A Most Epic Struggle

[BookstoreEscapee]

Americans have a volume control.

Hmm...must be broken on my cousin's kids....must see if I can fix that...

[Chazzie]

Wow... Poor Gravekeeper.

If you ever go to my coffee shop, I will buy you a vanilla chai. Sure, it's no match for the amount of raging stupidity you deal with on your workdays, but... It's vanilla chai. The good kind.

I have to say I not only felt pity for you this round, I -almost- felt pity for your two new acquaintances. Growing up with that as the result is just too sad.

[Gabrielle Proctor]

Coshem brigade makes my brain...arrrrrgh! The stupid, it
HURTS!...*gack*...*gurgle*...*drools all over myself*

Gabby has suffered self inflicted brain damage from reading too many GK posts.

[Epic FRAIL]

Overheard...

Girl: “I’M FROM BOSTON AND OUR PUBLIC TRANSIT IS ()@$&ING AWESOME”
Guy: “Ok, you’re at a 10. I need you at about a 2.”
Girl: “Ok.”

Americans have a volume control.

1. I WANT VOLUME CONTROL ON AUSTRALIANS. NOW.
2. You're right. that needs to go into a conversation somewhere.

[Lioness Blackfire]

Me: “Good evening, <company>“
SC: “Wha!?”

Me: “Yes, but can you sp-“
SC: “HELLO!?”
( ?! )
Me: “…Yes, hi. Can you spell the last name for me please?”
SC: “C.....C......A....O...O-S-E-M-C-U-N-C-U-S-I-E-L-M.”
Me: “……C-C-A-O-O-S-E-M-C-U-N-C-U-S-I-E-L-M…..?”

Me: “Ok, what is your name please?”
SC: “SOLOOANDMASOHJDHE”

Congratulations! I believe that what has stumbled helplessly into your lap is the holy grail of scientists the world over: the missing link. Half man, half ape, and capable only of the most rudimentary lingual communications.

Seriously though, how do you survive? My brain would have dripped out of my ears like so much liquifying jello eons ago! And if by some miracle it had not, the Coshem brigade would have done it.

In fact I think most people, if in the same room with you, would have lunged across the table and seized you by the throat by now screaming “I MUST CLEANSE MANKIND”.

Priceless!

[Pagan]

A Most Epic Struggle: The Prelude

Oh. My. Goddess. Sounds a lot like our dear little meth heads that come in and don't think we recognize them from month-to-month.

I saw the most tragically misguided youth on my way here this evening. On Granville street. He somehow managed to not only soak into the very depths of fashion tragedy that we have in the <company> and go beyond it. To new depths I had not even known was possible. I can think of no other moniker for him than “Supa G Kool”. At least, this would be how he envisions himself in his head if his clothing is any indication.

I saw at least half-a-dozen of that variety but a different ethnicity at work today. And they all thought they were supa dupa cool....and tough. Even though I could have broken them all like twigs. Still haven't figured out how these guys stay upright with all the weight.

It’s just not possible with the minuet amount of brain power you possess rattling around inside your thick, thick and deeply sloped skulls.

The dance or the musical composition?

[XCashier]

Holy moly.

I am not even from Canada and I know what a postal code is! Yet these yahoos don't?! Do these Neanderthals not receive mail? Could they not grab something from their unread stack of unpaid bills and plain-brown-paper-wrapped magazines and read off the mailing label to you?

Whoops, there I go, using logic again. When will I learn?

Gravekeeper, you are amazing, to put up with such brain-curdling stupidity that would send any of the rest of us straight to the Nerf Hotel. You deserve a hefty raise, a promotion, a lifetime of sessions with an excellent psychiatrist and a crate of top quality liquor chocolates.

[smileyeagle1021]

I will have you know that I have been sitting here pressing "refresh" every ten seconds; another half hour and I was going to start calling inpatient wards in the Vancouver Health Region... ("Hello? This will sound odd, but do you have a young man there who keeps babbling about hats and/or pants? You do? Two of them you say.... Really. Well, that's a surprise. OK, could you do me a favour and go sneak up behind one of them and whisper "pink camo", then come back and tell me what happens? That should sort out which one is mine. Thanks.")

you're almost as bad as me... I'm seriously tempted to (and not only when he doesn't post on time) take the vouchers from one of the guests and call the number on it and ask about a hotel room with pink camo... if I can hear the agent twitching through the phone then I know I got GK

[Rapscallion]

SC: “I had like the worst customer service experience evar. I mean they’ll be talking about this one on a forum and mocking me.”

Don't you just wish more customers would say the above?

Rapscallion

[Animae]

I tip my hat to you sir, and give you many cookies.

[TheSnakeLady]

I’m not 100% what is you want by “a pants”.

To quote a famous comedian, "Why is it a pair of pants, but only one bra?"

[MannersMakethMan]

I Congratulations, you have crossed the line into the No Hat Zone.

Which for those sorts of people is worse than being repeatedly dunked into a shark tank covered in steaks. Once they learn this, they spew the alphabet out in an random order in an attempt to form words before clobbering themselves over the head with their phone.

Then they call you back... When they have problems spelling Tim, it doesn't set a good precedent for the rest of the call...

Does this mean when you grant them their orders that they leave the No Pants Zone?

[VenomX]

In "A Most Epic Struggle: Epilogue" the last name kinda changes. Did they do that or did you forget to change it when posting?

[Gravekeeper]

In "A Most Epic Struggle: Epilogue" the last name kinda changes. Did they do that or did you forget to change it when posting?

Ahh, I missed the one. Thank you.

Though even the name they were using wasn't their name to begin with. -.-

[Imogene]

Out of curiosity, what was the customer service problem that would've been discussed in boardrooms?