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  • #1

    Euphemisms and porn photos

    Hi! I thought I'd start off here by sharing the first sucky customer I got when I started my business. I make costumes for a living, and I specialize in making mascot suits, so I'm inevitably very involved with the "furry" fandom.

    Now contrary to what certain sensationalist TV shows, and certain people on the internet will tell you, the vast majority of furries aren't particularly interested in freaky mascot sex. I've been to quite a few furry conventions and I have yet to see anything that even vaguely resembles that CSI episode. In fact most of my customers are the nicest people you could imagine, and some of them have become good friends.

    BUT! There are always those few that give any group a bad reputation, and when I'd been doing this for just a few months, back in 2004 when I'd never even heard of the idea that somebody would want to do kinky things in big furry costumes (ah, the innocence of youth!) I had the following conversation with a would-be customer by IM

    Me: Hi! You messaged me earlier about getting a costume?
    Freak: Yes. I really want to have a lion.
    Me: Cool. I can do that for you. Do you have a specific design in mind, or just a generic "lion"?
    Freak: Just a lion, but I want it "modified."
    Me: Modified?
    Freak: Yeah, you know, "modified."
    Me: (thinking, No, I don't know!) I'm afraid I don't understand. What do you mean by "modified"?
    Freak: Just.... modified! You know!
    Me: I'm afraid I don't know, sorry.

    The freaky freak then sends me a photo. And I, poor innocent that I was, accepted it. And then instantly shut the viewer and deleted it. My eyes will NEVER be the same again! I needed about twenty gallons of after that. OMG.

    Me: No, I can't make you a "modified" suit. *blocks freak, goes to take a shower and scrub everything about a million times*

    I was seriously squicked out at the time, but now it makes me laugh so hard. He couldn't bring himself to type "modified so I can have sex in it" and yet he could send me an explicit photo of people having sex? WTF?
    The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. ~Author Unknown

    Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. ~Cicero

    See the fuzzy - http://bladespark.livejournal.com/
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Wouldn't that just involve cutting a hole in the naughty area so his thingum could stick out?
    "For the love of all that is holy and 4 things that aren’t but feel pretty good anyway" ~ Gravekeeper

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    • #3
      Pretty much, yeah.
      The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. ~Author Unknown

      Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. ~Cicero

      See the fuzzy - http://bladespark.livejournal.com/

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      • #4
        Ouch, that's a helluva way to get introduced to the yiffing aspect of furrydom. S'good to see it didn't jade your perception, though. You know, that guy sounds an awful lot like Nekobe (a real bastard of a furvert, known to sexually harrass people). Wasn't named Bart, was he?

        You ever come down to FWA in Georgia? If you do, look me up. I'll be the one with the big white antlers.

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        • #5
          Lions have a barb on their penis......sooooo THAT is where my mind went when he asked for a *modification*......
          ...how do used tampons attract thieves? ---Sleepwalker

          Chickens are Asexual!

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          • #6
            Quoth zzapp the witch View Post
            Lions have a barb on their penis......sooooo THAT is where my mind went when he asked for a *modification*......
            Oh, well, he wouldn't be getting laid, anyway. Who wants a fishhook up her snatch?
            "For the love of all that is holy and 4 things that aren’t but feel pretty good anyway" ~ Gravekeeper

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            • #7
              Hee. I recently ran into a chart of animal penises. Some of them are kind of freaky. Snakes and some marsupials have TWO!

              I sadly am not likely to make any conventions this year, I'm so broke.

              I don't recall the guy's name. I don't think it was Bart, but you never know, I suppose.
              The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. ~Author Unknown

              Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. ~Cicero

              See the fuzzy - http://bladespark.livejournal.com/

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              • #8
                Quoth spark View Post
                Hee. I recently ran into a chart of animal penises. Some of them are kind of freaky. Snakes and some marsupials have TWO!
                for that matter, since you already are pouring out brain bleach in abundance, so do some humans.
                If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

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                • #9
                  And as of this week's news, at least one woman has two vaginas.

                  Keep the bleach comin'.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth HorrorFrogPrincess View Post
                    Who wants a fishhook up her snatch?
                    A lioness?
                    "I can tell her you're all tied up in the projection room." Sunset Boulevard.

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                    • #11
                      How much would one of these suits cost? I imagine quite a bit?

                      I can't imagine spending a large amount of money just get laid ... once? twice maybe?


                      Plus, are the suits washable? If he wanted the suit for *that reason* wouldn't get grody from all the sweat and, er ... other ... stuff?
                      This area is left blank for a reason.

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                      • #12
                        They run anywhere from $100 for your made-in-China Gorilla suit to $30k or so for the super high end stuff. The average is around $1,000-$1,500. And yeah, most suit owners I know would be horrified at the idea of ruining their suits with sexual activity. They're sort of washable, but you can't just toss them in the washer, it's kind of a process to clean one without runing it.
                        The best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice. ~Author Unknown

                        Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. ~Cicero

                        See the fuzzy - http://bladespark.livejournal.com/

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                        • #13
                          Isn't there a zip or other, ah, access for when you need to pee? In which case is modification needed?
                          "I can tell her you're all tied up in the projection room." Sunset Boulevard.

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                          • #14
                            No zips to pee, cock your leg like a real animal damn it.
                            If I dropped everybody who occasionally said something stupid from my list of potential partners, I wouldn’t even be able to masturbate

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                            • #15
                              yeah but most animals still pee on the *outside* of their skin, not on the inside

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