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Or "Another Damn Half Day For the Public Schools."
So not long after I came into work, the LP lady called a huddle and told us the public schools were having a half day of school and thus we'd be descended upon by bored preteens and we'd have to help with crowd control. Yay. Not.
I ran into the first group of them at about 12:15 while bringing in shopping carts. One of the boys in that group introduced himself by taking a big hit of helium off a balloon he must've got at Dollar Tree and squealing "I've got sand in my vagina."
Soon after that I encountered another kid playing with one of the foam whoopie cushions from toys, making fart sounds and telling me "I've got really bad gas. It needs to be excused."
Okay, you're excused kid. Glad to hear your digestive system is in proper working order.
Then another group came in and started congregating over by furniture. I pushed my shopping cart through the crowd to give them the hint that they shouldn't be hanging around there clogging the aisle like that. One of the kids said "Hit him! I don't care!" I responded "Don't give me any ideas."
Having thus been uprooted from the furniture department, the gaggle of little shits then proceeded over to the patio furniture and had started to make themselves at home there when one of them came running over with a baseball bat ready to swing.
Just then, the backroom doors swung open and out came the two morning stock people, who ordered the bat brandisher to drop the Louisville Slugger and the entire group to scram. I helped them follow the posse out the door and into the mall---
Uh oh! It looks like one of the boys in the group put something in his pocket and left it there as he exited! LP lady and the apparel manager came bolting out of the LP office, snatched him and returned him to the store, right in front of his now slack-jawed, wide-eyed friends. I observed him mutter several obscenities under his breath and I half expected him to try and make an escape.
A few minutes later, I was discussing the situation with the service desk people when two of shoplifter's friends, both sporting carefully-constructed, lovingly-maintained Myspace haircuts, came up and started blubbering what time will he get out of there (the LP office), we'll pay for what he took, we're really sorry, blah blah blah. We told him at least an hour, if he didn't leave in handcuffs.
Not long after that, I ended tailing another group of kids, all Asian and black boys, and I was more hesitant with them because of the racial differences and all. They went over to sporting goods and I caught two of them tossing a ball back and forth over the gondola from one aisle to another.
"If you're not going to buy the ball, please give it back," and to my surprise the kid gave me the ball back.
Meanwhile, a few of my co-workers joined me in Sporting Goods, having been paged over there because LP saw the group of kids over there, and we gave them the bum's rush. As they were leaving, one of the black boys somehow found it suitable to make monkey noises as he was leaving.
(BTW, it turns out one of the boys in this group had been previously banned from the store, and was caught by another employee taking pictures of the security camera domes in the ceiling. She asked him what he was doing and he told her "Not taking pictures of your ugly ass, bitch." She told him to leave. He joined his buddies in sporting goods instead.)
While all this was going on, the first group of kids was hanging out in the strip mall in front of Radio Shack and Dollar Tree, and the kids were pushing, shoving, play-fighting and probably ganking stuff Dollar Tree had displayed out in the mall in front of their store, while waiting to get into Dollar Tree, which is actually smart and only allows two kids in their store at a time during school hours.
And after we ejected the second group of kids, we found them chasing each other around in the parking lot, weaving through the rows of parked cars and darting down and across the traffic aisles, until the cop we summoned to deal with the shoplifter came by and chased them away with his car.
The last group of kids I had to deal with decided to go chillaxing in the furniture department, so I told them to beat it, and they did with no further trouble.
Close to two hours later, the police officer finally finished up with our juvenile shoplifter and he was released to his parents. As he was leaving, he ran into...the group of kids shoplifter had been in the store with, and happily handed out loitering citations.
Assuming school is still on tomorrow, it'll be more of the same tomorrow since it's another half day. Fucking parent-teacher conferences....
P.S.--so what did our future juvie case walk out the door with? A packet of seeds from the display in seasonal. If you're going to go down, you might as well go down big.
So not long after I came into work, the LP lady called a huddle and told us the public schools were having a half day of school and thus we'd be descended upon by bored preteens and we'd have to help with crowd control. Yay. Not.
I ran into the first group of them at about 12:15 while bringing in shopping carts. One of the boys in that group introduced himself by taking a big hit of helium off a balloon he must've got at Dollar Tree and squealing "I've got sand in my vagina."
Soon after that I encountered another kid playing with one of the foam whoopie cushions from toys, making fart sounds and telling me "I've got really bad gas. It needs to be excused."Okay, you're excused kid. Glad to hear your digestive system is in proper working order.
Then another group came in and started congregating over by furniture. I pushed my shopping cart through the crowd to give them the hint that they shouldn't be hanging around there clogging the aisle like that. One of the kids said "Hit him! I don't care!" I responded "Don't give me any ideas."
Having thus been uprooted from the furniture department, the gaggle of little shits then proceeded over to the patio furniture and had started to make themselves at home there when one of them came running over with a baseball bat ready to swing.
Just then, the backroom doors swung open and out came the two morning stock people, who ordered the bat brandisher to drop the Louisville Slugger and the entire group to scram. I helped them follow the posse out the door and into the mall---Uh oh! It looks like one of the boys in the group put something in his pocket and left it there as he exited! LP lady and the apparel manager came bolting out of the LP office, snatched him and returned him to the store, right in front of his now slack-jawed, wide-eyed friends. I observed him mutter several obscenities under his breath and I half expected him to try and make an escape.
A few minutes later, I was discussing the situation with the service desk people when two of shoplifter's friends, both sporting carefully-constructed, lovingly-maintained Myspace haircuts, came up and started blubbering what time will he get out of there (the LP office), we'll pay for what he took, we're really sorry, blah blah blah. We told him at least an hour, if he didn't leave in handcuffs.
Not long after that, I ended tailing another group of kids, all Asian and black boys, and I was more hesitant with them because of the racial differences and all. They went over to sporting goods and I caught two of them tossing a ball back and forth over the gondola from one aisle to another.
"If you're not going to buy the ball, please give it back," and to my surprise the kid gave me the ball back.
Meanwhile, a few of my co-workers joined me in Sporting Goods, having been paged over there because LP saw the group of kids over there, and we gave them the bum's rush. As they were leaving, one of the black boys somehow found it suitable to make monkey noises as he was leaving.
(BTW, it turns out one of the boys in this group had been previously banned from the store, and was caught by another employee taking pictures of the security camera domes in the ceiling. She asked him what he was doing and he told her "Not taking pictures of your ugly ass, bitch." She told him to leave. He joined his buddies in sporting goods instead.)
While all this was going on, the first group of kids was hanging out in the strip mall in front of Radio Shack and Dollar Tree, and the kids were pushing, shoving, play-fighting and probably ganking stuff Dollar Tree had displayed out in the mall in front of their store, while waiting to get into Dollar Tree, which is actually smart and only allows two kids in their store at a time during school hours.
And after we ejected the second group of kids, we found them chasing each other around in the parking lot, weaving through the rows of parked cars and darting down and across the traffic aisles, until the cop we summoned to deal with the shoplifter came by and chased them away with his car.
The last group of kids I had to deal with decided to go chillaxing in the furniture department, so I told them to beat it, and they did with no further trouble.
Close to two hours later, the police officer finally finished up with our juvenile shoplifter and he was released to his parents. As he was leaving, he ran into...the group of kids shoplifter had been in the store with, and happily handed out loitering citations.
Assuming school is still on tomorrow, it'll be more of the same tomorrow since it's another half day. Fucking parent-teacher conferences....
P.S.--so what did our future juvie case walk out the door with? A packet of seeds from the display in seasonal. If you're going to go down, you might as well go down big.
Just got done walking home in it, ug!
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