I eat your face!

[unholypet]

I've been evading a few idiots in my life, and a few in the workplace! These past few ...days, weeks? Whatever, they've been stupid. Not only with customers, but managers and that insane co-worker of mine.

The Application Process

Suppose you want a job, you follow the newspaper ad and apply in person, good job! Bad job? You call EVERY FRICKIN DAY FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH, especially after being reminded the ad, and the person you applied from, will call you.

GA for Gigatarded Anomaly.

Me: Thank you for calling (pizza place) this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
GA: I want a manager.
Me: Okay, one moment, please.

Manager on duty says to take a message. 9:45 a.m.

Me: I'll have to take a message, I'm sorry.
GA: I'm BLAH at BLAH number. I want a job.
Me: Have you put in an application yet?
GA: Yeah.
Me: Okay, the hiring manager will call you when we have an opening for you, okay?
GA: Okay.

10:46a.m.

GA: Can I have a manager?
Me: ...are you the same BLAH who called an hour ago?
GA: Yeah, I want a MANAGER THIS TIIIIIIIME.
Me: ...one moment.

Manager explained the same thing I said, and told her not to call back. Later, I learned that GA called SIX TIMES IN ONE DAMN DAY. They eventually just hung up on her.

Next day!

GA: I need a job!
Me: The best I can do is write your name and number down. The manager will call you.

15 min. later.

GA: Manager, please.

34 min. later.

GA: I just want to talk to a manager.

And five days later, GA gets an interview.

GA then calls the next day, every hour, asking for the hiring manager.

The Crack Lady

This woman is a special kind of odd. She is very obviously jonesing for something all the time, and is a known thief and attempted scammer.

She applies every time we have an opening, and lives in the city-funded housing next door, but always puts her address at the local Wal-Mart.

The new names she decided to use for her daily applications are: Stevie Ray Vaughn, Josie Foot, Sesame Street, and Coors Light.

The scratching your arms like you are diseased, the yelling at a dog that isn't there, and the random laughter do not help your application.

Especially when you order the cheapest cooked thing on the menu, and every couple minutes, you say:
Shut up, stop SHOUTING those pizzas! (Its my job to yell Delivery up! when there's a delivery)
Hey, man! MAN! Where's my pizza??! (you ordered a cheese bread...)
AHAHHAHAAAA..... BE QUIET YOU MUTT!
etc.

The Cinnabread Nazi Returns

This woman ordered cinnabread every damn day for a month and a half, and for that tie we cooked it the same as everything else: just done. No brown spots, no dark areas. Just done, or almost perfectly done.

CN: This cinnabread is burned! BURNED!
And she'd pay and walk out.

She'd call it in the next day,
CN: And don't you hooligans burn my cinnabread!

So, we'd cook it lighter..

CN: BURNED!

And lighter...

CN: I can't believe YOU PEOPLE can't follow simple instructions!

And lighter still...

CN: UGH! I should just go to Dominoes or Pizza Hut!

So, we eventually just.. cooked it until it was warm. She complained it was still burned.

She eventually stopped coming in, when the managers asked her if she wanted a raw one to cook herself.

She came back the other day, demanding one of the newer cashiers not burn her precious food. What did we do? Cooked it normally, to make sure she wasn't doing something suspicious, and for the first time she sent it back.

We gave her a cold, raw one with an advisory note on it.

CN: Finally, after years of ordering here, you get it right.

And she tipped.

[EricKei]

We gave her a cold, raw one with an advisory note on it.

CN: Finally, after years of ordering here, you get it right.

And she tipped.

I'm not sure how to respond to that, aside to say that she must be nuttier than the crack lady ...>_>

Just be careful about that raw stuff; the BoH may not like it too much...At my ooooold piza place job, we were expressly forbidden to give anyone anything raw, on the assumption (likely correct) that they would screw it up somehow and then sue us for giving them undercooked food.

[unholypet]

Just be careful about that raw stuff;

We contacted the BBB, BoH, and the City to be sure. As long as we advise her ofthe contents and possibility of contamination with a note, its fine.

