on the counter instead of in our cooler.
SC: They can't all be expired!
Me: They can and they are, I pulled them out of the cooler myself just about an hour ago.
SC: This one's not expired, you little liar! It's dated for the fifth! That's tomorrow!
Me: Actually, that's today as of about 45 minutes ago and normal store policy is to pull all milk products two days in advance due to potential early spoilage and other health risks. I cannot sell any of the milk products on that counter.
SC: *goes back to cooler, holding one of the 'questionable' bottles* I found another one!
Me: No, you didn't. We are unable to sell any of that milk. Please find something else to drink.
SC: Oh it's not for me, it's for my baby out in the car. That's why I don't care if it's a couple days old.
Me:
Do you have a baby bottle on you? We do have some fresh milk in our coffee creamer towers. It would be free.
SC: I don't want no goddamn charity! I want to buy a bottle of goddamn milk, you goddamn faggot!
Me: You are now going to have to leave the store. Please send in a responsible adult who is willing to listen to reason, with a bottle for your baby, and I will be more than happy to help them.
SC: *leaves in a huff*
CW: Should I take down her plate number?
Me: Only if you can give that to social services to get that child out NOW.
#1 Whaddaya mean it's illegal?
In the state where I currently work, it is illegal to prop the handle of the pump so that gas flows without holding it constantly. This SHOULD be common knowledge to all the people in the state that live in the state, and to anyone with a fifth grade education as there are even signs posted at the pumps that state the illegality of this action.
SC: *seen on camera propping pump handle with gas cap*
Me (Over intercom, private to pump): Sir, it's illegal in this state to prop your gas pump, that's why the latches don't work.
SC: *looks around as if wondering where the voice came from, starts walking away*
Me: SIR! I said it is illegal in this state to prop the handle of your gas pump! Yes, you in the light shirt and dark hat!
SC: *looks around again* Bite me,
.Me: *turns off intercom, hits 'pump stop'*
SC comes out of 'food court' area half an hour later, sees he only got the $2 of fuel that pumped while he was standing at the pump initially, hits the help button on the pump console only to be ignored by me as a state cruiser pulls up in front of him.
Ahhhh Karma.
#2 Learn Japanese to work in New England
SJC = Sucky Japanese Customer
CW = Co-worker
SJC: Milk for tea?
Me: *blank stare for a moment* The milk is in the small black refrigerated tower right next to you sir. Tea bags are on the other side of the coffee bar. Hot water is available at any of the coffee brewing stations as are cups to contain it properly.
SJC: *stares blankly* Milk for tea?
Me: Did you just want some milk, sir, or did you want some tea?
SJC: *blank look* Milk for tea?
Me:
CW, could you please help this customer?#3 No Parking means NO PARKING!
SC: *parks car in fire lane, despite multiple empty parking spaces, walks inside*
Me: Sir, you might want to move your car. The state police tend to come through around this time looking for idling truckers.
SC: Oh I'm fine, only came in for a minute.
*State patrol car pulls in front of car, blocking escape.*
SC: Aww shit.
#3.5 Maybe get some glasses with that CDL
Regular state trooper customer is in the store already, patrol car at one of the pumps, clearly visible. 18-wheeler pulls into fire lane, I start laughing before the trooper even notices.
#4 Totally oblivious
Normal store policy is for every shift to check dates on milk at least once a day, and to pull milk that will expire in the next two days, so it's off the shelf BEFORE it expires.
Actual practice: Usually it's third shift that catches 'close calls'.
A couple weeks ago, I found SEVENTY-EIGHT bottles of milk that either expired the day before, that day, or the 'next' day, at 11:45 PM. Proceed with gagging, muttered cursing, and more gagging as I move them over to the front sink to count and empty where the cameras can see them.
Cue bumrush of customers and midnight paperwork delaying the emptying of the bottles for a while. Enter a few SC's.
SC: *plops bottle of milk on counter*
Me: *checks date on bottle* Ma'am, I can't sell you this, it's expired.
SC: I don't care, that's the only bottle I found in your cooler. I want to buy it.
Me: I still cannot sell this bottle of milk. It's expired.
SC: Fine then, I'll find another one. *walks over to counter where all the other bottles are*
Me: Ummm, ma'am? Those bottles are expired as well, that's why they're on the counter instead of in our cooler.
SC: They can't all be expired!
Me: They can and they are, I pulled them out of the cooler myself just about an hour ago.
SC: This one's not expired, you little liar! It's dated for the fifth! That's tomorrow!
Me: Actually, that's today as of about 45 minutes ago and normal store policy is to pull all milk products two days in advance due to potential early spoilage and other health risks. I cannot sell any of the milk products on that counter.
SC: *goes back to cooler, holding one of the 'questionable' bottles* I found another one!
Me: No, you didn't. We are unable to sell any of that milk. Please find something else to drink.
SC: Oh it's not for me, it's for my baby out in the car. That's why I don't care if it's a couple days old.
Me:
Do you have a baby bottle on you? We do have some fresh milk in our coffee creamer towers. It would be free.SC: I don't want no goddamn charity! I want to buy a bottle of goddamn milk, you goddamn faggot!
Me: You are now going to have to leave the store. Please send in a responsible adult who is willing to listen to reason, with a bottle for your baby, and I will be more than happy to help them.
SC: *leaves in a huff*
CW: Should I take down her plate number?
Me: Only if you can give that to social services to get that child out NOW.
to 
The brakes are going to the floor NOW! Very dangerous!
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