Just F---ing Update Already

[Dips]

Dear Clown of an IT Guy at a School,

I've been putting up with you and your crap for over four years.

Sure, back in 2004 when you bought the version you are using we found that our activation system wasn't compatible with your network software. You set up a strange jury-rigged workaround that, well, worked. For while. Then it didn't. So you begged us to help you out by resetting your activations.

Since we felt bad about your situtuation we were very happy to help. We did it again. Then again. Then one more time.

The in 2006 we came out with a new version that didn't have the problem. We eagerly let you know that your troubles were over. You seemed ecstatic enough, but you didn't buy purchase it.

Instead you kept asking for us help keeping your jury-rigged workaround working. We kept trying but your constant use of the workaround was bogging down our database software. Each iteration of your request was taking longer and longer to fulfill.

So I tactfully let you know that and mentioned the update again. I also let you know that if you didn't update soon the update price would go up by $100 a seat per our pricing structure (which has not changed in over a decade). You chose to not only ignore me, you also started to ramp up the whining about how difficult your jury-rigged workaround made your life, only you insinuated that the problem was with US and not YOUR workaround.

Time went on, things continued in that sequence of whine, blame, fix, whine again. The update price went up by $100 a seat as predicted. You still continued with the whining and insinuations and demands. Now here we are; almost 3 years after we issued a version that would solve your problem and today you made yet another whine that your jury-worked workaround isn't working combined with demands that we make it easier. This time you decided to publicly cc your email to your users, I guess because your users are pissed about the situation they are in and you were hoping to deflect the blame onto me.

So I replied and told you that your problem could be solved by updating and did not fail to mention how much easier the features in new version would make things for your users. After that, of course, I offered to help you YET AGAIN, fix your fucked-up jury-rigged workaround because we're nice, not because we must. Then I replied to all.

Oooooh. You didn't care for that did you? That email you sent back in reply was quite the nastly little gem. How dare I mention that the update would solve your problem? Don't I know that things are tight and you can't afford it right now? I don't know. Maybe I figured you've had FIVE FREAKING YEARS to put the money into your budget at this point?

I also loved that you dangled the possibility of buying an update at some point in the future, followed closely with a of threat of taking your business elsewhere when you have enough money in the budget.

Dude! You haven't bought anything since 2004! If the constant problems you've been having with your jury-rigged workaround FOR FIVE YEARS weren't enough incentive to buy the update, then I assume you don't plan to ever buy it. I'd die of shock if you did.

And the mention that we can't afford to offend customers like you in this difficult economy? Shove it. We'd worry about losing your custom if we thought that you ever had any intention of giving it to us again. Go to our competion. You have three choices. A paid program that is three times more expensive than our update would be and has the added bonus of being dongled. A freeware program that is made by a hardware manufacturer in Sweden. The only drawback being that it only works on the Swedish manufacturer's incredibly overpriced hardware and they don't offer any tech support on the software AT ALL, not even in Swedish. Lastly, there is a command line freeware program sponsored by the US taxpayers through a grant program. It's not supported by anybody and hasn't been updated since the 90s.

Actually that last one sounds like it's right up your alley. Maybe you could jury-rig it to follow current standards and then spend your time berating the US Government to support you modifications.

In short I think the real issue here is that your users are now aware of the fact that the suffering they've gone through for the past five years could end now if they worked for people who weren't too cheap to buy them tools that actually work reliably. You just couldn't stand them knowing that, could you?

Don't worry, Clown of an IT Guy. This isn't what I'm actually going to say to you. I'll have calmed down some by tomorrow. You will get a polite reply from me then. Painfully polite.

[Skeksin]

Love the "reply to all" move.

[Polenicus]

If he was hoping to use the CC move to deflect blame from himself for all the woes his company is experiencing (I suspect he CC'd this to all to show that he was indeed 'working on it', and the problems were 'not his fault') then not making it BCC, or just forwaring the e-mail seperately was a phenominally stupid move for someone who puportedly knows something about computers, because now the entire company knows there's an easy fix, has been for YEARS, and he's just too cheap to sacrifice the space in his budget to get it done.

[Dips]

So I've had a chance to put some emotional distance between me and the nastygram and look at it calmly. Emotional distance is a good thing. Sometimes it lets me realize I initatially overreacted. That isn't the case here.

Last night I thought maybe I'd done something wrong to piss the guy off so badly. Now that I've calmed down and looked at it logically, I see even more indications that Clown of an IT Guy is an entitlement whore of the highest order.

The nastygram implied that he was the nice guy. The higher ups at the school think we suck and if we don't meet his demands he's going to stop pleading our case to them and let them boycott us forever.

First of all: Oh, please spare me.

Second of all: The nastygram wasn't cc'd to anybody publically. The "I'm going to tell my dad and he's going to beat you up" threat only works if your dad is actually there and indicates his willingness to back you up.