[joe hx]

had a customer similar to this. said her pizza was burnt, asked for a remake. eventually she got one where the dough was still very doughey - and still said it was burnt

[SpyOne]

Had a customer like that: always complained her pizza was cooked more than she wanted.
One time she said she wanted her pizza put in the oven for "2 minutes!". The boss got on the phone and told her that she would NOT want a pizza that had been in the oven for only 2 minutes, but she insisted, so we made it and sent it. She was, of course, angry. She said it was "cat food". Lady, even at 650 degrees, raw ground beef barely begins to cook in 2 minutes. It gets a little gray, and looks ... well, like cat food. But that's what you asked for.

She was Asian, and since English did not appear to be her native language, we thought maybe language was the root of our communication problem, so we sent out a driver who was Vietnamese (and who spoke Korean, Japanese, and several kinds of Chinese due to his wandering about the world before coming to the US to deliver pizzas). When he returned, all he would say was "She's crazy" and that he would NOT go back there again.

The neighborhood she was in was "disputed territory" between us and another fanchisee: technically closer to us, but inside his designated delivery area. Eventually, we started telling her that she was outside our area and she needed to call the other store. That's when the other store told us that she'd actually been calling THEM first, and they had told her to call us.

[StanFlouride]

That's when the other store told us that she'd actually been calling THEM first, and they had told her to call us.

LOL- That reminds me of my days as a pizza maker in ABQ,NM. We'd regularly shift SCs to our rivals. (okay, that was evil, I admit it)
Isn't there a third store you can send her to next? Maybe in the next town?

[unholypet]

Isn't there a third store you can send her to next? Maybe in the next town?

Well, we're the only three pizza places within 20 miles =D

Aside, taking her money and paying my salary is the ultimate payback fr beingcalled a hooligan. Why DOES she support our habits? =p

[poofy_puff]

I would think your stories were not true if they were any less weird than they are.

[unholypet]

I would think your stories were not true if they were any less weird than they are.

That made me laugh much harder than it should XD

[EricKei]

This reminds me of the occasional genius who would order "onions on top" for his pizzas (we normally put cheese on last)...then, we would get a complaint from them claiming that they had hair on their pizza...Er, no, that's not hair, that would be what happens to unprotected, thinly-sliced strips of onion when they go thru a 500F-degree oven for six minutes, being only an inch or two under the flames. They shrink and turn black. That would be why we WARNED YOU that they would look like that when you placed the order and asked to have them up top...

[PepperElf]

The scratching your arms like you are diseased, the yelling at a dog that isn't there, and the random laughter do not help your application.

Now I'm thinking of... Moby's song "The Drug Fits The Face" and... one of my friend's stories about a subordinate of his

He said her drug of choice was meth and that he could tell when she was on it... scratch her own face up at night when she slept.

he wanted to fire her but the boss wouldn't let him... i'm sure the girl's methface wasn't good for business tho. (florist)

[Bella_Vixen]

That reminds me of the very first story I ever read on CS.

As I can remember it, this couple wanted their pizza "well done."

So the pizza place got tired of this (this had gone on for quite some time), so they burned it. Badly. Charcoal would have looked better and tasted better.

The customers' response?



"That's *almost* right."


Or something to that effect.

[One-Fang]

I have friends that like their food cooked that long. But they at least are more clear in their ordering. Rather than "well done" they will say "blackened, charred beyond belief, unrecognisable as a steak - really really really well done". Haven't had it underdone yet.

[froglet]

The neighborhood she was in was "disputed territory" between us and another fanchisee: technically closer to us, but inside his designated delivery area. Eventually, we started telling her that she was outside our area and she needed to call the other store. That's when the other store told us that she'd actually been calling THEM first, and they had told her to call us.

Shucks, looks like shes in a pizza Dead Zone. Too bad for her, as it only effects the elliptical space around her house like one of those Venn diagrams.

[PepperElf]

You call EVERY FRICKIN DAY FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH, especially after being reminded the ad, and the person you applied from, will call you.

I was advised that ... if you're going to do something like that... Ask for permission to call back once a week (like every Friday at 1030) for 30 seconds to ask. Many places won't mind just a 30 second call once a week... But if they say "no" then don't do it.

oh and for undercooked meats...
I usually as for "still mooing" for my level of rareness. "Just kill the bacteria"