Hello, I'm Mrs. Ghost!

[HowMayIHelpYouToday]

Today I had a customer whose name on account appeared as

"Mrs. DeceasedHusband'sFirstName DeceasedHusband'sLastName"

WTF? <-- ready for the looney bin

Me: I'm sorry I was unable to find your account
SC: Well can you leave a note that I tried calling to cancel my card?

[Broomjockey]

Wait, is that literally how it appeared? Or at least "Mrs. DeceasedSmith" type thing? Either way, that's kinda messed up.

[Chromatix]

I'm thinking "Mrs. Joe Bloggs", when she was born as "Tanya Adams". Taking the "union of marriage" a little too seriously, IMHO, but some people apparently do that.

[Racket_Man]

I'm thinking "Mrs. Joe Bloggs", when she was born as "Tanya Adams". Taking the "union of marriage" a little too seriously, IMHO, but some people apparently do that.

I assume this woman was in the very senior citizen catageory???? if so yes they did take the union of marriage thing VERY seriously in the day and age this woman got married.

My Mom is turning 91 this year and for most of her marriage to my father (he passed in 1994) she was Mrs. Fathersfirstname Fatherslastname. even when they got credit cards from places like Sears (in the late 50's early 60's) that was how the names on the CC were issued. you have to remember that until the womens movement REALLY got started wives were for the most part just an extension of their hsubands with no real oppurtunities for credit histories, property ownership, bank accounts, bills were always in hubbys name (like gas electric loans etc.) etc. so it seemed to norm at the time

Rue the woman 50 years ago whose husband died "young" and she tried to "establish herself" as a seperate individual entity. not easy

and not she is not ready for the loony bin. that is just how it was until maybe 50 or 60 years ago when trends began to change slowly after WWII

[RetailSlave]

My mother-in-law was like that for a long time...she was Mrs. Husband's First Name/Last Name...all her credit cards were like that and the only had the car title in his name. Unfortunately, once when we were down in Louisville her car was towed and impounded when she parked in a no parking zone (the sign was obscured by trees) on the U of L campus. They refused to release it to her because her name wasn't on the title...she said, "Well the title says 'John D Madeupname" and I am MRS. John D Madeupname." Since she didn't have any picture ID that listed her as Mrs John D Madeupname, they refused to budge, and she couldn't get enough cash to pay the parking fine and they wouldn't take her personal check. Finally, after going all the way to the mayor's office, they finally agreed to release it, and a kind girl at the bursar's office at U of L cashed her check and drove us to the impound lot. She learned her lesson and had the titles put in both names as I had been telling her she needed to do all along.

[cinema guy]

When I was a kid my Mum and Dad used to get mail addressed to Mr & Mrs <Dad's initial, Dad's surname>.

When I expressed my suprise, I was told that's the way things are.

[Ree]

OK...I am just a bit confused.
Hope the OP can clear it up.

Let's assume the woman's husband was "John Smith" and he died.

Now, are you saying her account was listed as "Mrs. John Smith" or are you saying it was actually, word for word as it was in your post, "Mrs. DeceasedHusband'sFirstName DeceasedHusband'sLastName"?

If it's the latter, then that's just messed up, but if it's the former, then, as some have already said, that's quite common with some women.

I used my husband's surname, dropping my maiden name, but I never went by Mrs. (husband's first name)(his surname). My Mom did, though. That was quite common until the 70's or so.

(On the downside for me, there were quite a few accounts listed in hubby's name, and now I am having a bitch of a time getting them changed to my name only.)

[Bramblerose]

I assume this woman was in the very senior citizen catageory???? if so yes they did take the union of marriage thing VERY seriously in the day and age this woman got married.

If you think how seriously a woman takes marriage is judged by taking his name, I strongly encourage you to rethink your position.

I maintain my own name. Not for fear of divorce, or because I take my vows lightly, but because I am my own human. I am not some sort of living protoplasm graft or his property.

By the by, on the "serious" part, maybe divorce was a scandal, but killing one's spouse was more common then than now, and so was abandonment.

[Ree]

If you think how seriously a woman takes marriage is judged by taking his name, I strongly encourage you to rethink your position.

*sigh* www.fratching.com

We aren't here to debate whether a woman should take her husband's name, or split hairs on how another member worded something.

