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So, this morning I get to work and I barely have my coat off when this kid comes in with a bag of potatoes. He tells me his mother had purchased them earlier and she wants her money back. I explain that the potatoes weren't purchased from our store because we don't sell 5 lb bags of potates only 10 lb bags. He leaves.
Then I got that feeling. Oh, you know that feeling. That one that tells you this is far from over.
Fast forward about 10 minutes. The phone rings.
ME: Good morning, (My place of employment)
HER: Yeah. I just sent my son in there to return some potatoes I bought this morning and you wouldn't refund my money.
ME: I'm sorry ma'am, but you didn't purchase them here.
HER: Yeah, I did.
ME: Ma'am, we don't sell 5lb bags of patatoes. We only sell 10 lb bags. Is it possible your son went to the wrong store?
HER: Is this (My place of employment)?
ME: Yes.
HER: I bought them there.
ME: Listen. I don't know how much more clear I can make this. You did not purchase them here. We don't sell them.
*click* Now she hangs up on me. I still have that feeling.
Fast forward an hour. The phone rings. I recognize her number on call display.
ME: Good morning, (My place of employment)
HER: Do you know The Outlaws? (a motorcycle gang)
ME: Yes.
HER: Well I know them and you can expect a visit shortly from a couple of them.
ME: Really? Over a bag of potatoes?
HER: Yep.
ME: Who are you sending over?
HER: What?
ME: Who are you sending over? (I rattle of the names of 3 members of The Outlaws who are customers and a couple of made up names.)
*Silence*
ME: Hellllllooooooooo?
*click* She hangs up on me again. I still have that feeling.
Fast forward about 2 hours. The phone rings again. It's her. AH CRAP!!
ME: Good afternoon, (My place of employment)
HER: Yeah, I know the chief of police and I also know about the illegal poker games you have going on there at night. I'm going to call him and tell him.
ME: You know the chief of police AND you know The Outlaws. That's a pretty diverse group of friends you have there. Hopefully, you've never had The Outlaws and the chief of police over to your house at the same time. That would be very awkward. And I can save you a phone call. The chief of police is here right now playing poker. I'll get him for you, but make it quick. I just had a bad beat and he has a thousand dollars of my money. I want to at least get some of it back before he deals with more pressing matters. Like.....potates.
HER: YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!!
ME : And you're a liar. And now that we've established who the players are in this little drama, is there anything else I can *click*
She hung up again. But that feeling disappeared. It was over. I WON!!! YAHOO!!
Can you believe it? All that over a bag of potatoes. Some people are so lonely.
___________________
"Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer classifications: teeth or no teeth." -- Conan O'Brien
Then I got that feeling. Oh, you know that feeling. That one that tells you this is far from over.
Fast forward about 10 minutes. The phone rings.
ME: Good morning, (My place of employment)
HER: Yeah. I just sent my son in there to return some potatoes I bought this morning and you wouldn't refund my money.
ME: I'm sorry ma'am, but you didn't purchase them here.
HER: Yeah, I did.
ME: Ma'am, we don't sell 5lb bags of patatoes. We only sell 10 lb bags. Is it possible your son went to the wrong store?
HER: Is this (My place of employment)?
ME: Yes.
HER: I bought them there.
ME: Listen. I don't know how much more clear I can make this. You did not purchase them here. We don't sell them.
*click* Now she hangs up on me. I still have that feeling.
Fast forward an hour. The phone rings. I recognize her number on call display.
ME: Good morning, (My place of employment)
HER: Do you know The Outlaws? (a motorcycle gang)
ME: Yes.
HER: Well I know them and you can expect a visit shortly from a couple of them.
ME: Really? Over a bag of potatoes?
HER: Yep.
ME: Who are you sending over?
HER: What?
ME: Who are you sending over? (I rattle of the names of 3 members of The Outlaws who are customers and a couple of made up names.)
*Silence*
ME: Hellllllooooooooo?
*click* She hangs up on me again. I still have that feeling.
Fast forward about 2 hours. The phone rings again. It's her. AH CRAP!!
ME: Good afternoon, (My place of employment)
HER: Yeah, I know the chief of police and I also know about the illegal poker games you have going on there at night. I'm going to call him and tell him.
ME: You know the chief of police AND you know The Outlaws. That's a pretty diverse group of friends you have there. Hopefully, you've never had The Outlaws and the chief of police over to your house at the same time. That would be very awkward. And I can save you a phone call. The chief of police is here right now playing poker. I'll get him for you, but make it quick. I just had a bad beat and he has a thousand dollars of my money. I want to at least get some of it back before he deals with more pressing matters. Like.....potates.
HER: YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!!
ME : And you're a liar. And now that we've established who the players are in this little drama, is there anything else I can *click*
She hung up again. But that feeling disappeared. It was over. I WON!!! YAHOO!!
Can you believe it? All that over a bag of potatoes. Some people are so lonely.
___________________
"Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer classifications: teeth or no teeth." -- Conan O'Brien
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