Never once, in five years, has a single other person at that institution addressed an email to us. Only Clown of an IT Guy. If these mystery masters of the universe were so offended by my constant mentioning that the update will solve their problem, you'd think they'd have told me off themselves by now.

He also pointed out that he has "bent over backwards" in trying not to burden us with his requests that we support our product. The fact that we are supporting his jury-rigged workaround and NOT our product has never penetrated his thick skull. Luckily he has no worries on that score. I've run this by my boss and he feels supporting the workaround is within the scope of support we provide. I disagree, but my boss is someone I respect a great deal. I trust his judgement. Not to mention he's the boss and I'll do what he says.

Despite the fact that he doesn't deserve one, he'll still get his polite response, of course.

In yesterday's nastygram he mentioned not wanting being able to find some information I asked for so that I could help him support his workaround. Instead he demanded asked for some information from our bogged down database. So I'll start of by letting him know it's OK if he can't locate which computers are causing the issue, I'll do some research and have the information for him in a few hours. He already knows each iteration of that request is going to take longer for us to do than before, but I'll be sure to point it out anyway.

I'll assure him we've been supporting his workaround since 2004 and will continue to do so. [I won't mention that I'm showing that nastygram to my boss. He's a really good and understanding guy who values our customers and gives them every benefit of the doubt and every chance to work with us to solve misunderstandings. Up to a point. Once he's past that point, he won't hesitate to fire a customer. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. There's a long-ass story in the annals about a customer who pushed his sense of entitlement too far.]

Than I will tell him I mentioned the update because he mentioned racking his brain trying to come up with a permenant solution and the update IS that permanent solution. I certainly didn't mean to offend him; I was trying to provide good customer service by mentioning every option at his disposal. Of course I'll apologize that he was offended.

[marlovino]

...and of course you are going to send it CC to all. Just to make sure everyone knows the problem is being taken care of.

[PepperElf]

Second of all: The nastygram wasn't cc'd to anybody publically. The "I'm going to tell my dad and he's going to beat you up" threat only works if your dad is actually there and indicates his willingness to back you up.

Unless you use the CC list from his previous email to show his users how much of a jackass he's being and how polite you're being to him.

most likely he DIDN'T CC them because of two things.
1) He doesn't want the users knowing how much of a jackass he's being
2) He now knows you won't fall for his underhanded tactics

and i bet the users are giving him hell now too for not updating

[Dips]

Update:

I did reply very politely. I ran it by my boss, Keith, to make sure I wasn't being too rude. Then I ran it by Mark to make sure my points were still clear.

Both of them had me make minor edits and I sent it. Mark also suggested adding cc's it but Keith nixed it. He was fine with replying to all on the first email since it was addressed that way. But adding cc's in reply to his second email isn't in the spirit of professionalism.

I have no idea how he will take it. Truth be told we've been providing him with at least the same level of tech support we provide all of our customers both old and new. And in many cases we've gone above and beyond it for him.

And we normally provide a very high level of service. Much bigger companies than ours charge their customers and do a lot less than we do for free. It's a matter of great pride to us, and it frankly ticks me off that he's implying we fall short. The problem is that he's always felt he was too special for our normal level of service and has spent five years whining about it but never to the point where I didn't want to deal with it.

Oh, well. It's sent. I asked him to do some work troubleshooting and get back to me, so I'm sure he's going to whine about that and disregard all the rest of it and we'll all be back to normal.

[Auto]

We'd worry about losing your custom if we thought that you ever had any intention of giving it to us again.

love that phrase "losing your custom" -- it's so archaic and elegant. it's so rare to hear it anymore.

[Dips]

I have an update for this too.

The user's network failed. AGAIN.

He made demands. AGAIN.

He tried to pin it on us. AGAIN.

But this time was different. You see, my boss is completely awesome. A couple of weeks ago, he could tell this was stressing me out so he proposed that we give them the next release for free. It's only one release past where they are now and not up to date, but it WOULD be compatible with their server software.

My first response was something like this, "What! After everything he's done, you think we should just freaking REWARD this moron! And for what, the fact that he's a moron?"

The boss pointed out several things.

1. He knows this is a headache for me and he'd rather I not have to deal with it any more. To him employee morale isn't just two empty words.

2. Despite the fact that they *may* have had the money to update in the past (and, he agrees, they should have done it then), they probably genuinely don't have it now. Many of our customers are dealing with sever budget cuts. We can't get blood from a stone.

3. Yes. The IT guy is a moron and this is his fault, but their USERS are suffering the consequences and this isn't THEIR fault. Why not make their lives easier as well as my own?

4. There's something to be said for being the bigger person.

I thought it over for a while because I wasn't convinced. The boss backed down after stating his case and left it in my hands to decide.