The fact is, a few years ago, it was common practice to take the husband's surname, and, yes, even if you don't agree with the wording, it WAS taken seriously because divorce was considered a scandal, and marriage was considered for life.

Nobody is saying that is isn't taken seriously now, or that not taking a surname means that a person isn't serious about their vows, either.

There was just a different outlook on the state of marriage 30 years ago or more, compared to now, but this is not the forum to debate that.

[HowMayIHelpYouToday]

It said "Mrs. John Smith"

If it had said "Mrs. DeceasedHusband'sFirstName DeceasedHusband'sLastName" I would have REALLY freaked out

Threw me for a loop there for a second. Her checkcard DID have her name on it, and it was a last name different than the late husband's!

[Jester]

(On the downside for me, there were quite a few accounts listed in hubby's name, and now I am having a bitch of a time getting them changed to my name only.)

I am sure you can appreciate how difficult it was decades ago to go through the same thing.

My mom had a HELL of a time changing everything over to her name after my father died in 1981. Everything was in his name.

To her credit as a forward thinking woman, though, any mail that came to my mom was addressed to "Mrs. Jane Doe," rather than "Mrs. John Doe." The only things that listed her in that sense were things sent to "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe." And while many women in her age range WOULD introduce themselves as or have things addressed to them as "Mrs. John Doe," my mother never did. Frankly, she never really "got" that whole thing.

For a woman born in 1935 to a very old-fashioned woman (Grandma), and who was married in 1957 at the age of 21, this was VERY progressive. Of course, Mom didn't think of it as progressive. She just saw it as the way she did it. This was the same woman that, the first time she was in the South in the early Sixties and saw a laundromat with a sign that said "Whites Only!" turned to my father and asked, quite seriously, "Well where do they wash their colored clothes?" Dad almost crashed the car, he was laughing so hard.

My Dad, being the rockin' Dad-o-Jester that he was, never saw an issue with the whole name thing, either. My parents were rather liberal in their thinking, for their times.

[jedimaster91]

My mother-in-law was like that for a long time...she was Mrs. Husband's First Name/Last Name...all her credit cards were like that and the only had the car title in his name. Unfortunately, once when we were down in Louisville her car was towed and impounded when she parked in a no parking zone (the sign was obscured by trees) on the U of L campus. They refused to release it to her because her name wasn't on the title...she said, "Well the title says 'John D Madeupname" and I am MRS. John D Madeupname." Since she didn't have any picture ID that listed her as Mrs John D Madeupname, they refused to budge, and she couldn't get enough cash to pay the parking fine and they wouldn't take her personal check. Finally, after going all the way to the mayor's office, they finally agreed to release it, and a kind girl at the bursar's office at U of L cashed her check and drove us to the impound lot. She learned her lesson and had the titles put in both names as I had been telling her she needed to do all along.

Heh, I'm about to reveal where I'm from, but I HATE parking down there. Parking Enforcement is ALWAYS looking for people to tow. They don't even ticket anymore. They just hook your car up and take it.

[PepperElf]

I read about one miss manners case... A woman... I forget her name so I'll name her Helen and call her husband John Smith.

Her husband had died and she received an invitation as Mrs. Helen Smith.... This offended her.

Miss Manners cleared up the ruling and said that Mrs. John Smith was correct. For formal things like invitations and etc... even though her husband is dead her address would be Mrs. John Smith. And that the name Mrs. Helen Smith would only be used if she was divorced.

at least that's the tradition.

[wagegoth]

I remember reading in an etiquette book when I was a child that if a woman used Mrs., then she should be addressed as Mrs. John Smith, not Mrs. Helen Smith. She could be referred to as Helen Smith, but not Mrs. Helen Smith. I wondered why the men didn't change their last names. Seriously, if the man's last name was Hogg and the woman's last name was Henderson, wouldn't it be better to take the woman's name? I guess that illustrates why I never quite fit in.

[Anriana]

I read about one miss manners case... A woman... I forget her name so I'll name her Helen and call her husband John Smith.

Her husband had died and she received an invitation as Mrs. Helen Smith.... This offended her.

Miss Manners cleared up the ruling and said that Mrs. John Smith was correct. For formal things like invitations and etc... even though her husband is dead her address would be Mrs. John Smith. And that the name Mrs. Helen Smith would only be used if she was divorced.

at least that's the tradition.

How long ago was this was?