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The drug store right next to my place of employment was selling back scratchers for only a dollar, and I simply had to have one. I presented it to my coworkers with a triumphant cry of "buttscratcher!" while holding it aloft. Of course, this is simply one of many inane Family Guy references that get us through the day, but we all found it very amusing none the less. It now hangs in a choice spot in our back room, one of many whimsical items we hold onto for no particular reason.
I can has Photoshop?
I'm still trying to figure out exactly what this woman wanted. She comes into our store and tells me that her class uses Photoshop, and she was wondering how to get her own copy. "Simple,", I tell her, "you can purchase a copy here,", thinking that would be the end of it. Oh no, not at all. She replies, "but then I'll have it?" Erm, what? This goes back and forth for some time, me explaining very clearly that once she purchased a copy, she could install it on her computer. She failed to make the connection, asking me exactly what she'd have to do to get a copy of Photoshop onto her computer, whether she'd be able to use it on her computer, how to buy it, etc. She left the store without buying anything, and leaving me with one eye twitching in confusion.
Student Discounts!!!111
Look, I understand that you're a poor college student, that you don't have a job and you spend your weekends going in and out of an alcohol-fueled daze, leaving you with no time to get one. I understand that in between these benders where you spare no expense on booze, you're trying to make your student loans/parents' money/trust fund stretch as far as possible. That does not entitle you to a student discount on everything in the store.
Student: Is there a student discount on iPods/video games/headphones?
Me: *as the soup nazi* No discount for you!
If it's not for educational use, there is no student discount. The only things that are discounted are the absurdly cheap software and the computers. Sometimes these aren't enough to satisfy people, of course.
Student: Why is Photoshop so expensive!? Isn't there a student discount?
Me: Well, we sell it for under $200, retail price is a thousand dollars.
Student: It's still too much! *walks out*
Sigh...
No, I will not assist you with software piracy
At our store we have to handle software licenses for the entire university. This means that I'll have department heads calling me looking to order, say, a dozen Acrobat licenses, or twenty copies of Adobe Dreamweaver. I'll take their information over the phone and process their order, often totaling thousands of dollars. I thought every department was well funded, obviously I was mistaken.
*phone rings*
Me: *opening spiel*
Woman: Hi, I was wondering how much departmental licenses of Adobe Acrobat are.
Me: They are $XX.XX each, how many were you looking to purchase?
Woman: *long pause* is that per person?
Me: No, it's one license per computer.
Woman: Oh. *long pause* That's a lot, isn't there another way to get it?
Me: Sorry, for departments that's the only way we can provide the software.
Woman: Can't you give me a way to get it for less?
Me: *starting to get suspicious*, I'm sorry, that's really the only way we can sell to departments.
Woman: What if I checked online, there have to be places I could find it.
I was not about to assist her with piracy, so I gradually talked her down and got off the phone. I may wear a pirate hat from time to time at home, but at work I have to go by the book.
Headphones!
Most college students apparently cannot function without a pair of headphones in their ears at all times, so it's natural that headphones should be our most popular item. I'll see them come into the store with a look of panic on their face, and they'll ask me if we have headphones. An almost palpable sense of relief will appear when I point them to our wall of headphones. They will promptly purchase the least expensive pair we sell, and will then ask me to cut the case open right at the counter. Their aural deprivations cannot be endured for another moment, so great is their agony, and it is with an undeniable feeling of satisfaction when I tell them that I cannot do that, (though sometimes I will bend the rules for a particularly attractive coed). This cycle will repeat itself over and over again, as these cheap, poorly made headphones will be worn constantly, every day, until they are broken, and thus they will return, purchasing the same set again. For those with working sets of headphones, they will, of course, wear them in our store, not taking them off even as I conduct their transactions.
I do it all for the lulz, mostly
.
I can has Photoshop?
I'm still trying to figure out exactly what this woman wanted. She comes into our store and tells me that her class uses Photoshop, and she was wondering how to get her own copy. "Simple,", I tell her, "you can purchase a copy here,", thinking that would be the end of it. Oh no, not at all. She replies, "but then I'll have it?" Erm, what? This goes back and forth for some time, me explaining very clearly that once she purchased a copy, she could install it on her computer. She failed to make the connection, asking me exactly what she'd have to do to get a copy of Photoshop onto her computer, whether she'd be able to use it on her computer, how to buy it, etc. She left the store without buying anything, and leaving me with one eye twitching in confusion.
Student Discounts!!!111
Look, I understand that you're a poor college student, that you don't have a job and you spend your weekends going in and out of an alcohol-fueled daze, leaving you with no time to get one. I understand that in between these benders where you spare no expense on booze, you're trying to make your student loans/parents' money/trust fund stretch as far as possible. That does not entitle you to a student discount on everything in the store.
Student: Is there a student discount on iPods/video games/headphones?
Me: *as the soup nazi* No discount for you!
If it's not for educational use, there is no student discount. The only things that are discounted are the absurdly cheap software and the computers. Sometimes these aren't enough to satisfy people, of course.
Student: Why is Photoshop so expensive!? Isn't there a student discount?
Me: Well, we sell it for under $200, retail price is a thousand dollars.
Student: It's still too much! *walks out*
Sigh...
No, I will not assist you with software piracy
At our store we have to handle software licenses for the entire university. This means that I'll have department heads calling me looking to order, say, a dozen Acrobat licenses, or twenty copies of Adobe Dreamweaver. I'll take their information over the phone and process their order, often totaling thousands of dollars. I thought every department was well funded, obviously I was mistaken.
*phone rings*
Me: *opening spiel*
Woman: Hi, I was wondering how much departmental licenses of Adobe Acrobat are.
Me: They are $XX.XX each, how many were you looking to purchase?
Woman: *long pause* is that per person?
Me: No, it's one license per computer.
Woman: Oh. *long pause* That's a lot, isn't there another way to get it?
Me: Sorry, for departments that's the only way we can provide the software.
Woman: Can't you give me a way to get it for less?
Me: *starting to get suspicious*, I'm sorry, that's really the only way we can sell to departments.
Woman: What if I checked online, there have to be places I could find it.
I was not about to assist her with piracy, so I gradually talked her down and got off the phone. I may wear a pirate hat from time to time at home, but at work I have to go by the book.
Headphones!
Most college students apparently cannot function without a pair of headphones in their ears at all times, so it's natural that headphones should be our most popular item. I'll see them come into the store with a look of panic on their face, and they'll ask me if we have headphones. An almost palpable sense of relief will appear when I point them to our wall of headphones. They will promptly purchase the least expensive pair we sell, and will then ask me to cut the case open right at the counter. Their aural deprivations cannot be endured for another moment, so great is their agony, and it is with an undeniable feeling of satisfaction when I tell them that I cannot do that, (though sometimes I will bend the rules for a particularly attractive coed). This cycle will repeat itself over and over again, as these cheap, poorly made headphones will be worn constantly, every day, until they are broken, and thus they will return, purchasing the same set again. For those with working sets of headphones, they will, of course, wear them in our store, not taking them off even as I conduct their transactions.
I do it all for the lulz, mostly
.
I couldn't function without it. I must have 2000 items on there pertaining to my classes. Of course there's even more personal music. Actually, when I bought it there was someone else there and they wanted the same discount. The guy said "No discount for you!" Just like the soup Nazi. I got such a sense of deja vu reading that post.
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