And today I did it. I'm hoping he's smart enough to be pleased about it. BUT, in case he isn't...

If he needs help, it will be with installing the new version. Of course, we'll continue supporting the old version for a few weeks while he gets everyone converted over, but that's it.

And, oh yes, I cc'd the good news about the free update to the president of the organization. After all, she is the listed contact person in our database and this is something she should know about. So she knows that we are good guys and she knows that the IT guy can't make excuses and blame us for his problems.

We've given them the next newest version. So they're going to freaking TAKE the next newest version.

I call it a win-win!

[DeltaSierra]

I think that's full of win - since they aren't PAYING for the upgrade (even if it isn't the newest version) they no longer have the right to demand support! IT Moron can sink or swim and you can deal with 100x less stress!

[PhotoChick]

I know people here always talk about managers giving the customers what they want. And sometimes it really sucks, but more times its about what needs are greater. In this case the need to get this guy to shut up was the biggest need.

[Dips]

I think that's full of win - since they aren't PAYING for the upgrade (even if it isn't the newest version) they no longer have the right to demand support! IT Moron can sink or swim and you can deal with 100x less stress!

We'll support the slightly newer version. All of our ustomers are entitled to a period of free updates after any purchase and we always have supported those. We're not going to treat these folks any different. We just kind of extended the free update period by a few months to get them one version ahead.

BUT, all support for the OLD version will cease after they've had time to get the newer one up and running. And that's a good thing.

I know people here always talk about managers giving the customers what they want. And sometimes it really sucks, but more times its about what needs are greater. In this case the need to get this guy to shut up was the biggest need.

Absolutely. My boss handled so much better than some of the spineless specimens you read about on here. First he did not throw me under the bus and make me look bad for sticking to policy. He made a proposal, gave me his reasoning and this time let me make the final decision.

There have been other times he has overidden policy that an employee has upheld. He IS the boss, after all. Even so, there has to be a damn good reason for it and he ALWAYS makes it clear that the employee did nothing wrong. He has our backs and we know it.

There's another story on here about a time when he allowed someone to return software that was over a year old to a dealer. The SC thought he won that one, but by issuing a credit to the dealer, the boss had actually fired the SC as a customer and considered it good riddance.

He doesn't always cave though. Another customer tried to return a opened software (manufacturered by someone else, not us). We refused to take it back and she complained up the chain to the boss. He had us check with the manufacturer. It was outside of their warranty period, so we would have to eat the cost if she returned it. He still wanted to be sure before saying "no," so he had us carefully review our own published policies. She wasn't covered under those either. She made a huge stink, but she didn't get her way.

[Demolition Man]

My guess is that the EW is expecting to get the update for free so by crying, whining, and demanding he thinks he will get his way in the end. Personally... I'd tell him to either pay for it or sleep in the bed he made with his workaround.

Me personally..... I'll sleep well at night telling that EW all of that.

[Dips]

I should have come back and let you know that this concluded with a happy ending.

It's been over two weeks and all I've heard from them is a couple of questions on installing and deploying the update. I saw that they had succeeded in getting the server up and running and noted that it has my boss's last name as a server name. That made me laugh.

After that I had one report that they had all their clients installed and everyone was ecstatic.

What a win for everyone!

Until today...

Remember folks, he is using the 2006 version of our software. It was given to him for free even though they are not entitled to it.

Guess what he asked me today by email. Go ahead, guess!

He wanted to know if we'd support using it, the 2006 version, on Server 2008.



Since I'm not inclined to spend the next three years trying to make these things work together only to give them yet another free update to save my own sanity, I politely told him that we don't support it.

He came back and asked if we've tested them together and whether I know if it works.

Answers: "No" and "no." And to stop him from asking the next question, I mentioned that have no plans to do such tests on that version, which came out in 2006. I did not say that our testers have better things to do, even though it's true.

So what does he do next? He tells me he wants to deploy it in a fashion that isn't outlined in the very explicit instructions. Would we support that?

Answer: Only the uses outlined in the instructions are supported.

Do you think the bastard accepted that? No, of course not. He had already tried it, you see. And it worked, he even showed me proof. Then he said he NEEDED more in depth information that what is in the instructions and wanted to know if the current version (a version he would have to pay for if he wanted it) would support that deployment.

Answer: Still no. The instructions outline all the supported uses. Anything not in the instructions is not supported in the version he has and in the current version. Period.

He came back and mentioned again that he did it and it works.

Answer: So what? Just because you can make it do something non-standard doesn't mean we guarantee that it works or that we are under any obligation to support that use. You want to play games with the freebie we gave you, you're on your own. Good luck!

[ShockQueen]

I hate to say it, but as much of a wonderful guy your boss is, your company has a leech for life until he either ponies up the money for the newer version, or your boss fires him as a customer. I am so sorry you have to deal with that hack.